Is it okay for a person to date their therapist?

[fonduegirl]

#Dontdothat

Yes (elaborate)

No (elaborate)

Updates

+1 y

www.tapatalk.com/.../viewtopic.php?p=41890#p41890

Updates

+1 y

That is, he wants to seduce his therapist but it looks the other way around to me.

[AdithyaR]

1. The therapist isn't legally and ethically allowed to.
2. They might lose their objectivity when having sessions with you.
3. It feels weird.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

If you stop being a patient sure you can. If it's really a true love, there's no difference if he/she found love somewhere else.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

What's ironic is a therapist can't date a former patient but a teacher can date a former student. It maybe a taboo but it's just legal. I just find it ridiculous.

[fonduegirl]

Because you know dirt about them that a partner takes years to tell

[Aiko_E_Lara]

That actually has nothing to do with with being in a relationship. A therapist can also manipulate a patient even without being in a relationship. Also even if that therapist found love somewhere else, the therapist can also manipulate them. The point is there are just people no matter what their position are who are just manipulative and being a therapist have nothing to do with it. It's like this, if a therapist found love somewhere that's not his patient, he can also session her at home specially if she has a problem except she's not a patient also she's well aware he's a psychologist. There's just no difference. But if you're just gonna be so presumptuous about it, in that case, no psychologists should just date and they'd be single forever.

[fonduegirl]

Well said, Aiko

[Aiko_E_Lara]

There's also a reason why the pass the test and psychologists have also been tested with other expert psychologists. It would kinda be contradictory if he's given the psychology degree, approved by the psychology institute and the government but make laws about relationships. Unless their standards must be very low which is what they should've improve instead.

[OlderAndWiser]

Many volumes have been written on the phenomenon of transference. Your therapist has an ethical and legal obligation to not becoming involved in a romantic or sexual relationship with you. They can lose their license for violating this rule.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

No for so many reasons...
On the part of the therapist, that is very unprofessional and breaks the therapist/patient code of ethics..
From the patient standpoint that is usually considered to be more "transference" than developing real feelings...

[Account]

I wouldn't want anyone to have power over me.


It would not be okay to me and I wouldn't do it.

[AmandaYVR]

It goes against their code of ethics. They could lose their license.

It happens on occasion though. At the very least, they should end therapy then.

[btbc92]

Unethical, goes against HIPAA policies, somebody can be in legal trouble, and the therapist will be eitger repremended, fired and lose their licence. It also affects the quality of treatment the patient gets, it affects other patients or clients within that person's care, it can interfere with the firm, if they're underneath a management, and whole other problems. They often don't lasts. It's a person who is a client is mentally ill, it can get very dangerous and abusive and God forbid can turn into psychotic stalking behavior. In other words, if you're going to learn something on TV, learn the dangerous about such relationships. You don't see people getting raped, killed, stalked and murdered for nothing. These kind of shows need to be addressed talking about the dangers of these things pair not presented on national TV and then it people View it as normal.

[Puppystarfish23]

No way as someone who's grown up in therapy I'd feel extremely betrayed if my therapist try to take advantage of me like that. My therapist knows the deepest , darkest parts me and my weaknesses and they could us it against me if we were in a relationship together. Also it's extremely unprofessional and full on manipulative and power hungry for a therapist to do take. Therapists are meant to help people control and understand there feelings and if they can't do that themselves they are clearly not good at their job

[Puppystarfish23]

The therapist I had in my teens was hot af but I didn't even notice back then because the idea of dating him seemed so odd and unnatural. He was massive douchebag too which helped

[SomeBlondeChick]

Many people going through therapy develop a pseudo "relationship" with their therapist because they are spilling the beans on deep dark secrets maybe nobody else in their family knows of. And by default, they begin to feel feelings that are certainly not appropriate. This is sort of like stockholm syndrome in a way where a kidnap victim begins to have feelings for their kidnapper because there's no one else to "relate" to.

So NO it is NOT okay. It is unethical for a therapist to get involved with their patients. They will at a minimum lose their license & even be criminally charged dependent on the local/state/federal laws on the subject.

[DizzyDesii]

No because the therapist will get tired of hearing about your problems outside of work as well. people should separate work and relationship and a client wouldn't know how to stop talking about themselves and their problems when the therapist is OFF work

[yucel_eden]

It’s more about the emotional power the therapist holds over the person.

It’s ok to date after therapy has ended if the patient is no longer vulnerable and the power differential isn’t great

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Nope. Plus every therapist I have ever gone to has strict rules on how they act around their clients.

I get along fantastic with mine, but we're not even friends. I'd love to be friends, but if I wanted to initiate that, I would have to find another therapist.

It's not just about boundaries and healthy professional relationships, either. It's contractual.

