So in short, my boyfriends ex keeps trying to call and text him, she’s previously invited him out. My problem is that my boyfriend won’t tell her to stop, yesterday she called and I asked him to call her back, see what she wants and tell her that he’s in a relationship now so stop contacting him, but he refused. He was so against it. They didn’t even properly date, more of just had hook ups and sex. In the end my boyfriend blocked her but I’m so annoyed that he’s refusing to tell her to stop, I feel like she won’t stop unless he tells her too. Am I being unreasonable? My boyfriend just laughed it off yesterday when she called and said that I was being out of order for having the hump.
Am I being unreasonable? I don’t see why he can’t just tell her to stop, and why he can’t do it in front of me.
Updates
+1 y
Update: my boyfriend finally realised how wrong he was and he messaged her to leave him alone and then blocked her. All is good now, thank you for all the responses!
My boyfriends ex won’t stop texting him! What should I do?
Lmao you're getting bamboozled 😂 I suggest just ending the whole thing before you get cheated on If he actually cared about you and saw you as his one and only, he wouldn't hesitate a second to call her in front of you and tell her to fuck off because he has you now, and that's even without you telling him to do it, he should do it by himself if he truly loves you
But if you're stubborn and wanna try sticking to such a bad boyfriend Then ask him to give you his phone and look through it If he refuses, dump him
I think you need to tell the guy to sack up, tell his ex they are over, and stop calling. If your guy still has another woman on the hook then he isn't all that interested in you. When men really love a woman there is no other, no side chick is worth ruining a good thing because he is invested, wants you and only you, and will go out of his way to demonstrate that to you.
Bottom line - he is not invested in you and does not care enough to end it with the other girl.
I don't fully agree with this one. I've got this guy still texting me, who is in a serious relationship and all settled down already. He's always been kind of trying to get me to bed, but not anymore. Now he just keeps contact in a harmless way. I don't seriously think he is at all interested in me anymore, he just likes to get some attention every now and then... even though I almost never reply.
Yeah , I'd be pissed too. He needs to respect your feelings and boundaries. He also needs to set boundaries with her too. He hasn't, so she thinks it okay to pester him the way she has been.
He's blocked her now, so that's as good as telling her to piss off. I'd just let it go now he's blocked her.
He probably did not actually block her. My guess is that they are still hanging out or possibly sleeping together. I also doubt she even knows you exist. Most women your age are not friends with benefits when another woman is involved. I'd leave him. He's totally leading you on.
She's 2nd pick. Why would he tell her to stop because if you and him don't work out she's still there? Also, clearly if your asking him to do so and it's bothering you and he's laughing it off then he's not that serious about you and/or her. If you haven't been in a relationship long enough that booty call may be worth keeping in his eyes...
IMHO, your being completely stupid by dating him knowing he has the got of past and is still in contact with this person. The moment he refused, is the moment you should have broke up with him. You think he's not still having sex with her on the side? Don't be naive and cut him loose TODAY! The reason why he does it is that he has NO. RESPECT. FOR. WOMEN. Or YOU. And you just let him walk right over you. He is never going to stop. Stop throwing away your dignity. No respectful person would do what he does.
"My boyfriend just laughed it off yesterday when she called and said that I was being out of order for having the hump. " WHAT? Drop the loser A. S. A. P. He wants to screw her and you at the same time to have power over you and her. There is no dating properly once you make it into a sexual one. He's only with you for sex, just like she was for sex. Period. That's what happens when you create sexual ties with people your not married to. Even if she is out of his life, he is still connected to her sexually.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I'm going to say probably the truest thing here, and i'm sure others have said it before me. don't ask a question if you are not willing to actually listen and take action. so many people come for answers and ignore it for benefit of the doubt. please don't. i recently got out of an abusive relationship not because i was strong enough, but because he got arrested. not by me, though i was groomed and wrapped up in it all. it's too long of a story to go into.. but he triangulated me with his best friend, compared me to her, gas-lighted me about it etc. many guys have said it in the comments and i will repeat it for you because it upsets me to see anyone going through similar to what i did even if it's different. he doesn't respect you. he laughed at your feelings. that pit of pain you don't understand in the pit of your stomach is your gut feeling. it's basically a special power that no one knows they have because they don't trust it enough. I think he may still be involved with his ex. there is such a thing as emotional cheating. research, look out for the signs and get out before it can escalate. x
Oh dear, love may be blind, and you may wanna give it the benefit of the doubt; But at this point in my life, I can confidently affirm that that your boyfriend doesn't want to burn that bridge since he still has a vested interest in whatever she's got to offer, at the very least. Worst case, he's still bread crumbing her. Then again, it's just an opinion. Being real objective too. My final words, hit him with the ultimatum, and if he refuses to get the message across explicitly, walk out on his ass before he screws you over on more humiliating levels. Smh, men ain't shit.
