Depends how long the date lasted and what topics/behaviours you had time to cover/encounter on that date. But to be honest I had 0 chemistry with my now fiancé when we first out after having chatted for 5 months. It was stress and so on, it was a very short date. Then we didn't meet for another 3 months and boy did we suck each other's souls out that day haha. My best friend also didn't like the guy on first date but now they are dating for 4 years and marrying. I would recommend if there was a little distance in time from the first date to the second. Depends on intensity of your communication but take at least a week or two.
I Iike the examples you gave! 😊 I Guess there’s still hope for people out there!
Someone once told me that you should ask yourself the following question with any date: "Would I like to see this person just one more time?". If the answer is yes, go on another date. If the answer is no, don't go on another date. I think this is very important in the beginning, because it takes the pressure off on having to feel sparks or something and also (if you're like me) take the pressure of deciding if this is the one, if this is the guy I spend the rest of my life with haha. Which of course is silly.
I meant 'after any date', not 'with any date'. Ah well, you probably got that :p
Yes I got it hehe, love the insight 😛
Yeah, me too. It was really great advice ^^ of course, there have to be sparks or butterflies eventually, but those can grow. If they're not there from the start and you do want to see this person again it's no big deal. And you don't have to worry if you're leading him on, because you want to see him again.
That was really good advice :)
Glad I could help ^^
It depends on how much work you're willing to put in.
Is he a really good friend and you think you could make it work eventually? Was he someone a friend set you up with? Was he someone you heard really good things about?
Then sure, give him a second chance. Not every date will sweep you off of your feet. Maybe he was distracted, or too nervous, etc. You shouldn't judge him on the first date.
Or was he just someone you met and don't really know anything about him? Or someone you met online?
Then that's up to you. I personally would just appreciate the experience, but move on.
If it's just a "lack of spark" on the first date, then, sure, we can try again.
If there were big red flags that were uncovered, then almost certainly there isn't going to be another date.
Opinion
169Opinion
I don't think I would go to a second date with someone I'm not feeling it with. I've been on dates where both have been extremely nervous, but it hasn't affected the spark.
Woww you have a lot of followers your gag famous
GaG forces new users to follow influencers. They didn't follow me by choice.
So what if situation of other person at that time is not good.
Although people say first impression is last impression but reality is that we can't judge all by just one meet. I personally believe that each person has 10 to 20 faces , so dont see them just once , see them again and again.
Because I've always known from the start, I don't really feel like it's necessary for me to go on plenty of dates. It might be unfair to the other person, but it's also a good reason why I'm not the right person for them.
Ohh do you become an influencer after guru
No, Influencer is not an xper level, it's a title the GaG team gives to users whose content they like.
https://www.girlsaskguys.com/faq/features
You can find more info under that link, from What are topic influencers on GAG?
@caps07 it's an indescribable feeling. If I don't get it after the first date, it's a lost cause. It's the "click". And I don't mean I know that's the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with or even a person I'm going to date. I mean I know if I want to see them again and know more about them.
You're still wrong. If each of you are nervous (yet are unaware of the other person's anxieties), it's universally out of anxiety that the OTHER person doesn't feel the spark. But since both members are nervous, then both feel the spark. Get it?
Feeling nervous on the first date is a totally, totally different animal than feeling stressed from a days work, tensions from balancing the personal from the professional, and other emotional baggage one may bring to the first date.
I don't understand what you are saying or where I am wrong. I have never said that I wouldn't go on a second date if I, the other person or both of us were nervous. I said that I wouldn't go on a second date if I didn't have a spark.
Your just echoing my sentiment: that mutual anxiety isn't grounds to not date again (I further went on to imply that anxiety is a spark in disguise). My issue was with the immature, naive idea that there must be love at first sight; that first date where there is no spark is no date at all. How many of us have learned--by the time we finished grade school and entered college, that love at first sight (or the "spark," if you will) is the stuff of fairy tales? Of frogs into princes? I would think that every well-adjusted individual has reached this basic milestone by that time...
A spark isn't love. A spark is a spark of interest. I wouldn't go on a second date with a person I'm not interested in, while I would go on a first date with a person I'm not interested in.
It depends, I didn't feel spark on the first date with my fiance. I felt like we might not be compatible, but his prior impression was strong enough for me go on another date with him.
