In dating is it bullshit when they break it off and say it is due to you making assumptions. Or was it just some game play to test you?

[DaveJord]

I always say never make assumptions. Never assume the worst, but never assume the best. By and large this is good advice, but is it? When your gut is telling you something is off what do you do? You have to make a choice not an assumption. Over the years I have had this assumption argument thrown in my face. I have had no less than three women break it off with me for making assumptions.

"I am no longer interested, because I do not like the assumptions you are making about me."

They say this as a way to justify their behaviors or escape responsibility for their own choices. Thats all it is, blame shifting.

I was talking to woman, we scheduled a date, on Tuesday to meet up on Saturday. She sent a text at 7am on Tuesday, I replied in kind. On Wednesday I sent her the link to the place and asked her if she was okay with meeting there. By Thursday at 7am there was no response. 48 hours on read, with three unanswered messages in between.

"No matter where your path takes you, I wish you the best of luck."

She replies immediately, what no date now on Saturday?

I said you left me on read for 48 hours without responding when all I wanted was simple confirmation. So, not knowing the situation, I was giving you a gracious way out, if something had changed. But if you are still interested then I would love to go out with you on Saturday.

She responded with; "NO THANK YOU. Because I do not like the assumptions you are making about me. Instead of asking me what's going on you just made your own assumptions." I replied with, "Thats Bullshit."

My gut was telling me something is not right here. So, accept rejection for what it is and be gracious about it. Women always say men cannot accept rejection, but when you do, and you try to do it graciously, this is the bullshit.

It got me thinking that this same scenario has played out in basically the same way in similar circumstance several times throughout my dating life. Basically, women said... "instead of asking the question, you make an assumption."

Now, there is some truth it. I could have sent that last text saying, "I hope everything is okay with you?"

Last week this happened again, and this time I sent the " I hope everything is okay with you?" She responded positivity to that, after not hearing from her for three days... and now we have a date on Saturday. I will not lie, I am only looking for sex now, because you already showed me who you are.

But it got me thinking, are they doing this on purpose just to see how you react to it?

Like a form of gaslighting they set up the scenario, just to see if you will respond positively to it, then blame shift. "I do not like the assumptions you are making about me.

Why? Thats the age-old question, but I stand by my original response.

"That's Bullshit"

My gut was telling me something is not right. I did not accuse her of anything; I do not have to assume a damn thing in order to a choice. Why the fuck you going 48 hours without replying then acting stupid about it?

[kylee2437]

So I don’t make assumptions however I will remove myself if someone is making excuses not to give 100%. Whether it’s for reasons that I may never be able to come up with in my head , or reasons that I thought are the truth , the overall treatment is what matters to me the most. If someone is ghosting me because of their own insecurities whether than because they have ill intentions, they are still ghosting me and it hurts regardless.

[kylee2437]

Rather than*

[DaveJord]

I think most the time that's what it comes down to Kaylee, their own insecurities which they can't help but project onto you in some way form or fashion. And for some of them that's ghosting, because it's empowering to them. They have that power they made that choice, they did that to you. Because trying to work it out with you, and ability relationship, makes them vulnerable and that's can be a lot for some people. And as a guy this is how you figure it out, you put out that effort you make that attempt, and you wait and see how they act how they respond.

[kylee2437]

@DaveJord absolutely agree! In the end , you win because if they didn’t ghost or attempt to give zero efforts - you would have to further put up with their insecurities which is draining as hell.

[DaveJord]

Kaylee... I think you're the only women on here that gets where I am coming from with this post. You nailed it, she was not putting out the same effort, and this is the first week or two that we were even talking. It's like a job interview, if you think you have a person of value that will improve your quality of life somehow... then you don't go 48 hours without responding.

Thats not what I am looking for, and I even though she was a very attractive woman, I am not just looking for that either. So don't do it to yourself, your instincts are telling something is off... move on. And if here instincts are saying the same thing to her about you, then yeah... put yourself forward and if she rejects that... then so be it. I didn't have to $80.00 for dinner.

