Should you go on a second date if you don't feel the SPARK?

Question

EpicDweeb · Accepted Answer

You should never under any circumstances base your relationship off of "the spark." In fact, you should be very careful in approach relationships where you DO feel the spark because it will be hard to look at any situation objectively.

Relationships are cool and great, but they aren't some mystical thing. It's not like the Disney movies where love is a physical form of magic that can be sensed. A relationship is only what you make of it and some relationships are much harder to make work than others. Different people have different compatibilities. That's the kind of statement most hear and go "well duh." But, in practice, most people ignore it. People assume emotional or sexual compatibility is what matters and anything else is stuff you can just work through. When it comes down to it everything works the other way around. Emotional compatibility is far easier to develop in a relationship than practical/character compatibility.

I didn't have any super strong feelings about my first girlfriend when I met her. We were nothing more than friends for the first six months before deciding to give a relationship a chance. I grew to love everything about her rather after realizing "we work really well together as people," instead of "I love her so much that I'm willing to work through any hardship for this relationship." Hormones and feelings can only get you so far. If you aren't compatible as people it won't matter how strong the spark is. It will go out eventually and the relationship will go out along with it. People say you can't choose who you love, but that is a bold-faced lie. The more you try to love someone the more you will someone. Sure there are some people who are almost impossible to love for one reason or another, but if you have no strong feelings towards someone, you can guide how those feelings develop.

So, again, don't base your relationship on the spark, it won't get you past the 2 year mark. Base a relationship on practical compatibility and allow your feelings to go from there.

BrotherFrost · Accepted Answer

Please. If i think the girl is worth it i will continue dating her. "Sparks" are for little girls and medieval princesses.

NaiaDancer · Accepted Answer

I've had some lovely slow burn situations. With an ex we were on our first date I was really enjoying the convo and I remember thinking it was too bad I didn't feel all that into him and was planning to tell him he was sweet but I wasn't interested in seeing him again.

Before I had said something he was staring into my eyes close to us parting ways and he asked if he could kiss me. For some reason I said yes rather than the speech I planned and I'm glad I did. It was the middle of winter, we were outside and both freezing cold and I never wanted that kiss to end.

We had trouble getting into the groove of things physically in the first few dates but we ended up in a beautiful relationship I quite enjoyed while it lasted.

PinkPenguin · Accepted Answer

In these modern days we keep chasing the high of new relationship energy, that when it's not immediately there we just move on to the next person. A spark could mean so many things and just because it's there on the first date does not automaticly mean it's going to be easy.

Cynicaldreamer · Answer

You know, it depends. Sometimes first dates are just awkward! Let's be real... it's very rare to feel a spark for someone right away unless you're just lucky. If I really liked the guy, enjoyed talking to him, or thought he was okay- yeah, I would go on another date, just to see if maybe things seem different the second time.

Now if after a second or third date I'm not feeling it? No, I wouldn't go on another one. No point in wasting both our times or giving him false hope.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

There is a possibility that you or your companion had an "off night" on the first date and a second date may create a very different impression. Unless there were definite deal breakers that surfaced during the first date, I say give it a second chance before calling it quits.

SydneySentinel · Answer

If you see that there's a lot in common and similar goals, etc, yes! Spark can develop.

3rdSrike · Answer

No wonder dating is so hard nowadays and sucks so much, most of you believe you are gods gift to man and decide within a couple hours that you shouldn't see another person because you're better than them... what an idiotic way of thinking.

how long do most dates last. 2,3,4 hours? you really think a couple hours are enough to know a person and their entire life story and decide if they suite you or not? spark is just a BS way of saying " i dont find you hot enough for me" thats it, if you find the person sexy and hot you would go on another 100 dates even if they just sit there and say nothing to you for the entire date.

grow up, 99% of the time you will not feel a spart at all, until you get to know that person good enough and understand what kind of things you have in common there will be no spark, and it will take more than a couple dates to decide that.

hahahmm · Answer

There’s two ways of looking at it. If you’re only looking for fun then absolutely you should bail if you don’t feel the spark. On the other hand if you’re looking for serious and you have any issues in your life at all it’s likely that you’ll feel more comfortable around someone who is actually a bad choice for you. And you will perceive someone who might be great for you as being boring or having other problems you don’t like. So either deal with all of your issues before you date or keep that in mind.

Personally I wasn’t really aware of my issues till 30s. But I wasn’t looking to find out either

winterfox10 · Answer

Spark isn't always something that you are going to feel immediately. You SHOULD feel interested, however. You should basically walk away from any date feeling like you would like to see the person again. If you still don't feel anything after the second date though, that's when it's time to move on.

Moonchild714 · Answer

Yes, sometimes sparks don't happen on the first date; people are nervous, stressed, & unsure of what to say or do. They let loose a bit more on a second date. When you don't go for a second date is if the person was rude or abusive in some manner to either you or another.

Browneye57 · Answer

Hmmm... so if you keep trying to fan the flames of romance when it's dead and cold, somehow something is going to happen?
I'm really not getting this, but then we have a whole generation or two that are pretty MEH about everything, especially romance and dating. Complete bores.

