*Ladies can't speak for men but they CAN share their experiences about what men have said/done.
I came across this question and couldn't answer because it was for guys only. In my experience, guys/guy friends haven't typically wanted a relationship with a woman who has sex on the first date. I even had a guy who said didn't kiss me on the first date because he wanted to make sure I knew he wanted a relationship. (Mixed signals for sure.) I've heard another guy say that his friend had sex on the first date and that's not indicative of a long term relationship. What are your thoughts?
1. Some guys equate a girl sleeping with them on the first date, to a girl whom would cheat on them just as easily. Playing out the horror vision of investing in a girl who sleeps behind his back, because another guy did what he did. Turns her on and she sleeps with him. It's irrational, but that's what some guys do and some do this because it's happened to them in the past. Getting cheated on. So theyll make that association in their head.
2. I know a lot of guys who SAY they'd never get into a relationship with a girl who slept with them on date one who ended up doing just that. So I personally look at it mostly as some guys having an ego around the idea vs actually being seriously against it.
It's kind of stupid. Because he finds a girl, attracts the girl, things go well as he's trying to get her to sleep with him. She sleeps with him. therefore doing what they BOTH wanted. But he mindfucked himself to the point where he can't have nice things. She didn't sleep with him because of the connection, that he was a good guy and she was into him. No, she did it because she was easy and that's what she does with everybody.
I just can't understand that mindset, but that's some guys lol.
Most will sleep with her and then want nothing to do with her, because I guess they think she’s not relationship material and they already got what they wanted from her anyway, since men have no desire for love or relationships with women. Still completely hypocritical, but that’s just how men are.
Doesn’t matter what the woman is worth. Just matters if the guy is loyal or not. If he’s naturallt loyal and he happens to fall for a girl not worthy of it, he’ll be loyal to her. But men aren’t really capable of loyalty, hense why you think it’s the women that simply don’t deserve it.
I’m really not sure. I’ve encountered quite a few guys who’ve wanted sex from me on the first date and when I chose not to, they would get upset. For other ladies, men will be too willing to fuck her, but discard her afterwards. So it kind of seems like damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
I can only bring my experience, which it's that I'd simply not be ready for sex on the first date. I waited eight months before I was ready to have sex with my girlfriend.
That’s some really dumb logic. Too horny to trust? What an A hole. I want a wife that’s horny all the time. Level of horniness and trust have literally no correlation. Could a person be loyal and trustworthy... and be down for sex all the time? I think so. There’s no indicator to say if he married you, you wouldn’t go to him and only him to get that need met.
Too horny to trust? That’s so retarded.
I hope he ends up with a frigid wife due to his asinine logic.
I think rational guys who were interested in dating in the first place and who would themselves be interested in sex a first date can enjoy the sex and still be interested in dating.
I know many couples who had sex quickly and it didn’t cause any problems.
I’m sure there are people who are interested in sex fast but will no longer want to date a person who is also interested in sexual fast, in my opinion they are shooting them selves in the foot. If you want sex and you pass up on someone you like who also wants sex you’re kind of insane.
I totally get that for people who themselves want to wait, they could be uncomfortable saying someone who wanted to gave sex soon, though even there I don’t see the big deal as long as the other person can wait.
If you want to wait and they are willing to wait with you then the fact they wanted sex should just be a bonus.
If you both want sex and have sex and THEN you decide they are not datable bc of sex, you guys never would e worked out bc you are not mature enough to deal with other hijab beings in a realistic meaningful way and this problem will bleed all over everything.
If they want sex and you don’t and they lose interest as a result, this one I can understand but it’s moot bc they don’t want to date you.
The only scenario where wanting sex should interfere with dating is when someone doesn’t want to wait. If you both want sex or if they are willing to wait to have it, then there’s no legitimate problem and to dump a person over the fact you guys wanted the same thing.. I’ve no sympathy for the fuller and in my opinion the dumper is better off.
I myself can not have arc quickly but if I knew a guy would dump someone over that after having de. With them, I would not date him.
I don’t have respect at all for people like that and I don’t understand why anyone would worry about seeking too slutty. It’s not slutty to desire a person you are saying they should want to feel desired. It’s disrespectful to try to force someone into having sexual before they are ready. If you are not doing that then there is no problem. For someone to create drama over nothing... this is not a good person you can trust. Why do people try to accommodate hypocrites. Don’t get it never will.
The only people who should be bothered by your interest in sex is people who don’t want sex.
Getting upset bc someone likes sex, this is the dumbest shit.
