Ever met someone years later and been horribly disappointed?

Question

In high school, I was friends with a girl named Laura. She was absolutely beautiful: blond hair, blue eyes, great physique, athletic, friendly, a cheerleader but not pretentious or snobbish. I lusted for her but knew that I was not mature enough to date before I left high school at age 16. A few years ago, Laura contacted me on Facebook in connection with our 45th high school reunion; I had not attended a reunion since our 5th. I decided to attend because I was divorced, in a failing relationship, and I wanted to see if any of my female classmates might be single and available. When I met Laura, I was shocked. She had gained so much weight. . . it was like the photo above, except it was real and not just photoshopped. She had developed a medical problem which required her to frequently use systemic steroidal medications, and that had caused tremendous weight gain. She was still nice, sweet, very pleasant, etc. and she was single and seemed to be interested in me but I could not get past the horrible physical transformation. I know - please don't remind me - that I should not judge her solely by her physical appearance, but the idea of lusting for her was impossible to imagine. . . and I felt guilty about that. . . and disappointed. . . and sympathetic about her medical condition. Have you ever had such an experience?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I have only been out of high school for 5 years, but yes, I've met people from then who had become very unpleasant. One guy I was friends with and talked to daily became a jerk and shunned me for no reason; oh well, his loss. Many of the people who were rude and unpleasant in high school had not really changed much, except for the fact that nobody was impressed by them being smartasses anymore and they were pretty unsuccessful and still playing the same childish games as in high school. Some of the ones who were laughed at a lot in high school went on to do great things and are doing amazing now. Some of the people who were jerks grew up and became nice people.

Unfortunately, a lot of girls (and guys) who were thin in high school did gain quite a bit of weight. I was the opposite; I was chunky in high school and lost weight after. There were a couple others like me.

Everyone seems to have their day in the sun, some earlier or later than others. Some peak in high school, others later in life. It can be kind of shocking to see the changes in people after just 5 short years. In high school, it seems like the people with popularity, great looks, great grades, etc. will be successful forever and that the kids who aren't popular and maybe struggle socially, with grades, or with their appearance will not go anywhere, but there are a lot of times when things change quite a bit in the direction you never thought they would.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I’ve not had that experience but I don’t think it’s un-natural to not be attracted to someone who isn’t in the best health (to be diplomatic). I mean obviously you aren’t going to be horrible to her and she can still be seen as a grgeay friend, but I think we’re lidding ourselves somewhat to say you’d be attracted to them, some people may feign it out of pity perhaps but I think that’s probably worse to be honest from her point of view. It doesn’t take anything away from her though! Not at all, it’s not about that, it’s about not having much of a day over who you’re physically attracted to. Now if you’d fallen in love and built a solid foundation before this happened, I’d have a different view.

DeviloftheValleys · Accepted Answer

At my age (or youth, I guess) and below, change happens very fast in people. So while I have met someone after a pause and been horribly dissapointed, it never took years.

I used to be really good friends with this one girl, who I kind of admired for her smarts. She was open-minded, intelligent, intellectually rigourous and honest.

Then a summer passes... and she is a loud, fact ignoring SJW who calls me racist for not wanting open borders. That was just kind of sad, actually. It goes to show how much power these dogmatic ideologies have once they grip you.

zagor · Accepted Answer

So your Hermione turned into Hippopotami, eh. Sad for her.

There was girl I worked with, about 22 at the time, that I used to sometimes go clubbing with (along with our co-workers). I ran into her about 4 years later, and I swear she literally doubled in size. It was like she was reproducing by mitosis and was just about ready for the split.

I can't say it was really a disappointment though, as I had never really been interested in her. She used to be reasonably attractive, but always was dumb as a brick.

StingRayxoxo · Answer

I have not had this experience but it is totally understandable. Even though we shouldn't just completely on experience, there has to be a physical connection to make it work as well.

ChronicThinker · Answer

With an old flame of mine, yeah. He was really cute in our youth and transformed into a troll.

Logorithim · Answer

This hasn't happened to me, partly because I've been far from where I grew up for a long time and have only rarely been single.

PinkChampagne · Answer

Yes but with non-physical factors

GraveDoll · Answer

Yes,

I had a slight crush on this guy from a job I use to work while in high school. He was a few years older and had a girlfriend but was the ken of the football team. My cousins and he played on the same team. He knew I had a thing for him but he just always called me "cute kid". Yeah I was a freshman and a stupid virgin and it was the first time in a public school for me, I was clumsy at everything.

long story short 2 years ago I went to my cousin's wedding and this guy comes talking to me and I had no fucking idea who talking to me. Im just smiling and nodding and trying to figure who was the freak acting like we knew each other.

