He rejected me because of my sexual views?

Question

Hi
I talked to a guy who i crushed on for a very long time now. I finally found out that he was also interested in me and short after it he made a move on me.
We were now on 3 dates and i really like him a lot. But now at the third date he asked me how i think about the hookup culture. I told him that i find it a nice way to spend your single time if you dont want commitment and just want sex. He wasn't very fond on my opinion but didn't asked anything to it, he just asked if i ever participated in it. When i said that i had some times he said farewell and told me that we are not compitable because of our sexual values, he paid for the dinner, drovd me home and left. Now this was 8 days ago and he dont initiate any contact to me anymore.

Now i heard from his sister who is a great friend of mine and she said that he never liked the hookup culture and he only had sex or evrn kissed girls he was in a commited relationship with. His sister told me that he dont judged me but ig was just his preferences for dating and he wants someone like me, she told me i should not think about it to much and just move on because it would be better to end the relationship now instead of later where more emotions are there.

How do you think about his behaviour?
He wasn't mean or sth like that and he still treated me like always.
Did he anything wrong?

Updates

+1 y

Ah by the way, i dont see what he did as wrong or sth like that. I just wanted to her other people opinions of a man who still values sex in this age where everyone (even myself and today more girls than boys) hookup.

1993girl · Accepted Answer

Is he very religious?
Otherwise I think is immature. Its not like you said you are pro death penalty or that you hate immigrants. Hooking up with people dosen't define your morals and etichs. Its not a real "value". he's shitting rules for other people. He is being very close minded and a dictator of "good behavior". People have freedom to lead their lives in the way they please (if they are not interfering with the liberty of others). He can't deal with otherness and is such a prudish.
He is not "standing up for his believes" he is a plain stuck up control freak dictator.
I think the only "values" here to question are his values as he thinks its ok to only want to date people that follow his rules and dogmas.

But I understand you like him and want to know how to get this guy back.
Have you asked him out? Try to go on another date with him and forget about this.

If he says "No" then you can say you want to talk to him and adress this. Then aks why your behavior bothers him in such a profound way (aks this not in a combative way - but with true curiosity - as if you really cared about his views and wants to learn). And then proceed to "agree" or to "underestend" - say something like "I think many things we do is because of society. In other times the norm would be to take longer to have sex and people would do it without questioning it blablabla...". Or ask why he thinks this is so decisive in a relationship. Or say how you admire him being very strong minded and that this makes you think about something you haven't ever really tought that much about.
I don't know try to fix this

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

He did right. This is how dating is supposed to work. Process and eliminate who is right or wrong for you. You're not compatible. So why continue to see each other further? I commend the guy, and we need more people like him. Because I believe the same way. His terms are his terms and it must be respected. If I was dating or interested again, I would have done the same thing. This is what dating is for. I don't see why people don't understand this. If you want to be considered, don't do anything that will disqualify you such as premarital sex or casual relationships. Don't agree with any of those without being married. Still, you will have to find somebody who doesn't see your past as a potential issue to the relationship. Once you're no longer a virgin, you are forced to be competitive to fight extra hard to even keep a relationship. He doesn't want to deal with this if sex was to come about. Because if you can't be happy how he chooses to have sex, there's going to be a problem. All I can say while I don't agree with his life choices, he is still very smart to realize this.

rozequarts · Accepted Answer

I think its fine. I dont think he did anything wrong in fact I think if its his opinion you should respect and be happy that he openly said you werent compatible in the beginning. Its just life, you won't agree with everyone and yet, there ARE certain things you have to be able to agree with a partner on just to be able to live together.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Wow. I am impressed. I have only met two guy who were like that. He didn't do anything wrong, he has his own views about sex.

cavmanier · Accepted Answer

I have a feeling you asked the other question. No I don't think he was wrong. He has the right to his own philosophy, values and to who he wants to date. I would have probably asked your more questions if I were you to clarify what happened, but I can relate to seeing the hook up culture as being unattractive. It's a big negative from my point of view. Of course most guys love women that want to have casual sex so you'll have lots of options. He's probably more into commitment and selectiveness than quantity and experimentation.

Nibelsnarf · Accepted Answer

I feel somewhat like this is kinda blurry and unclear. Like he thinks that you want to be in a open relationship with him that includes casual sex with other guys? If thats not what you want you should tell him that being with him would mean being with and only him.

