My girlfriend's sexual past seriously bothers / affects me

[Anonymous]

Hey guys, I am a 21 year old male, and my girlfriend is 23.

I have been in two other relationships, with girls prior, in my teens, for both girls I was their first. But for my latest girlfriend this is not the case.

My current girlfriend, I seriously care about, a lot more than my previous ones. For some reason her sexual history disturbs me, she was quite slutty, would put out for random guys she had just met at parties, in cars, etc. Whenever I try to talk to her about it, she just gets sh*tty or mad at me for caring or bringing it up.

I do my best to ignore it but it still creeps into my head (iv been with this girl now 9 months). I honestly am not sure why I am so annoyed by it? Maybe because I missed similar experiences in my teens? (I never hooked up or got laid with randoms in similar situations / parties / cars etc)

I need to develop coping mechanisms, at the moment I just try to blot it out with uni work or ignore it, but it CONSTANTLY comes back to me, I need a way to get over it, please help :|

Updates

+1 y

Uhm, I DONT think I worry about her cheating (I know this sounds crazy but a bit of backstory here, she cheated on and left her last boyfriend / fiance of 5 years to be with me, but as a result of doing that and her experiences with it she said she could NEVER do that again)


She doesn't seem to be a cheater normally (I know...) so maybe it IS that nothing really bothers me so I use it as a crutch idk? She HAS slept with more guys than I have women...

[kristyle]

Just tell yourself her past is her past and as long as she is not doing that now it should not bother you too much. Although, honestly not having much experience myself being with someone that was with allot of people like that would disturb me a bit too. At least she was honest with you. You have no choice really but to accept it or not. I understand how you feel though that would bother me too o an almost compulsive thought extent. If you are not going to leave her over her past then leave her past in the past. Just like when we forgive someone. When those thoughts pop up just tell yourself her past does not matter and you love her unconditionally. Then focus on what you love about her. So it is natural for the thoughts to pop up, but allow them to pass without dwelling on it too much. When you find yourself dwelling on it, shift the focus to good memories between the two of you and the love you have for each other.

[hot_princess7]

Its like when you ask a question you don't really want to know the answer to. You'd be fine and happy if you didn't know her sexual history. Its her personal choice and is kind of irrelevant to her current relationship. You need to just forget what you know about her sexual past. Focus on the special relationship the two of you have. If this wasn't the best sex of her life, she wouldn't be with / be happy with YOU. She is, so you don't need to worry about the past. Just be happy that you found each other now. :)

If you can't get over it, maybe talk to a therapist. Do NOT talk to your girlfriend about it - this will make her upset, as if you don't accept and love her for who she is.

[Speciallyme]

You’re blaming him and you don’t know the whole story. His intuition is trying to warn him and he should follow his gut. A real relationship is open honest.

[nermalinda]

I dunno, I would have a really hard time trusting someone that cheated on someone else, I would assume they could do it to me, too, even if they said they couldn't.

I can understand why it bothers you, it's making you question her character. I wouldn't ignore it if I were you. I also don't like the fact that she's not comfortable talking with you about it. If it's not a problem, then why can't she talk about it calmly?

Maybe she's just not right for you if your'e going to keep feeling so bad about this issue. I can't really see how you could just make it go away.

[prophecy]

maybe you should date someone with compatible sexual history, like for example - nun.

[skittledittle]

i mean, are you scared she can't remain faithful if she's been so promiscuous?

personally, that would bother me too. I don't sleep around, so I kinda expect the person I'm with to have the same kind of view, I guess.

but at the same time, it's been 9 months. is there anything else wrong in the relationship? maybe something else bothers you, but you're using this as a crutch/outlet? or maybe nothing bothers you at all, so you're clinging onto one thing to have a reason to be distant/less vulnerable or open.

[Temporary46]

? Good question.

The best thing to do is not talk to her about it...she already told you a little.

It's always interesting to learn about peoples sexual and romantic histories. I admit I want to know my partner's histories also YET it is better to focus on the present and the future.

It is a relationship NO NO to pester people about their past.

Basically you can live with it or not live with it...but you can't change the past.

Leave her alone about it. Make some new memories.

Could be a confused phase she was going through maybe she doesn't even understand it. Maybe she feels she is being judged for it.

[Mixed]

My question to you is how did you find out about her past.. Did she tell you? If she was honest with you, you should not use it against her.. And the important thing to remember is that's her past... Do you trust her? Has she lied to you about anything? If you can trust her and are happy together don't ruin your relationship with creating issues where there shouldn't be...if she was permiscuous in her past, and she isn't anymore , then she learned from her experiences.. That's a good thing.

[skittledittle]

umm...think about that. element the sexual partners and focus on the moral standpoint. why do you feel like you've slept with a limited amount of women versus why she feels comfortable sleeping with so many men...and what do you mean she "normally" doesn't seem like a cheater? at the end of the day, if she cheated would you honestly be surprised? do you trust this woman?

[Anonymous]

don't let it get too you. the past is in the past. she is with you now not those dudes and its rather immature to hold her over her head like that. if your jealous that you didn't hook up with lots of chicks like she did dudes, then break up with her and go do it. otherwise just get over it and realize she loves you. she chose you to be in a relationship with not those other ones, that's special.

[LuvBiddy]

Maybe...just maybe...this wouldn't bother you if you were say, 39 and had a lot more dating experience under your belt. Maybe tell her (in better words) that you would prefer not to hear about her sexual history anymore.

[Speciallyme]

I don’t think the way you’re feeling is abnormal, I’m going through the same in my relationship actually and thought I was alone so thank you for sharing your experience. Unfortunately I don’t have advice on it, usually for me the insecurity will grow until it causes the relationship to end. The needing to know the truth because you don’t wanna get hurt and the thoughts are obsessive to the point of physical discomfort. No fun. I’m sorry about that.

[WickedEyedLeo]

Everybody f***s when they're young. I wouldn't take it serious.

[michael0314]

LOl there you go, it's that simple

[WickedEyedLeo]

Right on. I wanna know the cocksucker that thumbed me down though.