You chose to not be her friend, now deal with that loss. That was all on you. To stay or not is your choice. But she is the one who is hurt the most. If you really cared about her or loved her you would respect her happiness. Don't expect her to want you as a friend again. If you in your in, and if you want to be out, stay out. She doesn't need more hurt and confusion. A real friend stays, even if he has to distance for a bit to let it go. A fake friend walks because he can't get into your pants and date you. I learned the hard way to remove such guys.
I doubt she is hurt at all. I dont think my friendship really mattered that much to her anyways I was always the one usually starting conversations with her and asking to hangout. I dont think I mattered to her as much as she was making it seem anyways.
You doubt she's hurt! Nobody was trying to say her. That was no friendship could I was you trying to get into a sexual relationship with her, and you got upset because she wasn't interested in you. You only care about yourself and now you want a pity party. She doesn't deserve that and she did roght not to chase you for your friendship. Be real and honest with yourself. This is all about you. And that's where o say you need counseling if you think that way about people. She did nothing for you to treat her like that. You have low self esteem and now is putting it all on her because you have an internal problem that needs fixing. Reread everything your saying, because it says that your the one with the issue. Not her. I have no doubt that if she is not the first one you done is too, you going to continue to keep doing this with every girl you meet. If you don't change, you just going to keep hurting other people because of you're self-sabotaging.
Of course she wouldn't hang out with you. Not alone. She is seeing another guy. What do you expect? It's not appropriate and it's disrespectful to her and who she is with. Of her boyfriend found that out he will assume she is cheating on him and his forbid if he isn't right in the head, may come after you for messing with his girl. You need to get your priorities straight. And I'm only saying this out of kindness, because if you keep that up, you going to land yourself in serious trouble with other people. Be mindful with your feelings and who you try growing attcahed to and for what reason. Because it says to me that you got involved in the so-called friendship for all the wrong reasons. Again, that is not a friendship. And is best for her to be left alone instead to be reminded of the pain she has to go through, because she thought she found a friend in you. How would you like it if somebody done that to you? Would you be happy and you're already in a relationship with someone else? I highly doubt it. Don't do unto others you don't want done to you in return.
"But she is the one who is hurt the most" thats what you said and you're making it sound like I called her a whore or something. I did the nice thing and walked away because I know some guys who wouldve been a straight up asshole to her and made her feel like complete shit about herself. I couldve done that but I didn't because im not like that and like I said I DONT THINK SHE GIVES A FUCK that I even walked away. I think you need to reread my description because I reread it and it sounds completely fine with what I did. She knows exactly how much I like her because I told her so if she can't realize i need time away from her anyways then she isn't as bright as I thought. Lastly I really need to make this clear trust me she isn't hurt I guaran fucking tee that.
Im not even sure if she's 100% single. If she isn't its only been like a month. I haven't asked her at all during that I haven't talked to her. I dont see at all how that is disrespectful and if he assumes that then he's insecure as fuck. I dare that prick to try something I really do. Lol I like how your making her the victim when I wasn't even trying to make her the victim.
Asker, the problem is you wanted to date her. Not be her friend. She felt otherwise, and then you expect her to just want to be friends back? It's not about what you said. It's more than just what you did. It's the intent that was wrong and how you basically plotted to get it. You don't know she's hurt or not. For you to be making such as sumption says a lot that it would have been best if she didn't date you in the first place even if you wasn't involved with her boyfriend. No you didn't do the nice thing for her. You simply did it for yourself. You still did an a*hole move. You didn't have to say it. Actions speaks louder than words.
Asker, the problem is you wanted to date her. Not be her friend. She felt otherwise, and then you expect her to just want to be friends back? It's not about what you said. It's more than just what you did. It's the intent that was wrong and how you basically plotted to get it. You don't know she's hurt or not. For you to be making such as sumption says a lot that it would have been best if she didn't date you in the first place even if you wasn't involved with her boyfriend. No you didn't do the nice thing for her. You simply did it for yourself. You still did an a*hole move. You didn't have to say it. Actions speaks louder than words. A loyal friend don't do what you do.
