Why not communicate instead of ghost?

Question

This has to stop. This is one of the reasons why I stopped having expectations and don’t put effort into talking to someone because they will eventually do that bullshit. No one communicate.

Dragonpurple · Accepted Answer

Ghosting may seem like a new thing, but its been around forever. I had friends from 25 or 30 years ago, long before cell phones and texts and the internet ghost me.

Some did it accidentally, just got busy. Forgot to call or return calls and after so much time of feeling like a friendship is one sided I stopped making the effort and it ended. Never did I just ignore them, no idea if they did me or just busy and forgot.

I do agree with you though, it makes no sense that people ghost. I know someone who's son has ghosted his parents. Moved out, stopped answering calls and then blocked them when they called.

He never said anything was wrong, or had any disagreements. He just did that and to this day no one knows why. It makes no sense he would do that... or even why he did it.

Obviously something bothered him enough to do that, and he didn't want to talk about it.

Which is why ghosting is a thing now, people don't want to try to solve problems or issues or talk about it. They find it easier to just cut that person from their life.

Well his parents are visiting with an attorney soon to make sure they cut him from their will. Last thing they want is to both die in a car accident or something and have their ghosted child get what they worked so hard for. Sad thing is, even if he did come back now and apologize they probably wouldn't add him back.

I suspect some people who've grown up with cell phones and social media don't know how to fix their communication. Notice I won't say all, just some.

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

There are two reasons people don't communicate. The number one reason is people assume they know how to communicate, yet they've never been taught and only have dysfunctional role models to copy. The other is people feel entitled to assume, accuse, blame, criticize and tell people what they should or shouldn't do. This leads people to feel unsafe, and safety is a requirement if we will allow vulnerability. If people don't attack when we share our feelings, they commonly will deny whatever is being said.

To have communication, we must be open to communication. That requires us to be considerate of the other person's feelings rather than saying whatever pops into our heads. Before saying or doing anything, ask yourself whether you'd truly appreciate (not just tolerate) being on the receiving end of what you plan to dish out. If not, come up with an alternative. Having a double standard and feeling free to be insensitive of others yet expecting them to be sensitive toward us will never give us what we claim to seek.

You wrote "Some men are boring…but I won’t ghost him…I communicate by telling him that he is boring and I am not interested anymore." Ask yourself how you would feel if a guy told you "You're ugly, and I am not interested anymore." Don't expect sensitivity if you're not willing to give it.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

Ghosting is a cowardly way people try to "spare" your feelings. Rather than tell you, "Hey I'm not interested in you," or, "I don't want to talk to you anymore..." they just disappear, hoping you get the hint or move on without them.

When in reality, when someone ghosts you, it has the opposite effect: I'm not only hurt, but wondering what I did to upset or make said person lose interest in me. Logically I know it's not usually my fault, but it's just makes me bitter, angry, and like you anon, not want to bother with dating or people in general anymore.

I mean come on y'all- how hard is it to tell someone, "Hey, I enjoyed talking to you, but I don't feel a connection..." or something along those lines.
Most people rather you just tell them how you feel, no matter how much it hurts at first, than ghosting them and left wondering what happened to you, why you left them, will you come back, etc...

Ammi_goldie806 · Accepted Answer

I completely agree with you 100%, we need to stop being a little kids that are in elementary School playing with their little dollies and get up have a good adult mature conversation about me not liking you and you not liking me or you just not liking me because of what has happened. Because you can actually be hurting somebody's feelings by ghosting them and I feel like that is wrong and very manipulative for somebody to just instant go somebody without telling them why they have done the things that they have done. And when people start realizing that they should be scared to voice their opinion about how they feel about somebody or something the world will be so much easier so much better and people won't be so scared to just voice their opinion on things especially when it has a lot to do with them so I 100% agree with you.

TheUniqueOne96 · Answer

Because people love to be cowardly little bitches and will use any excuse to justify it:

'It's a clear sign that they aren't interested, so take a hint' - yeah, well it's also a sign that they're an inconsiderate dick.

'No one owes you an explanation for anything' - yeah, well I choose the words that come out of my mouth, so if I say something bad, I don't have to apologize, freedom of speech, deal with it, I don't care about your feelings.

I totally agree with you by the way, so the above isn't at all a shot at you, I mean think about this, we live in a day and age where there's so much technology, like I get that after a first date or something, it may be hard to say no in person, but how hard can it be to text someone and say you aren't interested in whatever, it's an advantage if anything, but of course some won't care, so fuck them.

A hell of a lot of people agree with me too, given these poll results:

What do you think of the act of 'ghosting' when it comes to dating?

