My boyfriends ex won’t stop texting him! What should I do?

So in short, my boyfriends ex keeps trying to call and text him, she’s previously invited him out. My problem is that my boyfriend won’t tell her to stop, yesterday she called and I asked him to call her back, see what she wants and tell her that he’s in a relationship now so stop contacting him, but he refused. He was so against it. They didn’t even properly date, more of just had hook ups and sex. In the end my boyfriend blocked her but I’m so annoyed that he’s refusing to tell her to stop, I feel like she won’t stop unless he tells her too. Am I being unreasonable? My boyfriend just laughed it off yesterday when she called and said that I was being out of order for having the hump.

Am I being unreasonable? I don’t see why he can’t just tell her to stop, and why he can’t do it in front of me.
My boyfriends ex won’t stop texting him! What should I do?
Updates:
Update: my boyfriend finally realised how wrong he was and he messaged her to leave him alone and then blocked her. All is good now, thank you for all the responses!

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I think you need to tell the guy to sack up, tell his ex they are over, and stop calling. If your guy still has another woman on the hook then he isn't all that interested in you. When men really love a woman there is no other, no side chick is worth ruining a good thing because he is invested, wants you and only you, and will go out of his way to demonstrate that to you.

    Bottom line - he is not invested in you and does not care enough to end it with the other girl.

    Leave the bastard and preserve your dignity.

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    • I don't fully agree with this one. I've got this guy still texting me, who is in a serious relationship and all settled down already. He's always been kind of trying to get me to bed, but not anymore. Now he just keeps contact in a harmless way. I don't seriously think he is at all interested in me anymore, he just likes to get some attention every now and then... even though I almost never reply.

  • Lmao you're getting bamboozled 😂
    I suggest just ending the whole thing before you get cheated on
    If he actually cared about you and saw you as his one and only, he wouldn't hesitate a second to call her in front of you and tell her to fuck off because he has you now, and that's even without you telling him to do it, he should do it by himself if he truly loves you

    But if you're stubborn and wanna try sticking to such a bad boyfriend
    Then ask him to give you his phone and look through it
    If he refuses, dump him

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Yeah , I'd be pissed too. He needs to respect your feelings and boundaries. He also needs to set boundaries with her too. He hasn't, so she thinks it okay to pester him the way she has been.

    He's blocked her now, so that's as good as telling her to piss off. I'd just let it go now he's blocked her.

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  • He probably did not actually block her. My guess is that they are still hanging out or possibly sleeping together. I also doubt she even knows you exist. Most women your age are not friends with benefits when another woman is involved. I'd leave him. He's totally leading you on.

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What Guys Said 197

  • When it comes to dating, I don't think people should trust a person who stays in contact with their exs. Had an ex girlfriend who did that and I tried to trust her, dumb move lol.

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  • Hiding the fact he's in a relationship is wrong.
    He seems to be trying to keep her in reserve should things with you not work out.
    Be honest with yourself. Is he worth this drama? Would you be better off finding someone who's honest and straight up and cares about how you're feeling?

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  • I mean if he blocked her and isn't receiving the messages anymore, what's the big deal? She's practically gone from this world at this point. That being said, on principle, I assume if a previous lover messages me that it's because they want to get together. Why else would they? Unless they want something important they left at your place, I can't think of any other reason.

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    • I agree with both points. it's all on how he treats the situation and he laughed at her. *DUN Dun Dun..*

    • Show All
    • wait bullshit with this story or bullshit with the guy? because she shouldn't be able to call him if she's blocked and that my friend. is BuLLshit.

    • Yeah that's what I'm saying!! How did he get the call at all if she was blocked? This guy doesn't sound entirely trustworthy

  • Is he accepting her calls and replying to her texts? If yes, then that's a problem. If no, then I don't understand why you want to compell your boyfriend to talk to his ex. He may not want to have any further contact with her, and that's something you have to respect.

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  • He is being manipulative, to a certain degree, as he knows hox it made you feel and kind of enjoying your reaction / jealousy. He is also keeping his options open, meaning he has no intention to cut ties with her.
    You have / had every right to react the way you did, in my opinion.

