Is it bad to go for guys that are unattractive, so if they mess up, I know I can always find someone much better?

Question

I have very little experience so until I find my feet in the dating world, i literally strategically go for people I’m not attracted to. my friends are usually highly confused asking me what I see in the guys I choose every time. but it’s like hard wired in my brain now to do that - it also means I’m literally never nervous or intimidated or anxious on dates which is good. I wondered if any other guys or girls did this? And has it worked for you?

backinblack22 · Accepted Answer

Alright these guys don't intimate you and know you can get your way with them, because you DON'T CARE what they think. You are also getting plenty of practice young at faking it in bed too... go figure.

So the longer you spend with this guy the more feels better about himself. He actually feels attractive and confident. He actually feels that he's worth something to women. And last but not least he's been lied to the point he might actually think you have something for him.

So you got a very low tolerance for any mistakes the make and ALL guys will make a mistake at some point. Than you ditch them and they're devastated. They might not even screw up, you might ditch them just because you bored. Then you wonder why there are so many "incels" and angry guys out there. You are perfect reason why but then again feminism says you're the "victim"...

When it comes down to it you are selfish piece of shit. But at least you are a HONEST piece of shit. I bet for every girl like you there are 5 others who think the exact same way but don't admit it. But then again who cares what guys think. They only exist for you ends right? YOU GO GIRL! Be "strong" and exploit them. They don't have emotions, they are dispensable. Just guys, who cares.

You might as well become a hooker if you are this good at being fake. I take that back, hookers are actually better then you. At least a guy knows a hooker's intention and vice versa. Yeah, you are lower than a whore. The only girls who are even lower than you are the ones that don't admit to this.

akihon · Accepted Answer

No it isn't bad at all and if that's something you want to do then more power to you.

Have you thought though if some guy who might look ugly to you anyway were to maybe be very wealthy and very good at hiding it and then we're only with you until you mess up and then he can find somebody better.

What if your with somebody and they drop you because they don't like the way you talk, thinking they can find somebody better, or dressed better or thinner or anything.

What would you do were you sat in a very exclusive place and told that the guy your with is only with you untill he can find somebody better.

Maybe, and here's a thought then you try to see the person rather than the shallow things you think are important. Maybe if you find out what actually matters to people in a relationship and aim for those things, the things you actually need rather than the shallow shit you think you want.

Maybe if you do that you'll have a much happier dating life than where your currently going

spuitkaas · Accepted Answer

Sounds like you've made a system for yourself not to get hurt. Ask yourself why you're doing this. Has someone hurt you before? Are you just really insecure that you think you don't deserve better? Are you afraid of finding someone you genuinely like and therefore avoid being in a relationship?
Why are your feet not in the dating world?
I feel like you're sabotaging yourself to find an actual relationship. I'm not sure if that's what you're going for, but that's what you're doing.
Maybe you have commitment issues.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

In my opinion you shouldn't date someone you don't feel some type of attraction to because both of you will be very unhappy in the end and it's wrong to lead people on. Regardless of how someone looks, they can end up hurting you. I've went for guys who I initially wasn't sure id feel a connection with and did it protect me? No! Not one bit. A guy can still be a jerk low self esteem or not. It's best as a woman to be honest with yourself otherwise, you can't with other people and that'll ruin relationships.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

How would you feel if you knew that the guy you were dating really wasn't attracted to you but was just dating you because you were convenient and not challenging?

ManOnFire · Answer

Again, I am not surprised that a 20 year-old female would have this kind of mentality.

sejla · Answer

It is potentially very harmful to the person that you are going out with.

Account · Answer

That is not fair for both of you. Wtf? Lose-lose situation

Lightning8 · Answer

Well your theory might appear to make sense on paper. But to act this out such that it becomes your character, trivializes men. And what this means is that you are undermining what it means to love a human being, and what it means to even be human; because you are further teaching yourself to devalue commitment, and to dispose of benevolent human consciousness. And regardless of whether you are attracted to your partner in the beginning, you are inevitably going to encounter a phase in the monogamous relationship where not only are you not attacted to your partner, but life by their side has also become difficult, requiring you to survive it and stay committed to working issues out.

But your mindset actually isn't uncommon. It's actually a now pervasive tendency to engage in polygamy through sequential relationships. Everyone does it today in the West. But women tend to get away with a lot of the evils they do, because they often operate in moral and social ambiguity. But that's if their evils don't go to the grave. Like for example, it often isn't known to the child until much later, who their real father is, or the irresponsible manner in which they were brought into this world after blaming only the father. Another example is the false notion that women who cheat because they were so emotionally inclined to, are somehow better than men who seem to more impulsively cheat. These social nuaunces are where women are stronger than men; it's in these existential connections between human beings, that few can stand up to their invisible influence, and they have the unique positioning and ability to inflict the deepest wounds. And so I think women have a unique responsibility to demonstrate positive ethics in how the treat, care for and respect others as well as themselves.

noxius · Answer

Thats kinda rude tbh. You may feel better but you are also fueling the hopes of these "unattractive guys" who may be thinking they found someone who likes them.

