When are women going to start taking more responsibility for dating?

When are women going to start taking more responsibility for dating?

I always try to be fair and understanding to both sexes on this site and I do my best to provide people with unbiased, well thought out answers and advice. I'm not perfect but I do my best to try to avoid blaming or condemning either gender. But there are a few things that I absolutely cannot stand about women and the biggest one is their passive inaction when it comes to finding a date. I warn you that there is some generalizing here, which I usually try to avoid, but I feel like it is necessary to get my point across.

Many women, though not all thankfully, will not ask out a man even if they know a man is interested with absolute certainty and instead come onto this site and whine about the fact that he won't do it or ask how to 'hint to him to' or 'make him' ask her out. And it's absolutely ridiculous and childish. We live in the 21st century and never in the history of the world have women been so empowered to pursue what they want. This pervasive equality is a good thing by any reasonable standard. So why is it that a woman who can have a career and a home and a car cannot muster the courage to ask a man on a freaking date? Why is it that men are supposed to do the initiating and face the rejection every time? When you're job searching, do you passively hint to employers that you need to make more money or that you have too much free time on your hands? Absolutely not, that's an absurd job-hunting strategy. You go out and you find a job that suites your interest and you apply for it and sometimes you get shot down and it sucks.

When are women going to start taking more responsibility for dating?

Now, I get that it's a bit different in the dating world, some women are approached a lot and recieve a lot of male attention. And for them, there is really no need for them to ask a guy out because they already have all the options they need. I say good for them. A smaller number of guys have this too, and I say good for them (and also I'm jealous). For the rest of us, it makes no sense to sit around waiting. I cannot tell you how many men my age get nowhere with women because they do nothing. And that's their own fault. But whenever I see a question from a pretty girl who nobody approaches, or a girl who may get approached but wants a specific man to ask her out, it drives me up the wall. Some people can get away with being passive and they get what they want. Good for them. But they're rare and you are NOT one of them. You are looking for male attention and not receiving it. So how do we solve this problem? You go out and you ask someone you like out on a date. It's that simple. It's the 21st century, it's no longer weird or too forward for a woman to ask a man out. It's not the taboo it once was. And so what if it was? Women got to this point of great relative equality by challenging taboos.

I recently posted an anonymous question pretending to be a man who wanted to know how to hint to a woman to ask him out. I'll post it right here for you. The results were fairly predictable, almost everyone thought the guy should suck it up and ask the woman out. There was noticable pity and confusion as to why he was so passive when it made so much sense to just ask her out himself. Most people did not see the irony of the question, and gave their unbiased opinion: that he was being a wuss and was being foolish for risking missing out on a great person over something so stupid as wanting the OTHER interested party to ask them out. Women do this very often, and it is just as pathetic and entitled as if a man did it.

When are women going to start taking more responsibility for dating?

Last time I checked, women have mouths, brains, crushes and legs. As these are the major pre-requisites for asking someone out, you would expect that it would happen more often. But it doesn't. Instead, women treat themselves like children who cannot face their fears and instead wait for someone else (a man) to come by and do what they are too timid to do themselves. Stop selling yourselves short, stop restricting your dating pool to only the men who asked you out. Stop letting yourself believe that asking someone out on a date is a 'mans job'. Stop letting yourself be lonely when you think your crush is interested but he hasn't asked you out yet. Start treating yourselves less like girls and more like women. I know that asking out a guy is intimidating. Asking out a girl is intimidating! We're all the same in that regard, the difference is that men typically learn to overcome that anxiety and women typically dont. And really it's women who suffer for this more than men. It gives us the power to decide that we're done being lonely, that we're gonna go ask out that girl and if she isn't interested then I'll find another who is. It's empowering and it's exactly what women need. So ask out that guy you've been waiting on forever! And while you're at it, you're having half the fun so pay for half the date.

It's my hope that this inspires at least one woman to ask out the man of their dreams, if I do inspire you to do so please let me know.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't see much generalising in your take. Everything is very well put and explained in a concise manner.

    You're right, there is no reason today for women not to ask men out.

    I laugh at women's counterargument that they've tried and got rejected many times, do it's no use.

    LOL, and what do they think men feel like? I've yet to meet a guy who bagged the first bird he talked to. Guys get rejected every bloody day and it's "acceptable". But if a girl gets rejected, she just gives up.

    I think the reason for that is major insecurity. If a girl gets rejected many times, she'll start thinking she's not pretty enough and her fragile ego will start crumbling. So she'll choose to stop asking guys out to preserve whatever is left of her self-esteem.

    I've been rejected in some vile ways, cursed out and humiliated. But that never stopped me from approaching guys I was interested in. If someone is a shitbag to me for showing interest - that's on them, not me. I simply dodged a bullet and move on.

    • Excellent answer.

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    • This is excellent. I agree totally. I actually got laughed at by a girl AND all her friends the first time I asked someone out. Talk about ego crushing, I cried on and off for like 2 days. But eventually I got the courage to ask another girl out, she was nicer at least when she turned me down.

    • Here's hoping you're not a loser guy disguising himsrlf as a woman on gag.

      Fuck, this answer was absolutely excellent!

Most Helpful Guy

  • I like your piece, but I have to disagree with one fundamental point you've made. Women have not been empowered. Rather, women, and to a lesser extent men too, have been infantilized over the past decades. True empowerment comes only through one's own thought and action, through using and applying one's faculty of reason to sustain and to improve one's life. It doesn't come through hand-outs, the so-called 'empowerment' that feminists have successfully advocated. People are more insecure and more unconfident than they have ever been, and that should be no surprise.

    • I agree that they don't act particularly empowered in dating which is part of the point I'm making, do you mean they aren't acting empowered in a broader sense? If so, I'm curious to hear your perspective, please elaborate.

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    • "Women have not been empowered. Rather, women have been infantilized"

      I don't think most of them mind. If I were infantilized in that way (opposite gender looking out for me, asking me out/flirting often, and wanting to marry me and provide a life for me while I took care of a home) I sure wouldn't complain about it. That's a good life.

    • @labellaprincesa Aww, thanks!

      @koko124 Your scenario is different from the one I described, which was the fake 'independent' woman produced by feminism. The traditional housewife scenario is superior to that, because (a) it's consensual, (b) it's not dishonest, and (c) it is a full-time career when the children are young (though not when the children are older, unless one is home-schooling them). I would say that many modern women don't seem to mind, at least on first glance. But, look at how angry feminists are, and look at how emotionally insecure women in general are these days. This indicates extreme dissatisfaction, perhaps in many cases not consciously since very few people bother to think deeply about their lives. Is Kim Jong-un happy? Obviously not. Everything he gets is through force or charity. He has no achievements. That's an extreme example of the point that I'm illustrating.

