Isn’t it wrong for guys to check other girls out if they have a girlfriend?

Question

Is it just me that thinks that it’s wrong? It hasn’t happend to me yet but even though I’ve been kinda mentally prepared for it, everytime that I imagine it actually happening i have a feeling that it’ll break my heart if my boyfriend did this.

enirikiu · Accepted Answer

I would say it all comes down to personal relationship preference and agreed-on boundaries/habits. If you both have decided that it’s not right, then you should not do it. In the case with my boyfriend, we still both check out other people, but of course never act on it. Those are our agreed-upon conditions.

Our philosophy is that you can still find other people attractive and admire them even when you’re in a serious committed relationship; just looking without acting is alright. He checks out girls all the time and tells me about them. To be fair, I also am bisexual so I check them out with him and agree/disagree and offer my opinions. I also check out other guys and I tell him about it and he really doesn’t care or find it hurtful.

I also have confessed to him I do feel bad because I felt that I was in the wrong for checking out other guys (based on traditional values), but he taught me that it’s possible to still find other people attractive or beautiful without being a “cheater” or “unfaithful”. It did make sense to me. My boyfriend and I have a pretty secure relationship so looking at someone else is not going to end it so easily.

Someone else in this comment section made a great analogy. If you have a child or a pet and find another one cute, it doesn’t mean you love your own any less. And it definitely doesn’t automatically mean you’ll leave them.

CurLyF · Accepted Answer

I don't believe there's something wrong with recognizing someone's attractive and even feel a slight sexual pull towards them. Now, there's than and then there's cheating and that's an unforgivable offense to me.
I have been in love and that has never stopped me from looking at Chris Evans, for example, and thinking he's hot. Or the attractive waiter at one of my favourite restaurants. BUT I would never be obviously staring in front of my boyfriend, let alone flirt. I think that is disrespectful. I saw my dad do this as well in front of my mom and it always infuriated me.
My brother learnt from this and has always be super respectful of his girlfriends. I mean he is still alive and when he's not with her he recognizes when another girl is hot, but never violates the trust by flirting or anything like that.
I would be upset if my boyfriend did in front of me. I wouldn't be upset if he like says "Yeah, Jennifer Lawrence is very attractive" or anything like that, but to openly stare at someone in a hot manner almost as if he were watching porn in front of me would be so not cool.

NetSapien · Accepted Answer

If I'm going to be honest here.

To your question about if being 'just you that think it's wrong'. No, many people share your perspective. None of them guys tho. You're setting the bar too high.

All of us guys, specially with a healthy libido and level of testosterone, will check out women regardless of having a girlfriend or wife. We cannot always control this. We do this because it simply is instinctual behavior. We guys cannot be any other way unless we're unhealthy. Like the scorpion told the frog in The Scorpion and the Frog, ".. can't help it, it's in my nature"

What we can control is the level of respect we show the person we are with. We don't have to cheat. We don't have to interact with other females in any way that casts doubt in the security of a relationship. We can be honest and make the person we're with know that they're the most important one.

To your question about it being weird to feel hurt if this happened in front of you. It's not weird, you perceive a challenge or an insecurity in regards to your position in your relationship. It's perfectly natural. The guy you're with must make you happy and secure otherwise you're gonna start to feel you're with the wrong dude.

Lliam · Accepted Answer

It's impossible for guys NOT to check out cute girls. Seeing random girls walking down the street or on the beach is like the sight of cute puppies or beautiful works of art. What would be wrong with appreciating them?
It has nothing to do with wanting to be with them. I don't have to possess them. They are merely inspirational. They bring joy, like sunshine on a cloudy day or like bright flowers in a bleak landscape.

My wife knows I appreciate the sight of cute women. She gets it. Sometimes she'll even point one out to me. She knows that I am completely dedicated to her and would never cheat. I adore her. And she's confident enough to know that.

ragequeen · Answer

When the relationship is new, of course it can be uncomfortable for both parts. But as the relationship matures, you both come to accept that it's natural to take a glance when something attractive arrives. To be honest, it helps spice the relationship to a degree, because you feel that tingle of jealousy and hostility. This makes you remember why you love the person and how much you want them to stay with you. Also, another coping strategy is to start seeing it the other way. You may always think "what if my partner looks" or "what if he cheats", but have you ever considered that he may be thinking the same about you? That he is worried about you doing those things? Empower yourself and stop putting your partner on a pedestal. You are human too, you deserve to look if you want. Just don't act.