It wasn't till he said you are way more than a "cute kid" these days beautiful. I literally could not hide my disbelief. He looks much older than he should have and just a wasted shell of his former self. Apparently he ha a bad run-in with drugs or something anyway. He went from a "my Ken" to a "no thanks"

It was so weird too he wanted my number since I was no longer an "a cute kid" and I was like eh I have a boyfriend (truthful I did just get out a rough relationship) and literal had to hide for the rest of the reception as he was coming way to heavy on me. And my tongue is to truthful for its own good. It was just best that way.

Well, I guess it safe to say I dodged a bullet on that one. But I was so appalled I could not get over it for weeks I was just stunned. He was literally the "hottest" guy in high school. was told he slept with a lot of girls but his girlfriend didn't care I guess and had a scholarship to Clemson. it was crazy.

sjoes006 · Answer

I can usually tell who will and won’t become fat. Genes more than habits. Like the most recent Bachelorette, she’s going to get chubby. She’s a beauty queen that yoyo’s a bit for the looks of her facial fat and tummy on last episode.

Like not obese but thick. She had to wear a romper because she had gained weight on her hips and stomach.

After 45 years, heck I’d just be glad they are alive and doing well.

I have one cousin out of over a dozen that got really heavy. She still has the same face. I try not to judge people for those things. Actually her two siblings are also heavier just not like her. It comes down to genes. Their Mom who isn’t a blood relative to me is now heavy.

The rest of my family on both sides are quite skinny.

I workout, I control my calories but I eat sugary foods on occasion and I don’t follow a strict eat this food and not that food. My body tells me to eat kale and what not but I also eat steak and drink beer sometimes.

I have to remember that I’m not normal. I’m on the lucky genetic end and there are others who are on the other end.

It isn’t fair and I can’t imagine. I have a friend who needed to get on meds. She can’t workout enough or eat any less but still gains weight on the meds.

Be kind to one another. That’s my takeaway, life is hard enough on us all.

Anonymous · Answer

It's too bad you couldn't get past the physical. You might have really missed out on a good thing. Some people show their medical problems on their bodies and others internally where you can see them physically or in their brains. I've had multiple surgeries for a ruptured appendix, gall bladder removal and two benign breast tumor removals. I'm lucky my skin heals really well but I have scars on my body. By the 45 year reunion most of us aren't what we used to be. it is just a fact.

Even if she was still that slim woman of your past there would be no guarantee that something couldn't happen in the future that would change how she looked and just maybe something could happen to you that could change how you look.

And the truth is maybe the next man she meets will be the one who helps her back to health because he sees that sweet kind person that she is within.

Legacy3018 · Answer

Let's just hope your long lost "friend" finds a nice man who will not post her medical conditions and your perspective of her appearance on a site like this asking stupid shallow questions.

I don't mean to attack you, but you are supposed to be wise, can't you figure out the answer to this question without posting it here.

I'm sure you don't look the same as you did 40 years ago and I hope you stay healthy, but you won't have it forever my friend. This time next year, you could be in the same predicuurment, with a lady who used to fancy you, asking the same question but about how disappointed ylshe was with your poor health and appearance.

Life is funny, the moment you go around saying things like, I have all my hair, I'm healthy and fit as boast or in Pride, is the moment you will start to lose it all.

To answer your question, yes, people have changed but no, they can only ever be a dissipointment to my expectations, they are still just amazing being living out their best lives.

If you wasn't expecting a hot and older version of the little girl from school to fall for you and fix your loneliness issues, you wouldn't be so disappointed.

Stop being an ass and count your blessing before you lose them all.

Sensmind · Answer

I see where you are coming from - These "Disappointments" are probably the results of quasi idealised fantasies we have especially in cases where we believe we will never meet them again - We look back with "Rose Tinted Glasses" , ok I am having a quick trip down memory lane, many beautiful women are appearing from the last 10 to 40 years, if I was to meet any again and for whatever reason things didn't look well, yeah I would be disappointed (THAT SAID she mightn't be too impressed either) so of course it would have an impact on that initial attraction BUT say you met a plain woman our age , things went well and then she showed you a pic of her from her 20s in which she is stunning, how would you feel then, not much beyond you looked stunning in the photo and it wouldn't affect dynamic of current relationship.

Dongtai · Answer

This sounds so horrible 😂. The only reason you went was because of how she looked when you guys were SIXTEEN and as soon as you see her in person you’re like “Actually I’m seeing someone 😬.”

As bad as it sounds, I too have experienced this. Except no past flames or girls who got away. But I always see those girls who treated me badly when we were younger. They’re all single mothers, overweight and big cups of hell naw 😂😂. Meanwhile I’m muscular, debt free, graduating college soon with the whole world in my hands.

Anonymous · Answer

My sister and I were both 5'3" and 110 in highschool. She was three years younger than me, had a great face, and lighter skin. She was outgoing and all the guys wanted to date her. At 17 she ran off with a married man, had a kid at 18 and got super fat. At 20, she dumped the guy bc she cheated on him and he caught her. She started drinking and got with a much older bigger guy. She got more fat. Then at 23 she cheated on him and dumped him. Got married at 28, had a baby at 29 and got even more fat...