A guy can’t expect yhe woman he’s dating to never gave wanted we’d with anyone else. The important thing _should_ be that wants sex with him at that time. If he’s ready to have sex too then what’s the problem. She can pretend to not want sex this doesn’t prove a thing😆 and sone women really are not that interested in sex so they are actually not rushing bc they don’t care about it. If someone is excited about it then you know they like it. What’s bad? Just he safe.
Anyhow I’ve seen pretty positive progression from sex to dating but i have the kinds of acquaintances that live honestly and don’t worry about being popular. They tend to be people and sex positive.
I've never witnessed first hand slit shaming from anyone I know. There are lots of hook ups but they are intentional. Not failed dating. Also dating that hues from wed to more. Also dating that takes forever to get to sex 😁😁
Somewhere up there was dumper and dumped jug it doesn’t really matter. I requested it enough in ways all the way down that I’m sure the point got across... Also basically what 0112358 said 😊
I mean... I’d be having sex on the first date too in that scenario, I’m not throwing stones in a glass house haha. I guess I never had a relationship after first date sex, but I’ve also only had two legit relationships, and that’s just more circumstantial than anything. It wasn’t like I was like “ok, she held off, now I know she could be a potential girlfriend.” Girls I did sleep with on the first date, they didn’t last for unrelated reasons, and more often than not, the reason was simply that they were here for college and would be moving on soon, so it wouldn’t have made sense to get feelings into it. Just enjoy each other’s company for a few months, part ways on good terms, nice knowing you✌️
For others... I mean, whatever, do you. I don’t know, I just don’t have that mindset about sex sullying somebody. Like every additional partner is a strike against you. I get it if it’s out of control and may not be what you’re looking for, but I see people on here freaking out about like 3-5 partners even. It’s not my call to make for you, I’d just recommend that you figure your shit out early and lock someone down young, because let me tell you, you won’t be planting any flags in your 20s and beyond. That’s all just insecurity, you need to let that go. I read something somewhere the other day and guy was saying he was dating a chick for a few years, wanted to marry her, but he just couldn’t, not until she agreed to anal sex with him. And it wasn’t like this guy was huge into anal and couldn’t live without it. I guess I can’t say for sure, but I didn’t get that impression. Rather, his reasoning was that she had had anal sex before, ONE TIME with an ex-boyfriend, HATED IT and refused to do it again, but this kid was just hung up on the idea that this other guy had been somewhere he hadn’t. I mean that is BANANAS, seriously.
well your question is directed at women but it showed up on my alerts so i'll respond. I'm not going to even try to sleep with a woman on the first date. If woman pushed for it (this has never been an issue lol) my guess is i would pull away. the thought that would be going through my head is "i barely know you, and if you do this with someone you barely know like me. How many guys do you do this with"? I'm not saying this is the right reaction. and believe me i'd be calling myself an idiot all the way home lol. But it does feel like the right thing to do. And for the record this is not a judgement of any woman who has sex on a first date. Also i'm curious how this guy who didn't kiss you on the first date unfolded. the way you wrote it made it sound like you wanted him to kiss you and he didn't. So he liked you, you got along well, but then he didn't kiss you. Otherwise why would that be a mixed signal? is a kiss required on every date for a woman? just curious how a woman views this.
Thank you for your opinion!! As for the guy that didn't want to kiss me, no it isn't a requirement to be kissed. We only talked about it because I thought there was no chemistry (he patted me on the shoulder at the end of the night) and he said there WAS chemistry.
Its simple, lets assume you live in a western country where sex before marriage is the norm, sex on first date or even within a short while of knowing the guy , while enjoyable for both will signal to him that you're no girlfriend material , if you're not looking for anything serious then cool, but if you are then thats one bad move.
Why? if she liked him enough to bang him on the first date, then she banged someone else before him on first date, adn someone before that on first date, she's experienced and sex for her is no big deal, thats a turn off for most guys, regardless of what they tell you, we want pure innocent women, not those who had been used by plent of men, not to mention that sex on first date means you have no will or self control and at some point if you meet a guy you start liking be it at work or anywhere really, and he makes a move, you will be more likely to sleep with him, in short easy girls have no brakes and can't control themselve... theyre not someone you marry.
thats how men think , take it or leave it , dont hate the player hate the game.
Guys that doesn’t make sense - not that you would want to wait but the reasons given for not liking her having sex soon. And I spooky mat I understand if you wouldn’t want sex soon , but my impression with this answer is her have sex with her turn dump her for it. That’s very different then just not wanting to rush it
And sex in a date has nothing to do with cheating in an office..