Mantinziza · Answer

Every one pays for there phone, therefore they get to choose how to use it.

That same logic applies to you.

I've tried many times to carry on a conversation, but eventually I get tired of being the only one carrying the conversation. Just to receive and endless supply of none enthusiastic 1 word answers.
--------
here's a real example from zoosk I dealt with
-------
Me: Hey, I see you enjoy bowling. What's your best game
Them: 240
Me: Nice, how long have have you been bowling for that's a nice scre
Them: 8 years
Me: I noticed your only 20 some miles away, you busy within the next two weeks
Them: I don't know
Me: Well I really like your profile and I'd like to maybe boal a few games with you
Them: Maybe
Me:Let me know
------- 3 days later-----
Me: Just checking in since I got a moment, Any idea on the last question
Them:I don't know
------ 3 days later----
Them: Why are you ghosting me
"I'm done, legit ghosted"

If the person I'm communicating with can't put some effort into carrying the tune as much as I am, I'm done talking.

I certainly hope my REAL LIFE example speaks for itself, I have many more like this. Communicating is a two way street.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I think a lot of people do it because they don't like conflict, or they doubt the legitimacy of their argument or whatever. There are also a bunch of people who don't feel strongly enough about the situation to say something that will close the door on the friendship/relationship. Most times, there is just no good way to say what needs to be said, so it's better to say nothing at all.

Like I have a buddy who I absolutely do not want to ghost, but I've tried to tell him time and time again that I need him to start being more respectful of my time and other people's time. Honestly, the dude doesn't even hold jobs down; he's a drug dealer and I'm a training lawyer. I don't want to end our friendship, but I'm honestly not down to hangout with him. The American BAR association has a character and fitness requirement that you need to meet, and getting caught with illegal substances would kill all that. Even if the BAR didn't have that requirement, it's not like that's a new feeling for me. I've felt that way for years but there have always been reasons to keep the friendship going.

watrewks · Answer

The times I’ve ghosted girls it’s because I didn’t know how to say what I wanted to say without hurting her feelings then I took too long and missed the window of hey I’m not interested.

But honestly guys get ghosted waaaayyyyyyy more. Sometimes it’s justified though, but I think we can all agree just that just because someone does something to make someone lose interest suddenly doesn’t mean they deserve to be ghosted. It hurts.

However, I think it’s unrealistic to expect people to change so easily so honestly I just kind of reframed how I think and behave when I get ignored out of the blue.

jshm2 · Answer

Looks like most of the guys here have ghosted you as well. Oh the irony...

But I'll tell you a secret: The wise talk because they have something to say, fools talk because they have to say something.

You'd rather be ghosted than have a crazed stalker, or a "my social media is my personality" type, giving you constant messages and updates.

Don't give it too much space in your head. Some people just feel like they didn't connect with you and want you to move on. Not everything requires a message to inform you. Some things you have to figure out yourself.

Xyglo27 · Answer

Why do you chat online?
Why do you date online?
Why not date offline?
Why not meet people in person?
Why not use your phone for its actual intended purpose of making phone calls?

Stop getting attached to people you talk with online. If you can't then seriously quit online texting. Delete your social media accounts!😡😡

When someone messages you, reply back!!
Don't be an Asshole! Communicate!
Do the right thing, even if you don't feel like it!!

Not responding = Not Interested
Saying No = Rejection
Saying Yes = New Friend/Relationship

whatdoyouwantt · Answer

Yea I agree with you! Talk things out..

However In certain situations I’m unfortunately also on the other side with this. I ghost “strangers” if I don’t feel attracted or found out their red flags. I don’t have balls to tell someone hey I don’t like you. I don’t want to make them feel bad about themselves... but if they do some bad stuff I have no problem telling them.. the thing is telling them in most cases results in a waste of time. Nobody ever cares... so yea maybe it’s not even worth telling in certain cases. Again depends on situation but yeah I feel you girl.

etexbearkat · Answer

Many people ghost because they just aren't willing to tell the other person they are interested in them because the ghoster doesn't want to hurt the other person's feelings. It's happened to me on a number of occasions. Ghosting is annoying, immature, and childish. There was this one girl who I message a little bit on a dating website, but I wasn't interested in her, and when she didn't respond to a message I sent her, I never messaged her again because I felt the lack of response from her meant she wasn't interested in me. I most certainly wasn't interested in her. I didn't view that as her ghosting me.

There was someone else who I was messaging back and forth on Facebook, and ultimately I chose to stop messaging her after she didn't respond to a message. I just decided to take a break from messaging her because I felt that was the best thing for me to do. I may or may not message her again. I'll let her know either way.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

Agree 100% although I get that if you're ghosting you have no intention of 'talking anything out' because there's nothing to discuss.

