I actually don't necessarily think one gender is more commitment-phobic than the other, it's just that men and women deal with their fear of commitment in different ways: A commitment-phobic man will play the field and sample as many flavors as he can, not wanting to give up the variety pack, a commitment-phobic woman will wonder "is this the best I can get, is there someone out there that's more ideal?" and trade up the moment she THINKS she hears a "yes". This goes all the way back to when we were primitive, bestial hunter gatherers (Neanderthal man was by no means monogamous, by modern standards he could be considered a rapist according to a couple of feminist teachers in my social circle), and we haven't really been to completely grow out of this mindset yet because our technical ingenuity has always outpaced our social ingenuity.
There's an old saying that good guys finish last and the second is why do good girls like bad guys which mostly are true. Men that are ready for commitment, women look at them last (especially hot women or good women) after them been hurt, plus there are many women out there that don't mind having lots of sex especially with a hot guys or bad guys. The men that are not ready for commitment are the ones that are caught up in lust and every good at attracting many women. One of the biggest mistakes is that most women believe that they can change the man.
It's not that they hate commitment, it's that they hate what happens to the girlfriend after commitment. What happens is, the guy commits and then the girl takes him for granted; complaining, starting arguments, and acting like he's nothing important. As a girl, you should try to keep your initial love for your guy thriving like it was in the beginning of your relationship, otherwise he'll get upset at your bordom and irritibility and cheat out of spite.
Sometimes it's just the result of guys being more sexually tempted than girls.
Men WHO ARE READY TO COMMIT and have found THE ONE are NOT afraid of commitment. When a man is not yet ready to commit and/or has not yet found the woman he would commit to, then he is afraid to commit. There are exceptions... there are men who have no desire or intention to commit and likely will never change. The trick is to dig deep to find out if he is ready to commit and if so, is he ready to commit to you. If one or both of these are not true, you may be wasting your time if you want him to commit.
Because for a vast majority, being a slut is something to be proud of. 22 year old virgin here, and I've been searching for Ms Right for a few years now. It's not just men who are "afraid of commitment," it's women too. Both sexes are equally bad about commitment in this day and age. The loyal and honest are mocked and virginity is considered uncool. Until we all start considering marriage as something to be admired, expected, and honored, this planet is going to continue to spiral into a more promiscuous degeneracy.
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Simple fact is girls don't actually want full commitment. They want and need the fear that they will be left by the man. Think about it, if your boyfriend is going to stay with you and you know with 100% certainty that he won't take even the slightest interest in any other woman, then he is not really mate material, because the "alpha" (the most suitable mate) is desirable and has the possibility to mate with all women not just his girlfriend. Girls are attracted to players. Players are alpha's to them, desperate guys who just want to be with one girl because they can't risk cheating aren't desirable to them
4
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Yes, you are intending to generalize, and assume which is the true culprit. After about 19, who gives a shit about who you slept with, if anything, your guy friends will see you as a jackass for still thinking it’s cool. So, after 19, it’s not truer before, it’s because sex is new. Guys and girls from a biological standpoint, are almost identical, or enough where both want to have sex, so why point out the differences, they both want it. Lastly, if a guy is caring, after sex, he will likely get interrogated, not because of who he is, but because of her past decisions, and it’s confusing and off-putting.
I don't think many people take pride in cheating. But maybe I'm wrong. It's true that for guys 'getting girls', as in having a bunch of female partners is generally viewed as 'the shit'.
A lot of guys are into that. Doesn't have to include cheating, but it often does mean more casual relationships.
Why? There's some evolutionary psychology theories on that. The male trying to spread his genes blablabla... Socially, money, women and status/power have always been at the top of what's considered the height of success by many societies. Many people want to reach the peak and be successful in this way.
For me personally, I used to buy into that when I was younger, find it cool, tried it. But I found a stable relationship with one girl to be a lot more rewarding, fulfilling, happy, you name it... Now, I don't want to date anyone, be it casually or not, I'm just not in that headspace, I have other things on my mind.
A lot of guys do want to commit. Sadly, you dont see them. The guys who you see are the ones that are very successful with women, which is basically the minority.
This is a problem with women. They dont look at average guys, they look at the top guys, the hottest guys (who get a lot of girls) and think this is how all/most men are.
Of course those guys won't commit. They have abundancy mentality. For them , women are replacable goods. If you can be replaced with a different one all the time, they wouldn't be thinking of sticking with just one, since they never got to know the better qualities of being with one girl.
Plus from their perspective, they see all/most girls as sluts (girls throwing themselves at them, girls with boyfriends/husbands wanting to fuck them) so they think of commitment as a stupid idea, especially since they have other options.