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What Girls Said 68

  • I've approached every guy I've ever done anything with, and been rejected a couple times, and guess what, it wasn't the end of the world. I feel that women who refuse to ask a guy out are often just escaping their own fear of rejection by shoving it all onto the guy. And then they wonder why they don't have a boyfriend. It makes me kind of sad.

    • I agree and I've seen quite a few responses that reflected that, where a girl preferred the man to ask her out so she doesn't have to face being rejected.

    • But blaming that on gender roles is kind of silly. You can't say "I'm scared, so because I'm a girl I don't have to do it"...

    • Epicfrog12 strikes again.

  • I agree. This is why, whenever I see a girl on here asking how to "make a guy ask her out" or how to "drop hints" or whatever (just like you mentioned in your examples) I always ask them "why don't YOU ask him out?"
    You did generalize quite a bit though by basically addressing ALL women even though there are women out there who already ask guys out. But I get your point anyway.

    • Yes, I know I generalized a bit. I did my best to avoid generalizations but at the end of the day I am not perfect and I overlook details.

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    • Wtf is wrong with you?

    • She's a troll, ignore her...

  • When are women going to start taking more responsibility for dating?
    Likely when gals start getting less consequences for dating like guys do. I imagine more gals will desire to end gender roles when they aren't still conditioned to fit them ala working and still doing all/most of the household/childcare duties or the slut double standard. However I find guys tend to only speak positively about equality when it suits them such as in splitting bills, hitting gals, or gals approaching guys.

    So why is it that a woman who can have a career and a home and a car cannot muster the courage to ask a man on a freaking date?
    Likely the same reason why a guy can have a career and a home and a car and cannot muster the courage to ask a woman on a freaking date.

    Why is it that men are supposed to do the initiating and face the rejection every time?
    Possibly the same reason why gals are supposed to be passive and face harassment, assault, and more and accept it as a compliment since any male attention is positive attention. Gender roles abound.

    • It isn't expected of women to be complete pushovers and to accept abuse and harassment. Like wtf are you even talking about?

      I have no problem asking out a woman, I've done it many times. But I want it to be less one sided. It gets old fast and makes guys not want to bother with dating.

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    • You missed the whole point of this post.. if you dont approach guys then dont expect them to approach you.

      "guys generally do not want to bother with dating instead see it as a necessary evil to have sex." lol are you even serious with this bull****? Not every guy wants a woman for sex only. Not evey guy is a douche that objectifies women.

    • ElijahWood
      It seems you assumed the point. The given point by the OP was when are gals going to start taking more responsibility for dating and that gals 'suffer' by not approaching.

      The only bullshit I see is your reading comprehension. Nowhere did I state 'every guy' so you seemingly defensive whining is unnecessary.

  • Most women not all, are a lot more sensitive to rejection than men. A man asks a woman out if he finds her attractive. A woman asks a man out usually when she's been crushing on him for months and he simply wouldn't notice it. She makes sure that he's within her league and only then asks him out. It's not about expecting the man to do it. It's more about having the confidence and feeling secure enough to do it even if there's a 90% chance of rejection. There are women who ask men out, these women are either gorgeous or believe that they are and rejection or acceptance isn't going to change that. We're all going to say that there's no such thing as beautiful or ugly. But deep inside a small part of us believes in it. Every time a guy rejects us, all we think is that we're not good enough for them. Very rarely do we think that we're incompatible. Even in movies we rarely see an unattractive woman asking out a handsome man without getting a makeover first. Except in the case of men, all he has to do is muster the courage to do it and voila everything works out. Despite hoping that these things will change, personally, I can't ask a guy out unless it's a date or if I'm paid millions to do it. Total hypocrite.

    • It's just as hard for men. The only difference is we don't have the luxury of being able to sit on the sidelines unless we want to stay single.

    • It's not. Logically yes, these things don't apply. But our society imposes these rules on us. Maybe things will change and they have, but it'll be at least a decade before it's the norm for a woman to ask a man out, pay for the whole date and ask a man to marry her.

  • Lol @

    " it's rough asking guys out bc they will always say yes even if they don't like you they can play you". And a guy who asks you out can never play you. And worse if you're waiting that wastes even more time.
    Also no woman is asked out so much to take away the purpose in her asking out, bc no matter how many guys ask you out it's never going to always be exactly who you want.

    Or "asking out is no problem but then they act passive like a woman afterwards." Why should anyone be passive in a relationship.

    Or "women don't like rejection. " no one dies.

    Even the " guys think it's desperate if a woman approaches " that's not all guys that's some guys and if you cater to them they'll never change. If a guy likes you but rejects you bc you show inteterest he's a baby and not worthy of an adult relationship.

    A lot of women ask guys out but the ones who don't , the excuses are ridiculous.

    Asker just curious once a woman asks you out how would you approach the rest if the relationship? Like would you want a break from gender roles in approaching but then a return once in a relationship, or would it cinfjnue to be fluid?

    I asked my bf out and to be my bf and now were engaged. actually I I intimated that too though he has already been carrying around the ring. Anyhow it's true he'd thought he'd added me out earlier but I had no idea. So if I hadn't taken it upon myself to -what I thought at that time was -initiate dating for the first time, we'd never be together bc he'd all but given up that I might like him. He actually made me wait a few weeks to make sure I meant it. And the fact I asked didn't turn out to mean he's passive or lazy or not really intersted. We just didn't communicate clearly which happens all the time. Getting angry bc someone didn't ask you out is just childish when you didn't make a move yourself. Even if you're uncertain- so what. That's what a question is lol when you're not sure if the answer. And that's life.

    • I would do whatever was generally expected of the male role, unless given an indicator that a gender role need not apply. I'm not an idiot, gender roles can only be eliminated with awareness and not everyone is aware. It's not always worth ruining a good date. And frankly, a lot of them can only be addressed from the female side. Sure, I may be able to force a woman to pay for her half of a date, but she doesn't need to go back out with me if that turns her off. Only women realistically have the power to decide if they're going dutch or making the man pay.

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    • As for why I care about this, it's not so much that I'm sick of doing it (almost asked a girl out today actually) so much as I'm sick of women who won't do it, it's so pathetic and inconsiderate in my eyes when a woman expects men to always do all the asking. Like the quote in the first picture of the myTake, she's sitting there hopelessly infatuated with a guy wishing he'd ask her out and to me I feel like... why the f*ck don't you just do it yourself instead of missing out on someone really great? Maybe he doesn't know you like him, but you do know you like him, so which person does it make sense to be asking? Basically I hate the stupidity and the passivity. I guess I hate the double standard too. What, men are supposed to be impervious, fearless, always-confident-regardless-of-circumstances, never too shy to let his feelings be known and you think it's okay to sit there and do nothing about it and then get upset if he doesn't do anything? Only psychopaths can match that fantasy.