Id say to change this habit and try your best with someone YOU wpuld like to be with, worst case you get another chance with another person who fits your taste. And then youl both havr a chance of an actual relationship.

Besides, dating is meant to be a kinda 1st hand experience, can't really train for it. I got nervous, anxious and all those things too. But trust me, youl get over it during the date if its someone you can relax and talk with.

WalterBlack · Answer

I'm not sure how you date someone that you genuinely are not attracted to. Many people feel that they make compromises in dating. That might mean dating someone less attractive than your ideal partner. But unless you are asexual, I don't know how you can be in a romantic-type relationship with someone that you don't have any physical attraction to. Although, some people might need to feel an emotional connection first before they find the person they are dating to be attractive. Maybe you should redefine what you mean by "unattractive".

BlackRoseFairy · Answer

So what you are basically saying is that you take advantage and fool guys who are attracted to you, but with whom you don't actually want a relationship, so when you finally find the one you want you can dump them?
How would you feel if you found out that the guy you are dating is only fooling with you to pass his time? It hurts, doesn't it?
The fact that you are not nervous on dates doesn't mean it is a good thing, on the contrary, when you are really and truly interested in someone even a little bit of nervousness is to be expected. Even by the most impassive person.

I never did that, I would never do that. Leading people on for you to pass the time is a big no. Unless that's the person you really want to be. But I must warn you that in the long run it will come back as a boomerang in your face.

cheapshotbob · Answer

yeah i did once i dated a beautiful person her standards were a bit high and her tastes were a bit refined and she was always making sure i had the right she's or shirt r some new hair style. beautiful people are so superficial.

me being an ugly guy i can appreciate the predicament you are in but dont you think if you develop feelings it would be easy to do that? dont say it does not happen i seen people get married they were not even intending on getting married and there still together years later.

tjkyle316197 · Answer

There's nothing wrong with doing this in terms of the possibility presented with discovery of the person who may give you butterflies and all associative perplexities, but the attraction to the person has to exist even minimally in order to build something real and lasting. A big proponent of attraction for me is what's inside, yet the detractors of the rules to attraction exists sans the governing of shallowness. And despite seeing myself as less shallow than ever it could still be perceived as a stubbornness that is imbued with shallow taste. I'm picky to a point only because if I cannot see myself enjoying the sight of who I'd be waking up to, it's unfair to both myself and the prospective partner I choose.

girlzruleboyzdrool · Answer

That sounds shallow. You either like someone for who they are or don't. And looks aren't everything. You could date a real asshole and he's hit but if he's chauchy then he's uuuuugly
Find someone who you're attracted to and who's nice
Don't pick someone out like out of a catelogue. Make friends first

dbr1987 · Answer

You are just giving less fortunate genetically blessed men false hope. You only care about your own emotions. You could'nt care less about your replacement material. You are also not happy with yourself because you cannot be alone. Your selfimage in pretty low. You can't handle rejection because it would validate your deep rooted self image. By dating ugly guys you always have the control in your relationship and you like the fact that you can feel better than someone else. And they stay with you when YOU mess up. Actually this is pretty sad..

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

You do not want to get her so you go for guy you find unattractive and will hurt if someone you believe to be better comes along. The next part is what guys will eventually think of you.

You're always searching, searching for a feeling
That it's easy come and easy go
Oh I'm sorry but it's true
You're bringin' on the heartbreak
Takin' all the best of me
Oh can't you see
You got the best of me
Whoa can't you see
You're bringin' on the heartbreak

Seeing that you have been with a criminal who was addicted to drugs just means you have extremely low stands if any at all. On top of that it shows you do not care about yourself. You need to stop dating and work on yourself.

mrwhite333 · Answer

What's attractive to some is not attractive to others. My brother and I go back & Fourth on Angelina Jolie vs Gina Gershon regularly (Gina: you da bomb) unless we're talking Hideous folks. I mean like bog witch looking peeps, looks are a crapshoot on how you will be treated. Nobody around you is going to base your stature on how unattractive he is if he treats you like a lady knows how to conduct himself properly, or flashes around lots of cash. If they do you may need to find better friends. Otherwise some dude who would give you the world just to see you smile will get dumped. And you won't reize it till your lonely and you want something you lost cause you didn't value it when it was yours. But if you just hooking up and calling it dating, forget I said anything and keep going mid tier, the guys who don't get the girl as often try a lot harder in bed. Either way, I hope you find what your looking for.

guacamoleee · Answer

There's no way around it where this doesn't sound bad. How would you feel if you found out the guy you are dating isn't attracted to you? Exactly. I'll admit it's kind of clever the part where you say this way you never feel nervous or intimidated on dates but then where is the fun and excitement of dating someone. Where is the thing that pushes you and excites you to keep dating this person?