Yea well I might take offense to that but it sounds to me like you're one of them feminazi's. You dont even know the full scope of what happened anyways.
How long have you been friends with her to actually make this assessment that she's the right person for you to be dating? Because of is been no more than six months, that says right there that you go and either based on lust or your hormones and less about whether or not if you two are compatible. I highly doubt you know her well enough to actually attempt to pursue such a relationship.
I ain't no feminazi buddy. I have friends that have crushes on me since I was a young teenager and even they had more respect for me than how you show respect for your friend. They did not do the things that you did. We still remain friends years afterwards even on to adulthood. They went on to date other people, I stay by myself. I know better that nobody in their right mind who says they are friend would treat you so poorly. I don't have to know the full scoop. All I know is your intent. And as long as I understand your intent, I can safely tell you that you are in the wrong. You just sound bitter.
... k
You mean to tell me, you couldn't take at least a few weeks to a month to at least allow yourself to let go of those feelings, and actually be a friend to her? To show her that you are trustworthy and that you're not going to interfere in her relationships all her affairs with other men? You mean to tell me you couldn't learn to stop being selfish for once and actually care about her well-being in needs before your own? As long as she did not disrespect you, as long as she wasn't playing with your feelings, as long as she wasn't bullying you, mocking you, doing anything that doesn't show a genuine human being is being a friend to you, I think it says a lot more than what you're telling me. I have far more experience in this area than you actually know.
Don't tell me K, because you're the one that's having problems with women. Not me.
Um I'm not projecting anything on him. I am telling him what even girl experiences when we have to deal with guys just like that. Of many of you men don't want to be our friend, tell us on day 1. We're not here for you to just use and abuse. I gave him judgement on what he needs to work on. And that's rather or not he even wants female friends at all. The girl already has a boyfriend. How can a woman have male friends when practically almost every guy wants to date her? You guys domt hav what problem. Women do.
If she rejected you then it’s clear you asked her and are interested in her in an intimate/sexual manner. In my opinion, the reason why you’re “friends” with her, is so you can be there when she needs someone in an intimate/sexual way. If she breaks up with her partner, you’re there as some sort of rebound or comfort. Personally speaking, I wouldn’t be friends with a woman that rejected me. I also don’t think men and women can be friends in a platonic way, unless certain conditions are met. I don’t see myself being friends with a woman that rejected me unless I’m only being “friends” with her to put myself in a position to get with her when or if the time comes. This isn’t me though, so I’d just move on. Now, maybe you can be friends with her and she can introduce you to some of her friends?
Is there something about her that is appealing in an utterly non-sexual way? (A good question here to ask yourself is: "Is this someone with whom I could do business?" For example, if you were looking at buying a home one day, would you trust her as your realtor? Or some other question in that regard. Maybe as a student, you could ask yourself is she someone with whom you could get test answers.)
If the answer is yes, maintain the friendship, but only contact her about something relevant.
If the answer is no, then just move on and forget about her.
From what I know about her and what type of person she is she seems like a high value girl and thats the worst part because they are rare most of the girls I've been interested in aren't. I really feel like I missed out on a great girl. I know it wasn't her fault or mine but im just saying.
I guess what I actually mean is she is the type of girl i'd marry not saying i'd marry her but she's got the qualities of the type of girl I would marry.
But that didn't answer the question. Sure, she seems like a high value girl to you, why else would you want her? But is there anything NON-sexual about her that appeals to you? I use the could you do a business deal with her question as a springboard to get you thinking not sexual. If not, just say your goodbyes and be done with it.
I understand why it'd be hard to be around someone after they reject you, but I lost a good friend that way. After telling him I wasn't ready to start dating again after a breakup, he stopped talking to me completely and It probably hurt me worse than it did him. It made me feel like he was only talking to me and pretending to be my friend so I'd date him. I almost wish I would've just dated him so that he wouldn't have disappeared because we had such good times together.
