He’s a personal trainer and instead of saying “your body is fine how it is” he just gives me tips on how to gain weight, he’ll say “why don’t you try lifting weights?” Or “why don’t you consume more calories” 😡
Yet when I tell my friends I’m upset about how thin I am they actually compliment me and say “you are great how you are, don’t change”
I’m confused because why would you date a girl who is underweight when you’re a personal trainer? Surely personal trainers like fit, thick girls with curves
Can someone tell me why he would give me tips on how to improve my body yet still takes me out on dates?
It’s like a girl going on dates with a skinny guy but then advising him to gain muscle. Why hang out with them if you don’t like their body
I even said to my crush “I feel self conscious waking from town in mini skirts because my legs are so thin” and he didn’t even reassure me or try to make me better
Any advice guys?
Updates
+1 y
Sorry for the typo on the title. I’m that upset I can’t type properly 😂 meant to say “everytime I say I hate my body my crush never reassures me”
Everytime I say I hatewhen I say I hate my body my crush never stops me and says “you’re perfect how you are” why?
Guys tell each other problems for advice on how to fix it so that's why we tell women what to do when they unload their problems. Girls, however, are seeking sympathy and reassurance. When a girl tells another girl that she hates her body then the other girls reassure her and tell her she is hot. Thats because you are both speaking "girl". The other girl knows exactly what you are seeking and thus provides it. To her it is clear. However we speak guy and assume you are too. If we recognized that's what you are asking we would provide it-but when you couch it as a problem we try to fix it. You speak different languages: You (speaking "girl")" "I hate my body". Translation from girl to standard English: "I'm feeling insecure and want you to assure me I'm hot". He interprets it through Guy and hears: "I'm dissatisfied with my body and you are a personal trainer so what should I do to fix it". For the kind of reassurance you want try asking "Do you hate my body of find (insert body insecurity of the moment here) unattractive?" We want to please you but phrase it the right way to get the result you want-guys don't speak "girl" very well
Thanks, that makes sense. But he doesn’t really compliment my body and say “wow you’ve got an amazing figure” he’s said in the past I’ve got a sexy arse but that’s only cause I sent him a lingerie pic. What I’m saying is.. he’s not very vocal on how he feels about my appearance. Starting to think he only takes me out on these dates cause he likes my personality
Just because you maybe don't like aspects of your own body, he may not agree, but still likes you for all your many other qualities and doesn't want to comment in case it sounds like disagreement.
But surely if someone is beating themselves up about their appearance.. it would be a good opportunity to step in and be like “you’re great how you are” he hasn’t said that
Yes, sure, when most guys are dating a girl, then they would usually reassure her about her concerns.
I wouldn't do that if its just a platonic female friend, unless she was really upset. I had a female friend recently showmen a picture of a model who she idolised and wished to look like, but I did not respond, as it might be weird.
No, if he is dating you then he accepts you. I think you should give him more time, he might be just uncertain whether to comment about that yet.
And based on those photo's, I don't think you are underweight at all, you just look fit, yet still curvy in a good way. I think you are far too hard on yourself.
He's a trainer. His job is to help people achieve their dream bodies.
You tell him ur unhappy, his mind is if she wants 2 change her body i can give her tips. I think he is trying 2 help you achieve the body he thinks will make you happy.
It be different if you were like i wish i had bigger boobs and he was like me too.
Because you're complaining to a personal trainer that you're unhappy with your body. Obviously he's going to give you tips and actually try to help you since you keep saying it and it's literally his job.
Girl. No. Lol It's his job as a personal trainer. He's used to people coming to him and actually helping them when they need it or aren't comfortable with their body. He doesn't know you want reassurance or a compliment, he thinks you're telling him because you want help. He wouldn't be "talking" to you if he didn't think you were attractive. My friends with benefits is super muscular and into fitness. He even prefers thick girls and calls me "skinny", "little butt", and "stick booty" 😅 But he still loves and appreciates my body, he's all over me. Lol
Good, lol. Some guys are just like that. & I love him as a friend but he's definitely not what I want in a boyfriend. And we're both military. He's pcsing next month while I'll be pcsing May next year. There's no point since we'll be meeting new people and starting new adventures soon. Plus I don't do long distance relationships 🙂
When you vent your problems to someone close to you, there are two types of people.
Person A : The supportive type that reassures you that everything is okay and that your perception of your problem is overblown and that everything is actually great or that they at least go along with what you are saying. (this personality type tends to skew female)
Person B: The fixer type that when told of a problem, wants to come up with a solution to 'fix' said problem. (this personality type tends to skew male)
So basically, this guy is a person B type when you are clearly seeking a person A type. You are venting to a personal trainer about how thin you are when it's literally his job to help people reach a level of physical shape that they desire. What you want from him goes against his very nature.