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  • You are not being unreasonable, your boyfriend already knows he has you, so he is going for an ego boost. Give him a choice, remind him you are not just another option for him, you will not always be there for him if he is trying to squeeze his ex in. Ask him either make peace with his past and move on, or move out. You tell him you are not comfortable with this, if he does not understand the ex is making a ridge in your trust in him, he does not deserve you.

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  • If he can't tell her to stop or tell her to stop in front of you, this may mean he may still want her in her life. You're not being unreasonable. You don't want to feel like a third wheel and that's entirely understandable. May seem hard and argument provoking, but call him on it and ask if he still has feelings for his ex. This isn't going to be pretty, but there's ultimately a reason why he's taking the position he is in and being "non confrontational is not an excuse

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  • If he blocked her without telling her why he was likely scared to do it. It isn't unreasonable of you. If they bumped into each other every once in a while at a store and talked for a few minutes and you responded this way you would be unreasonable, but that isn't the case

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  • Cuz he is selfish and only cares about himself , do yourself a favor and dump him and find someone that makes you a priority , how would he feel if your ex boyfriend was constantly contacting u? Trust me dump his ass , ha doesn't respect you , you are just a convienence to him

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  • If this guy is showing signs of disloyalty then it is probably best to move on. Can't say for certain but it is very possible he is still connecting with her for an under the table affair or just as a backup.

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  • If he can't understand that there is a block button on his mobile, and or that he even answer them let alone reads and responds to them, tells me he has more respect for her than he does you, and that unfortunately speaks volumes on his behalf. Bad volumes if you kmow What i mean

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  • I think you should raise your standards. You are allowing this situation to go on. If it was my girlfriend, she would do that once. The second time, she'll be single or at least not with me. But in the end you have to decide how much that bothers you. Clearly not enough since you are still with him. I believe that once you make you stand, you'll know how much your really is into you. This is not like he didn't replace the toilet paper. He's 100% still seeing his ex.

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  • There are many possibilities.
    1 Either that ex is trying ruin your relationship with him and getting revenge.
    2 Your boyfriend is making you jeleous.
    3 He regrets and wants her back as girlfriend.
    4 He wants her as a friend not as girlfriend.
    5 He is still confused to decide who is/was better as girlfriend.
    6 He wants to get rid of her but doesn't have the guts to tell her straight as she is acting like a friend.

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  • Sounds like he's trying to keep her on the line. If he made it a point to say to you that he's not going to do it and gave a real reason like she's a close friend and you have to accept he has female friends. Then I'd get it. But him just saying you're overreacting and blocking her number with out saying anything is telling me he wants to keep her around in case, or he likes the attention and wants to maintain that.

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    • She wouldn't be contacting him if he gave her reason not to do so.

  • Yes, you're being unreasonable. He's your boyfriend, not your pet. You don't get to take control of all his relationships with anyone else. Nr does he get to do it to you.
    He's establishing boundaries. "I will go this far, but you are not in charge of my relationships or my life. I will not feed your jealousy." If he let you walk over him, you'd kick him to the curb as a wimp.

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  • he's not respecting you. He should have no problem telling her to stop contacting him if he was serious about you guys relationship, keep your eyes out for him.

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  • See, it's his relationship with the other person. I understand you want him to abandon her; but you can't influence someone else's relationships. If he pays no attention to your protest and goes on talking to that woman, you may be sure he always keeps a few women around. Which is good for him but not for you.

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    • She’s not being unreasonable... i would be ditching this guy. She doesn’t want him having anything to do with his ex. An ex is an ex for a reason MOVE ON

  • Well you definitely aren't being unreasonable, but the way it sounds i think he might wanna cheat on you with her or still be with her or something. Thats the best reason i can come up with as to why he wouldn't say that to her

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  • In short, get to the bottom of what's going on between them and ensure and be sure again and again that there's nothing more than "conversation" between them. If so there is you might need to consider moving on. Also in a sensible manner you could also try having a three way relationship with them. If that doesn't work, you need to start focusing on you and move on and move out.

