My boyfriends sexual past bothers me, please help me asap?

Question

I have been with him for about 3 months now. I am a virgin and he isn't. He has had three girlfriends and has had 3 hookups with other girls. We had a long conversation about sex early in the relationship because I am a virgin and want to wait until I feel that I am ready. He has given me oral but I have never done it for him and he has never asked because he knows I m not ready for that, but I feel bad when he does stuff for me and i do not reciprocate.. I am nto ready to do those things until I am ready, but I do have some fears because of his experience. Since he has had sex with a lot of women before me, I fear that when the time comes for us to have sex, he will compare me to his past girlfriends and I don't know what I am doing and don't want him to be disappointed. I also fear that since he has had sex before, it doesn't mean as much to him because he is desensitized to the meaning of it. The only stuff i have den wothhim is give him hand jobs because I am innocent and these things scare me. I brought my fears about sex up to him like a month ago and he told me that it shouldn't matter about his sexual past because he is with me now and sing in this relationship for the sex. he also said that if i ever feel pressured to do something, let him know. Even tho he said all the right things to me that night, i just hope that he can wait for me to be ready because i am not ready to do that stuff yet. i don't know if he is being patient because he knows I'm not ready, or if he is getting annoyed that i cnt do that stuff for him yet. Please give me advice on how tp go forward and not let this stuff bother me. I wouldn't want to sleep with him until I know that he loves me, b ut i do not know how long it takes for a guy to tell a girl that because I have never been in a long term relationship before this so please help me out...

Lovelinefan · Accepted Answer

Let the past be the past, he's with you and seems to be a patient and understanding guy who cares about you and isn't trying to force you in to anything you're not ready for.
Don't let his past affect your relationship. He was with those girls, but he's not any more, and there's a reason for it.
He's with YOU, and even though he will have past experiences to compare with his experiences with you, it's not going to be anything like "oh I wish she was more like this, or that", it will be it's own new and unique experience, special because it's with YOU.
Believe me, if and when you have sex with him, his mind will be solely focused on you. He won't be thinking about anyone else.

If you're wanting a long term relationship with this guy, it's almost a good thing that he's had some experience in the past. He knows what it's like to be with other girls, that curiosity has been satisfied. Now he might be at a point where he wants to settle down and if he never has sex with another woman besides you again, there won't be that curiosity or desire to experience someone new.

The girl who I lost my virginity to was my first really long term relationship (3+years when I was 18-21) and in many ways, I think I could have married her and spent the rest of my life with her. But because I really only had one girlfriend prior to her (minimal sexual contact), there was always a nagging curiosity in the back of my head, "what would it be like to be with another woman instead?".
It wasn't the thing that caused our relationship to end, but it did play a part in it.
A few serious girlfriends later and I think I've experienced enough variety that I could settle down with the right woman and not feel like I was missing out on anything.
So don't look at it as a negative, look at the positive side of it. He's had past experiences, past relationships, and they didn't work out for whatever reasons. Now he's been there, done that, and knows what he doesn't want. If he's in love with you and your relationship is good, he won't be thinking "Am I missing something better?" because he already has seen some of what's out there.

Take your time and go at your pace, it sounds like he's respectful of that and willing to wait. Don't try and stop him from masturbating though, or looking at porn if he does. That's an outlet for his sexual energy while he waits for you (and probably would continue no matter what his sex life is like). ;-)

Good luck!

Tdieseler · Accepted Answer

relax, let him lead, and his past is his past. Honestly speaking i think that (like all females, especially the virgin ones) you are just riling yourself up over unnecessary shit that will most likely never happen. Just flow. Frankly im surprised that with his sexual history he's actually sticking with you and whatever this crap is that you are making yourself go nuts over. You've got one hell of a patient nice guy over there.
Because if it were me, first off, once i hear "virgin"... im out. Secondly, i dont do the double standard thing, im not gonna "wait" for nothing or for someone to be "ready"... because i know if it were me, and I wanted to "wait" to be "ready"... i'd probably have my esteem attacked with words along the lines or "Man Up"...
so again, you have you a good guy, so i dont see what you are panicking about, its only an act, if you feel you won't be good enough, then let him lead or start reading up or something. He understands its your first time, everyone is awkward the first time.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Guys don't compare like that. Guys like it when their girl hasn't slept with a lot of guys or is a virgin. Unless if he is just wants to have fun with you. The fact that your a virgin isn't a bad thing, it's a good thing. And to be honest it really depends on the relationship itself that after how long you should have sex, the guys doesn't fall in love in every relationship so that's only for you to figure out. But one thing I can tell you is that's once he is in love with you, you'll just know it yourself. If your unsure then that means u should wait.

I want the same thing as you as well, I can only have sex with someone if their in love with me. I lost my virginity to my first bof friend after 8 months which I realized later on that I could have waited longer but we lasted for 3 and a half months, he lied over smallest things that didn't matter and did flirt a few times with other women so that just got me sick and u eventually got over him so I left him.