[Massageman]

No, it is not okay for client and therapist to date.

Professional organizations have covenants that prohibit this. Licensing boards from the states, country- even insurance companies- prohibit this sort of thing.

OlderandWiser has it right. Transference, counter-transference, FN effect, and on and on. There are moral, ethical and legal reasons that this is a red-light issue, violations of which are good for a reprimand at the very least, up to pulling your license, serving time, paying tort restitution, etc.

[Naxwi]

The impartial stance a therapists work is based on is a non attachment basis so it would go against their helping of others if they would date their patients. I think this is the bigger part of the issue of dating patients as well as the environment of therapy that puts a patient in a vulnerable spot of having to open up on very personal matters. This is most likely why it would cost your licence as a therapist.

[Stillkoolaid]

Completely inappropriate, at least for your therapist. They are suppose to listen and deconstruct everything you say. They are suppose to look at you problems objectively which they can't do in a relationship.

This happens though, because people feel like they can be open and honest and communicate with their therapist, but remember your therapist did this because it is their job. If you're having these feelings talk to your therapist and say you may to find a new therapist.

[Kurαȷ]

A therapist is a little more than a glorified bruise kisser for adults.
A psychiatrist dealing with people with real clinical conditions, that's a bit different.

But therapists are just basic social workers, they have little to no clinical knowledge or responsibility towards their clients, they are paid for listening to frustrated people venting.
Their jobs are neither professional nor scientific, it's useless pseudoscience.

[kkirk4442]

A therapist has a particular professional relationship with a client, that engenders a person to open up about their very personal feelings and thoughts. That makes the relationship one sided, in the sense that the therapist has much more power in the relationship than in a normal relationship. For that, and other reasons, a therapist should not date a client.

[Adam1978]

It's wrong both ways, a therapist should not use his position again a broken emotionally customer. So it's their job to make sure they don't encourage or engage in anything along these lines. And as someone that needs therapy you don't want to be in relationship with someone that has so much influence over you.

[JassKaur]

If its your professional therapist then NO. It goes against what the therapist is to abide by legally at least in the California. Even if its a non-professional therapist, then I would highly recommend not to. It gives them a lot of power over you, which many can abuse.

[lightbulb27]

no. we all want to feel good and the therapist listing to us may be able to fill that role. but its wrong because of risk of abuse, control. the very question is confirmation that person is not doing well and needs pulled out of the race of life for a while.

[JPrez]

I think there would be an ethical issue with this that might cause said therapist to lose their license if this was discovered.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Things could turn out good but most likely they couldn't be your therapist
you would have to switch to a new therapist and they could get in trouble
if they are caught dating you, the best choice if you want to date them get
a new therapist out that practice and go to a new practice to get a therapist
and that could work out?

[The_Sword]

no, it's also illegal and unethical, such a therapist should lose their license and be sued by their respective boards and professional associations for bringing the field into disrepute.

[Twalli]

Once it's know they will. They can date former patients though.

[Holisticapproachsara]

I dont think its fair. Because the patient is in a vulnerable situation. Any doctor that does that not only a therapist should be held accountable. It can lead to abuse

[guesswhoseback]

No it’s highly unprofessional and therapist can lose their license. But given the deep talks bonding can happen. I can see how a female might develop feelings for a male therapist who actually listens to her.

With that said if both the therapist and client have an equal romance interest. The right thing to do is cease the therapy sessions and date outside of any professional environment.

[EaterPeter]

Its a big no no. Just like no romantic relationships at work. Do not mix business with pleasure.

[EaterPeter]

You two must end professional relationship proper way. Give it enough time. And it may still not work. Coz one of you might be keep thinking S/he does that with every professional she meet or every patient S/he treat.

[EaterPeter]

Do you have crush on him? Is he handsome hot hunk?

[EaterPeter]

Ot he just understands you very well. WAKY WAKY. He is qualified trained listener and does that for living.

[EaterPeter]

Or**

[fonduegirl]

This is about someone else. A man on pick up artist forum put it up about the therapist he has. I did give him some pointers but now I feel it's a bad idea and I'm little too late.

[EaterPeter]

And if may add please and thank you!

[EaterPeter]

O O. Well I presume therapis is female and mature and smart enough to decline when he asks her out.

[fonduegirl]

Me too, Peter

[Twenty2]

Therapists can't date their clients. They shouldn't. I don't think I'll ever get a therapist but if I'll ever get one then I'll not date her because sex makes things complicated.

[Twenty2]

Would you date your therapist, anon?

[fonduegirl]

You can have a sexless relationship.

[Twenty2]

The whole point of dating is sex. If you're not having sex then you're friends and yeah! You can be friends with your therapist.

[fonduegirl]

Agreed.