Eventually, the spark came. However, I normally won't see someone again if I don't feel anything, he was a special case.
It usually takes me months or years to realize I like somebody so I wouldn't reject somebody if I didn't like them after the first date.
I would say maybe.. depends on how bad the date went or if it was a good date but no spark..
If it was a good date, but no spark at all, I would suggest friendship. It the date went really bad, and he still asked for a second date I would say maybe or NO. Depending on the situation. Like you say, nervousness and stress can make it a bad date. And I would probably say yes to a second date if that was the case. But if it was just bad in a way he was rude to me or other, lacking manners (not talking about paying for food or drinks, but simple things like holding the door, being polite and not making a fool of himself, thinking sex is on the menu just cuz it was a date), more interested in himself than actually get to know me as well etc, I would say no and never see the person again. It all depends on the outcome. If he is shy I get why it wasn't a great date, and yeah a second chance is on the table. And you either have a spark or no spark, so why prolong his/her suffering by saying yes to 2nd date if you know there is only a friendship as result?
Depends on a lot of factors!
Those I don't.
Wrong kind of energy in combo with matching nonverbal cues that's direct signs of certain mental problems/diseases/disorders/personality traits.
Certain kinds of immature behaviors.
Behaviors.
Wrong kind of attitude.
Energy vamps.
Have gone on to many dates/meetings with all kind of people.
The most common ones are those suffering from fairytale complex that strongly believe in that fairytale magic with magical sparkle from nothing no matter how closed up they are for any kind of emotions to begin to flow between 😂
First off all you must be open on the right pathways, secondly you must trigger a lot of different ones in the other one and yourself also the other one must do the same (this is called building emotions) sometimes it happens naturally but most times someone must trigger a first impression and get response with acknowledge and so on.
Then you have biological matching also mental, those two do most modern humans ignore.
A lot look for lust attractions that are the fast ones when it comes to online dating (most common amongst females) they think they have found the one and so on.
They are the most easy target since it is the most simple one to trigger in humans, there the players/pua's/fuck-girls fuck-boys comes in, they use those easy triggers to get some no matter the consequences.
That's a lot more and most aren't understandable or comprehendible for the majority because of their bios.
The simplest thing is to go on is bad gut feelings are most times something off, no feelings or a lot can be something.
Never go on desperation to have one, not be alone, settle just to have something no matter what.
Depends if we got along or not. Sometimes it just takes a second look. But you have to have like a week between that. Dude I'm with now is like that. Thought he was decent but didn't feel a spark. A couple weeks went by and then i noticed myself wondering about him and what he was up to so I messaged him and we started talking and that spark came flash crazy as he'll like unexpected lightning. Sometimes I think you just need a buffer space to let your mind relax to find out what you really feel/think about things and people. Romeo and Juliet fucking killed themselves. The tragedy of star crossed lovers love at first sight type relationships are fleeting always and deadly at best. People should stop romanticizing that shit.
Excellently said! 😊
It depends. I went on a lot of dates with different guys last year as I tried online dating.
The first one I really really couldn't see anything more than a potential friend, i just got that feeling from him.
The second one I was already a little annoyed with as he was late and the conversation felt dull, uninteresting and I didn't find him very attractive.
The one after that I liked the sound of and we got on well writing to each other. However I was not attracted to him in the slightest when we met and I felt uncomfortable and awkward around him for the date. I gave him 2 more chances to see if it was nervousness and I felt a gut instinct not to take it further and when he kissed me it felt all wrong so I told him I didn't see it going any further.
At least you don’t have the “what if” dilemma hehe 😇
Not at all :P I'm someone who trusts and follows my instincts a lot, and if something doesn't feel right then it probably isn't. I'm also very headstrong and determined so know exaclty what I'm looking for. I shudder when I think what sex would've been like with those guys or making out!
Yes because the spark is bullshit... sorry for the language. Feeling the spark isn't something I see as a good sign in a relationship. I take that to mean I'm getting attached too quickly. It mean my hormones are going to get out of control very quickly and I will lose all perspective on the relationship. I want a relationship that will last once the hormones wear off. At the same time I want to be able to fully enjoy and embrace being twitterpated by my partner. I want to know before I fall in love that they can be my best friend and that we can get along with or without the hormones. I'd be far more likely to seriously consider a relationship if I didn't feel the spark at first.