MrKinktastic · Answer

If we flip it, and you found out a guy dated you because he thought you were too unnattractive to leave. How would you feel?

I think it means you have some insecurities you need to tackle. You’re kind of using these guys because you feel safe with them since you think they can’t leave. It’s not poorly intentioned but it’s a bit shitty.

PinkMichae · Answer

I don't think that's very fair to the guy because most people want their other half to find them attractive. Sounds like a game being played based on your insecurities which will lead to hurting them.

Altaïn · Answer

Of all the cancerous things I've seen on this app so far, this post is probably the most fucked. It's literally people like you that burn a bunch of guys and start a whole new generation of dudes that won't trust in a relationship so thanks for that.

Sarahr123 · Answer

Yes that shows you’re probably a sadistic, narcissistic person and you like to control and manipulate people and feel like you’re above them. It’s actually disgusting.

Laozi · Answer

What if someone does this to you? Imagine someday you found a guy very attractive and all. You asked him out. He said yes. But after some time he broke up with you because from the start he was finding you unattractive. And now that he got an attractive girl, he breaking off with you. Now tell me would you like that?

theronaldmcdonald · Answer

Yes. If you are dating you need to date to find love, and be prepared to potentially be hurt. By dating people you are not attracted to you are setting yourself up to not find someone you genuinely like. You’re getting all the rejection without the possibility of finding a love that is worth the hassle of dating.

Chobitsmaster · Answer

Men may stereotypical not seem emotional they are in there own way. Everyone should disrespect how using someone like that would affect them emotionally. Men are criticized for only going after women for just sex and this seems nigh to that. I implore you to consider how this might affect someone before you look for your next relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

There are two very easy ways to get a bad reputation in dating:
1) sleeping around willy nilly
2) using people

You're #2 & depending on how quickly you use them you may even be #1 too. I'd suggest you seriously start rethinking what you're doing because people with bad reputations they only ever end up with the ones they'd never normally date. Other (better dates) avoid them like they've the plague.

hellacray · Answer

I mean this just sounds so incredibly dumb. But I wouldn't be surprised if a good amount of women do this.

I mean cause to you gals dating is like a freaking game. Like you need to get experience with the smaller fish before you can move up to the bigger studs.

If you're not ready to start dating well gee I don't know how about don't date?

cherrycharm · Answer

This is really sick mentality. People are not toys.. If a guy or girl is not attractive.. (Btw there is no such people like that it's matter of perspective ) doesn't mean that they dnt have feelings can't use them as fillers till u find smone..

Change ur mind set else even if u find smone good they won't stay long.

Browneye57 · Answer

Yes, beyond bad. Anything you do with an ulterior motive is a giant FAIL.

SomeGUYonGAG · Answer

So you're just setting guy up just to replace them. It's cool that you're giving them a chance and maybe you'll find something within them tat you really like.

But if you're just keeping him around as a temporary place holder until you can replace him with someone better, then you're kind of a bitch, and that's fucked up.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

But if you're not attracted to them then you will subconsciously not want it to work out. So you're shooting yourself in the foot and wasting your own time.

Lynx122 · Answer

The whle point of dating is to find someone you like and put yourself out there. You're just pretending to date play acting and you're hurting te people you're with as well by being indifferent to them when they like you.

tiajoka · Answer

Its one thing to be self aware and like "Yeah the guy I'm in love with isn't the typical attractive male. But it doesn't matter to me because I'm in love with him." Its a whole another thing to go for people you're not attracted to... that's kinda icky. Those guys think you like them. If their personalities aren't attracting you to make up for appearances; then you need to stop.

DashboardLight · Answer

What's interesting is your insane emphasis on attractiveness. ''I go for UNATTRACTIVE guys, so I know if they mess up (why you wouldn't mess up is beyond me), I know I can find someone much BETTER''.

You're giving no attention to personality, as you imply someone more attractive IS much better. No wonder you end up with unattractive, unconfident guys; I wonder what attractive, actually interesting guy would want to date with a girl with such incredibly disappointing self-esteem as you do.

genericname85 · Answer

why would you wanna waste your time like that? like what's the strategic advantage of spending your life time for someone you're not attracted to? you're wasting your and his valuable time.

Manab · Answer

The problem is you. Even before getting to know someone you are assuming that the relationship is going to fail and also don't care much of the guy since he is unattractive to you. You are forcing something upon you and falsely misleading guys too. That's very wrong. Unattractiveness is subjective. Be single rather than that. Go for guys that you actually like.

slatyb · Answer

Yes, that's cynical and disrespectful. If you aren't interested in a long term relationship with a guy you need to tell him that up front "this is just a practice date, I'm not really attracted to you."