Maybe this isn't the comment you wanted, but your question legitimately made me laugh. The way society is developing, women are actually far more likely to back out of a relationship with a man who acts steadily more invested/serious, often because they are taught that they can 'do better' than a man who isn't somehow blatantly perfect.
It's an odd crossroads, because most women I know don't want the princess treatment, (for their own legitimate reasons), but many are still demanding that their unrealistic expectations of 'what a man should be' for them are matched. This issue is not gender specific. Men can take a committed path with women they love, and time and time again I have seen the man left because the woman realized she was either going to pursue variety over security, and leave the guy behind.
Cuz hookup culture is growing too fast which is a very bad thing, commitement is becoming more and more scarce and nice and committing guys are decreasing quickly, i'm proud to be one. You just gotta look around, mine for that precious diamond who will be willing to spend the rest of his life with you 😉
It's the pop culture promoting that - they don't really know much about it (no one really does when you contemplate it a bit deeper). The age limits have moved to having kids much later in life, in your 30s, so media promote it as a way to spend time - what else are you going to do for 10 years from young adulthood. The whole player thing is a replacement for having friends - or meant to be having friends, but if sex is involved well why not type thing. Human connections are much better either way - in that sense, any connection is a form of commitment. Being a player (except for the naturally charismatic ones) - is just an ego boost.
Maybe the most attractive men fit this. But the majority of us can’t even be what you described. It’s your choice in men that makes you believe this. Sorry, the hot guys won’t settle down for you or any other woman. If you want a good man you have to lower your standards from players and fuckboys “down” to someone good. Boom. Problem solved.
Men have the same problem in reverse. Want a beautiful woman but won’t date on his level, aka, fat greasy nerd for example.
A while ago I dated someone who needed her washer fixed. While I was doing that, she took my car in for an oil change. I didn't even ask, she was just that awesome. I happily committed to her. So I don't hate commitment. I hate committing to people who can only contribute sex and drama. We're constantly told what "real men" are supposed to do. But it's rare to find a woman who wants to be a real partner.
Guys dont hate commitment. Guys hate one sided divorce laws. Bias family courts etc. Everyone seems amazing you first start dating them. Guys just dont want to be stuck with someone they no longer love/like. In a situation where you can't leave without screwing yourself over. (Unless you're wealthy and can afford said loss of income.) u have a kid with the wrong girl. And said girl may end up using said kid as a weapon against you. If you're a soldier or traveling business man. there's a risk of getting dear johned. A girl can get pregnant with a child that's not yours. And can hide it from you until the day you die. And wouldn't even know. Thus the fear is created. A lot of guys just dont want to risk it or take that chance.
I'm 27 and I've never cheated. I also will never cheat. I absolutely despise people who cheat. I also can't wrap my head around a reason why people would (I say people because it both men and women who do it). If you want someone else or just don't love your partner anymore, break up.
I hate ask as we in contact we all make mistake more then one time. One I made mistake to trust a jelsous girl and I have learn from this girl that girl/woman should I chose carefully as my friends. The jelsous girl ruined my first relationships I have in college.
Commitment, for any gender, is a tough decision and a very big step. True, females seek it more than males most of the time, but that's not always the case. Sometimes the problem is in maturity, sometimes it's about painful past. At the end, if two are right for each other, then things usually work out. If they're not, however, then commitment perhaps isn't even the right thing. All in all, just because you say your intention isn't to generalise, it doesn't mean you aren't doing it.
It isn't the guys hate commitment. You just simply that guys and girls even in this culture today or giving different expectations of what they're supposed to do with their early adulthood.
Young men are given all sorts of opportunities to experiment with an experience their life before they decide to settle down.
Women are still unfortunately indoctrinated into the idea that settling down and forming a family it's not only their best choice but in many ways their only choice.
You who are asking this question is quite you on yourself. Just relax live your life and enjoy yourself for a while. The commitment will come.
This is also one of the reasons why women typically tend to date older men.
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Really? A guy can’t get out of themselves enough to think about anyone else. For the most part in my experience it has been that they revolve around their own gratification. You tell them something hurts you, if it is inconvenient for what they want you are being a ridiculous psycho. Just expect the worst, then you can’t be disappointed.
