I’m becoming bitter towards women. How can I have a better mindset?

Question

I think I’m a decent guy. Educated, big social circle, attractive, and good morals. I’m not perfect, but I think I do well. I’ve dated around and have honestly experienced the worst kinds of women. I’ve been cheated on. I’ve been manipulated. I only seem to see shallow women who sleep around carelessly in my line of sight. Dating is becoming a drag and I’m really just put off by most dates I go on at this point. It seems the moment I say I’m a little jaded and bitter, I get attacked on here. I really don’t want to be like this, but it’s all I’m seeing at this point and it’s hard not to generalize. Any advice on how to have a better mindset? I don’t want to end up like red pill or MGTOW.

ElissaDido · Accepted Answer

You hate to hear it but I think that a good reason why you keep on having bad experiences is because you're taking part in the modern dating culture dynamics which is on itself quite hedonistic and shallow.
You're to blame (in part).

Modern dating culture shames people for being single (even if it's temporarily) . People are even afraid of being single.
They are constantly looking for dates dates dates, and rush things. Then they collect dozens if not hundreds of failed experiences that leads them to resent the opposite sex.

You have to slow things down and take your time. The same way our parents did it.

There's tons of things you need to know about a person before even wanting to be in a relationship with them.

1) Mindset : do you like their mindset.
2) Their past : do they have a history of sleeping around? If so, then maybe you should avoid.
3) Values :are you both compatible when it comes to morals and values? If not, it will clash sooner or later and you'll be disappointed.
All of this can take forever to access and analyze in a person. If you jump in the water too fast, you risk getting hurt.

Use your brain while looking for a date, don't only rely on your "heart" and "eyes", for the eyes get used to even the greatest beauties and the hearts cloud rational judgment.

Conclusion : Take your time. If takes 5 years for you to find someone who fills everything that is vital for a successful relationship with you (which by the way also includes a lot of self work, you have to be in touch with yourself to know what You want in the first place) so be it. Stay single for 5 years until you find the person.

Don't date for the sake of it and collect 101 failed experiences simply because you don't gave patience.
Eg: she's sexy and funny, but I'm Christian and she's atheist and doesn't believe in the traditional family, but it's OK I'll turn a blind eye for now and see how it goes and try to change her.
BAM SHOCKER: she doesn't change. Now I'm depressed and hate women.

No. Stop. Take your time.

sejla · Accepted Answer

Know that what you have experienced hasn't just happened at this moment of time or because you are a man. What you described pretty much described dating back in the 1980s. The only difference is that we didn't have dating apps we had personals. I would buy a post, describe myself and wait for the mail to come in with letters and pictures.

The other option was bars. I was telling someone the other day about talking to a guy in a bar and when I said no to going to his car he got peeved. Bars and told him so I was basically wasting your time? Parties and bars were hook up places and occasionally I'd meet a few nice guys. Same with the personals just that we didn't have a lot in common.

Oh and every woman has at least one jerk that we go what the heck was I thinking especially if we've already slept with them. I had one jerk and then later I got married.

All I can say is you can't take it personal. People can be a**holes. Those people will manipulate in all parts of their lives and all we can do is do our best to avoid them. If they pull something over on us then the shame is on them. You just have to believe there are good women out there otherwise you will get bitter. It's like women saying all men are dogs or in my case older men only will date younger women so older women like myself are just out of luck. It just isn't true not all men are dogs. And older, same age and younger men are always options at least for me.

So go out, date, protect yourself but be open to the right woman. Set boundaries so you will get hurt less. Drop women quickly who don't bring joy to your life and keep moving forward. Increase your area to look, date outside of your race, ethnicity, culture, make a move if you need to if your environment isn't conducive to dating, go out to gatherings, speak to random strangers, be kind to older people because they might have a daughter or granddaughter they'd love to set you up with.

Don't be bitter. Get therapy if you need to. Don't become one of those grumpy men in your old age.

Unit1 · Accepted Answer

Been there, done that. That's one big step for you not joining the red pill syndromed MGTOW, so that's a start.

next. Think of women not as only the creatures you want to date but also the creatures you don't want to date (female coworkers, friendly female staff, female cashiers, nurses, women, who are taken etc...). You'll see a bigger spectrum of women, who are friendly and kind. women aren't that much different from us.

sometimes i can speak with women (friendly, kind, sometimes a little bit flirty), who are either taken or i can't have a relationship with or am not even interested dating and by the time its over I'm relieved, that I'm not a red pill intoxicated MGTOW. I see, that Women aren't demons. Especially if it's working women, who stand on their own 2 feet, make and spend their own money on themselves.

you're welcome, brother!

Gatman34 · Accepted Answer

Men like you are desperate for women that’s why you become bitter. You are like the bitter feminist man haters. You can be MGTOW but instead of being mad at women be mad at the men who put women on pedestals and simp and white knight. Those are the men that allow women to continue to be hypergamous and allow women to have their entitled attitudes. It’s men who feed women their egos with validation

SpacedCharr · Answer

Maybe just take a break for now.

Don't look for love, just look for common ground.

A lot of women our age are very immature or downright insane, but not all of us are.

Take some time for yourself, have fun for you.

Is there a reason you feel pressured to date?