Whaler · Answer

Yknow it’s great to have confidence and all, but honestly you just sound like a bitch. And Ontop of that a bitch who has too much confidence.

archiz · Answer

It dictates low self esteem honestly. Also you are settling and wasting your time with someone you don't really fully enjoy yourself with.

Snakeyes7 · Answer

Yeah that’s horrible. You are dating someone while at the same time placing bets that he will fail. You are essentially wasting his time and yours and you will break his heart once he fails your shit test.

Just cut the middle man and go for the “better” guys. Why even bother with the unattractive ones?

Glue-Sniffer · Answer

So you have no self esteem and no self respect at all? I'm afraid your parents did a miserable job bringing you up. But the again, ambition is the enemy of success...

Gary888818 · Answer

A lot of people do this. Unattractive, serious fred flags/flaws. I always thought it was because they know they'll always be the one vindicated when the relationship doesn't work out. When you're too afraid you'll be the one to mess up something good, all you can do is look for something bad. At least you're aware. Most play mental gymnastics to not have to acknowledge it.

Xvgbsxv · Answer

Personally I have always gone for the men I am normally attracted to. But my sister only dates down because she says they will "treat" her better and put her on a pedestal. And she can control them any way she pleases. This is just horrible behavior. It says a lot about a person like this.

ragingumbreon · Answer

Yeah. That's pretty fucking bad. You're honestly a fucking douchebag. Don't fuck with "unattractive" guys just because you want to try dating. That's fucking trashy and only gives the guy trust issues and hurts him.

LightEnd · Answer

I think you really do this because you are afraid of getting hurt. I have done it before and that was why I did it. And no it doesn't work well because you dont really develop a strong sexual relationship. Which is very important.

mrniceguy37904 · Answer

You should follow your heart dont go based on looks alone with your heart the possibilities are endless if you go with a guy just cuz you you find him unattractive your setting it up for failure from the start cuz if you fine him unattractive you are always going to be looking for someone better

Julezzzz · Answer

I could never be with someone I'm not attracted. I'm not shallow. I just have certain qualities In a woman I like especially physically. But there's a song that says if u wanna be happy for the rest of you life never male a pretty woman ur wife. So as for my standards I dates and married beauty. I'm single now. My best friend settled for an older not so. pretty lady and he seems very happy.

Anonymous · Answer

I would not be able look at her face, if I find her unattractive and what, if she decides to go all the way through and I would have to see her naked?

I'm not saying that I would say no to woman asking for that, but I rather do it with woman I'm attracted to.

SnowMoon · Answer

Firstly yes you are a very beautiful woman, but that does not mean it’s OK to treat men like disposable garbage.

Juxtapose · Answer

WTF?

Dongtai · Answer

It really depends on what your priorities are. For me it would be bad because I know I wouldn’t be satisfied if I was with a girl purely because I know I can replace her. I need a challenge

chriscdi · Answer

its a good scheme no lie but if these are the only intentions behind dating these men you are wasting their time which isn't good obvioisly but ig sometimes we gotta do what makes things easier for us.

SexyAshh · Answer

I mean if it that tactic makes you feel better about yourself.🙈😂 But at the end of the day you subconciously know what your doing and its just hurting you even more.

soleil2666 · Answer

Yeah - the aversion to loss fear based techniques of self protection (from happiness). And then we all whine about it. Is it not time to face up to life - and being able to get what you desire?

505error · Answer

Yeah that’s the wrong reason to start dating someone.

Truthatanycost · Answer

As long as you'd have no problem with people treating you in the same way, sure.

bladedshard · Answer

Dont waste someone elses time because you are bad at dating. If you "know you can find someone better" then do it.

nelly83 · Answer

I have a feelin this is a troll question but I understand you're 20. When you're dating a guy who you're not physically attracted to at all, you're wasting your time.

Gedaria · Answer

You go for people you want to be with not using people as if they don't have feelings. like buying a cost when you have had enough just throw it away and get another one..

Anonymous · Answer

I'll be brutally honest with you. That's mean and childish. You're only acting for your own advantage and wellness.

Actsofashley · Answer

Don’t do that , that’s rude and you’ll just end up falling for him anyway so in the end if you wanna find someone “better” what does that mean? Someone who looks better? Looks dosent necessarily make them better than the other person

Avicenna · Answer

Well, looks should not be the most important thing anyway, but it's not fair to the guy to do that to him.

BruceJender · Answer

You’re ugly anyway, so you shouldn’t find it hard to find unattractive men and keep them, until they ditch you for a better and hotter woman.

Is it bad to go for guys that are unattractive, so if they mess up, I know I can always find someone much better?

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