He should have been mature enough to do that without you pushing him. He has to know your boundaries and based on that he will either respect you or... lie and see you both if he can. If its just sex, it will continue to happen. You should communicate with him about why it took him so damn long to do something. Maybe he just had to do it 1 more time with her... but wait he's still tapping that... your sharing a boyfriend. Basically don't have sex with him he needs to be mature enough to fast from sex if he really wants you. This is not knew... why are you looking at his phone you can't trust him. Now he's just gonna try to smooth this over. He needs to do more work than just say o we done, I'm sorry... nope that's too easy. He had to build trust but the fact that he told you that he was sexually involved with her says he is not a relationship type unless he is willing to be a friends for a long time then a boyfriend. Goodluck
Uh, nope! He's being disrespectful to you. He's probably not wanting to cut ties with her just in case you two don't work out. That way he can keep her on standby and go back to hooking up with her again. He could even be considering cheating on you with her if he hasn't done so already. Either way this is a selfish guy who is thinking only about himself. If he had any sense in that brain of his he'd tell his ex that he's in a relationship and happy and to leave him alone. The fact that he isn't speaks volumes. I'd dump his lame ass if I were you.
Well, if he loved you he would do as you told. If he knows that you are not okay with speaking with her. He would tell her to stop calling him and to stop contacting once and for all. He ignores you and laughs it off. Meaning he might block her for now!! But he can easily unblock someone too. My advice is to talk to him again, that what he is doing is not okay.. Especially since it was just for hooked up and sex only. That you feel uncomfortable that you guys still talk to each other. That he would not like it if you were the one talking to the ex. Try working it. If it does not work. There is nothing you can do.
I am good friends with some previous sexual partners I had. I still find them attractive but does not mean I will give into the desires. I know myself to be strong enough to not cheat on any relationship. I expect her to have the same kind of relationships too. To me if you cannot accept someone for having a past intimate relationship with someone they still talk to then that makes you insecure about yourself. Shouldn't you be asking yourself "why do I care? How does this affect me? do i trust my partner enough to NOT do anything?". If I had a partner who did not want me to talk to a friend, sexual past or not, then why are we even together? You do not have the right to control my social life. Even if we are dating or married. I do not ever do that to my partners. Bottom line is if you cannot trust the person your with fully then why are you with them?
Your boyfriend might be a nice guy, and he doesn't want to hurt this girl's feelings. Most men truly cannot stand seeing or hearing a woman cry. There's also the strong possibility, but he wants to keep her around in case he loses you. You said they were friends with benefits. So it's not like she was somebody he truly cared about. She might just be is fall back crutch. If she truly was a friends-with-benefits kind of girl. I doubt seriously that this is someone he's thinking of starting a relationship with. It might just want to keep her around in case the two of you don't workout. I would suggest to you, instead of browbeating him, and trying to force him to get rid of her. What you should do instead is knock his boots like they've never been knocked before. Make him forget about her with your body. Do it well, and do it often. But that's only if you think he's worth keeping around.
i would think something is up. and this is coming from a guy that's still friends with 90% of my ex's, but the difference is I tell all my friends and ex's that I'm in a relationship and ill tell them who it is if they ask and vice versa. i don't hide anything like that. it starts too many "what if's" and I got nothing to hide, so I make sure both sides know what's up. but if my woman told me to tell them not to call me, I would say no! not going to do it. not going to throw a friend away, that's is just a friend and nothing more. but I don't play sneaky shit either.
i think your insecurity is completely justified. if you've tried telling your b. f about it and he's does nothing then tell your closest friend to pretend he/she is your ex and save her number as your ex's number. make her call you/text all the time when you're with your boyfriend. when you're chatting giggle, laugh and talk stories your b. f doesn't know off. if there is something all boys understand is jealousy. after sometime it will drive him so crazy that he will tell you to stop chatting with your ex. tell him "i understand how you feel babe, i'll stop if you also stop chatting with your ex" there it is, problem solved. but don't ever let him know you baited him.
You are an option to him. Maybe a "safety" (same concept as safety school). He wants a relationship with her or sex on the side or having the variety of getting sex from two girls. If you are seeking an exclusive relationship be aware he isn't at the least and you are a backup at the worst. Of course he won't be honest about it because if its for the sex that will be cut off and he knows you might not stick around if you find up you are a backup. Its shitty but you guys are both so young and have so much to learn. See things as they are not as you wish they were.
