Guys, Ex on dating site should I put myself on?

[Anonymous]

Hi my ex and I still have feelings for each other. However things have been left all up in the air.
my question to you guys is this- he has put himself on a dating site, as I have. My profile is hidden and I’m not actively chatting. He’s been active but no photos on since we split up. Now he’s added photos. My question is should I now put myself visible with photos? How would a guy feel if he saw his ex live on a dating site if there is still feelings there? I want to shock him into realising but not sure it will backfire? Thanks any advice appreciated

[Anonymous]

I want to shock him into realizing but not sure it will backfire? - You want him back? If so, I wouldn't go about it this way. And realizing what?

However if you are truly ready to move on (maybe you're not if you still have feelings for him), then go ahead. Seeing you will "cement" that you're moving on.

But you say things have been left in the air, it sounds like you both need to be adults and have a serious conversation about how you feel and your relationship?

[Asker]

I’m so confused, I love him with all my heart. Seeing him live on a dating site now with his photos on has ripped my heart out and I know I have to move on. I just thought perhaps him seeing me on there might have the same effect as it’s had on me. But yes it will be a complete disaster. I don’t feel I can reach out to him anymore because it feels I’m chasing. I will leave things alone and if it’s meant to be he knows where I am. It’s a long term relationship so I’m struggling. Thanks for taking time to reply

[Opinion Owner]

It's definitely a huge gamble. What I can say is it will hurt you again/more if you don't get the "results" you hope for. I've been in a similar situation as far as the dating site goes. I not only did a profile after seeing hers, but I even messaged her. To which she responded in anger and blocked me, which hurt even more than if I had just left it alone. Now your relationship with him might be different than mine was, but if you don't get what you hope for, it will hurt. I ended up having to leave the site and any all sites with her on them, because it didn't help me move on at all. It's like a wound, if you don't leave it alone, it will never heal. But I know all too well how you are feeling, it's the worse feeling ever!

[Asker]

Thanks. I will leave it. My friend was encouraging me to do the same as him but emotionally I’m broken. I just want him to want me back and I know it’s not that easy. Perhaps time apart he will realise how much I mean to him or perhaps he won’t. It’s been 4 years we were together and I didn’t see the breakup coming. We were actually happy and he just left due to his own anxieties. I’ve not come to terms with it or his coldness. Sorry to hear you’ve experienced the same. It’s painful. I’m in my forties now and didn’t want to feel I’d waisted all this time and I never wanted to split with him

[Opinion Owner]

I hear you. That was part of it for me as well, being in my 40's and not getting any younger. I'm sorry you're going through it. It took me a long time to get over it. It's been a couple years and I wouldn't say I'm over it actually, but better than I was lol.

[Asker]

Yes I feel I’m in limbo. Can’t look to move forward, just hurting and in shock. I felt I knew him, all he ever talked about was us growing old together. Just feels like false words now. There was no real fight or reason for it. He just checked out. I’m sorry you are still finding it hard. Love is such a crazy but beautiful emotion. But it’s also a painful one when you share it with someone who doesn’t take care of it. Thanks for your advice

[Opinion Owner]

You're welcome. Yes it's worse when they don't give you any closure or explanation. It was like that for me also, she did a complete 180 and then just ended it and left, no real explanation.

[Interstate]

If the two of you are still experiencing feelings for each other, NEITHER ONE OF YOU IS IN A POSITION TO BE PURSUING A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYBODY. I did that, and for two months, it nearly crippled my relationship with the girl I was engaged to for two years. Get over the feelings and unfinished business, THEN look into getting back out there again. Don't go posting anything until the past is completely in the past.

[Asker]

Hi that’s the thing I’m not wanting to put myself out there. My profile is hidden. The only aim of it was to see if he notices and it jolts him into realising his feelings and he would get back in touch with me. But I know now this is asking for trouble, I’ll just have to play the waiting game and see if distance and time apart makes him miss me and what we had. Thanks for your reply and sorry to hear your situation

[Interstate]

Thank you I appreciate that. If this helps at all, sometimes people confuse their feelings of one person for another. Please just make sure you don't get caught in such a situation. Keep in mind he is claiming feelings for both you and the other girl. I just hope he isn't experiencing misplaced affection. I don't want to see you hurt, Asker.

[willisg]

Why you two are playing with emotions. To me an ex is an ex. You and him are calling each other ex but advertising on the dating site. WTF!
Get real.

[Asker]

It’s not about getting real. It’s about feeling deeply heartbroken and not knowing how to deal with it.

[willisg]

If he's the one that broke your heart did he apologize? Did you accept his apology? If not get real because bad emotions are still there.

[Asker]

Yes he did break my heart. Ended it, came back telling me he missed me, then went again. I’ve had a rollercoaster last few months not knowing what page he is on. No apology and no real understanding why he went. I guess I don’t have closure and he was the love of my life. I miss him but I’ve stood back as I needed self respect and to allow him to come back to me with the necessary words and apologies. It’s hard as I thought time would perhaps bring him back. It’s been over 3 weeks without contact now and he’s just gone live on the dating site

[willisg]

You know what. He just lost a ( real woman ) now this shit makes me angry. I feel he couldn't handle anything real. You sound wise and intelligent and serious about what you need or needed and wanted. He couldn't deliver. Sometimes guys act like boys when girls act like real women. You might get mad at me for over stepping, he has to grow the F up. Your mind heart and soul seems like you are not settling for less and you respect yourself.
You should teach other women this.
I am a nice guy so guys like me don't get the girl but least we can help defend them.
Hey it nothing wrong with you other than you are mature and he is not.
He's playing games too.

[Asker]

Thanks for your kind words. Yes I know he had a good woman in me. I guess he just didn’t know how to maintain our relationship and give me the respect I deserved. Only 12 weeks ago we were trying for a baby as we had lost two. Then he went and now on a dating site as quick as that. He does need to mature and realise what his priorities are. He’s scared of commitment but then he wanted a child.
Sorry to hear you have had difficulties. It always seems to be us nice guys who get hurt. It’s so painful and I guess time will tell or heal. Thanks so much for your words they really meant a lot to me

[willisg]

You are protected. Stay who you are don't change or your future will not be kind.
You are a good woman.
Peace

[reptocarl2]

Nope