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  • you need to respect everyone's right to be themselves, even if you don't like what they are doing or not doing. state that you feel insecure about the situation, then take care of your daily routine. Don't spend your time changing people. change yourself if needed. That may mean accepting him at a lower level than you want him to be- such as a friend whom you respect.

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  • I would want to talk to my significant other about it. It may very well be that they are still friends even if you're together. I would proceed by talking to his ex in person so you know with whom you're dealing with. If you (still) can't accept that, tell him that and hope that he respects that or shows more transparency by telling you what they have been talking about. Honesty is important in a relationship.

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  • Tell your man to shoot you her # then call her and tell her "look you stupid Bitch I ain't the one you want to be fucking with and neither is my man now if you try to get at him one more time I'm going to fuck you up I don't play like that you fucking Tramp." then hang up on her don't give her a chance to respond..

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  • Just tell him to delete and block her number and then wait a couple of weeks if he sees her behind your back then dump him. I had the same thing happened to me with my ex girlfriend and she got engaged to him behind my back. But yet I still love her and want to marry her.

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  • Texting your Ex while your in a relationship with somekne else for whatever reason is really idiotic unless the breakup was mutual and they remained friends.

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    • It destroyed my relationship. Her ex boyfriend (and his wife) can have her.

  • He should block her number from everything and that should stop it. If he won't block her number then he's a piece of shit. He should have done that anyway. Just out of respect for you. If he don't, he might not be finished with her. You can't trust someone who isn't loyal and respectful to you.

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    • He's still taking her to pound town. It's all going to end bad. You should be his world, his everything and if he's not treating you like that, he's not. He probably don't want a future with you. I'm sorry to say a thing like this, if he won't do anything to stop her, he must not give a fuck about your feelings. it's all about being loyal and being loved.

  • Unreasonable? Yes kinda. His relationship with others isn't you're concern. That stated, you already have issues with trust here and there is no coming back from that really. Once you don't trust the person you are with. A strong relationship isn't possible really.

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    • How is this even unreasonable. She’s an ex girlfriend... move past it. He shouldn’t even be allowing her to contact him!!!

    • It's unreasonable to assume you have any say in the rights or privacy of others or to have a say in their relationships with other people. As for if he should be allowing her to contact him perhaps he has a reason to care about her still. Either way as I said previously this relatonship is already in a bad position because of lack of trust. Note that I am not saying it is unwarranted. The lack of trust is completely valid but the expectation is not. You can be completely valid in your reasons for not trusting him while also being wrong in your expectation of control.

  • You are not being unreasonable, but he does have his own life.
    If he loves you he's respect what you ask and tell her to stop calling daily, and texting daily. If you think you could handle him have a normal friendship with his ex, that would be a compromise unless you'd like to have every bit of his time devoted to you, but comprise with him.

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  • I am baffled by how insecure society has become. He he steps out on him the tell him to beat feet and try again next time. At least you'll learn who he is early. I think all of you on here need to stay out of relationships till you get some confidence. Haha

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  • I think if he is trustworthy he must talk infront of you.. thay can be friends but why to talk secretly.. and if you dont trust on hi just leave him and tell him that first get over her and than talk to you.. only if you are not in anyother relationship..

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  • Your approach is absolutely correct. You should be a bit more strong and make your guy tell his ex that he's in a relationship and so don't try to call him hoping things will patch up just like that. by the way, this act will also reflect how much your boyfriend is committed in the relationship with you.

    Best Of Luck!

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What Girls Said 84

  • He should respect you enough to tell her to stop or block her. Respect yourself enough to set boundaries where you are not comfortable.

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  • IMHO, your being completely stupid by dating him knowing he has the got of past and is still in contact with this person. The moment he refused, is the moment you should have broke up with him. You think he's not still having sex with her on the side? Don't be naive and cut him loose TODAY! The reason why he does it is that he has NO. RESPECT. FOR. WOMEN. Or YOU. And you just let him walk right over you. He is never going to stop. Stop throwing away your dignity. No respectful person would do what he does.