I think I only miss her because I still have feelings for her
It's too painful for the guy. See sometimes when a guy first meet a girl his intention was may be only friendship. But as time passed by he caught feeling. Now she don't feel the same and rejected. It will be too painfull to be around that person now. It's not meant that when we started we had any other intentions.
Those feelings aren't going anywhere for a while she works where I work at and im going to see her everyday most of the time. It fucking sucks.
It always hurts the guy the most maintaining that kind of connection with someone who doesn't even consider their feelings important on being rejected. If you really care, you'd let the person go without criticizing them. I know from your PoV that seems harsh, but you go get rejected by someone attractive enough for you to be in a monogamous relationship with and tell me how it goes. and then they expect you to stay their friend like you're for granted or your feelings are moot, or you're too inferior for that kind of drama. It's not right.
Opinion
41Opinion
And you did the right thing. Why keep her in your life in a moment of intense hurt?
I was exactly in that position and I also said "No", even though, it hurt so much. For me it was very hard to be a friend with someone you have imagined that you will live the rest of your life with, also pretending that I am okay while she is dating someone else will be very hard for me.
I really wished for her all the best and I wanted her to be happy. After a lot of thinking, I have realized 2 things
1) She deserves to be with someone who is better than me.
2) One of the manliest thing any man can do, is to let go and respect her decision.
If anyone asked me what was the bravest thing that I have ever did? I will say, respecting her decision and focusing on myself being a better person.
I don't see any issue to be as a friend of she rejects you. Having feelings for her is your love not her's. You built up feelings for her even assuming she would never reject you. Hence it is your problem to yake care of. At last you expressed your feelings to her and as she don't have any feelings on you, she rejects you. So, it's like going for a movie theatre hoping you would definitely get a ticket at the counter but you didn't. You will go back and go on with your normal life. Same case is with this, this rejection will not affect your life. Then what's the point in not accepting her as a friend. If you have a pblm, you need to deal. The girl might feel you as a good friend. It's not right to impose your feelings on others and hurting their feelings.
Women who don't find a man attractive usually deem him less human than men they do find attractive. and I've witnessed this with how these women laugh at me. Just today I got rejected by one thinking me and her were on those terms for a while now. She tried getting my contact info and I just ignored her from there, since it wasn't her phone # & she made it clear we were just friends.
Only remain friends with her if you can do so without missing the idea of potentially being romantic with her, or bitter that she could be with someone else. Otherwise, your affection for her will easily turn to resentment.
You should do what ever you want. Wana stay friends , cool. But DO NOT expect her to fall in love with you, DO NOT get mad when it doesn't happen, DONT be a little punk ass always trying to get her when she has already clearly rejected you. Don't cry and whine and complain and blame her and what you think something called the friend zone is.
You really should move on just so you don't bug her that much really cause then you will just end up hating each other.
Girls reject guys majority of the time now, unless he's some buff dude on IG who has thousands of followers. I don't even want to ask girls out now because it will be NO, I don't want to ask questions about girls on here because it will be a big fat NO. I think your being incredibly harsh on the guy calling him a "punk ass". News flash, I have seen girls act FUCKING IMMATURE when guys reject them or guys aren't picking up their little female clues. Women don't know what the hell they want now, because y'all go by status, money, looks, all that shit plays a factor. A guy could be handsome and have a few friends, have a solid education, be in shape, be kind and that's still not good enough even though this planet has like 7.6 BILLION people and over half are females. Women have extremely high expectations now, trying be a guy for one day and you'll realize omg this is how it feels to deal with women and rejection and trying to please her? Maybe we are and do have very high limits. I barely here young women in their 20s or 30s say, "I hope the guy I marry will be a great father as well" ... I never, ever, ever, ever, ever hear that from girls nowadays because she's putting all the attention on herself with expensive weddings, fancy trips, shopping sprees & etc. You might think ohhh I'm some feminist hater and I hate women, nah, I'm calling it out for what it is. Women can criticize men and I can do the same but if you've noticed I didn't call girls bitches, sluts, or hoes in this comment. I'm just calling it out for what it is.