Too many of these people want to act like I some ass hole, why? Because I decided to make a choice, and really test what it was worth to her? I mean that's dating right? She is doing the same thing; therefore, you rise to challenge, or you move on.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I never heard that one before. I'm sorry this happened to you :(

[Ms_Facesitter]

I am just getting angry reading this. Inamnin a relationship and he's a great guy. I just imagined giving him the silent treatment for 2 days when I like him.
You don't give somebody you like the silent treatment. She replied right away once she was losing you. That just makes me mad. She just wasted your time.

[DaveJord]

@Ms_Facesitter. This is the problem with online dating, it happens to somebody probably every minute. The truth is I'm online for a reason. I tell myself it's because I live in a very rural area with a extremely low population of dating women in my age group. And that is very true, but I have dated a lot of women and I'm still single, so there has to be something to that as well.

But for the women who are online, I mean they're there for a reason to they're looking for somebody and they're single just like me. So then you have these two basically people, that are desperate enough they both decided to go online and now they're trying to start a relationship together, and they're constantly meeting with failure. Everybody's online for a reason. And yes I've wasted so much time and had these women waste my time. It's frustrating and it's not good for your mental health I'll say that. But this is the bullshit and that's why I talk about it

[DaveJord]

This is dating at 40 plus this is what it looks like. So at your age Choose Wisely.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, it sounds like your assumptions were most likely well founded and they didn't want to see you, so instead of being hinest they blamed you for making assumptions. So, yes, it is bullshit, but most likely that pairing would not have led anywhere and they have simply revealed their colors early, saving you some time, money, and aggravation.

[DaveJord]

That's exactly what happened, nailed it once again older and wiser! But these women seem to think that like they're accomplishing something by doing this, and I just that's the frustrating part you're just wasting everybody's time including their own.

[OlderAndWiser]

These are probably women who have no insight and they are probably being as dishonest with themselves as they have been with you. Feel sorry for them. . . and be glad you didn't fall into a relationship with one of these women!

[Holsen]

That is a good advice;don’t take anything for granted ;you jnkw what they say:”You can’t truly love until you’ve given up on it “;so in this case a part of you should always think that even if you’re together every second passing you may not be anymore and should accept that, when you do you will have nothing to lose and everything to gain and also a more easy going mindset!!

[DaveJord]

Exactly, when I was younger, I would hang on to stuff like this, and honestly that is good for your mental health, or dating mind set. When the right one comes along you will know.

[Holsen]

Yep that’s true, also in my case being a but picky and detached has resulted into encountering many interesting girls and really good ones as well as nor al or bad so in conclusion it convinced me that life has a flow of it and we should justbe true to ourselves and follow that path with no worries or thoughts as the path thinks and does what’s best for us (disclaimer:That doesn’t mean you should be lazing around, well at least not unnecessarily)

[DaveJord]

Agreed, you can make your own destiny with the right mindset. But if you lazy around, fate will take matters into its own hands, and that may not be good for you.

[Holsen]

Ummm actually it’s the opposite, if you laze around you detach from your destiny and it kinda forsakes you till you walk into that again but walking again is a bit painful for people whi have been long gone so many just give up or don’t even know there is a path for them but instead they just declare something and say I have found my self!!

[DaveJord]

Yeah, I think we are in agreeance... if you do not seek your own path... one will be provided. You cannot stop time, and you cannot always catch to lost time. So, keep moving forward, the far you get the more crossroads you will intersect, and more options and choices you will have.

[Holsen]

Yep but that would vary as if one wants to follow lile the perfect path it has iimd of a very limited direction while in the same time having the widest possibilities!!

[Billlewis]

The single biggest reason that women abruptly end a budding relationship is because either, A, she found a guy she likes better, or B, she's decided to continue her relationship with the original guy whom she's been trying to replace, but hasn't succeeded in doing so, at least to the degree that she'd like.

[DaveJord]

@Billlewis You nailed it my man. That's 100% what my gut tells me... and they act like I am supposed to be hurt by it. LOL! Nope your a loser woman, making loser choices, and doing loser things.

[Billlewis]

Well, what usually happens is, they'll come up with some vague, ambiguous reason why it won't work out between the two of you, 'But by the way, thanks for the nice dinner, drinks and miscellaneous expenses!'

[DaveJord]

I am just glad she did it before the first date... but yeah that's not always the case. I spoil my women, if they treat me right, no doubt about that.