Motherofdragons13 · Answer

Change the kind of women you date. Try going for coffee with a woman who doesn’t look like she’d be your type. There are great women out there and you will find one. You could also just be single for a while and learn to really enjoy that. Also it’s good that you recognized that you’re becoming bitter towards women because some men bottle it up and that’s when you see women haters and incels and stuff. I don’t know what kind of women you like and I’m in no way saying you’re shallow but IF you are shallow and tend to only date really attractive women, I’d try changing that. Try an artsy girl or a hippie haha

penneva581 · Answer

Date someone out of your comfort zone. It seems like you've dated women that are all very similar in one way or another. So instead of going out with the type of women that you would normally go out with, go out with someone that's completely opposite. Pay attention to their personality and how they behave around people. Also, it's not like all women are prostitutes (no offense to prostitutes of course).

Ally247 · Answer

All I can say is, we really aren't all like that. Not all of us cheat, or are manipulative, or a shallow and casually sleep around. If I started to become bitter because of each male I encountered with all these qualities, I wouldn't have such a good outlook on life and myself. I know it's hard, but just have faith that you will meet someone who will take all this bitterness away.

MissDawn7961 · Answer

it is understandable if you have been heart broken by your female dates to feel bitter towards women ! Just try to take a break from dating for a while and then when you least expect it some special woman will come into your life for just you and no other man ! Thanks

slatyb · Answer

See a professional counselor? Talk to supportive friends? Maybe you are consistently making unwise choices in dates for some reason. It sounds like you are getting to invested in new relationships. If you keep your investment and expectations low until you know someone well then you won't be disappointed.

LalaMeme · Answer

First of all, sorry you’ve experienced such terrible things in your own relationships. It’s totally understandable as to why this would negatively affect you. I would almost be more concerned if it didn’t affect you at all!
Secondly, people in general are sometimes just... sh*tty. I promise, you will meet someone who matches your interests, who wants to commit themselves to a relationship. There are billions of women out there. You are bound to find one.

Pistolpete90 · Answer

I think you should take a break from dating and just focus on yourself for a while. It'll help you hit reset.
Also, just keep in mind that like men, not all women are the same. I work with women who have experienced domestic violence so my days are mainly full of hearing men do horrible things. I keep telling myself that not all men are the same and it really helps my mindset.

JohnPrestwick · Answer

I suggest looking in a different place. You mention looking in bars, clubs and apps in another post. But if what you really want is a long-lasting relationship, you might want to consider joining a social group where you can meet women. Something like taking up a new hobby, or doing voluntary work. Also consider speed dating, a dating agency or certain online dating sites that are more geared to mature relationships.

Avicenna · Answer

It might be best to take a break from dating and take a look at what's happened and maybe figure out what you can do try to filter out these types. I'd advise you to stay away from people with obviously chaotic and/or unhappy lives since their dysfunction will prey on your relationship.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

If you are meeting women through the net/dating apps... stop it. Meet them conventionally through the corse of your day. Next, we tend to attract a reflection of ourselves. If you are bitter, chances are high you will attract bitter women. As it is at this very moment you are not in a healthy mindset to date anyone. Find your peace and happiness and then give this another go. The women you draw in will be different because you will be different. Get your mindset squared away...

BigJake · Answer

I think where you live has a lot to do with the types of women you meet. I don't envy the guys who live in the big, liberal cities. Those places seem to be magnets for the most entitled and self-centered people, not the kind you want to marry or even date.

Wolframia · Answer

Hey, when you least expect it, someone will appear in your life. Try to keep your mind open. All your experiences have prepared you and I'm sure you've learnt something about each one, like how you are NOT going to treat your next girlfriend.

SkipStop · Answer

Stop chasing women and enjoy the single life. Exploring yourself and the world is best when done on your own. Women are worse than ever these days. Even sex is off limits unless you wanna risk jailtime. I suggest you stay single and enjoy it.

Anonymous · Answer

It means you value your self more than women do, and that's fairly normal. For most women men are just pawns in their grand plans to be controlled and manipulated. Now don't go the loser route of MGTOW, but enjoy your freedom, autonomy, and lack of disrespect from women you have now.

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds like you’ve been fishing from the same pond. Of course you’re going to find nothing but toxic relationships.

Maybe its the type of women you are looking for? Or maybe where you meet them? You already know how it starts, just use that as a template. If you start noticing that behavior, back away.

Don’t become bitter, you are just skimming the pond scum off the top. There are plenty of amazing women out there.

Anonymous · Answer

I was you one year ago. I'm MGTOW/Red pill now. You gotta start treating women bad and don't trust them. Women don't become good people until they 30s and up and even then. They have a mid life crisis.
By good people i mean desperate.
For now, i suggest you just fuck them and lie.

Or find you a super church girl.
Women are materialistic liars it's in their nature. They do hit and run tactics.
M

Just_a_human · Answer

If you keep coming across the same types of women, then there must be some common denominator somewhere. Where do you meet them?

Kindofweird · Answer

Listen, every girl is different. i know you have encountered not good women but innocence is still there Change your views and don't let past to stop you from your bright future.

PunchyRain41 · Answer

well for one working on your standards in women will probably help a bit, there's good women still out there you just gotta keep looking, i lucked up and found a great one so i know you can too if you're willing to put the work in

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