Does dating nowadays really suck for guys? Like it’s more difficult? If so how?

Question

I have talked to a few guys in my personal life who struggle a ton with modern dating. They say it’s hell. Wanna know y’all’s experiences?

just like why does it suck?

They say online dating apps absolutely suck because they rarely get matches or if they do girls hardly respond or only give out their IGs. Or like on dates they don’t want to overstep especially with feminists. (Like offering to pay, opening doors, picking them up, etc doing things men used to do that women are now offended by 🙄).
Basically anything you wanna share

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

For some guys it's really easy, for most men it sucks. The modern dating scene is fucked up. It was bad when I was single years ago and it's gotten worse, I don't envy single men today. It's getting harder and harder, for young guys in particular.

In my teens I was a shy kid, a "nice guy". Dating was horrible for me at that time. I'd put in a lot of effort with barely any reward. I'd go on a few dates here and there, and the girls would like me, but only ever as a friend.

They'd end up dating some guy they complained about to me, he'd cheat or something, they'd split up. They'd say "why can't I find a nice guy like you" and I'd be like "well I'm a nice guy like me" and they'd be like "no not you silly, you're like a brother to me". Then they'd date the same types of guys over and over again.

Or I'd get talking to them and they'd say that they were tired of dealing with players and wanted to take it slow. I was absolutely fine with that. We'd go on a bunch of dates, it would seem to be going well. We'd be hugging, kissing, holding hands, everything "couply" but sex. Then they'd friend-zone me. I'd find out later that they got drunk and had sex with some dude at a party, or the ex-boyfriend they'd complained about to me, and chose to be with him instead.

I know that fake nice guys exist, but genuinely nice guys do also often get the short end of the stick. It's almost like being good is punished.

Once I realised that being this respectful nice guy was getting me nowhere I started acting like those other guys. I wasn't a prick but for example I became more sexually forward, less eager to commit to a woman, more quick to move on if I wasn't getting laid. And I started getting laid a lot more. Those girls would then begin to chase me and try to lock me down. I'd also find out about some guy they'd been on dates with who was similar to me before, and they friend-zoned that guy. That guy is most guys.

In the past there were clear rules. We didn't have dating apps on our phones so people would meet mainly in their social circle, people nearby. People were much more selective about who they had sex with too with the stigma around casual sex, so they'd date for longer with the goal being a relationship. We didn't have things like instagram giving people (women in particular) an unrealistic views of what's achievable for most people.

Now there are no clear rules, more options at the click of a button giving people ADHD, and the average guy is not seen as a catch at all.

Even though I think that redpillers and PUAs are mostly full of shit in terms of their own personal success, they're correct about the modern dating scene. But most people, women especially, will encourage men to follow rules which used to work but no longer do at all.

ananias55 · Accepted Answer

Dating nowadays is hard for a few reasons.
For one, some women are making it so that if we even talk go a girl, then we're toxic or pushy. Which makes no sense. Guys have to be the first to initiate conversation if they're interested.

And yes dating apps are useless. Because women have the pick of the litter. Even attractive guys struggle on them because it makes women believe they're drop dead gorgeous. Which in turn makes her look down on just about every guy who hits on her. I've had girls flat out belittle and insult me after 2 or 3 replies. For no reason. That in itself is degrading for anyone's self esteem. And of course the OF girls. Granted I don't shame them or think that they're lesser women for doing that. But I won't date nor will I ever pay for that kind of service. Cause real men don't buy women. Yes that includes nudes.

Once you give a girl money for that than she can and will look down on you. You'll be nothing but a tool to obtain cash for her.

And even social media, guys are ruining it for the rest of us. If one girl poses half naked she gets a million likes. That makes her egotistical and self centered. Of course its not all girls. But this is the drama I've dealt with personally.

Every step is harsh with lower chances of success at the cost of our self esteem. First asking a girl, some get offended for no reason. Some get defensive and others flat out belittle us for just asking for her number.

Second step is communication. Women as a whole tend to be flaky unless they're really into the guy. You can't become friends if she never replies. And if she's interested and you take too long she loses interest.

And then sex, once you get to this point then consider yourself lucky if they open up. Cause way too often than not, I've had girls hide their true feelings and then explode afterwords. I can't read their minds, if they don't communicate then what can I do?

Societies change, I get that. But it seems to me like all the good girls are taken because the ones that remain don't care enough to try or just want to play some angle. I'm still trying to find a good girl. I'm not red pilled or a mgtow but I understand why those guys are around. Those are the guys who quit. And they're letting out their anger in a bad way.