In the beginning, you're not completely gaga and trying to keep from tearing their clothes off and fucking each other silly, then it's just not going anywhere fast. Egads.

SexyAshh · Answer

Some dates there's just no spark and you're just grossed out.

Other dates there's no spark, and you're not even fully physically attracted, but something tells you to give it another shot.

The 2 guys I've been with like that have been the ones I've actually fallen hardest for, and one is my current boyfriend.

Dongtai · Answer

Yes and here’s why.

A spark does not equal chemistry and it can happen at any moment. If I’m out with a woman I’ve already decided I’m physically attracted. That’s half the battle. If she agreed to go out with me, she already likes me.

What’s left is to find out if we have chemistry. If we do I’d keep going out with her. I’ve developed a spark for girls both fast and slowly. If she checks out, I keep dating her regardless of if there’s a spark. Sparks make you stay with the wrong people for too long and keep you from seeing red flags.

Sarahr123 · Answer

Nah. I fell in love at first sight aged 15. There is this indescribable feeling where you just know you want to spend the rest of your life with them. He felt it too. Now after almost six years we remember every single moment of our first meeting, our first hugs, what we said, spoke about, what we wore, what we felt, what we did when we went home that night and how we couldn’t stop thinking about each other. We took things sooo slow. We didn’t even have a first kiss until 20 months after the first meeting. The love is pure. It’s exactly what I wanted it to be. You know sometimes when I recount my story to people they think it’s too perfect and fairytale like but that’s exactly what I love about it. I feel blessed that I experienced true love. There was a hell of a lot of pain, drama and struggles along the way it wasn’t all fluffy but it was all well worth it.

necozalenky · Answer

From my dating experience (which is quite a lot) I wouldn’t waste my time if there was no spark. However spark can be defined as a general excitement and enthusiasm towards someone, even if there’s no sexual attraction there yet. If you click on other levels then I think it’s worth exploring to see if sexual attraction develops. From my experience it sometimes does, sometimes doesn’t. But spark is the thing you need to at least give it the potential.

MistiGal · Answer

Yes, for sure, I would anyway, a nice friendship may develop which may turn into something more. Sparks are always good tho as there is no need to turn that magic button on in the heat of the moment but it does help develop the relationship quicker.
Its not for everyone though, there's a lot of judgmental males and females out there and its their choice.

Jaymiesterjay · Answer

In my eyes feeling a spark is similar to that 'gut feeling' you get when faced with different situations. I ALWAYS follow my gut feelings especially when dating... if my gut didn't jump for joy, it's a no from me xx

BluesheepOwl · Answer

No, as soon as you tell that guy you aren't interested for a relationshio, he'll just leave. He's only looking for a relationship and won't waste his time on a friendship. Some women will go for a friendship, depending on her personality. Most guys won't though. If I tell them I don't feel a spark, I leave it up to them. If they want to be friends or not they can voice that out. But I don't want to be his friend just because it's awkward to still be talking to someone you rejected. It's like, let's just both move on.

roflgun · Answer

Look at it like this... if you find him physically and intellectually attractive but don’t feel the “spark” on the very first date - he’s worth a second date as first dates can usually be awkward. However if you come to realize that you do not find him attractive physically or intellectually, and he seems like an unsuccessful miserable loser in life - definitely don’t waste either of your time going on a second date or trying to force a spark into the relationship. It’s pretty easy to determine whether someone is worth pursuing just by looking at them physically, then looking at their accomplishments in life.

angelgirl7 · Answer

I think it depends. First dates can be awkward and I think it's worth a second chance to get to know someone without the first date jitters.
On the other hand, I went out with a guy once who was a bit of a jerk and was not worth the second chance.
If they were nice and you had a good time, but didn't feel a romantic spark, I don't think there's harm in a second date. But sometimes, when you know, you know.

WalterBlack · Answer

It really is a judgement call. Sometimes you know that there is a lot of relationship potential in theory but you don't feel a spark right away. In that case, it might be worth going on two or three dates before drawing any conclusions about romantic compatibility. Other times you know after just one date that the other person is never going to be able to light your fire and you might as well move on.

jcclifton · Answer

So when you go out on a date when do you start this gauging thing you do. As soon as he shows up? As soon as you get to the restaurant? So after dinner, maybe.

Maybe he didn't know he was on spark detail.
He might have though he was on causal have a good time detail.

Maybe you could go out with him again and maybe leave your,
EXPECTATIONS and try and just have fun?

Odeiki · Answer

I try to give everyone 3 dates. Sometimes it only takes 2, but it takes me a little bit to get comfortable, and so I'm sure it takes other people time to get comfortable as well. After 3 dates, I almost always have a solid feel for where I want the relationship to go, if anywhere.