    "My boyfriend just laughed it off yesterday when she called and said that I was being out of order for having the hump. " WHAT? Drop the loser A. S. A. P. He wants to screw her and you at the same time to have power over you and her. There is no dating properly once you make it into a sexual one. He's only with you for sex, just like she was for sex. Period. That's what happens when you create sexual ties with people your not married to. Even if she is out of his life, he is still connected to her sexually.

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  • Just imagine if the roles are switched, and it's your ex who keep on contacting you, and your current boyfriend knows about it but you still continued to contact your ex.
    Your boyfriend asked you to stop, but you didn't. Instead, you just laughed in his face and told him he's being a pussy about it. What would his reaction be?
    I'm pretty sure your boyfriend won't accept this behaviour from you. So why should you?

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  • Stop talking then. You said what you had to say and you are reasonable. Take some actions now, ghost him for a montth without a notice, donr check on him just take care of yourself. he's probably openly keeping her on the side, to cheat or for his ego...

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  • No you're not. If he really wanted it to stop he could tell her to stop and, if it came down to it, block her number. I would talk to him about it and if things don't stop, end it. He is either still messing around with her, still likes her, or is trying to make you jealous. None of this is right and you deserve better. If this doesn't change, dump his ass.

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  • If you're telling your man to stop communicating and responding with his ex, and he won't cut it out, he probably wants to still be in contact with her, and thats not good for someone that's currently in a relationship. He may be cheating on you through him texting her. But ask him whats going on, and if be diesnt tell you, ignore him until he does, or just leave him. You have a right to know

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  • He still talks to her. If it is so annoying why won't he just tell her to leave him alone? Think about it sis. She knows about you but is still comfortable enough to call an text someone that is taken. I'm thinking when you guys were dating he told it wasn't serious with you. Hung out a few time and now you're here. Getting mad that he won't tell her to leave him alone.

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  • She's 2nd pick. Why would he tell her to stop because if you and him don't work out she's still there? Also, clearly if your asking him to do so and it's bothering you and he's laughing it off then he's not that serious about you and/or her. If you haven't been in a relationship long enough that booty call may be worth keeping in his eyes...

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  • Honey, womanizers are there to be friend material or many kinds of temporary enjoyment material.
    They are obviously not boyfriend materia at all.
    He is saying as if you are over reacting, but it's just an act for his own benefit. He knows what he is doing and how you feel. He understands everything. However, he is not on your side because he values his own sexually thrilling enjoyment than you or your relationship, and This shows that he is a womanizer.
    Get out of that terrible relationship.

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  • I think, first thing you should do is make him realize how bothered you are by this.
    Then, make him block her or at least ask her to stop messaging him.
    If he doesn't do that then you should re-consider your relationship cause I really don't see a reason why he would hide that he is with you from her.

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  • He disrespected you by pretending to block her but clearly hasn’t since her calls are getting through. For all you know, he could be the one reaching out and trying to cheat. You either talk to him one last time, discuss it like adults; ask him how he’d feel if you’d been still contacting your ex. If he laughs it off, dump him. He’s clearly a childish asshole.

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  • If he’s blocked her then let it go for now, if it continues or he begins talking to her again then tell him straight up, I don’t think you should be talking to her because she does not respect our relationship. His reaction is your answer

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  • I would tell him that he’s a jerk tf.. why would you not tell ur ex to leave you alone especially if ur in a relationship. That’s disrespectful to you! If he was still constantly letting her text him then we would break up. That obviously mean u miss her and u still want her if ur not even gon let her leave u alone. But that’s just me 🙂

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  • If he ain’t taking it seriously and laughed it off after all that then he’s probably not serious with keeping you around hunny, so kick that ass to the curb cause he’s obviously got another bed to go to, and you gotta make sure he ain’t shittin in yours anymore 👏🏻👏🏻

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  • Unless he’s given you reason to distrust him, You are being unreasonable and insecure. Your boyfriend probably won’t tell her to stop so this ex won’t think you are insecure. In a way, he’s protecting your honor.

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  • Walk to the bathroom with his phone in hand, stand over toilet drop it and go 'oops it slipped'.