    • Oh yeah I get what you mean and I agree with all of it-- except as a woman I wouldn't be " passive" to keep The peace bc I think it's degrading and it's a deal breaker if thaTs what he " needs" to feel like a man so it's not really something Id say would create a conflict bc it IS a conflict. But things like if he wants to walk me home or pick me up or " pick " me up lol it's awkwsrd but Id accept it if it made him feel good. Bc they are not evil sentiments and not a reason for me to drop him. Thoigh it'd be distasteful if I wanted to walk " him" home and he refused:p

      Basicslly im open to him doimg for me whatever he wanTs as long as he's open to me doing it. Not to make a point but to enjoy a free open space where we both feel room to be ours, eves and explore who we are:)

      I didn't mention too that I agree with and has e used as an example myself that when you want a job you don't sit at home and passively wait for someone to magically hire you :p

  • For some of us, it has nothing to do with courage. It's simply not our preference.

    I won't ever ask a guy out. It has nothing to do with insecurity and more to do with gauging if the guy has any confidence at all. I would not ever waste time on someone who lacked courage.

    Of course, just because a man fails to approach a woman he's interested in does not mean that he is automatically a coward. He may suffer from shyness in this area of his life, but in other aspects, he may rule fiercely.

    Yet, it's still not appealing. A confident man will always be one (imo and from what I've seen) always.

    On top of that, there are many women who ask men out, more so than you might think.

    Anyway, I disagree. If a woman doesn't want to ask a man out, she shouldn't. It's not about being chased necessarily. She can learn more about a man that doesn't act than one who does.

    I personally would rather be a lesbian or alone forever than have to walk up to a man. I see it as pathetic and desperate for myself to do that---and I'm neither.

    • Your opinion is so backward, sexist and disgusting that I refuse to give it an intellectual response.

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    • You keep calling it common sense, but the fact that your current downvote/upvote ratio is 21:1 I think that it's safe to say that it's uncommon.

    • You seem to be incapable of any rational thought.

      1) Just because I have more down votes than up votes does not mean I am "wrong". It means they disagree.
      2) To justify my opinion as "uncommon", we would have to see how it would hold up to the vast majority of people in this world, not this site which only holds a minute quantity.

      Try again. :)

  • When it comes to me, it's already happened!
    Though he technically asked me out first, I wasn't ready at the time. So a few months later when I became sure that I was definitely interested, I took the initiative. I knew that regardless of how many 'hints' I tried to give, he had already been turned down, and the chances that he'd try again were slim to none.
    We also rotate who grabs the bill most of the time.

    I don't see why he should always grab it. I mean.. we're both students, both working part-time jobs. Relatively similar financial situations, I find it makes me feel almost uncomfortable if he pays every single time; as if I'm incapable or something.

    • Yes, asking out a woman who has already turned you down feels like a waste of time to most guys so you were smart to ask him out the second time. Whenever I've asked a girl out a second time I got the same no that I got the first time.

    • yeah, makes sense. That's exactly why, when I was sure that I was ready, I decided to step up to the plate. I'm not saying he should have tried again in any way..
      No one wants to set themselves up for rejection twice in a row haha.

    • ^_^ I like you. Youra good woman. I hope I can find a girl like this. cept witout the rejection lol

  • We do. Well, I can't say for other women, but I do.
    And you are horribly mistaken. Usually, the women who demand the man to ask a woman out are more traditional and don't really agree with feminism or "female empowerment". They are usually the more traditional types of ladies who require the man to pay for most (if not all) dates and again, they usually don't like feminism. I know, I know. GaG is full of men who hate everything feminist and blame it on them. And I know, you're gonna say "I never blamed feminism." Though you are hinting it indirectly.

    Again, I do take initiative but fucking guys reject the hell out of me. I'd rather just buy a dildo cuz I'm too old for this shit. And getting dates is for pretty boys/girls and we're not all pretty enough to not get rejected.
    And I go for shy, geeky guys. The guys who standards I hope would be low enough to consider dating me. Lol how wrong I am. I don't ask out every guy I see. I've asked about a handful but they all rejected me. I know, that's what guys go through too. But men like to act like all women have to do is ask a guy out and he'd jump for joy. Negative.
    I even asked a question on this, and basically, I need to accept my future as a crazy cat lady.

    • Well based on what I've read, you describe yourself as boring, non-feminine, socially awkward and you approach strangers. If a guy like this (but non-masculine instead) approached a strange girl, do you think he would have a good chance? Probably not. Being a girl and asking someone out doesn't guarantee you a yes. Men have standards too and although they are sometimes different from womens standards they still need to be met. Based on your profile picture, you're not unattractive and I'd accept a date with you if I got a good vibe from you. And getting a good vibe from someone is less likely to happen if they don't even know your name. Your problem is your approach. Sure, you're attractive enough but you give me the impression of coming off as robotic and appearing out of nowhere which would make me uncomfortable before you even asked me out. Getting to know someone to get a date may seem creepy but you don't have to be BFF's with them they just generally need to know who you are.

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    • The evidence supports that hypothesis

    • Stay away then from shy geeky guys!

  • I agree, we girls should step up a bit. I would totally ask a giy out first, but because of my lack of confidence, I would first have to make sure the feeling is mutual. Like most guys would too. XD

    Other thing I don't understand is that why some girls expect guys to pay on the first date, or in general. Sure if they truly want, it is polite. But you shouldn't demand that. And we girls could pay for dates more often.

    • Yeah I read that half of women will offer to go dutch but more than a third of them will actually think less of a guy if he takes them up on it and that seems a bit disingenuous to me. If you want to go dutch, do it. If you don't, I certainly disagree with you, but don't do it anyways and think less of the guy. It leaves men in a bind where they don't know if they can accept the offer without screwing up the date.

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    • I know, like she's seriously advocating that men don't deserve to date if they don't have lots of spare money. Like wtf. I could never date someone with that kind of toxic mindset. If you aren't willing to go outside your comfort zone for someone or spend 10 freaking dollars then they deserve better. Like seriously, what can that buy like 2 small dinners at mcdonalds? What a spoiled brat.

    • That's just what happens when someone is given everything they want all the time I guess.

  • Let me tell you something, Sir. I have done my fair share of asking out. WHenever I do, the boys turn their noses up at me and think they are so darn awesome.

    • I'm sorry you asked out assholes?

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    • I have had a lot of rejections haha

    • @starfishlover I saw your comment about having lots of rejections last night and it stuck in my head. It moves away from topic of take but my primary emotion is I felt sorry for these guys. I feel they have missed the chance to meet a young woman who is very beautiful on the outside but as you get to know her you realise she is gorgeous on the inside. She is strong, independent, forthright but also has a soft and vulnerable side - A warrior princess with big warm heart. She is very intelligent, often hilarious but can be insightful as well - Never fails to engage me when we have conversation - My thoughts to the young men of Australia, guys your loss, you would kick yourself if you realised what you missed in not trying to get to know this wonderful young woman.