Girls will like what they like 🤷🏻♀️ dont hate. Just work on yourself. Your looks, money/stability, personality, all are equally important. A way to always look at dating is, if you're not doing something she can find someone that is. So step up your game. Dont complain.
Also had to check you numbers. You were incorrect, there are slightly more men than there are women in the world.
Just be lucky you don't live in China or India, there are 70 million more men than women there. This is interesting stuff.
Well once world war 3 starts which it will watch how many men will die due to war. And there are countries where there is more women then men. That’s a tired old cliche answer of “work on yourself”. Please, I’ve seen nimrod guys who drink beer and get hit in the balls by their buddies who have girlfriends. Working on yourself doesn’t mean shit because talking to a girl now in my opinion (ie: approaching her) is just as painful as having painful dental surgery or being in shit by the IRS.
I'm confused. You seem to be putting down or dismissing everything. I dont know how to help someone when they have that attitude about everything. Im happily married to an amazing guy and I hope you can find happiness in someone too. Im going to go now. Bye
I think I only miss her because I still have feelings for her and she text me yesterday but I think it was only because she needed something so I don’t think I really matter much to her
I mean she asked me how work was going but after she found out what she needed
People aren't these replaceable objects. Once you date someone and truly get to know them, there shouldn't be these expectations for them to meet every bit of criteria in dating. That's not how relationships with people work.
If it were, you wouldn't be married to an average Joe, you'd marry up. Of course, you're probably settling by your own logic. Which is extremely shallow and pessimistic.
Sure... if you don't have any self respect...
''I miss her a lot and im really thinking about starting to talk to her again. ''
Above demonstrates an inability to enforce the boundaries that you set. This is usually linked to the unwillingness to sacrifice the instant gratification, you used to ger from the previous action.
No.
If you remain friends with her it is because you are hoping something will happen. This is going to cause you a lot of pain and resentment. I have been there before and it is a very miserable experience. Walk away and save your sanity and your dignity.
Yea honestly I haven’t gotten over her yet. I think deep down I miss her only because I still have feelings for her.
No!! Because you risk being friendzoned ( that is if you aren't already ), and it does nothing for your self-esteem as well as your emotional growth as a man. It also stops you from exploring your options of other women ( she may not want a relationship with you but she will destroy the chances for you because your not giving her the attention she needs ).
It depends on how the reject you if it’s a rude one then no however if it’s a nice one and them trying their best to not hurt you or soften the blow then of course because even so they still care for you right? It may seem awkward at first but after awhile it’ll go back to how it originally was
If you can actually just be her friend, why not? But if you can't just be her friend, not worth it. As much as it sucks, you can't control the way people feel about you. And you have to believe there's someone out there for you. Heck if you do stay friends with her maybe you'll meet one of her friends, that you connect with.
Thats a very hard position to be in You have to get round the feeling you want to be with her but to protect yourself you have to be honest Can you be her friend without feeling negative about her feelings for another Respect her decision from the honesty it came
Fuck no. Once she has rejected you and you still stick around, you are a SIMP. Trying to be her "friend" will only make her lose even more respect for you. My answer: Bang her sister and/or her best friend.
No. You did the right thing. It's unnecessary, suppressing and makes you miss out on other better ones out there. Give yourself some time. It'll pass.
No, tell her that you still have desire for her and if she rejects you again say "Hey, if you change your mind about how you feel give me a call" and walk away (don't to talk to her or contact her). She will admire you for that. And more importantly she'll respect you.
And over time her feelings for you will probably grow. And when old mate slips up. You'll the be first on her radar.
I highly respect men who can be friends with a girl who rejected him. It takes a lot of strength.
