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It's just biology, the female is more valuable. It's like in a farm they only have one bull and it's the most genetically fit male they could find, but they'll take pretty much any cow. It's the same with people, the male has to prove his value and justify why any woman should be with him and the woman has the choice if he's "good enough" for her or not. We can talk about how things "should be" but in reality it never works out that way it's always about leverage.
For instance this guy I used to work with complained to me about how his girlfriend never once comes to his place and always expects him to go to her place. We had a pretty stressful job and on top of that we had school and school work cause we were apprentices. I told him the only way it's gonna change is if you look like you're gonna look for a different girl friend but he didn't want to do that. So she's lazy and entitled but she doesn't have to change because her boyfriend will still come to her place because she has leverage.
But don't worry guys are not powerless we have a very tough time in the beginning but we can learn some things over time ^^. Like when it comes to commitment/ marriage the guy has the leverage he can stay in the relationship as long as he wants without proposing and he'll be happy but the girl might not be. But she can't really do anything about it unless she dumps him or lies about taking birth control and gets pregnant or something (I'm kinda terrified of that). I haven't been dating but I feel like I'm getting close to dating but I don't want kids and I wouldn't be ready at all.
People usually do thing that are in their own interest and when they have an advantage they push it as far as they can. And we just have to deal with that.
Because men were raised by parents who taught them to be that way and assuming a father was in the home, likely he was a man who was raised to do that.
I've come across guys on this site, that when I said I wouldn't pay for a girl on the first date. That she would pay for herself and I pay for myself and that ultimately my time is enough.
I had guys say things like, "I would never want my sister to be with a guy like you. A man should pay for the girl". Because in his world the girl is on the pedestal and it's the man's duty to impress her and validate his existence. That she's "blessing" him with her presence.
While in my world, the girl is on the date to begin with because she is impressed by me and wants to get to know me. She hopes I like her too, while I'm hoping she's cool. That's what a first date should be and I've had more than one girl even pay for me on the date because they wanted to.
Not all guys think that's right and truly believe it's their job to cater to a girl because that's all they know.
You picked two examples which seem to be true, yes, but they are a small part of relationships. They are just classic tropes, something carried forward for generations.
I thought you were going to say that men have to cater to women's more sensitive natures, which is also true (and would be more accurate.)
But only bad, superficial relationships are unbalanced. Partnerships that last do consider both people.
sure it should be about 50/50.. and I feel like your examples are a bit too superficial.. yes, it is normal that the man take more initiate in the start and that he proposes.. that has been the culture for many years but it has also started to change up. But besides that there is much more to making a relationship work out and women are participating a lot in making that happen.
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u The problem with insisting on 50/50 effort is this: you are aware of every little effort that you make but many of those efforts will not be obvious to your partner (like keeping your mouth shut and not saying anything when his mother says something rude to you.) And you will not be aware of all the efforts your partner makes. So when you compare all the efforts you make to all the efforts you know he makes, it will always feel that you are doing more than him.
Accounting is not a great basis for a romantic relationship.
Ok look. There’s two sides to society. The one where everybody’s wanting equality in every way which is impossible and the other in which assumes everybody is equal but some people are better.
To the side wanting equality aka the modern woman they want women equal so I expect similar effort from a woman. She can pay. She can work overtime. She can take responsibility of her choices like kids, being fat, being bitchy, being independent...
The traditional woman doesn’t mind being support or Homemaker. They are feminine, conservative (not political), and embody what most men want.
In my opinion these traditional women are more attractive and better behaved. But because their such a higher quality getting with them requires a larger investment. For these women I don’t mind chivalry, alimony, making the first move, paying for everything. The traditional family. These women sacrifice for the family. Meanwhile modern women are only focused on themselves with comments like owning their bitchy attitude over changing it, short pink hair over long and generic, and seem to prefer polygamy over monogamy.
To sum all that crap up... I’ll work harder for a woman that embodies what I like.
It might seem unfair, but the reasons for a man catering to a woman are purely biological and make a whole lot of sense. Thing is that dating is much riskier for a woman than it is for a woman and there is biological necessity for women to be way pickier than men are.. They are the one that have to take care of the kids after all. If woman fails to find for herself a healthy, RELIABLE partner that has proven to her his dedication and loyalty, it's the offspring that could suffer as the consequence. And what a better way to show of your dedication than with a really expensive/costly gift.
Courtship rituals like that are present throughout animal kingdom. It doesn't have to be a material gift necessarily. Peacocks, for example, will spread their big, beautiful, very colorful feathers out in the open for eeeeverybody to see. It is a stupid thing to do, suicidal because of all the potential predators that might see them easily. But it is a sign of courage and strength that females might potentially pick up upon. It's like they are playing a game of chicken with each other as a way of competing for a partner. In case of humans, giving a flower might be really nice. But spending a quarter of your yearly salary on buying a trinket... now that must mean that the guy is serious.