After that I did date someone else for about 8 months and found out that the guy I was seeing already had a girlfriend and I was his side thing where I was glad that I never had sex with him or caught any feeling for him.

While I was seeing that guy ^ there was someone else that really liked me and was trying so hard to get me but I pushed him away and told him not to bother me. Lol he never gave up even after a year and my friends really wanted me to give him a chance so I finally agreed to give it a shot and see how it goes and literally after ONE month of seeing him, we had sex by the way he is my second sexual partner. Which I don't regret at all because I'm gonna be married to him in about a month and a half.

So it really really depends on the guy your seeing and your relationship, don't compare your relationship with someone else's. You know your relationship very well and everyone's is different. But when he loves you there will be no doubt and you'll know it yourself. And one more thing, some people wait after a really long time to loose their virginity and when they do, because they lost their virginity they sleep around with different people but I just find that sex is something special and not everyone deserves to sleep with you so keep that in mind and only have sex with people that love you and put the effort that they should be putting. And good luck with everything! I hope things work out well between you and your bf!

SLT93 · Accepted Answer

There is nothing wrong with being with a guy with a past. You can learn things from him if you so wish or discover your own way. You might also like to remember that he was a virgin once too.

Go at the pace that makes you happy. Don't feel pressured into it. Just because you're in a relationship together doesn't mean you need to have sex right now. Work towards it together.
As sex isn't on the cards, try other activities that can feel the void ie. go clubbing (try grinding), massages (as a couple or on each other), read sexy novels together (shades of grey?) etc.

I would say that I'd dis-spell notions of innocence on your part. That could hold you back. Embrace that part of you that wants to feel good with him and enjoy the desires that you'll create together.

Don't worry about him being de-sensitized to sex. You can't know that. I mean he's willing to wait so you can experience your first time together.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Look, I'm sorry but you're not a virgin anymore if he gave you oral sex. That is still sex which means your not a virgin now. Secondly, if all of that bothered you, then you shouldn't be with him because he never got tested, and you don't know what he could have. A person who loves you would not say the things he says and get right into doing sexual things with you so quickly, and you already lost your virginity. That is why you wait. He is not really respecting you when this is such a big deal to you. This matters to you. And you have to be concerned about YOU at this point. This early and not even 3 months. It's about the sex. I don't care what anybody says. His actions are proven than his words.

Because right now your already doubting him, is already uncomfortable, concerned, scared, etc. This is too much for you, and it's best to quit and not go any further than what you already have done now.

PrincessBubble · Accepted Answer

I was a virgin when I first met my partner..
and he had slept with 5 other girls before me..

He waited 7 months to have sex with me because that's when I was ready..

If this boy truly loves you, he'll wait for you until you're ready. Also if he's in love with you there's no way he'll compare you to anyone from his past because they'll all be insignificant to him because his love and attention will be on you.

Don't put too much Pressure on yourself. It's okay to be scared or nervous but I promise you when your ready it'll happen naturally and you'll both enjoy it.

MasterHiruki · Answer

Stop worrying about it. Your boyfriend is a saint if he is waited 3 months already most guys wouldn't wait that long if he just wanted to use you. There never going to be right time until you finally get it over with. You want him to tell you he loves you that could be months away or never. He might even just say it to get over the line.

You shouldn't do sexual activities until your ready and if you have to take it a step at a time.

If your worried about messing up read some books or online sources and then practice it with him.

Sephora_Addict · Answer

if you're not ready then why are you dating him? and he won't compare you with his past. guys don't do that. just remember if you're not ready don't do anything. and if he pressures you leave him. some guys are just not worth it. don't make the same mistake i did.

Blonde401 · Answer

I really don't see the problem? He seems fine waiting for you. Think you need to get over this virginity thing. What's the meaning of sex? Enjoying yourself that's what. If you're uncomfortable with sex why be with someone who's sexual?

Browneye57 · Answer

You're too young for this, consider just not doing it. You're really just not ready.
Date, go out in groups, enjoy your youth. Hopping into bed with some guy is not going to be the fulfilling solution to your life's journey.

WalterRadio · Answer

Virginity is over rated. Get rid of it and get on with your life.

SarahsSummer · Answer

Sounds like a good guy. Don't think about his past. He won't be when he finally gets to be with you.

jacquesvol · Answer

" I wouldn't want to sleep with him until I know that he loves me" You'll know later, with hindsight: hindsight CAN be quite accurate.

yotes-of-472 · Answer

If he fails to respect your boundaries, then you need a man that will respect them.

Anonymous · Answer

Girl he don't love your stupid ass. He's just pitting in the time and waiting for you to pay up 😒

Anonymous · Answer

Dump him guys are bitter and would a girl who has slept with one guy move on

Centurion20000 · Answer

Easy, get a new boyfriend with less experience.

luca_1 · Answer

He has had three girlfriends and

My boyfriends sexual past bothers me, please help me asap?

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