If he doesn't want to date you just because you've had sex without a relationship those people well then thats his loss, I'm sure you could've pleased him beyond his wildest dreams.

Anonymous · Answer

He didn't do anything wrong. Guys are like women in ways when it comes to standards. Some woman won't date a guy for reason x, some women won't care about reason x, and some women will love a guy because of x reason. Some people like to have sex just for fun and to get off and more power to them. Though there are other people who put more meaning on sex and want to be in a committed relationship with someone they love and more power to them. There's nothing wrong with either one.

I think it was good of him to let you know up front and get it out of the way. It's best to find your deal breakers early on instead of months or years down the road. I think it was gentlemanly of him to still pay for dinner and drive you home. I'm glad he wasn't a jerk about it.

I think it's best for you to move on and not think about it. There are plenty of great men out there who you would be compatible with. I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavours.

Spongebob1235 · Answer

no he did nothing wrong. that is what dating is all about, finding out if you are a good match. he found out you werent so ended it all the while remaining a gentlemen.
its far better than him stringing you along.

if i found out the man i was dating did cocaine every now and then that would be a deal breaker for me

Bigolbastard · Answer

No he didn't do anything wrong. Everyone is entitled to their dating preferences. If two people don't have something in common that someone views as very important, then it's not worth pursuing. He handled it in a very nice way too. Let him do him while you do you. Move on, find someone you're compatible with.

Cool4ever5 · Answer

That is what dating is about. To see if you really like each other and the conversation. when you said that, it was a dealbreaker to him bc he wants a woman that has his same views on that and remember he is used to women who wait til a relationship to have relations. So that was a turn off for him but thats why you date. you will some and you lose some and move on. he was being honest by ending it as he saw fit instead of leading you on knowing he wasn't interested no more.

Machiavelli · Answer

No he is not wrong for feeling how he does, and you are not a bad person. Good thing is he treated you like a gentleman and was nice about it. The thing is he might end up seeing the world for what it is later on, but I think he is entitled to his point of view as long as he is respectful.

sedrftvgyhujik · Answer

I disagree with him completely but at the same time I don't think he was wrong to break up.
There was something about you he wasn't ok with to the point he didn't want to be with you so if he's not ok with it to that degree then splitting up is probly best.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think he did any thing wrong and actually fully agree with him. If it were me I would do the same thing. I'm not interested in women who engaged in hook ups or friends with benefits situations. People hold different vales and point of views. Some people will be turned off by them. Also sometimes your past wI'll effect you're future. But at the same time you are free to do what you choose. Same as e is with not wanting to date you because of your values.

lEat70sBush · Answer

Guys have preferences and deal-breakers. If he wants to be that picky and judgmental leave him be and just find some one else. Considering just about everyone has hooked up at one time or another he'll probably die alone.

AynonOMouse · Answer

He did nothing wrong. I would not be with someone that has done hook ups either because I think it is immoral. Sex is supposed to be an emotional expression of how you feel about someone.

MikaC98 · Answer

you fucked up your words and he now thinks you just hook up with guys. he really likes you, why would he want the girl he likes to be fucking around with other guys while seeing him?

Neelie · Answer

You are both entitled to your opinions. He pobably misunderstood your view as a propensity to cheat. Suspicion will dog the relationship, and it is best not continued.

Schrodingerscat · Answer

He wasn't wrong at all. He was still nice enough to drive you back and pay for the date. Compatibility in terms of sexual values is a must. I can't be with a guy who has slept around either.

10dsw · Answer

He did nothing wrong. He is completely entitled to his views as are you.

NYkid27 · Answer

I don't think he did anything wrong. He just wants to date girls with the same values as him and that's perfectly okay

genericname85 · Answer

i think that he has standards which is good but that he´s also very close minded cause just cause you enjoyed a thing he doesn´t, doesn´t mean you can not work well together.

Anonymous · Answer

Kind of dumb on his part because you weren't looking for a hook up with him and it would've been in a relationship when you finally did it with him so how can he blame you for past experiences when that's what a lot of guys do these days anyway

Williamdhie · Answer

I applaud this young man for actually having morals.

NerdInDenial · Answer

He has the right to live his lifestyle; the right move for you is to move on.

mndejong · Answer

I would do just the same. If you have morals that others don't, it can be quite a dealbreaker.

Anonymous · Answer

Can I get his number? lol  I feel the same way as him. Guys who sleep around are not my type.

He rejected me because of my sexual views?

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