  • Right, if people want to date somebody they need to take the bull by the horns and do something about it instead of sitting on their asses. I realized that years ago when I was single, lonely, and ready to date. I had never been approached by a guy in my life (now that I'm in a relationship, it happens all the time). So I started asking guys out. I did that for about 3 years and was always rejected/turned down for whatever reason, but I still did it.

    • I like your 'grab the bull by the horns' attitude

      It isn't just you, most people get rejected most of the time they ask someone out. I'm glad you kept with it and found your guy!

    • I didn't keep up with it, actually. I had come to the conclusion that guys just didn't want to go out with me, and that it probably meant I wasn't ready to date after all. I let just let it go for a bit. And that's when my husband made a move on me. It's a long story, but we already knew each other for several years. He liked me and made it known by kissing me (my first ever, so that was a surprise), and then he took me out on an actual date, lol. He comes from a different culture where the men make all the moves and they pay for the first few dates (at least), so I think things would have turned out differently if I had put the moves on him first.

    • Oh okay well yeah that makes sense then, yeah in your situation it probably wouldn't have worked out too well if you had tried to seduce him XD

  • I agree with you but I still would never ask a guy out. I don't think there's anything wrong with a woman doing so at all but there are things that i'm simply not doing. I'm not asking a guy out, I'm not also not pressuring a guy for a commitment to me and i'm not asking for his time. It's just my personal preference, I like being more passive in those areas and I like when men are more aggressive in those ways lol

    • So essentially you are justifying being sexist, ok

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    • I'm just pointing out that the level of praise that you offered is inconsistent with you claim to have offered support.

      Luke warm support is what you offered, golf clap, weak tea.

      Given the bias against gender role change, support has to be enthusiastic to matter at all.

      Your support is so little as to be no support at all.

      Better to take up a position with @ rationallioness. Her views are repellent but at least she makes a firm stand.

      I can respect that.

    • It was inconsistent and I don't care, it's my preference as to how much support vs preference I choose to write in my own paragraph but that doesn't change the fact that I can and will support both and do as I prefer, so like I said you're just bothered that I didn't praise your side well enough and that's just not my problem. It doesn't change how I feel and the fact that I can support both and still say what I prefer.

      As far as you and rationallioness go, take that up with her, it doesn't concern me.

  • I know the reason I would never ask I guy out is because I'm so afraid of being rejected. I don't have the confidence to do something like that and use the gender role as an excuse not to. If a guy were to approach me, it would give me some confidence in myself. Maybe enough to continue the interaction. That's just how I feel personally. I'm sure there's people of both genders that feel the same.

    • There definitely are, you're definitely lucky that you're a woman in this case because you'd get nowhere being a guy like that.

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    • What about us, think we aren't afraid of the same thing? Some of the rejections I got.. wow..

    • I got laughed at the first time I asked out a girl.

  • For two years, I've had a MASSIVE crush on this amazing guy. We became good friends a year before I really started liking him, and when I told him I liked him, he rejected me because he liked another girl. He and that other girl dated for a while, but now this guy has been single. I still have feelings for him, but we've remained extremely close friends, and I feel like he knows that I still have lingering feelings for him. Now all of a sudden, people at my school are saying he and I should date, or that's it's going to happen eventually, like we'll go to homecoming next year or something. Also, he's been texting me about his penis, talking about it being huge, and also mentioning when he's laying in bed naked. He's been saying this stuff in kind of a joking way, but it's still kind of weird because he's never said stuff like this before. He's even mentioned a few times that I need to see how big it is, but still kind of as a joke. I can't tell if he likes me, but I really like him, and I want to go out. I've been thinking about taking action lately, and now I think I'll do it. I don't know how, but I will. Thank you for your inspiring message. Hopefully, I'll get to be with the boy of my dreams. If not, I hope we remain as close as we've been. He and I have gone through a lot together, and whatever happens, I just want him in my life.

    Also, thanks for taking the time to read my insanely long comment! :)

    • I'm glad to help! Definitely let me know if he agrees to a date, best of luck! :)

  • When we're actually equal...


    Hhahaha She's got the right idea. =)

    I ask guys out sometimes... so this take isn't really hitting home for me.

    • It's because of people like @I_M_LEGEND and the experiences that @Starfishlover has had that a lot of girls just don't want to approach guys because they realize one of these two things will happen more often than not.
      I'm sorry to break it to you, but if everyone had a bull**** meter, we'd all be in happy relationships.
      Since we don't - we ask out idiots hence making this entire process more difficult and painful for any next person that comes along.

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    • Role reversal with someone whose really inconsiderate too.

    • The reality is that unmarried women are out earning unmarried men.


  • I think why most women don't do it is because nobody told them they could. Sometimes people will wait for others to come out and say,"yes you can do that."But I see waiting for anyone to tell you being to polite where it's kind of stupid.

    Majority of the dudes I dated. I was the one who asked them out and straight up told them I liked them. Also most of the dates I went on I payed for everything. I think of it like this. I hate waiting and I'm not just going to sit by and see if someone ask me out or stuff. I don't care who does the asking or paying. I honestly don't like guys to spend money on me. It makes me feel like I'm getting into debt and I don't like that feeling at all.

    • Well I view it as something both parties should pay half of but I don't think many men will be complaining about you. I agree that many women probably just don't know that it's okay, but I hope that changes.

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    • i definitely wouldn't date you... a guy that doesn't pay on a first date is a no-go, even though I always offer to pay. I would pay the next time or bring him a gift to make it more equal... i dont expect to get sex for that either ;)

    • If you offer to pay then you have no right to think less of him for taking you up on that. Talk about disingenuous. I do typically pay for a first date if she doesn't offer to pay half because it's not something I consider to be worth ruining a good date over, and as a guy I can't really change that tradition only women can change that one, but my opinion is that both parties should pay.

  • Hey I loved your perspective..
    I think that this Gender attitude must be stopped and even girls should ask a boy out if she really likes if.. If a boy can face rejection then why can't a girl face it?

    But I myself am trapped in a situation where I know that my crush is interested in me but we both are just doing nothing to take our current position to next level.. I am not asking him out because I am too shy.. Don't know what to do of that!!!@

    • I'm glad that you found my perspective helpful.

      I think that it is ridiculous that many women feel like a guy should always do the asking out just because she's nervous. We have feelings too and we get just as nervous. We aren't superior to women and anything we can do a woman can also do.

      I myself have found myself unable to ask someone out because I was too shy, I'd say it happens to me much more often than not. I think that happens to pretty much everyone especially shy people and it's not really something to feel bad about. It's only a problem when it's expected that the guy will do the asking instead. I feel like if you are unable or unwilling to ask someone out, then you should not expect a date. Hoping to be asked is completely different than expecting to be asked out, nothing wrong with having hope. But by not making a move you are necessarily reducing your odds of ever getting that date.

      How did you find out your crush likes you @Inlove29 ?