I'm a soon to be psychologist myself and I don't mix work and pleasure

[Twenty2]

I feel sorry for your clients already 🙂

[fonduegirl]

I can make an exception if it's you.

[Twenty2]

Says someone who doesn't even talk in private chat 🙃

[fonduegirl]

Talking has always been my weak points. Other stuff? Thankfully not!

[Twenty2]

And what other stuff are you talking about?

[fonduegirl]

Wouldn't you like to find out.

[fonduegirl]

I meant sketching and cross dressing

[Twenty2]

I would love to see your sketches. Send me your sketches in private and I'll show you my sketches too.

[fonduegirl]

You can see one of them in recent questions.

Show me yours here. Unless

[Sarahr123]

Many young people are in relationships and don’t have sex. Some cultures value virginity until marriage. I have been with my boyfriend for seven years and we haven’t had sex. Doesn’t mean we aren’t boyfriend/girlfriend. You’re not in love with your friends. Love is an emotion, it’s a feeling. Many people have sex with anyone and everyone - they’re not in a relationship. People even have FWB’s these days, you know? Friends with benefits... so yeah what you said is incorrect. Everyone is not dying for sex. Some of us have self restraint and can wait for the right time and person. You can’t attain consciousness without self-restraint.

[Twenty2]

@Sarahr123 Good for you, Sarah. I never said that there aren't exceptions. You certainly are an exception. On the topic of culture, will you please tell me what your culture is?

[Sarahr123]

Indian

[fonduegirl]

We respect you, Sarah but sex is very important for him and I. we're from India too, by the way. Just difference of opinion

[Sarahr123]

Oh wow - I didn’t know! Nice to meet you.

[Tstrbrainer]

Is it? There's a question of professional ethics.

I'm not absolutely against it, probably a genuine relationship can happen, but there's a chance of undue influence.

I won't really judge, if the person have the ability to think rationally.

[Iamasking]

The American Psychological Association Code of Ethics - “Social workers should not engage in sexual activities or sexual contact with former clients because of the potential for harm to the client.”

[Billyscotter]

Falling in love with a therapist isn't uncommon, but dating is inappropriate. It could also lead to a lawsuit. I'm not one to judge who should date, but if a therapist and client falls in love and are interested in dating, it's time to find a new therapist.

[flamiE]

Hell no. I’d never date a therapist, let alone MY therapist. They all have a way of reading you and mess with your head in a very weird way.

[Kaamraj]

If you're dating your therapist than they can no longer be your therapist. Because that objectivity into analyzing your mind is lost.

[magiusX26]

nope. it causes a conflict of interest for the therapist and can cost them their career/lisence. same with other types of proffesionals workers such as doctors, dentists, lawyers, and even some types of law enforcement officers.

[magiusX26]

incase the implied issue is missed, that conflict of interest includes ethical and moral violations.

[S5ARR0W]

This is normal with girls: "a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on"

[fonduegirl]

Lol read the update

[Gwenhwyfar]

No!!!

Though it might make for interesting erotica. But not irl.

[Tstrbrainer]

Why? If both really click?

[Gwenhwyfar]

@Tstrbrainer let me clarify. You can date your therapist but they CANNOT be both your therapist and your boyfriend at the same time.

[Tstrbrainer]

That's what confuses me.
If you marry a doctor, won't he be able to look after you while you are sick?

Don't parents who are in a field help their children in that area?

[Gwenhwyfar]

@Tstrbrainer only in an emergency. Otherwise they refer their spouse or child to a colleague. Same with lawyers.

[Tstrbrainer]

That's interesting. I've heard that, but never understood why? Is it lack of confidence or something else?

[Gwenhwyfar]

@Tstrbrainer professional detachment. @OlderAndWiser explains it really well.

[Tstrbrainer]

Okay

[magiusX26]

i pointed out lawyers too after that convo.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Tstrbrainer Many professions have a rue against having a dual relationship with a client. Suppose you are a psychotherapist, you are treating a lady for depression, and she needs a job. You have an opening for a receptionist so you hire your patient. She comes to work 39 hours per week as an employee but one hour per week she is your patient in therapy sessions.

Now, let's suppose that she is really an awful receptionist. You want to fire her and hire someone else but you know that getting fired will be devastating to her. Do you do what's right for your practice or what's best for your patient. And if you do fire her and she goes to another therapist because she now hates you, then she is starting over and her recovery may be delayed.

Or, suppose you make her work more than 40 hours a week but you only pay her for 40 hours. She could report you to the federal Department of Labor and get you disciplined, but does she want to risk her relationship with you as a therapist? And if you know she won't take that chance, that means that you have an opportunity to take advantage of her.

Anytime that you have two different relationships with the same person, one the professional relationship, and the other being your lover, your employee, your roommate, or anything else, these conflicts of interest can arise. The only way to make sure this doesn't happen is to tally ban such relationships.