[Billlewis]

The most frustrating thing for me personally was when CallerID became widely available in the early to mid 90's. There's nothing more deflating than calling her, and you know she's there, because it's the same time you always called her before, but she's decided to end it, but doesn't have the courtesy to tell you. Instead, you must go through the charade of calling her and listening to it just ring... and ring... and ring... which is basically a neon sign that reads, 'Yeah, I'm here, but I'm not gonna pick up, 'cause I'm screening your calls'

[DaveJord]

I was in highschool when call id hit... but now days its the same thing with cell phone, but worse.

[Billlewis]

Like, I'm not gonna freak out and burn your house down because you don't want to see me anymore, but what is so hard about picking up the phone and simply saying, 'I'm so sorry, but something came up, I have to go back to my aunt's house in Kansas', etc. When they just disappear on you, and you know they're there, it's just shitty.

[DaveJord]

Ghosting is for cowards, and stems from their own lack of self-confidence.

[Billlewis]

I don't want to get into demographics, but the same folks who duck the phone calls when you're trying to date them are the folks who had you come out to give them a quote on their front and back doors, and when you called them back, they did the exact same thing... lol.

[Billlewis]

If you want to follow me, that's fine. Then if anything else comes up, we can corespond directly.

[MzAsh]

I think you handled the situation well. Not sure why she didn’t respond, but I don’t get the sense that she was deliberately playing games. I get the sense that’s inexperienced and basically lacks manners.

[DaveJord]

I think with this specific one you are right. I got the sense she was unsure about what she was looking for or wanted. But with others, I do think there is some sense of game play... but players like this do not do it intentionally or with forethought... they just can't help it.

But thank you for saying you think I handled it well... that does mean a lot... because like many people in the world we always some degree of reinforcement. So, thank you. Very kind of you. And I am being serious.

[msc545]

They do this to see how you will react, and each time you react in a way that makes them leave.

Stop letting your anxiety get the best of you, and stop asking them to confirm, and stop believing that being left on read is the end of the world.

[DaveJord]

I agree with you, but if you're seriously looking for a relationship and commitment, nah man can't do that that's not what I'm looking for. Now what you saying is 100% correct and accurate if all you care about is getting some ass at some point in time down the line. But I'm not playing that game I'm past that I did that when I was younger.

[DaveJord]

And for the record I had to get a confirmation from her because we agreed on a date, so I was sending her the location to where to meet. And she didn't respond for over 48 hours. So to me the date is off, because I have lost interest in her. And then she pulls the bullshit. And I laugh because it's so sad, like it was all so unnecessary.

[DaveJord]

I mean did she just change your mind, or was it a setup from the beginning? And I do get frustrated and struggle trying to figure that out and that's really not necessary and I don't need to do that.

But I don't mind sharing it because I think maybe somebody at some level reads this stuff and learn something. At least they know it's not just happening to them and that they're not alone in this. Because the culture around dating in this country I mean this is going to become a huge problem people are getting married less and less, men are becoming less and less interested in women because of this. And women act like they want nothing to do with men, why they're actually out there looking for men. So at some point this is to become a pandemic type situation

[msc545]

Maybe she didn't see your text, was out of town was busy, was working, was whatever. 48 hours without a response is not a big deal, except you made it one, and it was BECAUSE OF THAT that she blew you off. You seemed too eager, and that is a surefire way to get a woman to back off.

If I recall correctly, you have done this before with similar results. You know the saying about "doing the same thing and expecting a different result", right?

[DaveJord]

@msc545 As said they do this on purpose to text us, and I do what I do to test them. She decide to say no, that's fine. I am glad she did. WHy would I go out and spend $80 to $100 on meal with someone that does not respond for 48 hours. She gave me no benefit of the doubt, and why should I care why she felt it was okay or not.

Bottom line is that it was not okay for me, I am not going to play fuck fuck games with someone. I do not want that.

But your point is dead on accurate... I have done this before. We are looking for that someone special. So, you are right, instead of ghosting, explain the situation and let's talk about it. But she had zero willingness to do that either, so I am okay with it.

