Demisexual partner?

[Anonymous]

So my girlfriend recently told me that she was demisexual after we had a sexual interraction. I looked up a lot of videos and the definition and i understand what it means but i have few questions and concerns about it. My main question being will she ever feel sexual desire towards me as our relationship progresses with it being a true and real thing or will it only be something where she feels the need to "please my needs"? One of my concerns is how i should be showing my affection towards her. Before she told me that she was demisexual we would kiss A LOT but i dont want to make out with her like we do if she isn't enjoying it. Some suggestions that i have got from videos is to have a conversation with my girlfriend to know eachothers needs in the relationship and if thats something that i should do, what kind of things do we talk about? Thanks for the help!

[BearsAnswers]

Well, if she identifies as demisexual, it's quite a bit different than being completely asexual. So it wouldn't be that she doesn't ever have sexual desire towards you, it would just be that it is a very low priority for her, and not something she would feel very often. She wouldn't have the need to masturbate very often, wouldn't think about sex very often, probably wouldn't be the one to initiate intercourse. But it doesn't mean that she never feels it (that would be asexual).

You are on the right track by learning about it, and what it means for you, for her, and for your relationship together. Conversation is definitely the right way to go, especially for demisexual, as it is a really grey zone and everyone in it defines it a little differently. So you will want to know what it means for her, not what it means for someone else.

Also, sexual desire and romantic desire run on different tracks, so she could be demisexual but still fully interested in romance, so she may still really enjoy cuddling or kissing or holding hands... all sorts of different physical romantic outlets, but just not really be into genital stimulation. If she is demiromantic as well, then yeah, perhaps she wouldn't be into making out at the frequency she was before. But that's going to need to be something that you figure out by talking to her directly.

Another thing to keep in mind is that some demisexuals may not 'want' sex per se, in that they don't crave it or need it, but it doesn't mean that they won't want to do it for their partner's happiness. They can still get some enjoyment out of seeing someone they care for feeling happy. It will depend on what her particular wiring is. Talk to her. Find out what she wants. What she needs. What she is comfortable with. What she is willing to be slightly uncomfortable with. What are hard boundaries, what are soft boundaries. Make sure you have her really clearly explain what being demisexual means to her, and clarify her feelings towards romance as well.

[sheflips]

Im demisexual and I disagree on the part you said "Another thing to keep in mind is that some demisexuals may not 'want' sex per se, in that they don't crave it or need it, but it doesn't mean that they won't want to do it for their partner's happiness."... NOPE!

I want great sex too and I crave having sex with the person I am connected with. I can think of sex with him all day once I establish that connection. I can initiate sex too!

Put it this way, when I jill off and I do not have a SO, I would just think of the pounding part and not think of any man. But when I have SO, I will jill off with the thought of being pounded by my SO. Simple as that!

[Maik567]

Honestly that would be a pretty big red flag for me. I thought that was just like a teenage phase honestly, this is the first time I've heard about an adult calling themselves a "demisexual." Like if she doesn't find you sexually attractive now, there is absolutely no guarantee that she will in the future. And that will cause all kinds of problems.

But if you really want to make it work, I guess you just have to accept that she isn't a very sexual person, and your sexual life might end up as her doing it just to please you.

[sheflips]

Im demisexual and I can assure you that you do not have anything to worry about. The fact that she had sex with you means that you were able to float her boat.
As a demisexual, we have 0% interest in sex and even making out with ALL men including hot good looking men.
She had sex with you so it meant that she felt a connection or sexual attraction towards you.
You just have to keep doing what you are doing.

[Markfish]

And that is why demisexual women aren't heterosexual.

[sheflips]

@Markfish I am not sexually attracted to females. So I am neither homo nor hetero, what am I then? I'm interested in sex too but only with the person I feel connected with. So what am I... I am demisexual

[Markfish]

Since you aren't sexually attracted to gender specific traits, the possibility of being sexually attracted to either gender exists.

[sheflips]

@Markfish I am not sexually attracted to females but I am sexually attracted to only 1 person, my SO

[Markfish]

And under the right conditions that SO could be a women, as gender specific traits don't attract you.

[sheflips]

@Markfish My exes are men, and I never kissed a female.

[Markfish]

But as I said, since you aren't sexually attracted through gender specific traits, the possibility of being attracted to a women exists.

[Anonymous]

She will. Demisexuals can be turned on, but only when they are really into the person they are dating. You can have a conversation with her and ask her what kind of things she likes. I consider it a positive thing that you are interested in making her happy. You sound like a good/considerate boyfriend.

[sheflips]

Im demisexual and I can assure you that you do not have anything to worry about. The fact that she had sex with you means that you were able to float her boat.
As a demisexual, we have 0% interest in sex and even making out with ALL men including hot good looking men.
She had sex with you so it meant that she felt a connection or sexual attraction towards you.
You just have to keep doing what you are doing.

[Anonymous]

My suggestion would be to break up. But it's up to you.

[Anonymous]

no such thing as demisexual whatever the fuck that is. there is only heterosexual and homosexual. end of.

[sheflips]

I've always been a demisexual, even before puberty.
I have never been sexually attracted to anyone at any point of my life, with the exception of my exes which I had 2.
It is not just sexual thing, I am also NOT interested to make out with anyone, even with a hot good looking guy. I do not like the physical contact at all.