As far as to why he would date you... choosing a life partner shouldn't have all that much to do with their body type. That can all be changed/fixed/will eventually fade no matter what. People should be choosing their partners based on who they are as a person. Always.
Thanks for your advice. We’re in a society where looks matter the most. A guy will reject a fat or thin gurl over a slim thicc girl, I see it all the time so that’s where my insecurities come from. I feel like I guy must be sexually attracted to you to make the relationship work. I wouldn’t want this personal trainer to only be dating me cause I’ve got a “nice personality”
Who says he isn't sexually attracted to you? You are assuming that people only want a very specific body type in their partners or there is no physical attraction. That's a bit silly.
Why are YOU dating a personal trainer if you don't like your body? I think you need to self reflect a bit more than get overly anxious over your assumptions of how he feels or what he wants.
Hmm maybe I shouldn’t date a personal trainer anymore. He works out everyday at the gym, I don’t. I will do in the future though as I do want to gain weight but I just wanted to know if he liked my body for how it is CURRENTLY. As I’m still working on gaining weight and it will take time so as long as he accepts my body for what it is now, I’m fine
Because different men are attracted to different body types. Your "crush" apparently likes a thick woman. So your body type might not be attractive to him.
As I already mentioned, for my taste (and I suspect the taste of a whole lot of me) your body is an 11 out of 10.
I would warn you against trying to put on weight for two reasons. First it is unhealthy. You look to me to be the normal weight for your frame. And second, based on your bone structure I don't think you can even make yourself look good as a "thick" girl. You don't have that kind of build. I would not go down that road.
If this guy doesn't like you the way you are, I would suggest finding someone who does. I can guarantee you that when it comes to your body... there are millions of guys out there who can appreciate what you got just the way it is. You don't need to change yourself into someone else's idea of what is attractive. Just be who you are and be confident that you are attractive as is (because you are!). I would date you in a heartbeat.
I'm just guessing that he is not attracted to your body type from what you said... that he seems to always be trying to get you to gain weight.
As to why he keeps taking you out, that's a tough one to answer. The only thing I can think of is that in my earlier days, when I didn't know as much as I do now, I sometimes dated a girl hoping that she would magically transform into something I wanted. I have since learned that is a big mistake. It's not fair to her and it never works. You should only pursue a relationship with someone you like the way they are and not try to transform them.
Fuck it, I’m just gonna say this to him... “ Like with you being a personal trainer and into fitness I sometimes think to myself “does he even wanna date a thin girl?”
TBH, I think you have a self esteem problem, not a body type problem. You call your legs "skinny." I call them perfect. You talk about "thick girls with curves." But not all guys like that by far. Is this guy black or white? I know that black guys usually like thick girls. My ex was thick and extremely curvy. After we broke up she started dating a black guy and he was constantly telling her to put on weight! I couldn't believe it! He wanted a COW! I felt sorry for her.
I'm telling you your body is amazing. Your weight fits your frame, it fits your face, it fits! This is your genetic hot spot and it's beautiful.
I think you should work on being able to see for yourself how beautiful and attractive you are instead of worrying about what somebody else thinks.
I don't think that him being a personal trainer has anything to do with it. You don't have to be a personal trainer to prefer a thick girl. Lots of guys do. But lots of guys also prefer a thin girl.
I would be more tempted to say to him... look, you keep suggesting I should put on weight. I feel like I am not what you are interested in when you say things like that to me. I assume that means you don't find me attractive the way I am. Can you tell me why you want to keep dating me if you feel that way?
Then you might learn something from how he responds.
By the way I don't think you are skinny or even "thin." In my circles your body type would be considered slender and gorgeous. Women would kill for your body.
He didn’t suggest me gaining weight. He just gave me tips on how to after I said “I hate my body I want to get a bit bigger” I suppose he only answered my question right? And he is white
Hmmm... I think you need to have a serious talk with him and ask him where he feels the relationship is going. It's not fair to you that you don't feel desired. Something is missing that you deserve to get from the relationship.
And seriously... I look at you and ask myself how in the world could you hate your body! You need to get a reality dose. You need to work on your image of yourself. This isn't a body issue, it's a self esteem issue. You need to see yourself the way others do and you wouldn't feel that way.
Because you're complaining to him and he's giving you solutions 🤷🏼♀️ If he's taking you out on dates he obviously likes you the way you are but he's still a personal trainer so why wouldn't he try and help you achieve the body you want?
