Date won't let me pay. Advice?

[Anonymous]

I've been on 2 dates so far with this guy and he hasn't let me pay for anything at all. I keep offering to pay for my part, but he says no. I feel bad because he has spent a lot of money on me now. What should I do? Should I feel bad?

[FunkyMonkee]

Either, as Older says, he's got very traditional idea about gender roles or, it's POSSIBLE he COULD be trying to get you in a position of being "owned" by him or at least "owed" TO him!
COULD he be trying to see to it that he pays your way for EVERYTHING so that, at some point in the future, he can use that against you as leverage, as in, "I spent all this money on you, now you HAVE to have sex with me!!" I'm NOT saying that's what's happening, I'm just suggesting that COULD be what's going on and giving you something to think about.
Try this and see what happens: set up a time and place to meet him and get there before him. You know what time he SHOULD be there and you SHOULD know, by now, what he drinks or eats. Order for both of you and have it waiting for him when he gets there. Take note of what he does or how he reacts when he finds out you already paid for everything. If he's cool with it, continue the relationship, it's probably the gender role theory. If he makes a big stink about it, ESPECIALLY if he DEMANDS to pay for it and makes you take your money back, take heed!

[OlderAndWiser]

Apparently, he has very traditional ideas about gender roles. Are you okay with that?

[yoshi_wanna_ask]

Different people show affection, honor and respect in different ways. To some guys, going out of their way to provide whatever their lady wants or needs is them showing they honor her & that they're serious about taking care of her. Also, you shouldn't feel bad if he's *wanting* to pay, that's his choice. The only real reason a guy *shouldn't* do this, is if he can't afford to (which is fine, but still). Try checking out; https://www.5lovelanguages.com/ There are 5 basic ways people receive & express love/care & this site not only explains it well but can tell you (& him) which ways work best for each of you, which can save a lot of headaches down the road.

[yoshi_wanna_ask]

Thanks for the MHO

[CurLyF]

don't feel bad, you have offered and he refused. Enjoy! Haha, but in all seriousness, I understand the feeling. so if you want to sort of pay him back, an excellent idea is to give him small presents, little details that you know he'll like but also that aren't too serious so he doesn't freak out and think you are a nester lol. Maybe a small bag of sweets and don't make too big a deal, just give him small things like that, but pay attention to what he likes so when you give him a small detail it will be exactly what he likes, and you'll just pretend it was something you picked up while buying candies for yourself, or stuff like that.

[CurLyF]

Thanks for MHGs :)

[Logorithim]

Just let him pay- he is obviously comfortable with it. That said, if you really want to pay for the next date or at least for your part of the costs, tell him when you discuss the arrangements for it.

[kurama17]

No, u shouldn't feel bad, my advice is to think about the fact that one, at least he's not tryin to make u pay for all of it like so. e guys that ik would, and second, he's paying for u, that means he wants to consider it as he took u to dinner on a date and he paid, and nit like u took him to dinner on a date paid, if sounds the stupid but us guys like to geel like we can pay for the entire meal when we go out on dates and that that is one small way that we make up for that primal instinct to provide for someone that we like.

[v851234]

You should smile, until he tries to use all his purchases against you, if he uses his purchases as a reason to ask something of you, you should tell him to take a hike, but if he buys you dinner etc just because he likes you, that's something to smile about, and if you want to pay, hen be more forceful, take his card, or shove the money in his bag as you leave him! If he has respect for you he will let you pay if you wish to.

[xkildy]

Its a simply thing he likes you. and wants to show you respect. most men dont even ask they expect you to pay the bill.. Thankfully you found a nice one but you do need to voice your concern here. just simply. Look him in the eyes and say next time I pay.. If he says you can't my pride all not let me. say then do you want me to fell bad just to help your pride and when he says no. then you won.. And you 2 now have a underatanding

[SkipStop]

He must be the desperate nice guy. If this really bothers you, stop dating him. Dates are supposed to be fun and end in a happy way. If you always go home feeling bad about not paying, you're not gonna be happy with him. Unless you're a gold digger of course. Then he's your prince charming to abuse.

[11dog22]

If he willing. Don’t feel bad or feel like you own him anything. Next time pay tip but don’t give up on offering. If you two keep dating. If you guys date again. Grab the bill and pay so you can feel that you two are even. Personally, me I don’t mind if I pay it all or her. Or if girl pays half. Just don’t let it feel like you own him something or if guy gets the idea. That be wrong thinking.

[Chaz269]

There are other ways you can show your appreciation for his time and attention. You have to decide what's best for you without being selfish and insensitive. Either insist on treating him, or there are no further dates, or show him your appreciation in some other way. I strongly recommend you don't let the relationship remain one-sided for too long. It can go very bad very quickly if you just take it for granted.

[Drumlin2001]

Keep offering.
Maybe buy him a gift, he must have talked about interests, or something he's looking to get. Or you could be proactive and book an activity for you next date, segwaying through the park, take a picnic, strawberries, champagne. That way all money spent upfront and you've paid it all.

[Vankor]

Men have been trained to be like this. We are supposed to be strong and show that we can take care of you. No harm in letting him pay for a meal. Unless your a feminist and somehow find a man willing use his own money to buy you something is degrading them move on. Otherwise if you just want to be nice to. Get the tab before he does or split the bill or pay the tip. He might also be trying to impress. Us guys have very little to work with now days.