    • Show All
    • Yeah.. I didn't mean to be sarcastic or taunt you or anything.. I was just glad to know that even I could approach him..
      We look into each others eyes and then either he or I looks away.. no we don't smile or anything..

    • If you make a lot of eye contact then that's a good sign though never a guarantee, I stand by my opinion that you should ask him out if you want to date him. Best of luck :)

  • I recently replied to one of your survey questions on this site. Sneaky! I said "No, you should do it yourself", and you replied with a link to this.
    I just want to explain that I would have said the same to a girl complaining about this. I totally agree that if you want to date someone, you should go ahead and ask. Heck, I did it myself once, and it turned out great!
    Thanks for the interesting read :)

    • Glad to have provided you with something interesting to think about. The whole point of that was to point out that nobody would think it was a good idea for a guy to sit around and hint at a girl to ask him out, so why on earth do people think it's a good idea for a woman to do it. Yes, it works more often when women do it but it's still an awful dating strategy.

  • When I get the nerve.

    Although I did ask my boyfriend out.. Kinda...

    I invited him over on New Years with romantic intentions [but was trying to be sly about it] , and then invited him out again after that.

    First guy I asked out that said yes lol.

    • That's nice to hear :)

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    • So basically they are opposing me for the sake of opposong me?

      Also hi

    • It's not that the are opposing you for no particular reason. It's just that opposition is inspired and support is not. Supporters of any cause can't be bothered. Those who oppose can bring their numbers easily.

  • Many women I know asked the guy out or even confessed to him first. That's not the issue. The problem is, most men won't reject the girl even if they don't like them and that can't possibly end well when the girl is interested in a serious relationship. She will be easily played.
    The issue is not asking the guy out, but what happens after that. Will you assume your gender role from there on or you switch places?

    I remember the first guy I asked out. I didn't really know him well but thought he was a good guy from what I had seen. Lol, let's just say there's nothing worse than a guy playing the female role and expecting to be seduced and flirted with (like flirting is a one way street...), at the same time expecting me to cook for him and what not. Absolutely disgusting.
    I guess he never liked me, but yeah...

    After that traumatic experience, I still asked a guy out again. We're still seeing each other.
    The thing is, I waited quite a while and tried to see first how good of a person he was, if he was a player, honest, etc. Only then did I take that chance and it was one of the best things I did so far. Basically because it seems he was already interested in me from way before, wanted to have asked me out but didn't muster the courage^^;; but after I asked him out and going out for a bit, he's not as shy as I'm when talking about his feelings! And he knows how to treat me with respect and consideration, not acting superior just because I took the first step.
    Even in our first date he absolutely refused to let me pay. I was obviously willing to, but thinking about it, I guess that also says something about men who let women take charge and pay for them... Because gender roles do still exist independently of who confesses first.

    • I'm not really going against what you said, but I think it's not a black and white subject. It depends on every individual.
      I think it's okay for anyone to confess to a person they already like and maybe even trust, but both genders should maybe be more careful when addressing people they don't really know at all and ask them on a date.
      Again, someone who's used to date around won't have a problem with this situation, but not all of us are like that. Not all of us are following the date rules and the date style which is apparently seen as "the norm" by everyone in the media and many people out of it.

    • A guy can play wiTh you even if he ask you.. OFten thats an aim Before you evEn meet. And if a guy is a player and you've been flirtingbc wiTh him for months testing him when you couldve just gotten it over with by asking him oit and realizing he's a jerk after a few dates.

      I don't think waitinG to be asked out gives you control it takes it away. Bc it's not your choice.

    • Are you saying iF HED romanced you then you'd be ok beimg his maid -- or jusT ThaT the problem was he was not doing anything?

  • Because rejection is a lot harder. The mentality is boys will just accept any girl and when a guy rejects you, you start thinking wtf is wrong with you. Guys face rejection all the time so it is accepted, they just move on and ask the other girl out.
    It also makes me feel easy. Like running after guys and guys rejecting me like a boy-crazy girl who nobody wants. I have asked a guy and got rejected so don't generalize.

    • Guys are more likely to say yes but that doesn't mean there are guarantees. We have standards and preferences too. You're not gonna meet every guys standards even if you're a supermodel.

      The fact that guys face rejection more is part of my point. Most of us can't just dust off and ask put another girl. It hurts us too you just don't see it. If we were really capable of just brushing it off like nothing, women would get asked out much more often and this wouldn't even be an issue. Guys in general don't ask many women out specifically because of how difficult it is to be rejected.

    • I am not asking for a guarantees. Do I have a problem with asking men out once in a while? Absolutely not. Women asking men out has advantages to both sides. However, if you want more women to take initiative you have to break the taboo. Asking a guy is seen as a desperate thing to do by an easy girl. If I go around asking a lot of men they are going to think I am boy crazy because currently people like players ask a lot of women out but still desirable although if women do that she's a slut. Its again the stud/ slut thing. It has nothing to do with responsibility and everything with mentality.

  • I hate gender roles and don't think either sex should be obligated to ask the other out. I've asked guys out before and I'm extremely shy. I almost had a heart attack.

    • Lol I know, it's EXACTLY as intimidating for us too, believe me. I guess it probably makes you appreciate how difficult it is, right?

  • I agree, I know for myself, that I am afraid to ask guys out. The few times I have asked guys out they've turned me down. I usually try to show the guy I like that I'm interested in him by being flirty and see if he's interested as well.

    • Men get turned down too most of the time, nothing to be embarrassed about.

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    • I agree. I'm thinking about asking this guy out, but I'm not really sure what to say. If a girl asked you out what kind of things could she say that would interest you?

    • Guys aren't as picky about the wording I guess so much as we are your appearance and attitude, just look nice and try your best to be relaxed and invite him to dinner or to a movie, or if you want to do something else just ask if he wants to go out on a date with you.

  • Well,
    I'm never going to ask out a man, never. I'm not going to degrade myself like that. If I have to stay single for the rest of my life ( which I doubt) I would not ask out a man. I'm not afraid of rejection, I just think it's wrong for a woman to do that,

    • In what way is it degrading?

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    • Whatever, I'll never understand where women get these retarded ideas from.

    • She's afraid of rejection. That's obvious. I mean, she can have her reasons and supply us with what she wants, but that's what it comes down to.

      Degrading? Lol

      Get the fuck over yourself.

  • I'm ballsy as hell.. I don't really give a flying crap who does what. I'll ask a guy out, but we sure as hell are splitting the check.

  • Im not gonna ask a guy out. Nope not gonna do it. guys ask out the women they wanna ask out. so as a woman, if your not getting attention from guys and getting asked out, then obviously the guys around you don't wanna date you. so whats sense would it make for an unwanted woman to throw herself at men who aren't really into her? it might make it easier for guys to get easy pussy but it sure won't be helpful to a woman who isn't looking to be used for a placeholder until a guy gets the girl he really wants.