[Alwayreckles93]

Wow this individual is acting like an immature teenager. I always wonderbwhy can't just be straight forward and say something like an actual adult would. This sad it is no wonder why people no longer want marriage. You don't need this trash in your life less drama the better and more peaceful. This individual actions are enough prove she isn't actully mentally ready forba serious relationship.

[lightbulb27]

I've never heard this so not sure.

Girls will get nervous, and wait too long, their hormones change and it's another deal when they are facing uncertainty.

Remember... girls just want to have fun...

[DaveJord]

😂🤣😂 IKR! So why not make it fun... lol!

[IslaTheWitch]

You know. Rejection is part of this game.

It can happen anytime if you are dating or entering a relationship. And it's wonderful if you are given a reason, so, you can learn and grow and make a closure.

So accept that you don't have to agree with their decision, but the decision is made, and go on.

[DaveJord]

I do agree with the it's nice to know the reason part so that we can all get better including her though. But I don't come on here because I got rejected, I'm sharing my stories because this s*** happens every day to guys, and they get really down about it and it affects their Mental Health and I just want them all to know it's not that big of a deal it happens all the time, you're not alone, and it probably has nothing to do with you as much as it has something to do with them. So pick your head up and move forward

[IslaTheWitch]

@DaveJord it happens on both sides. You were hurt. It happens. I was hurt, it happens. It doesn't mean everyone is bad. It means we had bad luck. But we both did it consciously, we were adults and we needed to bear the consequences of some decisions.

If we play dating and relationships we have to remember that there are elements included in those games.

[DaveJord]

I hear what you're saying, I mean there's always some level of gameplay going on where you're trying to feel each other out. And that's all fine and good but nobody wants to play games with the person that's just going to take their ball and go home if they don't get their way.

And there's just a reasonable level of courtesy and common decency that you give to somebody. And when they're not doing that and you break it off and then they want to come at you. I'm just trying to tell guys and people like that's when you know it's not working it's not about rejection it's not about getting your feelings hurt, just walk away from that bullshit. That's all I did I walked away.

Now I'm some type of loser that can't deal with rejection. Sorry I don't feel that way.

[IslaTheWitch]

@DaveJord world would be better if everyone carried "a reasonable level of courtesy and common decency" but it won't happen anytime soon, right? :D

But I understand your point, even if I don't agree :)

[DaveJord]

@IslaTheWitch here's a good one that just happened last night. I connected with this great girl I had a phone conversation with her she's awesome it was a great conversation asked her out on a date she accepted.

Got down to confirming what date and she says to me, the weekdays are really better than the weekends.

We live an hour apart like I want to get off work at 5:00 drive an hour to have dinner at 6:00, maybe be done by 7:00 or 8:00 and then I got to drive home?

Comes to find out she's 41 years old she still lives at home with her mom and dad. And she can't commit to weekends because she has a 13-year-old that plays Sports.

So like what am I supposed to do with that, I mean she wants a committed relationship and she's not in the hookups or casual sex. Well I mean your life is basically only set up to have casual sex because there's no room for a real relationship.

Like what I. am supposed to say to that... its waste of my time.

[IslaTheWitch]

@DaveJord it's your decision, how you will get it. She shows nice qualities. You were happy to have a date with her. On the top, she has a kid, and she shows commitment. It means she can be committed, and she understands what it means. If you are looking only for free sex, don't blame her that she doesn't want. You should tell her about it during this phone conversation.

[Nikki1989]

It is rarely assumptions. Most things are too obvious.

[DaveJord]

IKR!!! Thank you! @Nikki1989

I didn't think I was crazy.

[sage2021]

You're right! Never assume anything!

I used to get upset with my boyfriend because he was always doing things without asking me first. I believe they call that "it's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is for permission (or to assume).

[LiamJHayden]

No idea, but if she wants to end it I do not need an explanation. I just move on.

[DaveJord]

Technically when I send her the good by message, I was ending it. It was here response that was shitty.

[Anonymous]

I think you just have a hard time taking rejection. This is not the first time you have complained about a woman rejecting you.

if she doesn't respond, why not just delete her number or block her?

why are you saying goodbye to someone who won't reply to your message?

why do you come on to GAG every single time a woman rejects you from a dating app?