But I won't quit. I'll keep trying until I find a good woman. Its just taking a long, long, time.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Although I can understand this is tough for men to date, for many women that are not sparkling enough to get an attention, or who missed their time at school to bond with some fellow students, which is probably the easiest time, it's not a picnic either. You have to look top notch, otherwise rarely anyone will look at you, especially since there are so many women who make such an effort, take care of themselves and look amazingly pretty.
Although it seems like a vain thing to think about, people are mostly visual beings and I believe you need to try to look good to get the attention. So to attract, you have to make effort, first for yourself to look better in your own eyes.
Then, to be honest, there are so many people out there. I met so many great guys ( that were just not interested in me, but maybe one day one will). Similar story with girls. Maybe guys just don't look at them or look but ignore and just go after these flashy ones and then call all women bitches by a sample experience.
I don't have that low confidence. I have a nice character, live and let live attitude to life, am not a pushover and am intelligent and ambitious. The only aspect of myself I don't like is that currently I'm fat. Saying that there are no nice women out there is a false statement. They are but the standards are they need to look good. And for women, the visual aspect also is important in some way.
Notice that men rarely ever make this effort to have nice hair, nice hands, smell nice, dress fashionably, work out, go on a diet to gain muscle or loose weight. And when they do, they more often than not get dates - because they feel more confident with themselves, and because they really look attractive so are easier to be noticed.

On the side note, dating apps are for dating, I hardly think there are many people that get relationships out there. Plus if a guy is charismatic and intelligent, that aspect rarely counts on dating apps because you don't get to the point you can use it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I say dating sucks for everyone, and sometimes we just have to accept that not everyone is going to like us in a romantic way. I've been on dating apps, and I got lots of matches but only 3 out of the 20 something first dates I've been on actually wanted to go on other dates. One of them is my current boyfriend now, but for a while I thought about deleting the app or just giving up but I didn't and I eventually found the right one. We have been dating for a year and a half now. I think one thing that makes dating difficult is that mostly people like someone who doesn't like them back, social media can be a huge factor, deciding who you want to date and what you like can be hard too, and other things can come into play.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I would tend to agree with that, yes. Dating has definitely gotten worse for men, but I also hear lots of horror stories from women, so I think things have gotten worse all around.

I don't have difficulty getting dates with women I'm interested in, but I have run into a lot of sex workers marketing through dating apps, which is kind of an insulting bait and switch. I've also met a lot of women who are suuuuper edgy, hyper critical, and cocky (like they strongly overestimate their value on the dating market and are super in that misplaced sense of confidence and talk a lot of shit), but I don't go on dates with those women. Most of the women I meet are boring people. Like they're just boring, uninteresting people. They have no hobbies, no passions, they work a job they resent, and they're just punching the timecard each day, waiting for something to break up the monotony. A lot of career women are like that; just living really boring lives, grinding in a career that's not going anywhere.

The horrible things that have happened to me happen when her friends get involved. A woman's girlfriends are the single worst part of dating. This has probably happen 9 or 10 times where I'll start dating a girl or we'll be flirting or whatever, then I guess her friends see me and start talking shit because the woman will just change her mind about me out of the blue and accuse me of misreading her signs. I have yet to have a relationship end because of anything I did (and yes, I do ask. I've just never once gotten any ). There's usually a sudden drop off of communication and then I get some weird little "how dare you think I would be interested in dating YOU?"

friendzoned4life · Answer

Well like I am on tinder been om there for 4 months now I got 2 matches I don't count the bots that give out epay snap accounts

Talked to the first one for a week couldn't get her number on first Day she said it was too fast so being a decent dude I took it slower after a week she ghosted me.

Now Monday I matched the 2nd one not as good looking as the first but I tought why not I am not that pretty either I got her number and yesterday she decided to ghost me ass well

So in short yeah if you don't have lots of money and aren't a supermodel its horrible.

With bars closed we also don't have another way too meet women cause greeting a strange woman on the street or in stores Is treated as sexual assault nowadays.

There are also a lot of Girls on tinder Just rating conversations openers they aren't on there to find a date so that are also matches that don't count

This is actually my 4rd year in a row I made a tinder account. Mostly I keep it for about the whole year in Total I have had one date

So calling it horrible is putting it softly

Paul09 · Answer

I havnt been on a date in years. First very hard to ask someone on a date, especially for me. Second, dating Apps suck for men. A lot of ghost profiles, unused profiles, or just no one answers back? So much more easier for females with there filled up inboxes. Women in my opinion don't know what they want, always go for the bad boy, then complain. Every single date but 1, I've paid.. Which usually ends up being me interviewing them.. Like hello ask me questions! What do I get out of paying hundreds of dollars for what? Give out free meals? Are not both working adults? Are we not both looking for relationships? Am I getting scammed for free meals? In not sure if I'll ever figure this out. Pressure goes mostly on the guy. He has to ask the woman out, he has to choose a place and pay? Twice I ever made it to a second date. Maybe I'm too nice? Have to act more like a a-hole to get more attention? Hard to act like that for me. Women should take sone of the load, and ses what it feels like asking someone out and pay lol

GnatSocks · Answer

Yes, it sucks. Yes, it's more difficult. What more do you want to know? Take your brother or best friend's picture. Make a profile for him (with his permission of course) and give it a trial. You likely won't get many matches and when you do, you likely wouldn't be able to get a date very easily. Just give it a try. See what you see.