    • It would actually make very good sense for you, because it would mean that you did the choosing. If you make the move, you can start with the most attractive person in your vicinity, and work your way down the list. If you sit around and wait, you're left with the best person that asks you out. See? It's simple science, and you can check out this article, if you doubt it:


      I think I've finally matured enough to stop blaming women for being passive in this area, because I recognize that you do what you feel you need to do, and I need to do the same myself. But all I'm saying is that you would probably get a better selection of guys if you made the move.

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    • Manyguys have been hurt, many are just shy.. just like you girls...

    • Hows it easy pussy? She still decides when shegives pussy...

  • I agree, I've always been one to take what I want and not be afraid to go after it. I don't think it's fair for women to constantly expect a man to "win them over". The world is taking a new turn and that's one of the many gender roles that need to be demolished

  • If I have feeling for a guy I have no problem approaching ask initiating a conversation. If your crushing on this girl so bad why not approach her. The worst that could happen is you might get turned down?

    • Do you ever ask a man out?

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    • I don't have a problem asking a woman out, and I almost did ask someone out today but we were at work and I got interrupted. I think that BOTH genders should do the asking, I don't want a complete reversal of gender roles I want their elimination.

    • Exactly !

  • I honestly think the reason girls are so hesitant to ask a guy out is because of the fear of rejection and how they can have the possibility to come off "too strong" which a lot of men say is a turn off. A friend of mine, for instance, has no problem asking out guys or asking for their number. It's just that everytime she does it she gets a funny look from the guy, like she just really insulted him or something.

    • I think you make a good valid point, I feel this is the main reason many women don't ask men out & also because of society's old traditions. I've also gotten the funny look before while asking for a guy's number but most of the time, it was me just asking as a friend, I wasen't asking in a flirting way lol. So like u said, it's like guys find girls who are straight forward to come off as "too strong".

  • I agree it's so stupid and girls ruin their own chances when they don't ever take chances.

    • I know! If you want to date someone, ask them out! Waiting around and hinting gets you nowhere most of the time.

    • I know because sometimes they don't get the hints and waiting doesn't give you control over who approaches you. If a woman does not feel comfortable asking a guy out then she should understand the pressure men feel regardless if she is traditional or not.

    • Most of the time when I find out a girl likes me I can see the hints she gave in hindsight but at the time it's way too easy to dismiss most signs as a girl being friendly. The few times I've been unsure and acted on it anyways didn't end so well so if you're unwilling to ask a guy out for whatever reason but want to date him you had better make sure the 'obvious' signs of interest you are giving out are actually obvious. Because I usually won't ask a girl out unless I'm fairly sure.

  • Show more from Girls

What Guys Said 49

  • For me, girls would generally initiate some sort of interest by being flirty and open, or saying things like "I would love to go out with you", but never actually saying the words. That seems to be how girls do things, like it has to come from an extended interaction, rather than walking across a room and throwing some line and grabbing a number.

    It seems like most relationships I've been around started not from total strangers meeting, but them meeting each other through friends. You hang out with a friend, who brings one of their friends, and the two of you hit it off.

    In my case, some half my relationships had started with the girl.

    But as for the other girls, yeah, I'm so sick of the standard narrative of "Boy falls for girl" then "Boy must climb a ladder upstream against the wind to earn her presence." Especially when many girls DON'T LIKE being approached. So... it is our JOB to be the one annoying women? Then WHADDAYA KNOW, men make sexual advances on women more than women make sexual advances on men.

    There are things I've heard about paying for dates. "He should pay for my date because I game him my time!" No. He offered his time when he asked you out, and you offered yours when you agreed. That's already neutral.

    "But I gave him sex" Unless you want to go back to the victorian era or the middle east where women's sexuality is blasphemous, I'm going to assume you are not asexual, and therefore you are both getting sex. You are not "giving it" and him "recieving it".

    "Girls love and deserve to be courted" And guys love and deserve to be courted.

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    • I just had another good example.

      A knight in shining armor makes it his chivalrous duty to find the fiends, slay the dragon, and rescue the princes.

      Dafuq did the princess ever do for him? Give him the time of day? Don't act like a second-class citizen who needs to be provided for. There's a difference between wanting a relationship of mutual support and trust, and wanting a "provider and protector".

    • I heard about Norah Vincents book, I was gonna read it but I forgot to... I should get on that.

  • ill be honest. im really just tired of hearing girls constantly complain about how they like a guy but won't ask him out cause they want to wait for him to do it. when you hear about the same guy over and over and over again. it gets old fast.

  • Good take.

    Personally, I don't care what gender you are, or what social expectations apply.

    If you're afraid to approach someone, I'll call you what you are, a little bitch. Fortunately, being a little bitch is unisex job.

  • *Starts applauding and wipes away a tear*

    I agree with every single word of this mytake. Couldn't have said it better myself. Well done.

  • A lot of women especially in the US want it both ways. They want equality, but if old fashioned status roles are to their BENEFIT, they cling to them like a kid to his favorite blanket. Anything difficult or stressful, hey that's 'men's work.'

    • it's called "I want what benefits me, and i need a good excuse"

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    • @dartmaul15

      it's called having their cake and eating it too

    • And that's why you don't marry an American woman. And they might take at least half of your assets.

  • Women already do ask guys out. They just dont often ask average guys out when they're young because they get asked out so much they can choose between those guys.

    But go ask star high school athletes how often they're being hit on.

    • Being hit on and being asked out are different.

    • Tbh those guys get sex thrown at them under the (correct) assumption it's more likely to be accepted by males.

  • i m actually against women pursuing men. its just that when that happened to me, it completely took the challenge away and i never developed that much interest.

    everyone is in the game whether like it or not.

    • Not everyone thinks it's a game, player

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    • You can say you worked for it however what are you going to do when you stay in a long relationship, continuing to constantly work for everything? I'm not saying that you should expect everything from your partner, however in my experience you can only keep the persona of consistent chasing on for so long and once you maintain a relationship you'll realize you must open up or ultimately will be kicked to the curb.

    • What makes you think just bc a woman asked you out that you " got" her? It's just a date. A date is a glorified conversation. Asking someoen out is the easy part and anyone coukdv sy yes for sny resson... doesn't mean you worked for or " earned" anything. Challenge lies ahead no?

      I remember reading those who put a lot of effort into asking someone out seem to think all the works been done by the time they gEt into an actual relationship... That there's is correlation between the more work they put into flirting and getting a date they less involved they are in the actual relationship. Hence disappointment when Gettting to realize whoever presumed you is actuslly not as charming caring open minded I tersted in you as theyd seemed. THey got you now everything is taken care of and they can relax. That fits with your idea That the " work" is in getting a daTe.

      Challenging part is makimg the relatiomship work... Not gettimg so, eomen to say yes.