Maybe he is in boyfriend mode and just being supportive and letting you knkw he's there to help. I come to find that woman are never happy with their body and when you try to reassure them it can go either way. So he might just be playing it safe
There's nothing wrong with your body. It's fantastic. What your crush is doing is trying to help you solve a problem you're presenting him with. You say "I hate my body", he's assuming you do dislike your body and he's offering suggestions to help you not hate your body.
That is not the same as him implying he's not attracted to your body.
Because it's a chore trying to convince another adult of their own worth. If you you hate your body and he's giving you advice on how to improve your appearance, he's actually doing more good than a dude who will just say you look beautiful. Putting a person on a path that will help them fall in love "with themselves" does them better in the long run vs just telling them something good.
Has he never given you a compliment on your appearance?
I think he used to be like you where he hated his body. He went ahead and made it into something he likes and became very happy afterwards, so he wants to share that with you. It sounds like he's gauging your interest in really making a change. From what you wrote, you aren't there yet.
I’ve tried everything to gain weight, I eat so much takeouts everyday and still don’t see a change. It’s gonna take a while and I doubt he’s willing to wait
it is possible you have a very high metabolism. so you burn off calories equal to or faster then you can but them on. regardless of how active and what amount of exercising you do. however you look stunning as you currently are. so just enjoy your body while it lasts.
Wow can’t believe it. He’s wasting his time on a girl like me then. And I sent him a pic of me in lingerie and he said “wowwww😻” but he’s never said I’ve got an amazing body or anything. So maybe he’s only dating me for my personality
Maybe because he thinks that it's a problem for you and wants to help you to solve it? I think that he personally doesn't care about that but telling you tios because you care about it so much. I am sure that he accepts you as you are
Your boyfriend sees that you're not satisfied with what you see. Rather than simply comfort you he's giving you tools to take control of your life and do something about it. Help you take control of your life and have you work toward what you wish to see in the mirror.
Oooo that shifts my though a bit on the subject matter.
Through commitment is common to encourage self improvement, prior to commitment it may involve more selfish reasons taking advantage of moments of dissatisfaction.
I'd try saying the opposite of what you normally say and see what the response is. It may help give a better read on the situation
Why do you expect him to reassure you? You're not in a relationship, if anything it sounds like you're a client. So of course he is going to give you ways to correct whatever your complaint is. That's literally what he does for a living, that is where his head is. I'm sorry you're not getting the attention you wanted.
Want him to actually give a shit? Try forming a real relationship, because a "crush" is nothing but middle school bullshit.
I’ve been seeing him for 2 months and he still hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend so what more can I do? I’ve hinted I want things to go exclusive but he hasn’t said anything so I’m just gonna leave him to it. Cba with the lack of compliments, want a guy who will compliment me all the time
Guys and girls communicate differently. He probably didn't get that you wanted compliments and he's a personal trainer so it's his habit to look at what people are working on and give them tips.
If he dating you he fine with you, but he is passionate about what he do and is used to trying to help people become comfortable with their goals. Id ask him what kind of celebrities he is attracted to then you will know his type. Megan good and java pipette beautiful and skinny. And so are you
How would you respond to someone saying "You look great, don't lose weight."? Will you believe them and suddenly be happy? Probably not, it's something you need to think about for yourself. You should factually know that you weight is good to almost underweight for your height. It's up to you to look inside and see why you disagree.
Perhaps because he cares more about you than just how much you weigh? 😛 It probably doesn't weigh heavy on his mind. If it did, he would get someone else.
I’ve literally just asked him this..”Like with you being a pt and into fitness you’d wanna be with a girl that’s got a healthy fit body, right? & you’ve said before you wouldn’t really date a fat girl but then wouldn’t that apply to a thin girl like myself too?”
Because if you read the other comments on this question a lot of people are saying he probably prefers a thick girl if he’s giving me tips on how to gain weight
But a lot of people don’t go out with him or know him... amd a lot of people are thirsty amd just pampering for your need for verification that you’re hot.
So why is he giving me tips on how to gain weight after I said “I hate my body I want to be bigger” If a guy liked me for me wouldn’t he just say “don’t change you’re great how you are” tbh I am underweight there’s no denying that, I’ve been to the doctors and they have said I’m underweight
You're being weird. You say you're underweight and he suggests way to gain but you're upset with him now lol. This is the old olive 'does my bum look big in this' and he says "yes' smh. If you ask expect honesty. Besides if you are underweight then he's concerned and trying to help? Just stop being negative.