Well... you are in the rights of being annoyed and by all means you are not jelouse you just want a normal relationship and not having to share him. Well i am going to say, either he tells his ex to stop bugging him, or you leave this relationship bc he can't have it both ways, unless thats what you want to do. I dont think he has much respect for you or any girls, very immature guy. I know, i would look at him and smile, then when he leaves, i will tell him dont ever return good bye, and delete his ass number, bc its not worth my time. But you are not being unreasonable, you are in the right mind to think that way about your boyfriend. Good luck on your decision. This is my own opinion and no one needs to agree with me at all.
There’s not something necessarily wrong with staying in contact with exes. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it’s not. The more important issue is whether or not it’s ok with you. You’re allowed to have your own hard limits. If that’s an absolute no for you, then you have to communicate that to him. If it’s equally important to him to stay in contact with his exes then the two of you are incompatible. You can part ways now amiably realizing that this wasn’t a good match. And you can bet there are other things that you haven’t discovered yet that will be just as difficult if not more so.
Looking at your question I also noticed how, in a lot of the wording, you are putting a lot of the blame towards her. That’s really not fair and is reinforcing an incorrect perspective for you. There is every chance that she has no idea that you are bothered at all by her contacting him. This is all on you and your boyfriend. And if I’m being honest, it sounds like you actually have been pretty clear and he’s dismissed your needs and concerns pretty condescendingly. You’re young! Move on and maybe both of you will learn something important from this :)
She keeps calling and texting? Thats a reply id lay it out for him as simple as possible if you want this relationship to continue then you need to address your worries before you can progress. As far as im concerned he's probably continueing to see and talk with his 'BOOTY CALL' he needs to answer that call infront of you see how that conversation goes! And honestly hell probably if doing something wrong he will act and talk so differently on the phone too her trying to send her a hint that someone is listening she probably knows he's cheating on you and doesn't care about it, she is getting what she wants
Ok. I'm gonna respond. Becuz if I don't this post will show up for all eternity.
Why is that anyway? Certain posts just won't go away. There's a higher power at work. I'm sure of it.
He still has feelings. He doesn't want to lose his friend. But he worries the two of u won't get along. I suggest taking her out to dinner. You can talk about your boyfriend. She might have some insight. I doubt she's competition. She just can't let go of the friendship, just like him. Feel free to ignore my advice.
This post won't disappear, no matter what I do. It shows up even when no one has said anything.
Anyway, I disagree. She should just talk to her. Find out what's going on. Forcing him to delete a friend is asking for trouble. He'll resent her for making him do it.
I read once that if you can't let go of something, u should take a photograph of it and then let go. It's a bit of a stretch, but maybe the texts are like a photograph? Something he once had, and doesn't want to let go of. Messed up? Yes. But not a reason to break off her current relationship.
Yes, because dealing with dramatic women is a huge pain in the ass for me and I think a lot of men. He tells her don’t call or blocks her. She flips out, next thing you know she’s knocking on his door, coming to his work. Sometimes women can be obsessive. Sometimes best to just answer and just kinda let her babble until she moves on. Is she psycho? Obviously there’s s reason he was only fucking her and not in a more serious type of relationship with her.
No, because I won’t date girls who are still in contact wit their ex’s. Not even just friends with them, for a variety of reasons. If their ex is anywhere in their life, I’m not. So I can’t blame you for not being ok with it. You’re with him, you don’t want interference from her. Also I’d be concerned about trusting him.
I think more details are needed as to why he allows this and doesn’t just completely cut her off.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Your boyfriend either wants to ignore the situation is even happening by blanking it out and not dealing with it in my opinion. Or he still has lingering feelings for her. It's difficult to say. But I've had a girl in the past not ex try to contact my boyfriend and he's told them he's not interested and he's happy with me. If he can't say openly to this girl he's moved on them something is off. She's either an obsessed ex who you may need to tell to back off or she's hanging about for a reason. Only your boyfriend knows the truth. If he's being harassed he needs to say it.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
You kind of make it sound like she's the one pursuing your boyfriend, but we don't know if that's actually true or not. You also don't mention how long you've been dating him.
For one, I would never ask my boyfriend or anyone to block or stop talking to someone they know and had a past with. It's their choice, their freedom. I can eventually inquire more about the nature of their relationship and convey my feelings on the subject if I feel threatened in any way, but the only thing I can control is either I trust my partner or not.
Also, someone with a recent history of "friends with benefits" is hardly someone I would consider apt to be in a serious relationship, aka a quality guy. He won't cut ties with her because he doesn't even know what commitment is. They've never even broken up because they were never in a serious relationship to begin with.
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Opinion Owner
+1 y
He blocked her twice then... lol. You just couldn't rest until he acted like the dick he is and treated his ex like a stalker, huh? You seem happy now, congrats. Just remember, what goes around comes around.
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