Idn what to say, other thank speak from. Expierience. The sooner I hook up with a chick the shorter and worse the realtionship is. Sex is more than any of you could ever imagine. We're speaking of an exchange of souls here
what i say and what you say make no difference, hate the game not they player, it is what its is, take it or leave it, be gratfeful a guy is telling you the truth , 99% of the guys including me will tell you that we dont care only to get sex, when we get it we dump you and move on, its really as simple as it sounds dont overthink it , you either decen up and become someone we want to associate ourselves with or not.
as for the innocence part, innocent women are women with no prior sexual experience, women that haven't seen 10 penises by the time theyre 20, women that dont know all the sex poses and ways to pleasure a man, innocent women are not women who are so pure they know nothing abouy sex, rather they are women that haven't been touched before and for them sex is important and pure and should be done in a serious long lasting frame like marriage and not something you give to some dude who hit on you at the grocery store.
@VIVANT Regarding judging women and not ourselves as men for having sex as well... do you know how hard is it for the average guy to have sex? its extremely hard like you have to put in so much effort, women just have to show up. the second point is... when women wanna get married to a guy, they want someone they find attractive, with a stable life, job and good income, his own place and car and if he at some points starts acting a bit lazy the nagging begins... we as men? the last 3 girls i dated didn't even make 1000$ a month and they are studying subjects in college that literally have no jobs like philosiphy and who knows what, they rely on their parents mostly, have no place and one even had almost no friends, but they were cool to hang out with, were attractive and we clicked and thats what i cared about, i doubt most women would care about "clicking" with a guy only , otherwise all men would've had gfs by now.
we play a different game, men and women are not the same , when you get pregnant and give birth you need a man to support you and your newborn for a year or two at least till you get back on your feet and start working, we as men have different responsbilities and we act accordingly , if you wanna play the man role you're gonna be seriously disaapointed, the happiest women i know are those who are married, work 3 days a week, have 2-3 kids and their main focus is their family, the career driven women are far from happy, and the masculine women have it even worth.
Since guys are pitching in, I never thought much about it besides just noticing the chemistry that leads to those events on a first date. I slept with my wife on our first date. Might be a cultural thing. In Japan, we don't have this abstinence before marriage culture.
The one downside for me in sleeping together so soon, and it has happened to me at times, is that the chemistry takes over but before you two really know each other so well. So I might have the strongest kind of physical/sexual connection with a girl but find there isn't such strong compatibility outside the bedroom (ex: in the way we communicate verbally, even if we're so alike in the way we communicate physically).
But I don't think it ever impacted my ability to entertain a long-term relationship. To the contrary, sleeping on first dates probably extended our relationships in my case longer than ideal since we weren't so compatible people in the long run but had that sexual desire for each other in common, keeping us continuing to date when we probably would have broken it off sooner otherwise.
With my wife though, we were close friends for a year before we started dating, so it's not like we were mere acquaintances. And I also made a bold move on our first date jamming an emergency stop button on an elevator and kissing her. I thought little of it except noticing how much chemistry we had, and that's a plus in my book as far as LTRs go.
I know you asked the ladies. I’m going to throw in my 2 cents in on this. I’m also pretty sure my opinion is NOT reflective of most guys.
I’m totally fine with it and it does not reflect to me if the girl is relationship material or not. First of all I’m glad to find out she’s not a prude and probably likes and wants sex maybe as much as me. Granted that’s a big maybe. i have a big appetite in that area. I also think its a good sign she wants to keep me around. She’s gonna break rules to give me what I want. I also like to find out if we’re not gonna be sexually compatible quickly. Since I’m not going to be in a relationship with someone I’m not sexuality compatible with I prefer to find out sooner than later.
I in no way think a girl who has sex on the first date is a slut. It’s happened to me quite a few times. I truly don’t care how many guys a girl has been with or how soon she sleeps with me (however if she makes me wait too long I’m out) I don’t think those things are indicators of if she’ll be a good partner for me. I think most guys do care about those things I don’t care even a little.
Personally, I think women should know more than men do about how men respond to quick sex. Men are kinda biased in that regard. And it's difficult to see the forest through the trees. Neither men nor women really know themselves. So getting opinions from women on this issue seems like it would be better than getting them from men.
Personally, rationally, I like sex. And so I would like sex very quickly, as soon as possible. But, I don't remember how my behavior has been in those situations.
My inclination is that quicker sex means quicker bonding. But, like I said, can't see the forest through the trees; so, my behavior may have been different than I imagine it, in the past.
I figure you're open to dudes answering, given the allowance
Well there are many variables. Predatory women are renowned for using sex to lure their victims in to servitude (been there), and the same is true for Men, though predatory Men usually lure with material things too.
It depends on how long you've known the person though, and on the context of that relationship. There's nothing stopping me kissing a girl on a first date, but it's still a case by case basis.