Well sometimes it's the case of women OVERREACTING on little stuff I have experencied that lots of times for example I had a girlfriend and she got jealous of my female friends and didn't want me to talk to them while i wanted the same for her if i needed to stop cause she talked to her male friends but i was FINE with it and she even said it's different well no we both talk to our counterparts and such Even though woman are emotionally more active than men and thus many tends to OVERREACT on the stuff we (male) are doing while most of the time it's not that big of a deal
@Animeguy79693 Well, honestly guys tend to think that it is okay to tell only half truths. They think that it is okay to see girls that are friends even if they have made it clear that they want the guy in their pants. For "friends" like that it is disrespectful to continue hanging out with them alone when in a committed relationship. It is asking for trouble. Or if you are hanging out with your girl "friends" more than your girlfriend a more serious problem. Women do have different views on things. For example, I will not have sex with my husband if he has watched porn without me and then comes seeking sex right after. My expectation is that when we have sex, I am the one getting him excited. I m not just the hole to sink his dick into because he can't get the pornstars. But, men are extremely sensitive to constructive criticism and blow shit out of proportion all the time. Women have to take whatever they say but not vice versa. We have to be a 50s wife say yes dear and let
@Animeguy79693 you guys do whatever you guys want. We do have feelings but instead of looking at something from our point of view and whether you would like it if roles were reversed its always, nope you are being ridiculous. My husband for example we got a new puppy she is being trained as my service dog. Huge fight last night because he has been overly rude to her. Anytime she comes near him he pushes her away from him. He freaks out if she touches him. His lab however gets all the attention. He said she needs to know she isn't being replaced. He is frustrated mine submissive pees all over the floor when he comes near. So I called him on it last night. He brought up something my mother said I did when I was 8 years old. My dog as a child started to leave me alone and chose her and I got upset. He brought that up and said that he won't touch her because of that. It is completely irrational and stupid.
But SHE was talking too with her male friends and I couldn't talk to my female friends whom i knew much longer than her and i didn't hang out with them a lot only talked to them like once a month I gave her the most attention Never cheated on her or anything And i always told her what i was talking about with them and such but she never wanted to tell me what she talked about with her male friends and she wanted me to stop talking to my female friends While i letted her talk to her male friends cause she knew them longer than that she knew them she gotten jealous only cause i talked to them for like 1 min orso i gave her her space but she wanted to take my space
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
477Opinion
I actually don't necessarily think one gender is more commitment-phobic than the other, it's just that men and women deal with their fear of commitment in different ways: A commitment-phobic man will play the field and sample as many flavors as he can, not wanting to give up the variety pack, a commitment-phobic woman will wonder "is this the best I can get, is there someone out there that's more ideal?" and trade up the moment she THINKS she hears a "yes". This goes all the way back to when we were primitive, bestial hunter gatherers (Neanderthal man was by no means monogamous, by modern standards he could be considered a rapist according to a couple of feminist teachers in my social circle), and we haven't really been to completely grow out of this mindset yet because our technical ingenuity has always outpaced our social ingenuity.
There's an old saying that good guys finish last and the second is why do good girls like bad guys which mostly are true. Men that are ready for commitment, women look at them last (especially hot women or good women) after them been hurt, plus there are many women out there that don't mind having lots of sex especially with a hot guys or bad guys. The men that are not ready for commitment are the ones that are caught up in lust and every good at attracting many women. One of the biggest mistakes is that most women believe that they can change the man.
It's not that they hate commitment, it's that they hate what happens to the girlfriend after commitment. What happens is, the guy commits and then the girl takes him for granted; complaining, starting arguments, and acting like he's nothing important. As a girl, you should try to keep your initial love for your guy thriving like it was in the beginning of your relationship, otherwise he'll get upset at your bordom and irritibility and cheat out of spite.
Sometimes it's just the result of guys being more sexually tempted than girls.
Men WHO ARE READY TO COMMIT and have found THE ONE are NOT afraid of commitment. When a man is not yet ready to commit and/or has not yet found the woman he would commit to, then he is afraid to commit. There are exceptions... there are men who have no desire or intention to commit and likely will never change. The trick is to dig deep to find out if he is ready to commit and if so, is he ready to commit to you. If one or both of these are not true, you may be wasting your time if you want him to commit.
Because for a vast majority, being a slut is something to be proud of. 22 year old virgin here, and I've been searching for Ms Right for a few years now. It's not just men who are "afraid of commitment," it's women too. Both sexes are equally bad about commitment in this day and age. The loyal and honest are mocked and virginity is considered uncool. Until we all start considering marriage as something to be admired, expected, and honored, this planet is going to continue to spiral into a more promiscuous degeneracy.