ZackBan · Answer

Honestly, as an unpopular opinion, I think you should be more concerned if he "didn't" check out other girls.
That would imply he's maybe a closeted homosexal who's still in denial and dating you so he can convince himself he's straight.

People check eachother out there is nothing wrong with it. You too have every right to look at a guy and admire how attractive they are, no point suppressing it just because you're in a relationship. It would be wrong for him to make a pass at a girl or give her any signals of attraction sure because that's disrespecting your trust and the bond of your relationship but looking is looking.

Jjpayne · Answer

I think it's a natural instinct. I would assume if there was a sexy guy, he might get your attention. I think the main factor is how long is the attention? Does he notice then stop quickly after or does he stare. I think it's really about how long he notices and thats where it can be bad. But I don't think it's bad if you notice a sexy guy, you could even say that guy is hot. But the key is it stops quickly then goes back to each other. It also depends on what your relationship is like with him as well too.

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

You don't understand men at all. First and foremost, its impulsive, no thought is put into it. A man will check out a woman regardless of his interest in her. Now you can demand that he stop being a man, but then by that reasoning you have to stop being a woman, you have to stop being emotional, you have to stop watching romance movies or reading romance novels (all of which are effectively porn for women) etc. etc.

Men do this because we are biologically wired to do it, its not something we can control. If your that insecure with yourself I would recommend working on yourself so that your not treating him glancing at a female as if it was cheating (something he isn't doing to you (imagine if he flipped out when you looked at a guy even if you where not interested in him, its a pretty extreme and off putting behavior).

percival27 · Answer

You either find a person attractive or not. You cannot fix that, or really avoid having the taste you have. Now, acting in a way, beyond the natural noticing of the person that you find attractive, doing explicitly movements with your head to continue looking, I think is being a jerk. That is, in general. Sometimes couples even show the other person.. "hey look at that girl", because they know that the guy would like the sight. The main issue is: if you love your partner, you care about her or him feeling bad. Depending on how each person feels, just apply that rule. That would be my point of view.

Ripper_E · Answer

You will find other men attractive whether you like it or not. That doesn't mean you have a problem, but your mind doesn't shut off that way. The issue comes when your thoughts linger and when your eyes linger. Doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman, but in the case of your boyfriend, he finds other women attractive. If he says he doesn't he is lying to you, probably because he knows it'll hurt you. I understand why it would hurt you. There is nothing wrong with him finding another woman attractive when you two go out, but he should not be staring at her. If by checking out you mean constantly looking at other women, that's a problem, but find another woman attractive is not. That just means he's human.

KingdomForAKiss · Answer

It's not wrong for your brain to acknowledge the attractiveness of another human being. That doesn't just go away when you're in a relationship. The wrongness of it comes from where your line of respect lies as well as the reaction from your partner. If my partner is turning around and gawking at the attractive person, that's disrespectful to me. Communication plays a big part. If you tell your partner that you feel something is disrespectful and they continue to do it, that's wrong.

normalice · Answer

It is not an easy habit to break. Coming back to your table with a delicious steamed bun doesn't mean you aren't still looking at the buffet in case you make a second trip. That instinct doesn't get suppressed until you are full. If you want to minimize the chance that a guy notices other girls stuff him full of dirty sex. And if the guy you are with doesn't stir your interesteds in such things then perhaps you should be checking out other guys, too.

And no I'm not equating women to food - I'm equating men's lust to hunger.

alexander3244 · Answer

That is wrong but also not easy for a guy to not to look at other ladies when you are surrounded by lots of attractive ones. It's also annoying at times and reminds me that I need to find the one while I'm thinking about work or other important things. Whether they wanted to impress me with their beauty or not, I find myself becoming interesting in them and my eyes quietly start to look at their direction pretty much automatically without me really wanting it. My advice is very simple: make sure to treat your guy well if you don't want him to look at other women and eventually leave you, and if you do and he knows very well that type behavior annoys you and if he's ignorant, then you should leave him.

HawkPerception · Answer

You're still in your immature phase in life where you're learning about reality. I'm not insulting you. Most girls have the same thoughts at your age.