    Or you could message her and find out what's going on.
    Part of me thinks if you talk to him about it he'll be like why are you nagging me? Or why are you jealous?

    If he's a good boyfriend he won't respond. If he does it's time for you to run SPRINTTTT!

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  • Beware. My ex girlfriend's ex boyfriend kept calling her. Her excuse? They raised a family together. The kids weren't even his. I'm single now. Easier than competing with someone's ex. Another excuse? They weren't "doing anything." But I'd rather she fuck him and get it over with or go back to him rather than this side relationship. I obviously wasn't good enough.

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  • don’t worry. you aren’t being unreasonable. it is human nature to feel this way. you’re trying to make sure your boyfriend remains loyal to you. like someone else said, it’s kinda a red flag that he wasn’t telling her to stop contacting him. i may be wrong, but seems like he likes the attention. i’m getting side chick vibes. i’m sorry this is happening, so shitty girl

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  • Not going to lie... if this we me and it was a new boyfriend, I would just leave. I feel like if a guy is really into you & he senses someone trying to get with him, in my experience... the ones who care let her go WITHOUT me saying anything & the ones who don’t, keep them around

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  • You need to dump him. They are still messing around with each other. And she obviously doesn't know about you. Or she just doesn't care. He doesn't want to be in a relationship. He just wants you for his needs. Both of you are getting played.

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  • I had a similar situation with my boyfriend and his ex but fortunately he told her to stop contacting him. Tell him how you feel about and make it completely clear

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  • I wouldn't trust him. If it wasn't a proper relationship, he probably didn't even end it before starting something with you. That's why he was delaying telling her to leave him alone. I wouldve abandoned ship.

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  • If I'm uncomfortable with it my boyfriend would need to respect that. It's either me or her and if he continued to speak to someone I wasn't comfortable with him speaking with then I would tell him its obvious your friend or ex is more important than your GIRLFRIENDS feelings. He should respect you if he doesn't then thats sketchy and shady.

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  • the only reason he is doing this in front of you is that he wants to loose you. Because if he knows that doing this hurts you well it either means that he doesn't care about your feelings or he is just trying to find a way of getting rid of you.

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  • Uhm I think the best thing you can do in this situation is talking to him about how you feel about it and try to get an answer out of it that the both of you agree with. It'll make the both of you stronger. Good luck♡

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  • Uh, nope! He's being disrespectful to you. He's probably not wanting to cut ties with her just in case you two don't work out. That way he can keep her on standby and go back to hooking up with her again. He could even be considering cheating on you with her if he hasn't done so already. Either way this is a selfish guy who is thinking only about himself. If he had any sense in that brain of his he'd tell his ex that he's in a relationship and happy and to leave him alone. The fact that he isn't speaks volumes. I'd dump his lame ass if I were you.

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  • Well, if he loved you he would do as you told. If he knows that you are not okay with speaking with her. He would tell her to stop calling him and to stop contacting once and for all. He ignores you and laughs it off. Meaning he might block her for now!! But he can easily unblock someone too. My advice is to talk to him again, that what he is doing is not okay.. Especially since it was just for hooked up and sex only. That you feel uncomfortable that you guys still talk to each other. That he would not like it if you were the one talking to the ex. Try working it.
    If it does not work. There is nothing you can do.

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    • Either you try to make him understand and make him call that girl in your face! So you can know he is going it for reals. Or break up with him.

  • i think your insecurity is completely justified. if you've tried telling your b. f about it and he's does nothing then tell your closest friend to pretend he/she is your ex and save her number as your ex's number. make her call you/text all the time when you're with your boyfriend. when you're chatting giggle, laugh and talk stories your b. f doesn't know off. if there is something all boys understand is jealousy. after sometime it will drive him so crazy that he will tell you to stop chatting with your ex. tell him "i understand how you feel babe, i'll stop if you also stop chatting with your ex" there it is, problem solved. but don't ever let him know you baited him.

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  • I get your point and I don’t think you’re unreasonable I would be at unease too but I mean he didn’t give u a reason to not trust him

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