I married at 24, and had 2 kids but got back down to 110 pounds...

brocklee · Answer

Yes. An ex from my early 20's. She reached out to me 15 years later to get "closure".. we were both single.. figured we could mend fences, maybe re-explore what we had in a new way. She was athletic when we were together and very intelligent. She not only was about 100 pounds heavier, but she had become a major alcoholic and nicotine addict. Cigarettes no longer cut it. She smoked raw tobacco in a pipe. Her teeth were black and brown. And the intelligence was gone. She had that severe alcoholic thing going on where she sounded like she had a stroke. Looking back on it now, I think there were signs of meth use.

Drowningkingfish · Answer

Tbh, the last I saw of my crush when I was 14, she was also 14 and was quite tall and skinny yet had a mature looking and unfortunately she was around the wrong crowd and her personality was being washed down the drain for this, she moved schools though, I then met her 2 years later at 16, she seemed much nicer and more joyess but she looked pale and gaunt around the arms and legs, visualise a bedroom light pole, that'd how thin she looked around the arms and legs, I don't know she looked a bit sickly but strangely her chest and lower lumbar region was still very effiminate and mature. It worried me of how unhealthily bony she looked but at the same time she still looked kind of pretty. This post is pretty much the opposite of the askers story but yeah, I didn't recognise her at first and she stopped me and new who I was which was odd since I had not seen her face in years.

SoWhAt249 · Answer

I recently saw one of my elementary school friends, female, used to be cute, advocate for good morals, good behaviour, healthy life, insufferable know-it-all as Severus Snape would put it. Not cute anymore, overheard her talking trash about somebody, smoking cigarettes, junkie look... I didn't know what happened to her so I hit one of my friends up to ask about her, he didn't know what happened to her but he told me she repeated a grade in high-school, and that she had an abortion but he wasn't sure about that one.
Was very disappointed and upset about her. Probably made some bad friends.

jp612612 · Answer

I get the feeling that everyone who is old enough will have this experience. Like I tell people how hot Delilah K or Emily R were when I show them their Facebook profiles. No one ever believes me. Because of my experience with girls like this, I actually believe that girls in that 12-14 range who already have really nice bodies will always end up as really, really overweight by the end of college. It might be exciting to look at in high school, but I think it just becomes something that's difficult for a young person to balance as they age.

CubsterShura · Answer

Damn it must be really difficult for her. That's why I say that beauty is very temporary. You never know what happens in life and you will no more be able to maintain how beautiful you were before. You could have burns from an accident, weight gain from medication, or weight gain from not being able to be physically active, or on the flip side, extreme weight loss, hairfall, pregnancy and childbirth, and what not!

I've seen my best friend change drastically during her stay in boarding school. I don't know if this counts but after 5th grade she moved to a boarding school. God knows what kind of girls she's friends with when staying there. She's become this player gold-digging kind of girl and a lot more things that bother me a lot.

TripleAce · Answer

Wow interesting...
I've gone to my 10 year reunion, Im not sure if there will be a 20th, but Ill organize something on the 30th yes

What I did notice was not weight gain, but many that were once considered the babes, become very average. Weight gain is a problem, it changes how your face looks big time. And while its not her fault, it quite unfortunate
--> fat cells multiply but they never really go away, they simply shrink when you lose the weight. But the number of fat cells in your body stays the same. So while it wasn't her fault, her body is now always at risk at blowing up to this size fast even if she gets slim again

Texaskid1 · Answer

Perhaps in your freiend's case it is not ll her fault since she had some medical condition. OTH there are a lot of people who simply let themselves go. When was in college I knew a young women who was a good 7. maybe 7.5. I ran into her a few years ago and she let her self go. I mean wow , she went from a healthy 130 lbs to a whopping 300 lbs ( at least). And to boot she was a smoker. I was like hooooly shit.

I see shit like that and it reminds me to watch my diet and hit the gym at least 2-3 times a week.

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

I'm quite sure many people who personally know me felt that way when they saw me as a "blubber" in my 30s. When I turned 40, I made it a goal to regain my 20s glory. I'm getting close.

umngopher1991 · Answer

Yep. It’s not because he changed physically; it’s because after 10 years he never grew out of that immature high school phase.

Blackout drunk? Still at it.

Telling racist jokes towards me/others and sexist jokes within earshot of women? You got it.

Swearing almost every other word? Fucking still doing it.

Bragging about his college degree and how much money he has and how much better he is (his Dad got his job for him, otherwise he’d probably still be unemployed)? Ugh, we’ve heard enough.

Kyle, if you’re reading this, please grow up. What was cool in high school doesn’t necessarily fly now as adults.

Ever met someone years later and been horribly disappointed?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said