Is it normal for my boyfriend to be talking about other girls to his friends?

[Anonymous]

So basically my boyfriend and I had been dating for almost a year and one day I was on his phone (lol big mistake) as one of his friends replied to him on messenger and I noticed that they were talking about a girl that goes to his gym. The thing is is he randomly brought up the convo about her with his friend. This is how it went:

BF: “Hey! do you know Amy?”
Friend: “Yeah I know of her we used to work together, we aren’t really friends. Why?”
BF: “She goes to my gym, I just befriended her.”
Friend: “Oh cool yeah, her and all the girls that work at Kmart look like they’re out of some American teen movie ” (can’t remember rest)

AND

another time he started this convo;

BF: “I just saw your friend Amelia holy shit her hair is amazing wtf!”
Friend: “haha yeah she’s pretty hot”
BF: “What’s she like?”

So I saw these convos and freaked out and was so angry and confused why he was going behind my back talking about other girls. We talked about it and I just had to ignore it, but I can’t help but feel scared.
When I asked him why did he go out of his way to ask his friend about this chick and ask him what she’s like he just told me he was trying to make conversation with his friend and his friend is depressed and he was trying to get a convo going. Not a great excuse tbh.

He hasn’t given me reason to doubt him since then but I can’t seem to forget what I read.

What do you guys think? Am I just overreacting? Please help!

[lumos]

What kind of guy comments on a girl's hair? Lol
Anyway, talking about other girls is not an issue in my opinion, unless it gets really graphic/derogatory/objectifying. A guy admitting that he thinks someone is good looking is one thing (and normal in my opinion), but him going into detail about what he'd like to do to that girl, or behaving like she's just a piece of meat in his eyes, speaks loads about his character and I would not want to be with a guy who talks about girls like that. Not only would that be disrespectful to our relationship because I think it's inappropriate to talk as if you're single, but it's also disgusting to talk about people like they're just objects.

In your case though, I wouldn't say that he crossed a line. A conversation like that could potentially lead to him crossing a line if he takes it further than that, but it doesn't seem likely if the conversations just ended there.

[lumos]

Also worth noting here is that he just kept asking what these girls are like/mentioning that he's getting to know them, which to me sounds like he's just genuinely interested in them as people. If he only cared about banging them or commenting on their looks, he wouldn't give a shit about getting to know them or asking someone else what they're like.

[SueShe]

Unfortunately, I believe that a large number of guys talk and fantasize about other girls while in a relation. That is fine as long as it stays a fantasy in the memory but not in the cell phone memory.

That is the second step and the situation develops into an unhealthy relation and possibly will end up with a toxic one because you are now suspicious but you also did check on his cell phone, which is a lack of trust.

At the rate it is going, you should have a serious conversation but already think a step ahead and get busy with the thought of the aftermath. Trust is no longer granted on either side and the best would be to sever that relation before it gets bad.

[loveslongnails]

Let me put it to you this way:
Did you think for one NANOSECOND that when you became boyfriend and girlfriend, he would never, ever notice another girl on the planet while you were together?

If you, or other women think that, you're going to be really disappointed. Guys don't suddenly go BLIND when they get exclusive. Hopefully they don't act "locker room" in front of you, or make you feel inadequate or like you're just a temporary thing till they find a replacement. If they do, you should dump them right away. And some guys keep up that kind of stuff because they don't want seem "uncool" or pussy whipped to their friends, just because they have a girlfriend.

So if it's just guy talk and he's still treating you RIGHT, don't blow it up unless that changes. And, by the way, that's Amelia and her hair really IS amazing, and she is pretty hot :) LOL

[Anonymous]

You overreacting.

We (men) always talk about girls. I'm sure you to talk about men and in a lot more details...

What you expected to find there?

He did not even suggested to be unfaithful or even to talk to her in that way anyway.

You expect he only looks and talks about you, that sounds very selfish and he is not your property...

[btbc92]

This is not him talking about other women. He is just expressing his opinion. You want to know guy talk about other women? When he pretends like he's not married or dating you by lusting after other women or comparing you sexually etc to others. That's bad.

[Paris13]

You only Used the Word DATING.. No Real Relationship here?
If it is not a Serious One, Hun, He is nor Serious about you if he is asking about other Slick Chicks. I find him Disrespectful but then Again, Is he really your man? he sounds not Ready to be anyone's Steady Eddy. Maybe you should Think Twice.. xx

[DOGMA1954]

I think he is just a guy that was being himself. He was making conversation with a friend and at the same time talking about someone he saw that got his interest as far as looks. All males are programed from birth that is our DNA to be attracted by site. Its normal. Going off on him and talking to him that way will only end this relationship. Men and Women are so very different. Read Men are from Mars and Women from Venus. It will explain a lot to you and future relationships.

[boggboss]

Wait you got upset over that so by the rules of your relationship he is not allowed to speak about women?

[softgirlsuck]

Your insane if she's a friend she's a friend don't jump to conclusions because this is why we have the stereotype of women don't know how to trust

[Dazed0N0Confused]

Trust is everything, but men and ladies do this when they're in a relationship. This is not uncommon.

[Laozi]

Yup. It's completely normal. You don't have to worry about that. If they're committeddoesn not mean they can't talk about other girls. Have faith.

[StephenCF]

Overreacting! If locker room conversations like that are unusual to you, you don’t know men & therefore won’t last with one 🤦🏻‍♂️

[DiscomfortZone]

Well, he hasn't smashed your face with his phone for spying on him, I'd say you should be grateful and stop pushing your luck.

[tHISpLACEiSbONKERZ]

“I just saw your friend Amelia holy shit her hair is amazing wtf!” - this part makes me think you made all of this up...

[Anonymous]

No, it’s not normal and you’re wasting your life on this person who have no respect for you or your relationship. I can guarantee you this is not going to last.

[Slate69]

Trust and communication the key to a relationship
without it it's worries and miscommunication

[Luukas]

I dont know your boyfriend. Its litlle bit Hard to say whats normal..

[allan469]

no dump him

[Anonymous]

Oh, excuses.