My girlfriends sexual past is bothering me?

I've been seeing a girl since around July but before this we were literally best friends. We never had real feelings for each other until around May when we got with each other after a night out. Obviously being best friends I have given her a lot of advice in the past, and she has told me things I wish I had never heard. I have only previously been with one girl before her, and I had sex with her twice. She has had 9 sexual partners (3 of which being long term boyfriends, one being a one night stand). I don't feel insecure about this, I just feel a bit mugged off because she's been with a couple of my friends and I just know every time they speak to me they just think "I've done your girl". Am I being immature?

Furthermore, she has literally done everything in bed. Our communication is great so we talk a lot about what we have and haven't done. She's done it all whereas I have done nothing. So when we try stuff for the first time it feels special for me, but deep down I know it isn't special for her, because she's done it before.

It really bothers me. I know she likes me and on multiple occasions she's said "You're the one", but because I haven't had that many sexual partners I just want to live a little before I start to settle down. It's getting to the point now where I don't feel like I can do it anymore and put myself through it every day. I literally think about it all the time when I'm not with her, but when I'm with her I just can't bring myself to talk to her about it. We have spoken about it briefly in the past and she says it's really upset her because she feels like she's letting me down. I know people say the past is in the past but we're just at different life stages (right girl, wrong time). Thoughts?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you cannot handle the fact that your best friend and girlfriend has had sex before meeting you, you should do the decent thing and break up with her.

    She loves you. She wants to be with you.

    You are insecure about yourself because you think you’re bad at sex and you want to take it out on her. That’s a dick move if I’ve ever heard one.

    If you can’t appreciate that she loves you and wants to be with you, then let her go so she can find someone who will.

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    • I'm not insecure, I'm actually a really confident person. She tells me all the time she's never had sex like it. I just don't like the fact that other people have experienced the same as I have.

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    • Well at least in the end he lead her on. Fucked her. So he can no leave her for good. Women were made to fuck not live. Never catch feelings to a sket like this. Job done mate!

Most Helpful Guy

  • It’s 100% biological for you to concern yourself with your woman’s sexual past. It’s usually never insecurity as the sole reason for worrying about a woman’s past, but of course it’s a factor for a few men. I understand what you’re feeling when you say that she has been with your friends and every time you see them they’ll know and you’ll know that your woman has slept with them. Also, her saying “You’re the one,” is probably just something that she’s saying without putting much thought or emphasis to it. I’ve said things to women that I haven’t entirely meant but said them with a good heart. You should’ve also slept around yourself before meeting her so MAYBE you might not feel this way. Either way, your options are 1) Get over her past or 2) Break up with her

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    • Her past ABSOLUTELY matters by the way. In almost all other domains of life, the past is assessed to determine future outcomes. You have to assess her character and mentality based on her past. Doing this will ensure your understanding and what the future holds

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 11

  • Unfortunately you are insecure and immature. Don’t take those as insults. You like this girl but are afraid of lots of things so the easiest excuse to pulling away is using her last against the progress of what could be a great relationship. By vintinuing to see her and enjoy each other’s cimoany doesn’t equal an imnmediate marriage. What it does represent tho is you gaining more experience. Her having had relationships before you should have no negatives to do with that.

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  • So what if she had more sexual experiences than you? Because she is a female, that's a bad thing? It would be a different story if the roles were reversed.

    My current boyfriend has had way more sexual partners than me. And he was very open about it past. And note, he was with some women I know. But what he has done does not define what we do have. What I have done does not define what we do have. So get out of your head.

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  • Leave the past if you both love each other just because she had a bad past doesn't mean that she need to be left alone people will speak something or else but its your life you go with what your heart speaks

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  • Its 100% normal and ok for you to feel that way.
    If she loves you itnwill be special for her too, by showing you new things and finding out what you enjoy. Its not easy to get over the crazy emotions, believe me i know, but it does get easier.

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  • Someone's sexual past shouldn't bother you mainly because as it states - it's in the past. It all happened when you weren't there; think of it as a book and you're the new chapter.

    You're insecure about it understandably, but although she might've done almost everything in the bedroom there's still new things to try and all of it is special for her too because she's finally doing it with you.

    I get the amount of partners she's had may belittle you but don't shame her for it. As long as both of your feelings are genuine then it doesn't matter how many people she's slept with.

    Your mates are just being immature by saying 'I've done your girl' but that's expected - that's just what mates do and it's kinda not the best thought but at the end of the day if they're mates they mean no harm by it.

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    • I don't think it's her sexual past that's bothering you. I think it's the fact you've lacked experience compared to her and it's hard transitioning from the best friend to the boyfriend especially when she's been with your mates.

    • Yes it should bother you because the past shows their decisions and life choices.

    • You can't solely judge someone on their past. People change all the time, I don't get why someone who's slept with a few people including 3 long term boyfriends would really bother you.

  • I totally understand where you’re coming from. I think it’s completely understandable on why it bothers you. If it’s bothering you because of ur “pride” and it’s embarrassing that ur friends have also had sex with her id say you could give it a shot but it most likely won’t workout my one and only boyfriend back when I was 16 used to have friends with benefits with my best friend at the time. It was just like you I was just really good friends with him I’d give him advice on how to ask my other friends out to homecoming etc. and then one day he just started to like me and then kissed me and then I liked him blah blah blah but since he used to have casual sex with my best friend it made our relationship crap cause I was insecure about him having sex with my best friend and it made me uncomfortable that he knew what my best friends vagina felt like lmao so at the end of the day I lost a best friend and boyfriend haha

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  • she's a sloot if i was u i would drop all contact ik how u feel

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  • Then move on.