[Nob0dy]

He's too worried that you'll change the way you look at him and his pride won't allow him to let you pay. On your next date make it a condition that you'll pay your part of it and won't take "No" for an answer, if he really likes you he will comply. Wish you the best of luck with your next date.

[Guido]

He is being a proper gentleman. If he asked you out then he pays. If you really want to pay them you ask him out and he is your guest so you pay. He would probably prefer if you cooked him dinner rather than taking him out. It's not about the money, it's about etiquette. You are polite to offer but definitely dont argue if he says no and just thank him. Sounds like you have a good start with each other. Good luck.

[bulletbob555]

Let him it's ok. One expensive gift maybe but limit it. My sons mother bought me a heavy gold chain and cross. She also paid for me something medical. I did turn down other gift offers. I needed the medical and the chain and crucifix were beautiful plus it was my birthday. I did limit it though.

[DakotaNorth]

It's often a guy's way. Keep offering. It shows you're not selfish. But let him. It makes a guy feel happier.
BUT don't let him start believing you somehow OWE him because of it.

[RachelleDraws]

Talk it out with him. He likely has very traditional ideas on gender roles. Discuss how that makes you feel and tell him you can pay for yourself. If he doesn't like that, too bad. Break up with him.

[Kurαȷ]

I'd break it off.
Clearly a very insecure guy, that kind of a pathological need for self validation is bound to manifest later down the road.

[Mariakkk]

This is really sweet of him and he have some manners. Since he keeps saying nope you can buy him a gift he will really like it! :)

[ShortCircuit]

Make the plans yourself for the next date, and make it very clear beforehand that it's your treat.

[Luvsmybabydoll]

If you feel guilty buy him a present and don't worry that will ease off the longer you date

[wankiam]

tell him you are going to the loo and whilst you are gone pay the bill

[janna_jcb]

Well, you offered, that’s all you can do. Next time you can maybe ask if you can split it? He’s more likely to accept that than to accept you paying for everything.

[viannejungkind]

Don't feel bad. It's normal for a guy to want to pay. I don't think you should stop offering to pay yourself though. as long as you show that you're not using him to pay. Also its only been two dates, you're time to pay for him will come too :)

[Leviathan_Charmer]

You're not supposed to pay. Just suck it up and be a man– wait, no, let him be the man. You just be the lady.

[Just_A_Guy2018]

End it if he will not let you pay for your portion. You are a strong independent woman and don't need a man for anything.

[Browneye57]

Bring him a gift.
It's never going to be even or equal anyway. So why are you complaining instead of simply being grateful?

[Anonymous]

Just be careful because after few dates, he might think you owe him something if you know what I mean.

[Opinion Owner]

Just a caution, not all men think like that but I have seen nice guys turn angry about wasting their money if it did not work out between you two.

[Opinion Owner]

What I would do is use the money to get him a gift instead so if it did not work out, he cannot be angry and you owe him nothing.

[Anonymous]

Is he your typical nice guy? do you find him sexually attractive? does he make you feel hot? or do you feel luke warm like he's just a friend..

[shanenotabong]

You shouldn't feel bad... And if you're date is earning the money himself and not using his parents' money, then it's definitely alright for him to pay.

[Rambler221]

Well, it is his choice whether he wants to pay ot not. Maybe ask him if you can take him out, "on my (your own) dime"? Or just tell him that you really don't expect him to pay for everything?

[winterfox10]

Just go with it, he wants to treat you. It's nothing to feel bad about.

[_dardorsama_]

Maybe he's just being a gentleman and he have a good income

So don't worry about it

[aaronbw]

I say let him pay. You can get him a gift or something later to equal it out

[Philyouup]

Enjoy, but always offer.. you are doing all you can do to be fare, assume his good with it.

[Ninetales101]

Tell him you can’t date him if you don’t pay because you feel guilty and bad

[Keimpe]

Take him on a surprise date and don't tell what you will be doing, he has no choice but to accept your choice

[zodiacaquarius]

He's being a gentleman I'd do the same guys should be the one to pay for The dates

[BeyondPlusUltra]

Don't be surprised when he actually needs you to pay, that's all.

[GenPhilosophy]

He is being a gentleman, buy him a gift if you feel the spending is one sided.

[SiKGuy]

You shouldn't feel bad he likes you very much so he's redy to pay fore some things
he's a so called chenille mann
😀🖒

[TacoFamine]

Get him a little something else. Like a mini gift or something.

[STaurus]

Its chivalry, let him until y'all are like dating continuously then pay every now and then

[Anonymous]

He has been taught not to let you pay. Just tell him there won't be another date unless he allows you to pay.

[Billlewis]

That's the way it should be.

[maihu]

Gift him. Doesn't have to be expensive.

[_乃尺OЩ刀_TITI]

Take advantage of it.

[Muhammad1999]

nope , he likes to pay for you

[6942Dom]

Let him be the gentlemen.

[Anonymous]

No that’s just how some of us guys are

[Anonymous]

u should pay for him too

[Anonymous]

Give him a present if you also like him.