  • Why would some take responsibility? Too many men are desperate and will do anything to get a girlfriend. In order for women to take more responsibility men will have to demand them to do so. However this will never happen as you have too many men who became feminized and will do anything to not hold them responsible. Maybe in another life men and women would actually act like adults and have a bit more common sense but not in this one.

    • Yes many men are desperate but when you consider that most women dislike desperate men then the argument for more responsibility makes more sense.

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    • @SexyTexas now we're just squabbling with the specifics, being approached only by undesired men isn't much different than not getting approached at all from a practical point of view and would have the same result. So you really didn't disprove my main point. You actually agreed with the point but disagreed with the details.

    • And who raised them to be feminine? The single mothers lol.

  • I do agree. So many girls these days are 20+ year old children who want everything handed to them. They think they're special because they're parents drilled it into their heads. They figure if a few guys asked them out, their crush will suddenly have some sort of automatic attraction to her because she brushed her hair in a certain way or some junk and that was supposed to be a "sign" because she smiled when she did it.

    If they want to be equal they're gonna need to accept the responsibilities that come with it. Yet I notice when this gets pointed out these girls go into "attack mode" on the guy voicing his opinions because they got hit with a harsh truth and can't accept it. They'll deflect their insecurities with typical guy blaming stuff and make themselves more undateable than they already are.

    • equal? lol
      seriously what about equal payment etc? feminism hasn't changed the role models

    • @labellaprincesa Gender roles in dating and equal pay are both important issues but they aren't really related and I'd like to stay on topic.

    • While it's irrelevant, the pay inequality is mostly a myth until proven true. The biggest reason for women making less than men is because of them generally having lower qualifications and lower risk taking behaviors.

  • 3.bp.blogspot.com/.../the-rock-clapping.gif

    In my life, Girls asked me out in eyes only. Now, a guy can easily be labelled as perv, no?
    We also fear of rejection.
    Where is gender equality now?
    If girls start to ask guys, they won't end up with jerks that much, I bet.

    Even the name of the site is: GIRLS ASK GUYS!

  • It's official. I'm living in the gayest era ever known to mankind.

    The deal is off! I want out! I never signed this contract. I never agreed to any of these rules.


    • Jokes on you there are no rules.

      This man is right. If you want something. If you want to be something. Do it.

      Your gender should not determine your actions.

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    • If there nothing wrong with asking a man out, then you agree with the myTake.

      Women should be encouraged to make their own success instead of waiting on the side for something to happen. Simple.

  • The only girls I've ever dated asked me out. I wish more girls would do it. It's fun!

  • All of nature works off of female selection. For a while male humans hijacked this, feminism s a natural correction. Women choose, men audition. They don't even fully understand this and its not done purposely but it happens. Bottom line is, woman can jump between old and new school beliefs as it suits them. Don't be mad, just deal wit it. Men are so confused as to what they're supposed to do that we're literally all over the place... mixed signals to a societal degree have created so many different types of men. It will sort itself out, just approach women when you can and give every woman who approaches you the time of day, if just for a little bit. We have to encourage this.

    • Well I wouldn't say it works that way for 'all' of nature but I can see your point, yes I think it will eventually even out because nature hates dis-equilibrium I'm just hoping it evens out in a more equal way.

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    • Dude... 2 years ago. That's just a lie. Maybe 30 years ago. That's pretty recent too. 2 years ago was 2013 man. Also the gender roles evolved naturally from the differences between men and women and those differences evolved naturally from the distance in hormones between men and women. Balance... not equality is natural. People seem not to realize that there are areas biased toward women too an easy mistake to make because the parts that favored men were mainly economic and therefore easily measurable. There have always been drawbacks to each gender. What you're seeing now is that we have eliminated many of the drawbacks of being a women without eliminating those for being a man... mainly because men are socialized not to talk about them or demonized when they do. I'm not an MRA or anything here but it's the truth. You want to know why women aren't changing... it's because they don't have to. Someone will ask them out even if you dont but men can't continue to act the same old way

    • I meant two hundred, my bad

  • well that was a great take, but still i will say that things are changing for the better, many girls have proposed me, though most have tried to pass messages through their best friends, my sister or something... but if we wan to change it fast and better , there are somethings men have to change too,
    1.. we sometimes boast about how we got the proposal and rejected it like a man which is quite more embarrassing for girls as the files are recently shifting.
    2.. sometimes when a girl is trying to impress a guy we label them as something or the other.
    3.. we as a society pressurize them a lot about what is right and what is wrong
    these things makes it difficult for them to approach. many times they made me promise that i had not tell anyone about the proposals as they sometimes might fear rejection less than the consequences that would occur, thanks to the society.
    p. s. there are so many sometimes because i wanted to make it clear that they are not generalized views on men, women or society.

  • Have you perchance explored the non-gender-binary side to this? Or the non-hetero side?

    Think of the lesbians. Then the gays. Homosexual men are far more active in both terms of sex and dating. Lesbians have a harder time with this.
    What about those of the transexual community?

    There may be a new perspective in these communities worth asking about.

    I am on your side. Women and men should share this responsibility. We get rejected often, but there is a reward to being selective and acting on your attraction. Just remember to tweak your approach and think about who you want to attract. Look at other couples. Avoid always being in your head.

    I use a large mix of things. Dating sites, conventions, facebook, meet ups and blogs to expand my social network and thus my potential dating pool.

    Girls can benefit a lot by being active in their own dating life instead of passive. Men shouldn't be the only ones facing rejection and also the only ones reaping the benefits.

    • but men are not allowed to be as selective as women. often in life i have seen men get with women they don't like and put up with it for for the rest of their life. while men can be selective this is not often and sometimes goes down in flames (cock hold/ divorce). men have learned/been trained to take on responsibility as well punishment for their actions. women have not. when ever a girl commits a selfish act that blows up in her face 1. she doesn't feel comfortable with accepting responsibility for it. 2. everyone pays for it. there are thousands of women out there who are like this and as a result are taxes go to broken homes and children who were born to glue a relationship back together. until women learn to accept responsibility as a woman! And make the right choice s based off of who she is i don't think they need anymore power

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    • im not throwing around blame I was just stating as a straight guy in a straight relationship who is not considered "worthy" by most women i know that the right thing in a lot of cases is not what's on their mind. yah the want to have fun like men do but its a steeper price that in some cases they are not willing to pay. it is feared that giving this power to lesbains will open the back door for other women to use that do not have the best in mind. as men we at least try to keep ourselves in check. what I was saying that even at a basic level women don't seem to do that. they reveal this to us in their basic relationships hence the connection. Because it seem like they do not measure by heart and soul. so how can they tell character. men are by far means worst but we at least clean up after ourselves and try to do better. As a man I am held accountable for a lot of things i did not sign up for but i try to do the right thing.

    • @SomeOtherGuy
      in a lot of cases i don't see women doing the right thing for other people because they do not do the right things for themselves. that is what the relationships they have reflect.