Therefore, you can't date your patient if she is currently in treatment with you. If you terminate treatment and she goes elsewhere for therapy and you wait a reasonable length of time (which depends on how long she was your patient,) then you may begin dating her.

Does that help you to understand this prohibition?

[Tstrbrainer]

Yeah this makes sense.
But still I don't think how it will affect parent children relationships as there is already an implied undue influence on such relationships

[OlderAndWiser]

@Tstrbrainer A physician should make decisions based on medical considerations and not based on emotional involvement.

[Tstrbrainer]

Yeah, that's right. Now I get it

[Tstrbrainer]

Thanks. You really explained very well

[OlderAndWiser]

@Tstrbrainer You're welcome!

[YHL6965]

I don't think it is. Some people can develop attraction for their therapist since therapists care about you, about your wounds and are here to help you feel better. However, that care is not romantic love and who they are with you in therapy differs from who they are in everyday life so you are bound to be disappointed.

[Twalli]

It's illegal. They can't be your therapist and your SO. I don't know about the laws everywhere, but in NYC you can't date a former therapist for 366 days after your last appointment with them. So you can date him/her after a period of time, but if you still need a therapist you need to find a new one.

[tamtampro]

No omg this is not professional of the therapist at all. (As I’m studying psychology...)

[Minahh]

Yes. I think it's ok to date everyone besides family members/children which is also prohibited by the law. Like who said that dating your teacher/someone from other race or culture/priest is wrong? As long as they leave their position teacher/priest because as we know otherwise they could manipulate you or you them. But why would you still pay for therapy to someone who is your partner? Doesn't make sense.

[bowenw]

If a romance develops you would hate to pass up the opportunity to connect with someone that could be your soulmate. You may have to change therapists to avoid a conflict of interest.

[TOTEMPLASTER]

It is unethical for the therapist and bone-stupid behavior by the patient.

[ohshee]

No I think it's a bad idea just because they know you so well can I ask what would be the reason you would want to do that

[TheorionMage]

MUCH would depend upon your Therapist's 'end game' intentions...

FEW would know You better BUT... such 'blind faith' in good intentions, invites exploitive 'corruption'
and... your Therapist is... themself, ONLY human~

[art84]

I wouldn't just cause it's my therapist and it would be weird to date her. I can see having a crush on them but dating would just make things awkward if we dated and things didn't work out.

[slatyb]

This is a serious breach of professional ethics and it's likely the therapist would lose their license. Therapy patients are extremely vulnerable.

[Inexpensivefurniture]

Therapists are legally obligated not to become involved with a patient. It would be unethical. They have to maintain a professional distance, otherwise they are taking advantage to the trust and vulnerability their patients share with them

[trees4blue]

They know too much about you and they also would probably lose their job due to certain laws. Don’t risk it.

[MountAverage]

Are you for real? Under what circumstances would that ever be okay?

[R3DthatDude]

No. Your emotionally vulnerable to them so you might like them because of it, it’s normal but you shouldn’t act on it

[Anonymous]

I have heard that it’s against rules because of reasons that endanger the person involved. They can be taken advantage of in ways that are extremely difficult to cope with and being with someone who knows your life details like that automatically creates a power dynamic that can’t be worked around. There is no safe way for a relationship like that to work.

[Jakeofalltrades93]

no, because half the time what people talk about with their therapist is their romantic partners and you can't really do that if they are the same person

[Browneye57]

Your therapist won't date you. I guarantee it. Unless they don't care if they lose their license or job.

[BCRanger10]

That has "terrible idea" written all over it. A therapist? Yes. Their therapist? No!

[jshm2]

No. Never mix work and play, and never fuck your patient.

[Bee-Hatch]

If they're a good therapist with integrity they won't. It's part of the ethics and standards they adhere to.

[Anonymous]

First of all a job is a job and therapist have this strict rules of no dating clients.
It is kinda weird to date a therapist well in my opinion. There are plenty of people out there to date why does it have to be your therapist?

[worldscolide]

Its ethically wrong. There has to be some distance between therapist and patient or the therapist becomes ineffective

[stuntbrain]

Never date your therapist. Keep the relationship strictly professional/sexual

[Anonymous]

Nope. They have to maintain a professional relationship.

[winterfox10]

Oh my god no... there are even laws against therapists becoming romantically involved with patients. I think they have to wait a minimum of 2 years after ceasing therapy before they can date.

[msc545]

No, it's not only not okay in most cases it's illegal for the therapist to do that but not for the patient.

[Lunatic1]

Not okay at all, in fact it is illegal for the therapist.

[ghostqueen]

Sounds like a terribly messy idea, professional help and pleasure should be two separate worlds.