Boyfriend tells me to calm down so I do. Then he is offfended. Am I the asshole or?

[Anonymous]

I like doing little silly dances, sing, etc... I also do that when I'm home alone, also with him... recently he is barely paying any attention to me, he comes home from work and then studies subject1 as career advancement then subject2 for hobby and then he plays some games and barely gives me any time... so I go shower and he enthusiastically says that he is going with me (mind you this was not in a sexual manner)... so today we barely even talked and I start singing and doing funky stuff in the shower and he tells me to shush, calm down, etc in a whiny manner that he is "overloaded"... well biach, I get up around the same time he does, work, do housework, cook, upload my stock photos online for a bit of passive income, handmake jewelry, watch some vids, reply to some messages, etc, so I'm not exactly bored either... so I think like "ya we didn't exactly talk or anything today" ... so I start singing a funny madeup version of his favorite song and he just tells me to shush so my mood is kinda ruined and I go quiet... like I am trying to cheer this dude up, first talk with him, then I don't know, something... and he just shuts me down, bish why did you go to shower with me then, to hog my water and let me stand in the cold? then I go to the office room on the computer and he is like "what's wrong?" and saying that my quietness is not fair towards him, blah blah... like seriously my whole life people shut me down because I'm annoying, I tone it to minimum and try to only be "annoying" when I'm at home, then he tells me I'm funny and never annoying and now I'm annoying and INVALIDATING HIS FEELINGS... can't talk to him in the morning cuz not a morning person, not during the day cuz he's busy and not in the evening cuz he needs to have a calm sleep... WELL OKAY THEN. So I ask him what does he want me to do or say because he told me to calm down and I did and he just keeps repeating how I invalidated his feelings and nothing else, like I don't know, what does he want?

[Anna_99]

It would be a good idea to rethink what he said about invalidating his feelings, because that could be the solution to the problem.

Try to think about how you act and what you say when he expresses himself and his emotions. He said he's overloaded, then you compared your day to his. But remember you both are two different people, you both work differently, if he said he's overloaded, then that's how he's feeling.

You're right about not having time to talk to him, but maybe you can tell him just that: you want to talk and listen to him, but you can't find the time.

Remember different people cope differently with stress. Maybe he needs some time by himself, or maybe he needs some time with you, but feels judged when he says what he feels.

Ask him if he's feeling bad/stressed/overloaded and what he'd like to do to feel better. It would be nice if you tell him how you're feeling too, being open about this while also wanting to know about his side might help.

[Asker]

True. Thank you for your opinion, gave me a bit of needed, nonbiased clarity unlike the garbage posted by the guys below lol.

[Anna_99]

you're welcome lol

[Iron_Man]

The question asker is a troll that likes to delete comments

[admles]

Sounds like he's stressed, probably has a lot going on and it just gets to him sometimes.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I'm speechless.
Anyway, I do like him - works in keeping some distance from her.