You're not getting the fact that you said you're underweight. He didn't say that, he is helping you because he cares. Sorry but I think it's proving a guy can't say anything without a girl acting like this. I myself openly said to a girl to be aware of the subway sauces as they have high calories and she was so offended she decided to revenge. She completely didn't understand they squirted a huge amount sauce into her footlong and it was dripping all down the sides 🙄 I had to get her tissues.
Listen what he's trying to say is you should gain weight but clearly you look great the way you are. Your friends are right if I was you I wouldn't change a thing
Look your a pretty girl and right now your giving him everything he want without him having to give you a title or even him being exclusive to you. He's doing what he's doing to keep you on the book so he can keep getting from you what he's getting
But babe he’s spending money on me, I’m not giving him no sex. So all he’s getting out of me is dates lol I get your point but I could understand if we was fucking but all we’ve done is kiss. So how am I really benefiting him by spending all his money lol. I don’t spend a penny on him
What should I do? 😞 I want to gain weight but it’s gonna take time. But do I just stop talking to him cause he’s made it clear he doesn’t like my body?
Girl, I feel that. I’m slim thick so my pelvis is naturally wide and my legs and butt are big and this guy I was dating likes very very skinny women... so I was like wtf? Why am I wasting my time? That’s something I can’t change.
You can gain weight but if this guy is making you feel insecure... it may be best to pass
I can reassure you right now, you are beautiful as you are right now!
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
There are lots of men out there why u hung up on this one? U know u are beautiful I would not change a single thing about u and i mean it. Lots of guys love skinny girls like seriously find one who does
So are you saying I should drop this guy because he gives me tips on how to gain weight? It doesn’t make sense because he takes me out on all these dates says he wants to stay in a hotel with me, yet you’re saying he doesn’t like my body?
I mean ur smoking hot u can get any guy u want... why not find one that likes u the way u are? If u were fat and he was telling u to lose weight id be on his side, but u are a healthy weight. If I was your boyfriend i certainly wudnt want to see u gain weight
Ok. I see your point. But on the flip side, people could say "Why did you choose to date a personal trainer? You should have known that they would always be giving you tips for improvement."
I don't know. I don't really focus on specifics when it comes to a woman's body. It's not like I'm going to pull out a measuring tape or anything. All I know is if she looks good, she looks good!
He finds you somewhat attractive; but just not as much as his actual crush. He is only dating you as a place holder until he can date her. So I would recommend to stop dating him.
That’s really knocked my confidence. All the dates he’s paid for, all the times he’s passionately kissed me and just to find out I’m just an option not a choice. I hate being black and skinny. I bet if I was white and curvy he’d want me
He finds you somewhat attractive. I find you quite beautiful. Maybe it is a cultural difference between the US and the UK; but quite beautiful is someone who is exceedingly beautiful.
He doesn't reassure you when you question your own beauty. If I am into a girl I won't hesitate to correct her that she is pretty when she questions it.
It's annoying me that she's failing to understand that she told him she wants to be bigger and so he decides to help because he's a personal Trainer. If he didn't help she'd think he doesn't care about her smh
But why is everyone in the comments say “he obvs prefers thick girls if he isn’t reassuring you you’re fine how you are” look at the other answers pls. My head is scrambled
Because my dove there are many types of guy, some would ignore a womans mental health, weight, etc. This guy your with cares about people he's a personal trainer. You're obviously not compatible with him if you get offended like this. Some girls want a guy like him.
Like with you being a pt and into fitness you’d wanna be with a girl that’s got a healthy fit body, right? & you’ve said before you wouldn’t really date a fat girl but then wouldn’t that apply to a thin girl like myself too?
@chocobrowniemonster by him telling me he wouldn’t date a fat girl but then he’s dating me and I’m thin. That’s contradictory because being thin and fat are both unhealthy so that’s why I asked. Don’t you think he’s contradicting himself?
one, you are a beautiful woman and if we were dating I would certainly care about your thoughts and feelings. two, He is a trainer so he probably sees plenty of girls on a daily basis so you are just one more in the group. three He may have a plan to achieve some goals that he has put first before a relationship so those feelings don't matter to him. It could be a lot of thins but the only way to know for sure is ask him...
@dreamgirl97xo 'in person' you couldve asked him why he doesn't like fat girl? is it her shape? her daily routine + laziness? her choice of diet? her lack of spacial awareness? etc. Once you knew why, only then could you ask if it's related to a thin girl being unhealthy. you're being really presumptious and negative. Sorry but this isn't doing yourself any favours. If a girl started questioning me this way im going to get angry and ditch her. Low self-esteem is in a way self-sabotage if you're constantly nagging a guy and trust me this guy will meet many girls who are focused on improving their body and mental health.
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