@Janieyu people have started thinking true love is all that matters, that you can endure any hardship as a couple so long as it's true love.
Scientists have studied the whole being "in love" thing. Apparently it's a form of infatuation that lasts up to 18 months. That's why you have people who have know each other 6 months get married only to find themselves wanting a divorce after the first year. People have stopped building the foundation of the relationship first before getting their emotions involved. It's honestly really sad. That's how my last relationship ended, the wake-up call. The hormones wore off and i realized just how much we hurt each other in our conversations. The relationship hurt more than it helped. Problem was I woke up before she did so she felt I abandoned her and gave up on the relatonship. She was still in love and it's made trying to maintain a friendship difficult after that.
I mean possibly, so long as the first date didn't go horribly or they didn't express a view or have something that would be a big enough reason alone for me to be uninterested. I mean if it seemed like they just were nervous or that parts of the date went well, but other parts the atmosphere was a bit stymied, then sure if they expressed an interest for a second date I'd probably agree, to see if I could be more conclusive about whether or not I'm interested.
Yes dear, definitely yes.
Simple fact, is that there are people who needs more time than others to emotionally and mentally connect with others.
Sometimes, after few dates we feel like we are getting closer, other times, drifting apart.
I always try to give it few more tries. Some people have insecurities or are too shy at first, so giving them another chance would make them a bit more comfortable around us, thus, leading to:
-potential lover
-good friend
-not meant to be / don't get along much
Thank you for sharing this question :-)
Cheers!!!
I don't really measure a relationship based on sparks. Mabie I'm just not sencitive to those kinds of vibes. I don't know, mabie I am wrong, but I think relationships are built over time. If I ask someone out, I generally look forward to multiple dates. Even if I don't think highly about them at first.
If she tells me she doesn't want to go on a second date because she has no feelings for me, I assume there's an alterior motive.
1) Another guy.
2) She noticed repelling qualities about me.
3) She wasn't interested in the first place, went out with me because of external pressures.
4) Going through something, can't handle a relationship at the moment.
5) Many other reasons.
My first reaction to this post was "Does my dick get hard if there is a spark?" But as I said, mabie I am not the sensitive tipe.
Maybe I'm just autistic (and I am), but I've never felt this thing called a "spark" or connection--as a lot of people put it--with any girl I've ever dated. Yes, there is or was a connection (of mutual sexual desire and interest), but I never felt it in at the emotional, "vibe" level. I get the sense that this spark is based on people's intuition of other which people, which I lack. Instead, I make judgement calls, based on prior experience and observation.
In my opinion, to base a connection on this unknown variable is like taking a test where you don't know how well you did. You can guess, but you can't know the answer.
I have, which is why I said no. For me “the spark” is a connection, wanting to know someone more or when they call again the feeling of “it wasn’t awful, might as well” as opposed to a boring date or them calling again and dreading seeing them again.
The few times I did continue to see someone even though there was no “spark”, by the third or fourth date I would just be annoyed with them. They would text and I wouldn’t want to answer. Not that there was anything wrong with them, I just wasn’t attracted to them. And trying again did not change that.
This is actually the first time I voted. Personally I've NEVER been on a date, so yeah I'd give a second chance, hell I'm QUITE sure I'd need a 5th chance.
I somehow always end up in the friendzone before I even get a date.
Cheers!
Of course I would, assuming no big red flags, ofc. Because I know, personally, it's very easy for me to unintentionally keep people at arm's distance, emotionally-speaking. It happens. Nobody's perfect and we're not always able to be our 100% selves and all that, so... I always give people the benefit of the doubt
That’s kind of you 😊
Yes because my 1st date was a mess. We didn’t talk much and I barely ate it was so awkward and quiet I was like mmm no but I gave him a second chance and now we’re married!
That’s great to know!
😂 I like the plot twist how did the second date go
It was still a little off but by the third time we hung out it was pretty amazing we actually talked and got to know a lot about eachother
Dating is pointless in my opinion. How many times has someone grown on you, that you ended up liking them for how they act, etc. I know it took me months of exposure to like my ex. And when I fell I fell hard. I say make friends with people, and then try dating. Not date them and then try being friendly
Absolutely!