I think Sax and the City has a LOT to answer for. We men aren't just walking penises and do have feelings. For me, if there isn't an emotional bond or connection then there won't be a physical one either.
The age old truth is that Love can wait, Lust cannot. I don't however; beleive that there is a one size fits all rule.
If I knew the girl long-term, and slept with her the first time we kissed, then it wouldn't matter.
But if I didn't know her previously, and didn't know her character, then no, I wouldn't consider her as relationship material, as I would assume one night stands is her thing.
I also don't think girls realise that "Friends with benefits" situation basically rules out any hope of that guy ever considering that girl for a proper relationship in most cases. I'm not a fan of it, but it's unfortunately very cruel.
It does in my opinion have more of a negative effect. But it all depends, usually hold out for two weeks at least but that's cause I'm a Virgo and a protective prude over my body. However my last girlfriend was only after 4 days or so and I wasn't all for it really, it felt rushed. I more or less did it cause I felt bad for her. She really was about us making love. n I'm not a guy to keepa girl waiting. All n all, I learned to just follow my usual two weeks thing cause it wasn't the best of relationships
I'd like to add that there's always the possibility that I would sleep with a chick on the first night. Almost do that once, it just depends on the connection and my faith in heart towards em
I actually know at least two guys who had sex with their wife first date.
Some guys look down on it. Some see it as a positive sign of good chemistry and similar interest in sex.
I think being yourself is most likely to have a positive impact on guys who think like you do and you’d be long term compatible with. Adjusting to what some group of guys likes will... land you a guy you’re less compatible with.
It honestly varies. I’ve slept with men on the first date and I’ve also waited and I’ve been treated the same most times. I feel like as a woman you cannot win. You sleep with them on the first date then you’re not girlfriend material; you hold out and they get bored and move onto someone who gives it up easier.
I don’t think it matters. If there’s a connection that will win anyway. It all depends on his initial intention. If he wants to fuck he wants to fuck, but he will most likely judge you for it after!
that's cause the sex doesn't change the outcome. if a guy isn't "that" interested, it doesn't matter if you have sex on the first date or not. they'll still not stay with you either way. the only thing that is different is, that you at least had some fun xD
no they don't always do. it's easy if you already know you're not interested. but if you are interested, you don't know how things evolve, cause after all you don't know them enough.
I have no idea tbh... read enough here that most will not take the girl serious. maybe like other say, he would think she is easy and have sex with other guys on first date. A few have last. I can’t have sex till I am comfortable and gotten to know him for sometime.
At my friend's college there was a woman nicknamed for the initials of a garbage dumpster service company. When she found out after several months the reason why, she was not happy. "The cum dumpster".
I guess she got around frequently and presumably on a lot of first dates. Not saying its right, but that was the image portrayed.
It was a brutal nickname. Even more so because she accepted the three letters as a nickname not knowing what it meant. When she found out, I presume it was pretty awful.
Some girls at my college called a guy "packy" as they saw his package because of his loose shorts. Not quite the same thing though.
Depends on too many variables. If 1st date is coffee at SBUX. maybe not. When it happen, I make are both lover and myself are not being pushed by alcohol. Unless we’re both sober no recriminations
I’ve dated women 3 times before considering it. I’ve also done it when no date- just physical hunger-was involved
Eh, I feel like most girls have had sex on the first date before. Very few girls are consistent in always making the guy wait or always having it on the first date.
So even if a girl were to take things slow with me, I'm still going to have it in the back of my mind that she was probably easy to get for other guys before me.
@VIVANT ya because most people know whether the other is their type within like 5 mins
I know with a girl I definitely loved and dated for like 5 years and wanted to marry. She got physical really fast. Like maybe a week in
And it didn't change that i wanted to be with her
But lets say its a girl im on the fence about. Then the desire to be with her is not strong enough to over ride the after sex feeling —> which makes men feel distant from the girl
@VIVANT ya but if she’s not what we want lol, we won't really get attached long term. Its really a pull between seeing her as a girl you’d potentially want long term vs being on the fence or not at all
At least from what I've noticed with couples Like if you had sex with your ideal man in every shape and form. You won't feel detached you’ll be on a high
If its a guy you dont really think is long term But the moment got the best of you. You’ll show signs of being detached for sure lol
Right but that’s with anyone.. if you really like a person sex won’t disrupt that unless you have issues
If you are my about them anything you do can lessen the interest even miniature golf - but if you wanted to play miniature golf and played one night then never saw each other again... well you got to play golf. And didn’t waste time
Would it be better if you didn’t get to play and then after a few weeks never saw each other again anyhow. I don’t see the benefit 🤷♀️
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