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  • Just don't lead her on

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  • Don't get me wrong but you're insecure.
    Even if she had experienced stuff with others doesn't mean it's not special to her with you. She is doing it the first time with You, it's special. It's not always the same, it's always different with every person.
    Also yes you friend might also had her, but like I said its always different depending on the person. They did not had the same experience like you have with her.
    Break up and let her in peace. I would say you both are not meant to be together. She is not the right girl to wrong time, you are questioning her and putting your insecurities subconsciously on her. You wouldn't do that if she would be the one.
    Let her go, so both of you can find the one person for each other

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  • It's very possible she could be the right girl at the wrong time. However, if you really think she's the one, don't let her go. It's always nice to experience things and other partners before settling down. If this is something that is big for you then tell her you think u should stay friends for now. I can assure you, if she is the one, you will find each other again and fall in love again. And it will just "happen" .

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What Guys Said 15

  • Let me make one thing very very very clear to every bitch that is reading it,
    "I can understand you are woman and unable to think otherwise and I know its not your fault, its in your biological clock to behave like this. Its the sole reason woman suck at science cuz if you can't think otherwise, you can't think out of box to find a faulty theory and discover new things but,

    back to topic,"No matter" how much of the slut he is?
    or even a "regular porn star" number of your sexual partners will always matter and you will be rejected by it. People will say things like "insecurity" and empathy, I got few things for those people,
    You fuck every little penis, you can find but in the end "you want a pure person to change his ways and love you for that shit". You can fuck anyone but you expect him and literally force him to like you for it.

    NO Darling !
    World don't like this and its not fucking fairy tale, where he will kiss the very earth you walk on. You can fuck anyone but still he should lower his standard and marry a slut (disadvantage), this is childish and extremely idiotic to even begin with.
    I don't care other one fucking you were man too,"They will reap what they sow" and man is always a monster looking for ways to get your pants down,
    I you allow him to seduce you, then good job and happy fuck and he will move on but if you stop him in his tracks and show him. That you are not a tissue paper to be used and then thrown, then you are a wife material and something special or exotic and trust me,"MAn loves the exotic beings".

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  • I will give you my perspective, and I am sure that a lot of people will disagree with it, but here it goes:

    Use the chance! Sex is only special in fairy tales. If you have a good connection then I see no problem. Likely you won't be together forever, so just enjoy this relationship. Also more experienced girls are great, they know how to really pleasure you and themselves.

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  • i think it is a little bit weird specially when it's been with your friends I have been there before and struggled. BUT you two might have something really good going and it's one of these as you said the past is the past so try not to let it get you down

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  • Tldr. If you don't like her past then dont be with her. It's pretty plain and simple.
    Or you could grow up and be with someone you like that likes you and leave it at that.

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  • Yes, you are being immature but that's not to say I don't empathise. Shakespeare said nothing is good nor bad but thinking makes it so. A lot of guys would love to have a relationship with a women who has experience. Try to focus on it makes easier for you to try new things rather than having to convince her to be experimental.

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  • Your feelings are perfectly normal and understandable. If she admits to having 9 guys before you, rest assured that her true number is over 30. You are making a mistake by having the town bicycle as your girlfriend. You should use her and toss her aside just like all the other guys have.

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  • Get over it and expect people to have a past that doesn't include you! You however are the future so live in the present and make that future with her otherwise you will become part of the past!

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  • Forget about the numbers. you're a milestone. Put it that way :)

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  • Okay so this is where my theory of similar sexual experience experience comes into play. People want to have someone around their level of sexual experience because it provides a level of equal status. In a relationship the goal is equality. If your partner had more sexual partners than you in the past and you learn of this you will feel inferior. If you had more sexual partners in the past you would feel superior which is also not good, because then it subconsciously makes you believe you're attraction level is higher and especially for girls... they don't want to be teaching the guy anything in bed. If you can't get over this feeling of inferiority whether it be of the amount of experiences she's had vs. you or how you compare to the other guys she's been with, then I suggest leaving the relationship as those feelings will be increasingly toxic to the relationship.

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  • Hmm.. it depends what you want from the relationship. 9 partners are a lot , if you're not comfortable you shouldint force it.

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    • 9 partners is a relative number. I've had more than that but I'm more than a decade older than you. If I had 12 partners in my life is 1 a year a lot?

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    • Haha glad it was of some help

    • Stfu asker.
      I'm not taking my insecurities out on you, I'm taking my hatred of stupid people out on you because apparently you are the heir to the throne of shit mountain. So one, two, or some women might have lied about the amount of partners they had that means the rule of 3 plays?😂😂😂 keep it up prince caca, I don't think everyone can smell your shit yet.

  • Dump her, you have self-respect and morals, don't tie yourself down to a sloot

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  • Considering sex is usualy only a part of the relationship then yes you are being imature.

    The fact she's had more sexual partners is un fact a good thing. she's had experience and she will know what to do in bed making that experience better. Also she has possably fucked around enough to know you are the one for her and might be more thrustworthy in a sense. Try to tur your thoughts about the other boys to "You might have fucked her but i won her".
    When you are in a relationship its easy to focus on the bad and thinking the grass is greener on the other side. If you think you have found the one dont ever let her go. Trust me its not good when you do...

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  • A lot of these posts are coming up lately...

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  • You aren't being immature.

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  • You want WAY too much from a gal, good luck roaming the world in search of such a gal as that... you may die alone in failure

    If anyone is idiot enough to bring up THEIR sexual history with her, it's THEM to jettison or move away from... not HER!

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