Agreeing with yashbanka03's opinion 'there could be so many reasons like feeling of nervousness of first meeting, the place isn't good enough'..
Even if I can sense something is not right within the first date, I can just gently ask what is going on. It would be foolish to jump to conclusions.
That being said, I'm always ready!
Yes, I don't think first date sparks are important for long term, its like you have fire, a spark may look shiny and nice, but it can blow out just as fast
A small flame may not provide much heat and light at first but slow cerfual build of it can make a nice warm and bright fire that is more stable
Why not, I mean you might have a spark with a player who knows, an he miss up with your feelings, don't judge so fast, you might lose a good one.
Have some good time and make it clear from the beginning this might end with a yes or no for both of you.
Are you choosing a lifetime partner or you just want to spend some time?
Personally I have a 3 date rule. If I don't feel anything after 3 meetings, it's done. If the first date is absolutely repulsive, like my last one, then move on immediately of course. You are questioning it since you are asking, so give it another 2 dates and see how you feel then.
The 3 strike rule is very effective
However it's not concrete
Usuaully even before the 1st date I've already talked to this person on several occassions on the phone, I can normally tell by the end of the date if it's worth another one or not. I can understand being nervous at the beginning of a date but if you are still nervous at the end and still awkard, then the people just don't click and I am not going to waste my time or theirs on another date that will have a high probability of being like the first one.
As long as it was just a missing "spark" I would give it a second chance because of all the factors that you mentioned. If there were other signs that you were really not a compatible match then not necessarily but a lack of "spark" wouldn't be a deal breaker for a second date.
In the essence of any relationship you can’t jump from one to the next it will cause conflict but with that being said everyone deserves a second chance
I don't think basing a relationship off of whether you feel a "spark" is a good idea. So yes. What is a "spark" by the way? Everyone uses this word but I've never felt it so I don't understand it.
Chemistry.
But wouldn't compatibility or "chemistry" be better if it were based off of tangible things like shared interests and values, rather than a fleeting and temporary feeling?
Sometimes you just feel it. I have. But good point.
Thank you. Maybe I'm aromantic or something, because I've never felt anything romantic towards anyone lol.
I remember meeting a guy back then and feeling the spark, or maybe it’s cos he was really touchy-feely. I went for a “date” today and didn’t feel the spark at all. It felt like he was just a Friend. But then I’m taken, so maybe that’s why!
It could be. I don't know though, I don't understand anything to due with romance or love lol.
Sorry! Unfortunately I don't give second or third chances. If a person messes up the first time, I tend to back away!!! I only talk to people that impress me and those who give off a good vibe.
The one week date rule. You test them with your interest. First date is the splashing waters. Second your favourite movie of all time. Third you order your favourite food, and have a surprise at your house date. Fourth your favorite thing to do when your bored date. Fifth is your favourite restaurant, and second favourite movie. Sixth date is your choice movie marathon. Seventh is simple the carnival test.
If she had glorious hair like that girl then of course I would try to make s connection
I want those luscious red locks spread over my tummy when we are curled up in bed
Everyone deserves a second chance. Unless they were disrespectful or portrayed views that you found to be offensive. Then try again, just act natural try not to force anything; if its natural it will work out.
Maybe I would, that's called "Not being too quick to judge" lol 😂 but really not sure since I'm not a fan of that saying or having a lot of patience (hopeless patience) but this case doesn't seem 'hopeless enough'.
Im a very unemotional person when it comes to meeting new people, so i tend to always just see where it goes and i dont mind discarding them afterwards if it doesn't go well
I think (in my limited experience) that you need that spark. Chemistry. If you aren't excited about the person when you first meet imagine how it will be down the road.
I sometimes met people and changed my opinion the next time we met drastically. So giving another chance is worth it.
I agree completely, actually, I think 3 is a better magic number (of given chances) than 2 in order to have some insight about the person, you never know if you two will click because there are various factors involved around you also...
it is just stupid just to give one only chance to something and it's even better to give it at least three
this is why i dont like dates. takes me much longer than as date to get an idea of a person as well as open up.
