My boyfriends sexual past bothers me?

[Bgirl2097]

So for a little background... I very recently started dating my best friend who I met my first semester of college. I'm now going into my sophomore year. he's a great guy and we became super close very fast. He's the only person I can really be myself around and quickly fell for him. Then fall semester he told me he liked me and we decided to try dating. He makes me extremely happy and I can see a future with him. The only thing that bothers me here and there are his past sexual experiences. I don't know how many girls he's been with and I haven't asked, but he's had a fair amount of casual sex and fwbs. Since we were such good friends he told me a lot about them, more than I'd like to know. I listened when he needed someone to talk to and was his shoulder to lean on. I know it's in the past, however from time to time I can't stop picturing him with other girls. Now I'm a virgin and he knew that going into this and has been extremely understanding and patient with me. I just hate that so many girls have been with him in this way. It sometimes makes me feel inferior and insecure as well. Will I ever get past feeling like this? I'm not going to bring this up to him because I don't want to make him feel about his past. I know he's been through a lot of rough times. But what can I do to not let this bother me so much anymore so we can move on with our relationship?

[Anonymous]

I experienced this with my ex when I was a virgin. I tried to be understanding, accepting, and repeatedly told myself “It’s just his past. Everyone has a past.” But the reality was that it pissed me off and genuinely infuriated me to no end that I had resisted temptation to have something special to share with him and he had literately passed his d*ck around like there was no tomorrow. It made me feel like he didn’t deserve my virginity because all of those times I rejected guy’s sexual advances, he was pumping his d*ck in and out of various females. It also made me feel gross sometimes when we were intimate because I couldn’t help but wonder if he was doing the exact same thing, making the exact same facial expressions, and to some level remembering what he did with another female while he was with me. His sexual past kept coming back to bite him in the ass during our relationship. For example, he planned to treat me to an amazing lunch date but our waitress looked just like someone he used to fuck and she happened to have the same name. It ruined the whole thing. He didn’t want to go to some of my favorite clubs around town because that’s where he used to frequently whore hunt and he didn’t want to deal with the awkwardness of running into one of his former skanks with me there.

Some people like to think that they will not have to receive any future negative backlash for their sexual choices when they’re with a new partner, but there are a lot of people who are bothered by their partner’s pasts. I consulted Google to see if others felt how I did. In the end, my relationship didn’t work out because I got sick of dealing with that BS and it led to a snarky habit of pretty much slutshaming him with subliminal comments or sometimes not so subliminal comments like “Your d*ck is pathetic” and “You’re not worthy of my virginity.”

[DuhDarling]

"It doesn't matter where you've been, what matters is where you end up."

I actually don't like my boyfriends past either, I know how many people he's been with and who they are. It's not many people, but I still don't like it. It makes me sad. I know how you feel and I'm dealing with getting over it.

Think of it this way, that's his past. And it's his past for a reason. If he wanted them, he would be with them. But he's with you. It's the past and there's nothing you can do to change it. No one can change the past. We all have a past. But they're in the past for a reason, it doesn't matter anymore. Try to focus on the present instead of the past.

[ElissaDido]

It's normal to be bothered, I know I would be. But it all comes down to how much you love and care about him, you either brush it off and look past it or you move on if you really think it weakens your feelings towards him.
You should talk about it with him btw! :)

[Bandit74]

Try to think if his positive traits outweigh the negatives. If you think you would be happier with someone who didn't sleep around as much then maybe you two aren't a good match.

One way you could look at it is that guys are generally more selective about commitment than they are about sex. They also tend to have lower standards when it comes to hookups. So you met the higher set of standards. He is willing to commit to you, something a lot of those other girls probably wanted from him but he wasn't willing to give them.

[MargaritaPeach]

Think of it like this; those other girls are nothing but past experiences. Like eating a great meal! It's something you partake in. Having a Thanksgiving dinner doesn't take away from your Christmas feast. If anything, it just adds to it by building anticipation. He clearly feels you are worth waiting for. That is much more precious and valuable than some casual fling who he cares little about. He will treasure you. What more can you ask for than being treasured by someone you love?

[RicanEyes]

Well first things first if you decide you want to lose it to him he should get tested before anything happens. About his past you can't do anything about it you just have to let it go. I know thinking about him with other women sexually can be hurtful. But you was not with him at that time and he loves you enough to be with you. So try not to think about it to much.

[Anonymous]

Every guy has a past, every girl has a past. It is very difficult to believe that you can see a future with somebody when you're a virgin and only 19. You are probably jumping the gun. He is not necessarily your future husband in fact I doubt it. Let it ride see how it goes. You know this may sound funny but he's been understanding with your past even though your past his virginity