Women have been taught that they are the prize that men need to work for, and they act like it. Ironically, men who don't work for it are often pursued more often by women because we're perceived as harder to catch... and a better prize. I should probably mention that this only happened to me when I left the US and women perceived me as exotic. Though as I was leaving many of the women I knew at college started expressing interest in me once they learned I was leaving, even though they'd had close to four years to try something with me.
But relationships in general are catered to women because it's the cultural perception that women don't need to do anything to deserve a relationship, but men need to work for it in order to deserve it.
There is data that determined that a relationship/marriage is at greater risk of ending if the wife gets a promotion while the risk stays the same if the husband got it. https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce
There is also data that says that risk goes up if the man isn’t working full time while it doesn’t matter what kind of job the woman has. https://www.asanet.org/sites/default/files/attach/journals/aug16asrfeature.pdf
This honestly doesn’t surprise me in the least. Everyone wants an egalitarian relationship but it doesn’t sit well with most people when put into practice. Men want to be the providers and protectors (at least I do) so they see the value in attaining higher paying positions, it’s what gives them a sense of purpose. I am obviously not a woman but it seems that women want to be provided and protected so they pursue men with such statuses. If the roles are reversed, the role of the male partner is practically useless or less appreciated so it makes sense that the man or the woman decides to bail.
Up to this point it's just always been the tradition for the man to provide everything for the woman and his family.
That's why relationships have always been seemingly catered towards the woman.
Some people just still prefer the old skool way of being.
You know, the whole housewife and the man is the one getting the bread and being a gentleman.
I guess there's nothing inherently wrong with that
But as you know, times are changing.
Men and women are more equal than before.
So I'm all for a 50/50 split when it comes to relationships, there's no reason not to do things that way unless you prefer the old skool way of things.
Never understood that my self. take valentines day, Its specifically geared toward women, Creates a huge financial burden on men, we are expected to spend tons of money and the like with little or no benefit to us, at least that has been my experience of it. My wife never made me feel that way, we do things for each-other on that day, but prior relationships it was definitely one way.
This isn’t strictly true. I would say these types of skewed relationships are quite specific to dumb people. Normal people don’t care about rings or holidays or gender roles. All I have to compare though is the relationships between couples I went to University with, and those shown to me on The Jeremy Kyle Show.
Human evolution gave men the instinct to give, and women the instinct to take.
Women had to get wider hips to give birth to our more intelligent babies. They also had to prematurely give birth so the massive heads of human babies could make their way out of the vagina.
Thus, women have to nurse a completely helpless baby for years after birth. Whereas a calf begins walking right after birth because it is unintelligent.
Women became needy for good worker males to give them food etc. Women used sex as the way to attract males; human females ovulate very frequently (and secretly) relative to other animals. In other words, human females are sexually readyfar more often than other females are.
The goal is to entice the male with sex for resources. Today, we all have those ancient instincts to guide human behavior.
Women are needy; men are needed.
i 100% agree and this is how it is in my relationship. if i pay for one date, he pays for the next, or i’ll pay again because i know he’s got it next time. there’s no set way to have a relationship. for holidays i spend as much as he does on me and i try to spoil him when i can. we’re a partnership!! nothing less.
This is ignoring all that women do in relationships. For example, when living together, women typically do most or all of the domestic labor. When having kids, it's the woman who endures the pregnancy and birth. Etc. All of this while also typically having a job of her own.
I completely side with you on that.
It's sexist when relationships are all about wooing and romancing the woman and not having the man wooed and romanced 🙄
your sadly mistaken. Most women don't know what a relationships is. Buying flowers, candy, telling you nice things are not a relationship. Neither is women providing sex. That just gets you attention.
A true relationship is faithful, supportive, honest, and you help each other grow and improve as a person. You both have mutual goals and a long term agenda together. You're not clouded by a crush and beginning romance.
Don't worry - in the end you'll kind of pay as well. This way, or that way :)
If you are being reciprocated of the love you desire, she's not the one. The one will reciprocate they same love as you give. You will not have to question her love and affection. You like her and she like you. No question. Don't let attraction keep you in a relationship that's not a need but a want.
The woman ultimately has to be the one to decide that a relationship is going to have a chance to blossom. I guess that's just how the tradition goes. I think it's interesting that men can be so much larger than women, but women still lead us around and call the shots.
Don't get things confused.
Yes, we pay the first date, we buy the ring and we have to make the first move, but you girls need to be good to match our expectations.
If you don't you don't get past first date.
I think most women will think that they’re doing 50/50, but what’s happening is that women set the conditions for men and then also decide what constitutes a comparable contribution from themselves. By setting the terms of both sides it will feel 50/50 when really it’s not.
Because there is competition for women (men outnumber women until almost age 40). Once women get used to that, they expect it for the rest of their lives.
I think it ties into these strict gender roles that we made for ourselves, it would be ideal if we could all be treated with respect and dignity regardless of what’s between our legs; but that’s not our society yet. Men are still used for their money and protection.
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