I picked A I told the girl who I took out on a date that I was nervous and she said she could tell we chatted she told me she didn't see a romantic connection I feel our talks as "friends" have way more volume then the first date it sucks most people think she's just being nice but I don't fully just think its done and over with..
You don't get a raging inferno right from the start, you have to make a spark and temper it, build it up to the raging fire.
Point being sometimes you have to give things a bit of time you can't expect to build something meaningful during a first encounter. First impressions exactly that a first impression, you got give yourself time to see what's there.
the 3 date rule is good thing to go by, if you don't feel anything by the 3rd date then usually there isn't anything there.
I would, if I knew there was something there that I couldn't unearth the first time around. I am a persistent guy. I won't drag things on for too long as things would become a real drainer after a while.
If there were any real, serious problems in the beginning, probably just stay out of it.
If I went on a date with a girl I met through a dating site or any other manner and we didn't have a spark, perhaps I thought she was boring or just didn't feel anything from the date. Then no, there's no reason to try for a second date.
I would need to feel some sort of intellectual or personality attraction to her during the first date, to consider a second date.
I don't think you can really get to know each other based on one date. I have been on a date where I thought we were getting along well enough to go on a second date or more. After she got home she text me and told me to loose her number and never to contact her again. I really have no idea why? So I did what she asked.
I usually give it a second chance to see if things are better the second time since we both may have felt awkward on that first date and confused it with having no chemistry but sometimes you just know that first time
First dates are always awkward. Unless they were creepy or have me a weird vibe, I’ll always say yes to a second date if they ask.
First date isn't about sparks, as far as I'm concerned.
It should simply be informative, what kind of person they are, what are the things they value, their sexual beliefs, and so on.
It's about finding the *potential* for compatibility, not the compatibility itself.
Give me another chance baby please. Nothing like these other guys who only try to put you at ease. They only want one thing and you know what it be. I share with you my past so you understand me. Let you know about the bad so we can move on and become a fad.
It all depends. If he ruined the first date by being rude or irresponsible then no.
Love is a developing process built on trust, respect, and other great humanly characteristics. One date will not determine a loving relationship.
Yes, given the chance.
Obviously it's easy to misjudge someone in a short period of time. But how often will you get a second chance?
Yes, if i liked him as person. I wouldn't instantly dismiss a guy just because i didn't feel a spark between us on the first date
Sure. First dates can be hard because you probably don't know someone well- depending how you know your date I guess. So, nerves can potentially really affect a first date in this way.
That said , you will know when it's something like nerves and when said person just plain sucks !
I would because some people (myself included) hold back the 1st time not really expecting immediate attraction and put their emotions in their pocket and are more analytical on a 1st date every detail is taken into consideration when choosing a new mate this is what I started doing because I used to fall in love really quickly (never doing that again)
I got ghosted on my first date with an individual despite me thinking it went quite well, so I wasn't sure what happened there. I think the opportunity to have a second chance really depends on the individual.
Hey... y not. I did and it was fun but we became good friends at the end.
I don't look for the honeymoon phase, I look for actual, long-term compatibility.
A good relationship is basically just best friends who fuck.
" A good relationship is basically just best friends who fuck " This !! When you become not friends anymore... sex stops too !!
Yes of course, first dates are awkward and stressful so always try for second and third.
I don't think one date is enough to judge someone...
One's mind is much deeper than anyone can imagine. If you want to spend a part of your life with someone; you also need to be patient and look at all the different sides of that person.
A good 3 dates should be enough...
1st for the general talk
2nd for diving a bit deeper into their life and a
3rd one to check their social behaviour.
Hell yea, not everything goes so great the first time. There's room for improvement ! ☺
If they seemed like an interesting person when you met them, or they seem cool when you're texting, it could've been a poor setting, there are a lot of first date ideas that really aren't ideal for a first date to get to know each other!
I always feel that you need to give a second chance, if only because there may have been an external reason for a poor "first showing".
Having said that, those that have dated me gave rarely given me that latitude.
Most of the time you need more than one date to figure out if y’all have chemistry. The first date is usually full of nervousness and anxiousness and it makes people not themselves. They need a second chance to show who they really are
That depends on their interests. I like to do stuff that shows a different side to my personality, and if she's interested in the same kind of stuff, then I'd reserve judgement until I saw her engaged in that kind of activity.
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