  • Are you me from the future? lol

    I had the same idea were I would pose as a guy asking about hinting to a girl and make a myTake about it but you beat me to it.

    I totally agree, mang. (y)

    • I built a time machine and right after I finished it I logged on to GAG. Once online, I saw your myTake and decided that the idea was so fantastic that I had to take all the credit for it. So I went back a few days and wrote this up. And the best part is, nobody is going to believe you when you tell them this. It's the perfect crime, you can't prove anything.

  • Risk taking is a masculine trait. Women are feminine and that's why they are less likely to ask a guy out. Plus, the biggest way to show your masculinity to a woman is show her you don't fear rejection. That's why most guys want women to ask them our, they're afraid of being rejected.

    If you're really that afraid then just give the woman your number. Even if she doesn't like you she'll still take it but just never call you. Most women are cool and will do their best to let you down easy. I usually just strike up a conversation, then end it with "you're cute, let me give you my number" or "I gotta run but I'd like to see you again, here's my number". Not a big deal.

    • No I am not 'that afraid', I don't just want women to ask men out, I want men and women to ask each other out when they want to date each other. If a man likes a woman, ask her out. If a woman likes a man, ask him out. I want love and dating to be a two way street. Yes, I do get nervous about asking a woman out. I still do it though. I'm not a wuss.

  • I disagree entirely on the fact dating hasn't changed. I know many girls who have asked guys out. I also know many women who pay for the date. Who DO they ask out? Usually wealthy men of course. But even girls don't like being asked out by guys who aren't rich snobs.

    • Why are they paying for dates if they're dating rich snobs?

    • Hahahaha good question... xD

    • @Takeowner I'd imagine the ones who are true gold-diggers just let guys spoil them. I just meant I have come across girls who pay for dates.

  • You know girls bitch about equal treatment and what not but all I see in this thread is them bitching about is why should they have to break gender roles. There is a higher chance of a man saying yes when being asked out by a girl compared to a guy asking a girl out. Guys have a10% chance provided you look like channing tatum while girls have about a 50% chance.

  • It could happen but it will take an entire generation worth of time to adjust it.

    Women like men who are brave, heroic, and confident. A guy asking a girl out proves to her that he's brave enough to face a negative reaction and a blow to his self esteem. He's a real man. And the men who never go chat up a girl they like because of nervous anxiety get screened out and don't make the cut. If women did all the first moves, they'd likely find themselves wasting time on timid beta males who don't know how to be real men.

    I know, it sucks. I've been there and it is one of the hardships guys have to go through and try to figure out. I too wish society wouldn't pressure men so much, and instead make it equal pressure for both genders.

    It also sucks for women who are crushing on a man they like; they flirt with him over and over again hoping he'd ask her out and he never does. Even though he probably would say yes if she invited him out.

    • For some guys its not always nerves. For some guys they are just oblivious that a lady likes them lol

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    • @LilWeezey
      Yes that's true. I've looked back on my life and realized I've walked away from so many opportunities because I was oblivious to the fact some girls gave me indicators of interest. That and there were times I was too timid about trying to take it to the next level because I was so afraid I'd mess it all up and destroy her interest in me.

    • @LilWeezey

      You must be reading my mind. When I first started to date my wife, I actually warned her that obliviousness was one of my character traits. I told her that no matter how much she had taken it into account, I could always outdo her in not being aware of what she was attempting to communicate to me.
      (As a measure of how bad I am, I actually started to propose to her at a gas station but then stopped... for 2 weeks. Talk about waiting for the other shoe to drop. She finally responded by putting a jeweler's brochure in my car. Subtle.)

  • Really, really good take. I'm going to honest here, I'd didn't expect anything good to come out of an anonymous take, but this has put the cherry on top.

  • It will never happen, it goes against their biology.

    This next generation of women are going to be incredibly disappointed in the quality of men in their 'acceptable' mating pool.

    As they become more successful, the pool of men who are more successful than them shrink.

    This is going to be fun watching it play out, especially since they try to marginalize any voice speaking the truth.

  • Women always give the same excuse: "i don't wanna look to demanding/desperate/forward".

    But in my 22 years on this planet, i have never, i repeat NEVER heard any guy say this to a girl. EVER.

  • Do you want a truth bomb, OP?

    This will never happen because men inherently like women more than vice versa. Applies to all other species as well.

    The definition of being "female" is that you are a fundamentally different type of organism, which pursues an expensive reproductive strategy. Females bear the cost of pregnancy, lactation, childcare, egg laying, brooding, honeymaking, fruit bearing, and all sorts of other behaviors which are intrinsic to the female.

    Males bear very little cost producing sperm or pollen, and so they produce very very many of them.

    As a result, the men who wanted women the most fucked the most, and birthed the most offspring. We were naturally selected to desire women.

    So this will never change, unless you fundamentally change the biology of men and women. And I don't think that can be done, let alone without serious side effects.

    • We don't need to change the biology. We have birth control. We are human beings who have the capacity for decision making and rational thought. Some women have already accepted the logic and/or need for these changes, as you can tell from reading their comments, so your assertion that women in a modern society can't take a more active role in dating is disputed by the facts. Yes, I concede that it is possible that you may be right, it may or may not ever be fully equal in some regards, but that's a foolish reason to not pursue change.

    • Show All
    • Many reasons, some of the reasons that women don't ask men out that women here have mentioned are as follows: they don't want to be judged by their peers, they're scared of rejection, they think the guy will think they look desperate or slutty, they think men like to do the chasing, they've never questioned gender roles.

    • men are said to be gifted with better sense of direction due to our ancestors roles as hunters, but now we don't have to hunt down boars for dinners, do we?
      the way we evolved is a different story, though i agree this is how it started, but now if you look at any happy family around you both the partners take responsibility of their family.
      sorry to put it bluntly but you are totally wrong by saying it won't change, women are supposed to be raising siblings while men are supposed to deal the world and provide security, but if i use this theory to announce that women are going to stay housewives forever than i will be bashed because it has been already proved wrong, and things are changing in this topic as well

  • This take is not addressed to me, but I still approve of the message and I like it.

  • hey i agree with that. I think women want to, but how often has that been done? you know?
    But i will say a lot of times women have a different way of asking a guy out... without asking a guy out. They'll ask the guy if he wants to chill with a couple of her friends, or she might be like, "hey im bartending tonight or tomorrow i think you should stop by" etc etc, or "i want to see you again, its been fun."

    Now this could be the ultimate friendzone, or it could be a girl, that is trying to make it as comfortable for you to ask her out as possible :)

  • Women should either abolish gender roles completely, or do nothing with them. But taking more rights WITHOUT responsibilities is really annoying me.

  • I let women ask because it makes me feel more desired. When they jerk me around, then I just feel like a toy, and that's not fun.

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