Simple fact is girls don't actually want full commitment. They want and need the fear that they will be left by the man. Think about it, if your boyfriend is going to stay with you and you know with 100% certainty that he won't take even the slightest interest in any other woman, then he is not really mate material, because the "alpha" (the most suitable mate) is desirable and has the possibility to mate with all women not just his girlfriend. Girls are attracted to players. Players are alpha's to them, desperate guys who just want to be with one girl because they can't risk cheating aren't desirable to them
Yes, you are intending to generalize, and assume which is the true culprit. After about 19, who gives a shit about who you slept with, if anything, your guy friends will see you as a jackass for still thinking it’s cool. So, after 19, it’s not truer before, it’s because sex is new.
Guys and girls from a biological standpoint, are almost identical, or enough where both want to have sex, so why point out the differences, they both want it.
Lastly, if a guy is caring, after sex, he will likely get interrogated, not because of who he is, but because of her past decisions, and it’s confusing and off-putting.
I don't think many people take pride in cheating. But maybe I'm wrong.
It's true that for guys 'getting girls', as in having a bunch of female partners is generally viewed as 'the shit'.
A lot of guys are into that. Doesn't have to include cheating, but it often does mean more casual relationships.
Why? There's some evolutionary psychology theories on that. The male trying to spread his genes blablabla... Socially, money, women and status/power have always been at the top of what's considered the height of success by many societies. Many people want to reach the peak and be successful in this way.
For me personally, I used to buy into that when I was younger, find it cool, tried it. But I found a stable relationship with one girl to be a lot more rewarding, fulfilling, happy, you name it... Now, I don't want to date anyone, be it casually or not, I'm just not in that headspace, I have other things on my mind.
A lot of guys do want to commit.
Sadly, you dont see them.
The guys who you see are the ones that are very successful with women, which is basically the minority.
This is a problem with women. They dont look at average guys, they look at the top guys, the hottest guys (who get a lot of girls) and think this is how all/most men are.
Of course those guys won't commit. They have abundancy mentality. For them , women are replacable goods. If you can be replaced with a different one all the time, they wouldn't be thinking of sticking with just one, since they never got to know the better qualities of being with one girl.
Plus from their perspective, they see all/most girls as sluts (girls throwing themselves at them, girls with boyfriends/husbands wanting to fuck them) so they think of commitment as a stupid idea, especially since they have other options.
Maybe this isn't the comment you wanted, but your question legitimately made me laugh.
The way society is developing, women are actually far more likely to back out of a relationship with a man who acts steadily more invested/serious, often because they are taught that they can 'do better' than a man who isn't somehow blatantly perfect.
It's an odd crossroads, because most women I know don't want the princess treatment, (for their own legitimate reasons), but many are still demanding that their unrealistic expectations of 'what a man should be' for them are matched.
This issue is not gender specific. Men can take a committed path with women they love, and time and time again I have seen the man left because the woman realized she was either going to pursue variety over security, and leave the guy behind.
Then* not either, wtf autocorrect
I won't repeat what everyone else is saying about this being a generalization.
The guys you're dating don't want a commitment because they want sexual variety, more than they want a relationship.
Almost by definition, a relationship means "no sexual variety" henceforth.
If sexual variety is important to you, then you would avoid a relationship at all costs.
Cuz hookup culture is growing too fast which is a very bad thing, commitement is becoming more and more scarce and nice and committing guys are decreasing quickly, i'm proud to be one.
You just gotta look around, mine for that precious diamond who will be willing to spend the rest of his life with you 😉
It's the pop culture promoting that - they don't really know much about it (no one really does when you contemplate it a bit deeper).
The age limits have moved to having kids much later in life, in your 30s, so media promote it as a way to spend time - what else are you going to do for 10 years from young adulthood.
The whole player thing is a replacement for having friends - or meant to be having friends, but if sex is involved well why not type thing.
Human connections are much better either way - in that sense, any connection is a form of commitment.
Being a player (except for the naturally charismatic ones) - is just an ego boost.
Maybe the most attractive men fit this. But the majority of us can’t even be what you described. It’s your choice in men that makes you believe this. Sorry, the hot guys won’t settle down for you or any other woman. If you want a good man you have to lower your standards from players and fuckboys “down” to someone good. Boom. Problem solved.
Men have the same problem in reverse. Want a beautiful woman but won’t date on his level, aka, fat greasy nerd for example.
A while ago I dated someone who needed her washer fixed. While I was doing that, she took my car in for an oil change. I didn't even ask, she was just that awesome. I happily committed to her. So I don't hate commitment. I hate committing to people who can only contribute sex and drama. We're constantly told what "real men" are supposed to do. But it's rare to find a woman who wants to be a real partner.
PERFECT FLAWLESS ANSWER!!!