The truth is... just because you're dating doesn't mean your partner suddenly become unattracted to every other female in the world. And if there's an attractive girl in our line of vision, we'll all definitely notice it. However, when you're in a relationship and you're next to your girlfriend you should make a conscious effort to not stare or make any obvious looks. It's a sign of respect. If your partner does look and stare very obviously then they're in the wrong or still in their immature phase.

You need to get over your fear of your partner noticing other girls when he's with you. Even if you're the most beautiful girl in the world, he'd still notice other attractive girls. It doesn't mean he'll act on it.

TonyV · Answer

You're over reacting, and you also sound controlling and over bearing. No he should not be staring and drowling over other women around you, but you are asking a lot to expect him to somehow not find any other person hot or sexy just cause yes dating you.

Are you really yelling me there isn't a single male movie star that turns you on?

We are all only human, we are attracted to all sorts of people, it dosent make you unloyal or unfaithful to your partner if a curvy fit/thick girl in a tank top with no bra and camel toe revealing leggings walks by and ge looks, and you aren't cheating on him if some chiseled body builder with no shirt and gray sweat pants with a huge visable dick bulge walks by and turns you on.

Nothing wrong with looking, try not to be so insecure, he chose to be with you, the other girls are just eye candy you are his girlfriend.👍

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Men are visual, so yeah they will look, they will like but staying with you is all about the commitment.

The only thing I would say is don't feel bad about it it's nature of men heck women also watch women like even with hungry eyes I have seen it myself in close proximity it was damn funny and she was with his boyfriend and her eyes wouldn't stop staring at the girls cleavage which was a vision for eyes lol and her navel was exposed so much.

It's like this you like a dress you buy it but you saw another beautiful dress at the mall just while leaving and you couldn't take your eyes off. but you still will go with the dress you bought and wear it with same happiness.

Stop borrowing problems that don't exist try and calm your mind, he would appreciate if you don't mind him having a peek rather than being jealous or worried bc he may or maynot do it anyways and moreover he would be just looking.

Lanabear119 · Answer

I mean, women do openly talk about how hot and cute some guy is on TV, so why can’t guys do the same?

kingofthellamas · Answer

There's probably a spectrum here. I mean in terms of how frequently this happens and how hot they are. If your partner is sniffing around every piece of meat - that's a little disrespectful of you. If it happens occasionally and that person is just red carpet stunning, I think you have to let that slide - doesn't mean you have to like it and not comment on it though.
I'd add that I think you should be more mindful of if your partner is flirting with others though. It's one thing to be window shopping, quite another to be trying on the merchandise and a whole other thing to making a purchase.

karenchick111 · Answer

No, it's fine. It's totally natural for them to look at other women it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you any less.

shade_19 · Answer

Well watching depends
If they r watching with a good intention as friend or the one they r watching is a celeb..
But ya staring at stranger women lustfully is wrong
I didn't say bout flirting.. but it's the same... friendly flirting is good and shouldn't be a prblm...(where while u friendly compliment people but ur first priority us ur partner) and then there another flirting asking for phne numbers to replace the partner which is totally wrong...
Now I don't know what kind ur boyfriend is but just telling... coz if u keep irritating and making a scene if he is friendly flirting with someone then u r the toxic one

SirJohn42 · Answer

The problem is we men our more visual than women are.
We look at other women its a natural thing for us to do.

But we dont see how women can think they are worthless when we do it in front of her.
Its not cool for us to look with our S/O by ourside.
But I know if im in a relationship she is the only one on my mind. I tend not to look as often either.
But won't lie when alone I do.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

if you see a puppy or kitten or baby and think its adorable, do you love your own kid/pet any less? No. it's the same sort of thing, noticing something is not the same
as rejecting what you have. If your boyfriend ever sees a woman thats really pretty, its going to nab his attention for a moment, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. The only time to worry is if you aren't nabbing his attention too and for a much longer time.

JC103 · Answer

It really depends on the girl to be honest.

I know some women that’s ok with their man checking other girls out. I know some that don’t like it. It really just depends on the couples arrangement is.

I just don’t like it when it’s not ok for me to check out ladies but it’s sompletely ok for her to check out other guys

Neko911 · Answer

I think it's fine. It's normal 2 look at attractive things. We all do it

Isn’t it wrong for guys to check other girls out if they have a girlfriend?

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