Lionman95 · Answer

Dating is hard for me because I´m a rather shy guy, so I started with online dating. The problem is that most is that where I come from most online dating apps are mostly sex apps but I´m a rather oldschool guy I don´t want just sex.
On more normal dating apps like Badoo or Tinder I mostly get likes by way older women like (10-20 years older) or Asian girls living like 8000-10.000 miles away.
Online dating is hard because there is no conversation developing for me. I wouldn´t say I have that high standards.
Offline Dating isn´t easier not only because of Covid but also because of most women that study with me are either in a relationship or married. I don´t have so much time and opportunities to get to women.
I´ve started to do a dance class before Covid but there I didn´t have much luck either because the girl I danced with was already in a relationship.

DeltaCharlieEcho · Answer

Difficult didn’t accurately describe the state of dating for men. Right now, what is offered is friends with benefits under the guise of dating. Women are constantly looking for better and men are just looking for anything. Some guys know what we are worth and won’t put up with the games women play, others devalue the rest of us by banging fat chicks.
Right now dating isn’t difficult, it’s damn near impossible if you want diverging serious.

GreenArrow27 · Answer

It’s definitely harder today. With social media and not thinking your tall enough are muscular enough. If a guy is rich a woman usually chooses them over you. It’s hard to tell when a girl wants you to text her everyday or just a day or two out of the week. You don’t want to seem clingy but you dont want her to think your not interested. Dating before cell phones had to be so much easier.

The_Maphio · Answer

Don't know, don't care.
I've been engaged since the beginning of this new millennium and I'm not going to let go. Thankfully she thinks the very same.
People tends to create problems where they don't exist. Feel the need to belong to a group rather than create a personality of their own and most often than not end up demonstrating themselves less intelligent than a paramecium.
I don't date idiots, thus why I'm happy I don't have to.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

I think for the average guy sure it does suck. But some dudes are having a blast. I mean just being honest i had 5 fuck buddies then i dumped them all for my current girlfriend who is 18, im 34. And one of my fuck buddies asked to be a side chick. I asked my girlfriend and she said she might be ok with it once we been together a little longer. So your mileage might vary as a man. Lmao. But i know its not typical. Im good looking and well off. But for guys with normal jobs and just normal looking... oh man id hate that shit, its exactly like what they tell you.

Ripper_E · Answer

Because women have higher standards than men do, so it's harder for men than for women. I think there was a girl who pretended to be a guy on a dating app to see how hard it was and she was surprised how much harder it is as a man than a woman.

HawkPerception · Answer

Online dating is the absolute worst for guys and can possibly drive us insane. I'm not even going to go into the difference between stats of girls and guys in online dating or what kinds of girls profiles we find.

And with the progression of all these radical feminist movements, it's restricting our actions even more. This is probably the worst time in history for men to find a girl.

genericname85 · Answer

it's certainly difficult, cause the egos of girls on tinder and such are hyperinflated by fuckboys that don't want anything serious. those fuckboys make them feel like they are super desirable, when reality, guy that just wanna fuck aim low, while guys that look for something serious aim high.

Anonymous · Answer

Excluding the issues you already raised, OP

Getting MeTooed and going to prison for years
The societal expectation caused by the internet that if you're not a bodybuilder, millionaire and/or jacked like a horse leads to dating being a pointless exercise for 4 out of 5 men

jerdanro · Answer

It is hell. Women have so many choices. They know it, so it is very difficult to hold a woman's attention unless you are in the top 10% of men in terms of sexual and physical attraction. Trying to have interesting conversations over dating site messages is nearly impossible because of the time gaps.

Feelicks · Answer

Meh, it's not that bad. I think the only reason I have trouble is because I'm openly poly in a fairly conservative city and most people don't want to meet up due to covid.

If I don't put anything about being Poly or having kids in my bio I get lots of likes.

Anonymous · Answer

Dating and relationships are a thing of the past, only an elite 20% can expect to get anywhere, the other 80% is left on the outside looking in. The system needs to be torn down.

wankiam · Answer

fashions change and so do some of the tools but something the young are often guilty of is ignoring the fact that the basics have always been the same so no its not any more difficult today than its ever been

Ms_Vanderquack · Answer

Dating sucks for everyone. Guys on here just bitch about it more because they are arrogant enough to think that simply existing makes them entitled to a fairy tail style happy ending.

Anonymous · Answer

The technological progression has heavily magnified women’s advantages beyond what it was before.

Then there’s all the ideology loaded into gender and sexuality from sjw moralizers.

And before that, a lack of cultural education about how they needed to act to appeal to others. In tandem to that is women’s own problems with the same subject.

The whole thing is messed up, but the short term primary suffering occurs in men. Women suffer in the long term as well.

Anonymous · Answer

Every single girl I've dated has lied and used me. I'm done with dating, will wait till I'm much older when they actually mature more... Note I'm 20

Does dating nowadays really suck for guys? Like it’s more difficult? If so how?

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