My girlfriend is so much hotter than me?

[ThomasCG]

My girlfriend is so much better looking than me. I’ve never cared about anything like this or I don’t want it to seem like we’re in competition. But it just bothers me. Guys always look at her and even tell me that she’s he hottest girl in school and that they’d bang her. I feel so insignificant to her, it’s like why is she dating me. It’s not low self esteem, it’s just like, how did I get this girl and how can I keep her. In other words, she’s way out of my league, is this normal and how do I deal with my girlfriend being super model gorgeous and getting so much attention from every guy?

[CallMeDave]

Looks are not everything. In fact, in a good relationship I think they are a relatively small part of the attraction. I've seen many relationships between a very attractive person and an average or less looking person. It's not that unusual.

You obviously have something that she finds desirable enough that she wants you as your boyfriend. I say don't question that and just be happy for it.

Be proud that all those other guys want her but she wants you!

[ThomasCG]

Part of it is is that I can’t trust her and I know she likes this attention from other guys. She has cheated on me in a previous relationship with her, and I made her stop talking to all her ex’s because of it and she didn’t like that. I’m just scared she will cheat on me again. She likes to wear “slutty” clothes. It shows her boobs well and when she walks they jiggle and it always has the guys staring. She wears yo age pants everyday.😔

[CallMeDave]

Yes, all of that would bother me too. The biggest issue there is probably the lack of trust from the previous cheating. Trust is really really important in a relationship. My girlfriend has occasional contact with several exes and almost daily contact with one of them but that doesn't bother me because I trust her and know she has no romantic interest in them any more. If I didn't trust her, I'd be a lot more uncomfortable with it.

I also understand how you feel about the way she dresses. I personally feel like my girlfriend should not be dressing in a way she knows will attract attention from other guys if she's committed to me. When you're dating an attractive woman, you just have to accept that other guys are going to notice her, but I wouldn't like it if she encouraged that attention by dressing provocatively.

Have you talked with her about how that makes you feel? Not telling her what to do, but just explaining how it makes you feel? Maybe that would help.

[CallMeDave]

By the way, my experience has been that (as I think you already learned) "making her" do something is not the best approach. That's rarely received well. I think a better approach is to explain why whatever's she's doing that you don't like makes you feel badly. Then hopefully she'll understand that and choose to change what she's doing out of respect for your feelings.

Forcing a partner to do something is almost always bad in the long run because they will resent that. However, asking them to do something and explaining why it's important to you can often get the change you desire without the negative feelings that are associated with "making them" do something. When they choose to do it themselves out of respect for you, it's a lot better for the relationship.

[ThomasCG]

Technically, I didn’t make her. I told her I didn’t like her talking to her ex’s everyday (the same ex’a she cheated on me with before.) she just started talking about how much of a bad girlfriend she was and I tried to tell her. She was just lettered crying and was like ok fine here you got what you want. And I said all I said was I didn’t want you to talk to them everday You didn’t have to block them. And I told her to make sure she knows that that was her choice totally and not mine.

[ThomasCG]

And yes, everytime I talk about how I feel I never get anywhere. She ignored me, gets defensive, or anything else.

[CallMeDave]

That doesn't sound good if she ignores your feelings. I think a good relationship requires open honest communication and both partners need to really listen and try to understand the other person's feelings and respect them and try to accommodate them. If you have desires that are in direct conflict with each other, then I think you need to work to find some solution that gets you both enough of what you want that you can both accept the resolution.

You're still young and it takes time to develop the skills to do all of that, but I think it's the best way to deal with the inevitable conflict that there is in any relationship.

Do you know why she dresses like she does? Does she feel insecure about her looks (even though you say she's hot) and feels like she needs lots of guys staring at her to make her feel good about herself? If you don't know, that might be an interesting thing to find out. Maybe you can help her with whatever need she has and get what you'd like in the process.

[ThomasCG]

She sees no problem with the way she dresses. She thinks it’s ok and she’s fine with it. Everytime I tell her to cover up she gets mad at me..

[CallMeDave]

That sounds like an issue that's going to be challenging issue to resolve then. I'd be very uncomfortable with my girlfriend dressing like that. I'd feel disrespected having her knowingly and unnecessarily attracting sexual attention from other guys while in a relationship with and supposedly committed to me. Plus I'd respect her less for dressing like that. Both of those things aren't good for the relationship.

Hopefully either she'll understand and respect your feelings on that and dress more modestly or you'll be able to accept the way she dresses because if things stay as they are I can imagine that causing you a lot of distress.

Could you try talking with her again and telling her it makes you feel like she's not committed to you when she dresses in a way that will obviously draw attention from other guys (or whatever it is you're feeling) and ask her if there's anything she'd be willing to do to be less provocative in her dress? Do you think that might help at all?

[ThomasCG]

I recently tried to talk to her again about it and she was different. She got sad and actually listened to me. She now wears t-shirts instead of slutty boob-showing shirts. But it’s just a matter of time before it starts up again I think.

[CallMeDave]

Open communication is a wonderful thing in a relationship when done right. I'm glad that she apparently listened to you and is willing to make a change in order to respect your feelings. That's a very good thing.

What exactly did you say that you think got through to her and made her decide to do something? I guess you'll see in time whether it's a permanent change or not. If she's been dressing that way for a long time, it will probably take her some time to adjust so I wouldn't be be surprised if she wears some of the things she's been wearing again because she isn't thinking about what you said and just puts on something she likes. If that happens, I'd calmly remind her of your discussion. Hopefully in time she'll adjust and adopt the new way of dressing. It might be helpful for you to let her know how happy you are with her change of wardrobe. Positive reinforcement of the change she's made might help her feel good about it and continue it.

[ThatPersonOverThere]

Hey out of that mindset man, no girl is out of your league. One cannot help what they desire.