No, give her space minimum a month. Send a text after 4 weeks, not just, Hi? Make your social blow up with fun shit, you're moving on and she'll see this and the thoughts will flow about if it was a mistake.. 👍
If you miss her, then be her friend. Your life will never be too busy or too full for too many friends.
It's up to you in the end, but if it were me I would just move on from the friendship. I'm sure you will make more friends along the way.
I don't ask my friends out on romantic dates, but I have dated girls where it didn't work out romantically but we did have fun and so we stayed friends. But I also have never pined over any woman so it has been easy to approach it all logically.
Better to move on. Maybe after you find a new love you could resume the acquaintance of your new girlfriend doesn't object.
If you can be friends then there was something more there than just physical attraction. But if you can't the someone is still carrying a torch. Each individual does what's right for them, threes no one size fits all.
It's usually not a good idea. In most cases trying to maintain a friendship denies you closure if you have feelings for her.
I dont think it's a good idea to be close friends however distant friends occasional is ok.
If the pain outweighs the benefits of friendship, then it's probably best not to.
If she was already your friend, you'll never be anything else but friends most likely.
I dont even know if I even meant that much even as a friend to her she would snap me but I was always the one asking her to hangout and shit. I just dont think she really gives a shit about me as much as she says.
I meant she would snap me and text me sometimes but it was usually me starting a conversation or asking to hangout
You're a young guy. Many girls are exploring and figuring themselves out at this age. Sounds like you're a nice guy. Sometimes that doesn't work out well, especially when you're in your twenties. And if she is upset about you contacting her and sees it as an annoyance, she has other interests, period. Sorry you are going through this. Just go out and have fun. Before you know it, you'll be in your 40s, have a wife and kids, home, etc and never look back. Until then, live it up and keep treading in the water.
She seems to know what she wants already it sounds like. When I confessed exactly how I felt about her she basically said at least how it sounded to me was about financial stability. She said she thinks im a great guy and likes having me as a friend but she's wanting to start a family and since I haven't even started my career path yet that its just not going to workout. By the way I do have a job but I've told her before its just a job not my career. I told her the reason why I haven't started it and I have a legitimate reason but it didn't matter. I've been trying to keep my mind of it.
If she rejects you, chances are you aren't very good friends to begin with.
Fuck it, move on.
Were you friends before? Can you actually be friends with her without secretly (or not secretly) hoping she'll change her mind?
Dont think so lol Im still hoping she changes her mind
If you have no peace of mind, get out of that situation.
good for you.. and don't go back to her not until you get over her.. thats called taking care of your heart. :)
You needed the space.
I think reaching out is ok. But expect things to be awkward for a little bit haha
No don’t go back to her she doesn’t value you as a person first & foremost. Eventually she will realize what a terrible mistake she made breaking up with a great guy like you sir!
Lol I really hope so but probably when that happens I won't even care about her anymore.
If she wants to be your friend yes. If she rejects your friendship then no.
I say no. Not only does it prevent you from moving on you'll also cling to hope that she'll change her mind. She won't. Just move on.
Don't let others tell what you should do. It may will be very painfull to be around her. You may have stated only as friend but now that you caught feelings. Cutting off all contacts for either temporarily or permanently.. leave it on time...
It matters how you asked and how she rejected. But yes, it’s good to keep friends. She may even get you a date bc she feels guilty.
i mean yea why not idc if she rejected me its her love life so do what u want
If she ain't with the shits she getting blocked and deleted
If she wants you as a friend, she'll contact you. I wouldn't want to be in that kind of friendship.
I would stay friendly, it would show character and she may later change her mind, or getting to know her better you might feel glad she rejected you
Noooooooooo she sold me out why i should friend her
Bro, if you loved her, you would want her to be happy, even with the guy she’s seeing.
Absolutely not, she's just using you
Seems pointless to me.
That’s not a good idea
yeah if you want to be a simp
I dont think its a good idea.
why would you? what's the point?
no fuk that. go find someone who wants you.
I wouldn't but that's just me
Absolutely NO !
Ewww no.
Fucccccccccck No!
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