That is true. And that was very sweet of the both of you. 😊
Guys dont hate commitment. Guys hate one sided divorce laws. Bias family courts etc. Everyone seems amazing you first start dating them. Guys just dont want to be stuck with someone they no longer love/like. In a situation where you can't leave without screwing yourself over. (Unless you're wealthy and can afford said loss of income.) u have a kid with the wrong girl. And said girl may end up using said kid as a weapon against you. If you're a soldier or traveling business man. there's a risk of getting dear johned. A girl can get pregnant with a child that's not yours. And can hide it from you until the day you die. And wouldn't even know. Thus the fear is created. A lot of guys just dont want to risk it or take that chance.
I'm 27 and I've never cheated. I also will never cheat. I absolutely despise people who cheat. I also can't wrap my head around a reason why people would (I say people because it both men and women who do it). If you want someone else or just don't love your partner anymore, break up.
I hate ask as we in contact we all make mistake more then one time. One I made mistake to trust a jelsous girl and I have learn from this girl that girl/woman should I chose carefully as my friends. The jelsous girl ruined my first relationships I have in college.
I won't date someone that doesn't trust me and I trust my partner in kind. It's not worth dating otherwise
That is true I never date anyone who I don't trust.
Commitment, for any gender, is a tough decision and a very big step.
True, females seek it more than males most of the time, but that's not always the case.
Sometimes the problem is in maturity, sometimes it's about painful past.
At the end, if two are right for each other, then things usually work out. If they're not, however, then commitment perhaps isn't even the right thing.
All in all, just because you say your intention isn't to generalise, it doesn't mean you aren't doing it.
It isn't the guys hate commitment. You just simply that guys and girls even in this culture today or giving different expectations of what they're supposed to do with their early adulthood.
Young men are given all sorts of opportunities to experiment with an experience their life before they decide to settle down.
Women are still unfortunately indoctrinated into the idea that settling down and forming a family it's not only their best choice but in many ways their only choice.
You who are asking this question is quite you on yourself. Just relax live your life and enjoy yourself for a while. The commitment will come.
This is also one of the reasons why women typically tend to date older men.
Really? A guy can’t get out of themselves enough to think about anyone else. For the most part in my experience it has been that they revolve around their own gratification. You tell them something hurts you, if it is inconvenient for what they want you are being a ridiculous psycho. Just expect the worst, then you can’t be disappointed.
Well sometimes it's the case of women OVERREACTING on little stuff
I have experencied that lots of times for example
I had a girlfriend and she got jealous of my female friends and didn't want me to talk to them while i wanted the same for her if i needed to stop cause she talked to her male friends but i was FINE with it and she even said it's different well no we both talk to our counterparts and such
Even though woman are emotionally more active than men and thus many tends to OVERREACT on the stuff we (male) are doing while most of the time it's not that big of a deal
@Animeguy79693 Well, honestly guys tend to think that it is okay to tell only half truths. They think that it is okay to see girls that are friends even if they have made it clear that they want the guy in their pants. For "friends" like that it is disrespectful to continue hanging out with them alone when in a committed relationship. It is asking for trouble. Or if you are hanging out with your girl "friends" more than your girlfriend a more serious problem.
Women do have different views on things. For example, I will not have sex with my husband if he has watched porn without me and then comes seeking sex right after. My expectation is that when we have sex, I am the one getting him excited. I m not just the hole to sink his dick into because he can't get the pornstars. But, men are extremely sensitive to constructive criticism and blow shit out of proportion all the time. Women have to take whatever they say but not vice versa. We have to be a 50s wife say yes dear and let
@Animeguy79693 you guys do whatever you guys want. We do have feelings but instead of looking at something from our point of view and whether you would like it if roles were reversed its always, nope you are being ridiculous. My husband for example we got a new puppy she is being trained as my service dog. Huge fight last night because he has been overly rude to her. Anytime she comes near him he pushes her away from him. He freaks out if she touches him. His lab however gets all the attention. He said she needs to know she isn't being replaced. He is frustrated mine submissive pees all over the floor when he comes near. So I called him on it last night. He brought up something my mother said I did when I was 8 years old. My dog as a child started to leave me alone and chose her and I got upset. He brought that up and said that he won't touch her because of that. It is completely irrational and stupid.
But SHE was talking too with her male friends and I couldn't talk to my female friends whom i knew much longer than her and i didn't hang out with them a lot only talked to them like once a month
I gave her the most attention
Never cheated on her or anything
And i always told her what i was talking about with them and such but she never wanted to tell me what she talked about with her male friends and she wanted me to stop talking to my female friends While i letted her talk to her male friends cause she knew them longer than that she knew them she gotten jealous only cause i talked to them for like 1 min orso i gave her her space but she wanted to take my space
@Animeguy79693 in that case it is a bit hypocritical