Am I too intimidating to women?

I'm a full-time student and I work full-time but I am trying to squeeze a social life into it, specifically dating. I am not arrogant but I'm pretty confident in my looks. I have been told by friends that I have the whole "pretty boy" face going on. I keep in great shape as well. Anyway, I am generally a very nice person no matter who I'm talking to. I usually get along with everyone and end up finding a common interest with everyone I meet. I don't have high standards when it comes to dating so I'm not too picky about who I spend time with.

Lately, I have been trying to meet more girls, either on campus, work, or anywhere (Starbucks, supermarket, etc.). I usually engage in small talk but 1/30 girls ends up being a friendship (most become the dreaded Facebook friends that you never talk to again). The thing that bugs me is that I'm never approached by women, not even in bars, YET, I am constantly in situations where a girl is indicating something with body language, specifically close proximity (practically touching), smiling, and constant staring by some. When I say close proximity, I'm also adding that some girls I've met do this more than once so it's not just a coincidence.

Like I said, I feel great about how I look but I can't possibly look so good that nobody approaches me, can I? Maybe my neutral face isn't so inviting? I know everyone is shy once in awhile but that doesn't mean that one out of who knows how many girls can't say a word or start a conversation.

The other problem I have is girls I actually flirt with where there appears to be a mutual attraction of some kind tend to be in relationships or even married! (and I'm not mistaking their flirting for being nice).

So what should I do about this? Should I accept that I have to approach women and move on or is there secret advice that gets these girls to actually start a conversation? Any advice, specifically from a woman's perspective would be great. Thanks!

When I'm working out, I end my routine with a 40-minute walk, the girls who come up to the cardio machines to exercise tend to get on the treadmill next to me when they have all the space in the world, so this may be a sign of attraction.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I was just about to log off and do my homework until I read this.

    You completely and utterly underestimate women. How important do you think looks are to a women in the grand scheme of things? I'm sounding harsh because you need a kick in the ass. They are 10x less shallow than men are.

    First of all, YES, you have to accept you have to approach women, it doesn't matter if you're brad pitt or george clooney. Approaching women is a sign of confidence. Make them laugh. Make them think you are the best thing since sliced bread.

    And buddy, clearly you don't know anything about what attraction is - attraction means that girls never want to leave you alone - and that you make them feeling something that makes them want to find out more. It's how you make a girl feel at the end of the day. The fact that you are getting NOTHING despite all your natural assets tells me one thing - you are relying on your looks way too much and forgetting about personality.

    So what you should do? Really, the answer is simple. Approach women by saying "hi". Talk to them and listen to them and find out who they are. If they keep talking to you, it means they like you. Don't be a meathead.

    Please, if you have questions, ASK.


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  • I just going to assume that on a 1-10 scale your a 9-10 in the looks department. You may attract women. However, a 9-10 girl will stand beside you, give you all the cues, but she's going to wait for you to approach. You can pretty much bet the 9-10 girl is not going to walk up and ask you out.

    My question is this: "why are you waiting for a girl to approach you?" I'm going to give you a homework assignment. Walk up to 5 random girls on the 8-10 attractiveness scale and just say: "Hi, My name is ___. Let's have lunch one day" If you get 2 out of the 5 of the girls to give you her contact info, you're a guy girls find very attractive. If none of them give you their contact info, start aiming lower. We are all that superficial.

    • I'm baaaaaack! ;)

      "We are all that superficial." - How do you explain a statement like that when there are people who simply don't follow that rule? Wouldn't that make your theory full of crap no matter how much it makes sense?

    • Show All
    • Box: I guess I have to surrender a few points. My fiancee said: "You (me) are atttactive, but your (my) personality is really what draws people in." I won't surrender the discussion, but I will surrender a couple of points.

    • My point was that if you can say all 4's are doomed to not get 6's, why can you not say that I as a 4 am not doomed? You would have either have had to have concluded I too was doomed or have said that 4's can get 6's.

  • This stood out the most from what you wrote: NO CONFIDENCE. You keep repeating that you have confidence and you aren't arrogant and etc. but then you contradict yourself by being uncertain on so many levels.

    • A person without confidence would probably be complaining about their personal flaws (i.e. I look bad, I'm fat, I am not smart) and add something like,"I'm never getting married" or "Why don't girls like me?" Being unsure, specifically with body language and when to approach a woman is an entirely different situation. Reevaluate your thinking and stop typing cliched, typical advice.

    • You have no confidence. You talk like you have confidence. Talk is cheap. If you had the confidence you praised on yourself then this situation would not have happen. It sounds like you can't handle the truth. Talk about having a big ego.

    • I'll tell you what you aren't. A real man has balls. A confident man will ask. You sir, are neither. You're just an immature arrogant boy in self denial who is putting on the impression that you're tough to make up for what you lack.