[DaveJord]

I'm not complaining about being rejected. I'm highlighting my experiences because there are many other people that are going through this on a day-to-day basis. I'm not ashamed to admit it I'm not ashamed to talk about it, and I want people to know they're not alone and they're not the only ones. So don't let it affect your mental health don't get down about it just keep pushing forward.

That b******* about not being able to accept rejection, that's nice to be able to pin on somebody as a way to make them feel less than. But it's not going to work here not with me and not from you. But thank you for your support.

And if you really want to talk about this then have the balls to do it face to face and not under the anonymous tag because you're a f****** coward calling me out while you hide and ambiguity

[Opinion Owner]

why do you come on GAG to complain every time a woman rejects you?

clearly you have some unresolved emotional issues where you just can't handle it when anyone rejects you.

everyone gets rejected at some point in life, get over it. you're not special.

you sound like you need therapy or something.

every time you write something, its always negative about women.

[DaveJord]

I am influencer/Editor in dating, relations. That is what I do, why does it bother you so much... you do not have to read it. And why you trying to anonymous, I am hiding nothing. I share my experiences for those want to achieve a better understanding, and actually I learn a lot of people and myself by seeing all your opinions. But you want to make it personal, I mean you have nothing to offer to contribute as far as I am concerned.

[Opinion Owner]

@davejord

you're not sharing experiences to help others achieve a better understanding.

you're just a man who can't handle rejection.

spewing your garbage and hatred on women on GAG is your way of releasing frustration about getting rejected in life.

there's really no other reason why someone would come on GAG after every single rejection he gets. You don't see other people doing this, complaining about the same shit over and over and over and over and over and over and over again

[DaveJord]

You're literally a woman telling me what I am doing, and what my motivations are for doing it. Label me all you want as whatever you want. Your toxic and until you figure that out, like I am doing, you will always be toxic. Nothing you have said has enlightened me in anyway.

But thanks for you deeply held believes. And picking me as the person you want to hammer on, and this is the bullshit. Nothing about anything you have said has been of any benefit. But I better there are a enough people out there that see this bullshit for want it is, and you are actually proving my point with the bullshit you are spewing at me. Then hiding behind anonymous posting to doing it.

Call me what you want, think what you want. but I am not a coward. I will say what I think as the person I am. You can take it or leave it, like most women, you can easily choose to leave it... but you have to have that last word just so you can say you stuck it to me. Okay feel free.

[Opinion Owner]

@davejord

you a mentally ill man in need of therapy.

if you want to get a woman, work on yourself first, then the results will be better.

quit blaming women for not wanting you and realize that you're just nothing but red flags over and over.

you are a coward... why don't you say all this shit in front of a therapist instead of polluting GAG with your sick non sense.

we don't want to hear you whine and complain on here every time you get rejected.

[Opinion Owner]

don't talk about other people being toxic if you are toxic yourself.

spewing your toxic BS about women on GAG every single time a woman rejects you.

nobody cares and nobody wants to hear it.

[DaveJord]

Thank you for your wasted accusations and words. If you do not care to hear it, then block me and don't waste your time replying to me with garage. You honestly do not know me.

Truth is you are probably the exact type of person I am trying to warn people about... and you are proving that right here and now with how you are treating me... read down on the comments... more than half are positive. So, you are not weaking me or my perspective you are only embolden it.

Thanks for your kind words. reread what I wrote and take it to heart. Because I might be talking about you, and if that hits too close to the mark and makes you feel the way you feel for a reason. those reasons have nothing to do with what I wrote or said, it has everything to do with you.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Yeah "that's bullshit" nailed it 100%. You can't get back to me in an appropriate time to confirm reservations I'll just make them with someone else who can appreciate my time.

[strateguy632]

i think you were right. correctly interpreted her silence. you deserve better than her.

[Anonymous]

You sound pretentious, narcissist tend to over explain themselves, taking no accountability for themselves..🤔

[DaveJord]

Another anonymous coward that wants to hide behind ambiguity and throw stones at me. You're wasting your time is not going to work, if you want to talk to me do it face to face

[DaveJord]

And this is another prime example of the b******* gentleman, women who want to throw stones from a distance and hide in ambiguity. And then try to f*** with you, to bring you down. I'm not making that up she just did it, and I'm just calling her out