ZeonWolf69 · Answer

Depends on the situation. You can feel no spark as in not attraction to the other person intimately but still find them to be fun to be around or to talk to as a friend. But in that you would have to let them know before you go on the second date so you dont get their Hope's up for accepting the second date.
If there is no connection what so ever than no dont go.

purplepoppy · Answer

No, your just trying to convince yourself there's something there. Worse still if he really likes you your just going to make it harder on him when you do say no more dates.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

If for fun, yes if not then no. The spark usually is right at the beginning and if isn't there then don't waste time.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I wouldn't. I hate when people say try it and see if u like it. Nah if i already decided i dont want it, then i ain't tryna try it

lightbulb27 · Answer

I think so, I've heard go 3-4 dates. First dates can be awkward, sparks can be bad sparks. but there needs to be something of interest...

arabgoddess · Answer

If I don't feel that connection in the moment of meeting someone, I move on.. They'd only be good as a friend

art84 · Answer

It depends like if we had similar interest but the first date was awkward and went nowhere as far as conversation went. If there was no spark then probably not as I would hate to force myself on someone who wasn't feeling the same way I felt. Or trying to force a spark.

crazy8000 · Answer

Depends little on if I gotten bad feelings or not.
No feelings can become feelings. obviously doesn't majority of people understand this anymore. only after that fast movie spark that is made up to sell movies since it's extremely rare. an spark that players artificial creates to get in someone's pants.

A lot of people have become retarded on this front.

Lavinnykins · Answer

I've had dates where I didn't feel a 'spark' on date 1 and actually then went on to have others and finally had 1 when I did have that spark hit. With a guy I didn't have that spark with, I had 2 dates but it didn't change things.

justawhiteman · Answer

I would just to give the girl a second chance maybe even a third..

R_Cakes91 · Answer

Nah... I wouldn’t. One day you will meet someone who makes you feel like you’re flying and you’ll wonder why you wasted your time on someone who didn’t do it for you.

LoU_Hades · Answer

I don't need a spark to spend time with a person who gives me joy while talking and we understand each other.

GlitterDragon · Answer

Yes. I went on a date with a guy last week and we got on, but I didn’t feel any romantic spark. So I’m seeing him again this week as my decider to whether we should continue going on dates or not.

ClearerAtN1ght · Answer

I never went on a second date were I didn't feel something the first date. It didn't need to be a raging Inferno but there needed to be something there.

paronomasia · Answer

Sure, a spark could be confused with the idea of being with someone or a strong sexual attraction. If you have stuff in common with them and get along pretty well, then why not

WhitchyWoman · Answer

Hell no!!! If I would do this very dumb time wasting activity, I might come home and drink pine sol. I think it smells good enough to drink. Nevermind the mental retardation that will follow... better just go ahead tho. It’s in my cabinet already.

Massageman · Answer

First dates are too early to REALLY know if there is a "spark". Even experienced daters can have an awkward first date, giving the wrong first impression. I would give it a couple more shots before writing off the possibility of a relationship.

aaronbw · Answer

You dont owe them a second date, but it's not bad or misleading. I mean if you dont feel it on the first date, it is possible the second one may have redeeming qualities. You never know, it might work out, unless your gut feeling says otherwise.

Liam_Hayden · Answer

Yes. A lot of women pressure themselves too much on a first date.

Avicenna · Answer

I might because I wouldn't have gone on a first date if I didn't find her interestibg and sometimes a woman needs some tome to feel comfortable.

SarahsSummer · Answer

sure, Unless he was just plain rude, one or the other or both may just have had a bad day on that first date.

Screenwriter · Answer

If something is interesting, but there's no fireworks, it just might take a few more encounters. I'd go round a date or two more.

BlacklightShade · Answer

Not unless the money was good.

shimmeryns · Answer

I voted no. If I don't feel spark, I don't think I will ever. It's better to decline going on second date than trying too hard to find that "spark".

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Yes if I'm enjoying their company but I'm not yet sure whether I want to jump their dick. No if I'm not enjoying their company and definitely don't want their dick.

_SOARER_ · Answer

This is such a lie that keeps permeating  Love, relationships, etc are built over time!  there won't be a miraculous spark for most people

yasqueen212 · Answer

It really depends, usually there isn’t a spark on the first date. It takes a few dates to get there

lyssagirl · Answer

I dont see the point if im not attracted im not attracted. N i mean any attraction not just physical

ThisDudeHere · Answer

Isn't the whole point of dating to find out if you would want to go on a second date?

Therisinghero12 · Answer

I don't know about everyone else, but as long as I have fun on it and we get along well then I'll pretty much 100% be willing to go on a second date.

Darkchylde_420 · Answer

If it wasn't a total wash you might should give them another chance.

trishhhxx · Answer

why do people say "two cents" am I the only one that doesn't get it

backintown · Answer

Sometimes just having some around to chat with is nice when your options are limited.

Cybernizer · Answer

I'd give another chance, maybe one or both of us were not in the right mood.

hansukota · Answer

I believe u need to give a person 3 dates, just so u know how u truly feel

potater66 · Answer

It depends on if I was distracted or tired making it hard to decide

S8nBam · Answer

Not everyone is confident. I believe in trying everything twice. The first is no experience. The second is the real flavour

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. People generally fall in love within 3-5 dates apparently.

Gedaria · Answer

Yes you never know you could more relaxed and enjoy it...

MrQuick · Answer

Sometimes it takes a minute for the spark to ignite.

Should you go on a second date if you don't feel the SPARK?

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