I guess if you're not interested, I recommend just stating 'sorry I'm not interested anymore. Thanks for your time...'and leave it at that.

AND as the recipient, you aren't entitled to feedback. You just accept it and move on, but you can save yourself 2 weeks of, ?

princeofromance · Answer

We have problems communicating in a technological age that encourages non verbal communication. This is not the whole reason why we are bad communicators, but it is a contributing factor. We need to break away from texting, and talk to the person we are communicating with. Communication is not a radical new concept. We have been practicing it for centuries. We just need to put down the cellphones, and go back to the good old fashion way of communicating with one another. That will help to eliminate the communication gap we are experiencing.

sheikalana · Answer

Because some people don't respect you as much as you think, are cowards and don't like the confrontation.

burlen · Answer

Sometime ghosting is more appropriate than communicating. It's just waste of time responding to a stupid, senseless, arrogant, or disrespectful date. Why legitimise their behaviour by giving them the platform to explain why you are not compatible to them?

This_is_my_username · Answer

Ghosting is easier as you dont have to confront someone and potentially have to talk about what happened or what went wrong. It also saves someone from becoming hurt or at least that's what someone told me. I think it's the easy way out, honestly. It saves a lot more time if you just tell someone it isn't working and move on in life. It's less hurtful too.

JSmuve · Answer

"This is one of the reasons why I [...] don’t put effort into talking to someone"

Ironically, this sort of behaviour will encourage someone to ghost and will perpetuate the stereotype that women are boring, not interested in talking to guys, and are flakey. I'd ghost on such a girl because I've been ghosted by girls who are like that. It's a learned behaviour.

Anonymous · Answer

Well I was ghosted by a girl who used to be my good friend. She lived in another country but we used to meet in real life.
But 1 year later she started to ignore my messages. I tried to talk to her about it and asked her about the reason. She said that everything is fine and she was just busy. I asked her not to disappear and she replied that she wouldn't. It was our last conversation, one month later I messaged her again and realized that she is ghosting me.
Probably the reason why she did it was that she wasn't interested to talk to me anymore. But she could tell me about that at least. I don't care about being ghosted by people whom I don't care about. But being ghosted by a girl with whom you used to be a good friend and could chat for hours sucks. Instead of telling me directly that our friendship doesn't mean anything to her anymore and that she is tired of me she prefered ghosting me instead. That really sucks

Toast792 · Answer

I plan on eventually leaving the country and starting a new life somewhere, without telling anyone about it. I guess this is ghosting in a way, but the people deserve it. If I told them about it, they would just find a way to 'keep an eye on me' (digitally stalk me), And the whole reason I'm doing it is to get away from the toxic and unhealthy relationships I have with them. I doubt they are going to care anyway.

kamalravi25 · Answer

Our expectations creates anger and disappointment.
The anger makes us take wrong decisions.
It makes us feel that we are right and we deserve better.
After that it will lead you to ghost that person you once loved.
Having expectations is good but getting angry and disappointed will only make the situation worse.

MCheetah · Answer

Women do it because they're afraid of men's reactions. Some men do it out of nervousness or not manning up. I don't condone ghosting, but some people are just cowards.

jack187625 · Answer

The problem is, if you aren't engaging, they will presume that you aren't interested, then probably more likely to ghost you.

Why would you put the effort into something when the other person can't be arsed? Defeats the point right?

Anonymous · Answer

I actually think ghosting is better than saying some harsh words for goodbye, or hearing ones. it's a natural signal somebody is not interested, weel, or busy in some cases, why communciate this, it's pretty obvious non verbal communication. I know it might seem harsh but actually the online realtionships are not that bidning to bid a long farewell

Anonymous · Answer

They can avoid the situation completely. 100% selfish, immature and cowardly, yet somehow it's so common now that it's "normal". And women are just as bad as guys are. The worst with women is they actually think that "they don't owe him an explanation". Mind blowing.

MDollarBill · Answer

Often, we become uncomfortable with a relationship, for whatever reason, but guys being guys, we may not be able to articulate exactly why we are uncomfortable, at least in a way we think you will understand or accept. We instinctively know you are going to start demanding to know "why, why, why?" But we don't know that why, exactly. Asking a guy over and over "why" is on the extreme end of uncomfortable, so we avoid it at all cost. Hence, ghosting.

AmeerX · Answer

Well, I can say that girls do it more often then boys.
If you want to be friends then just say it. If you like messages every few days then tell that. I say it when I like to or not. It is better than ghosting.

poneglyphs · Answer

True as a guy I already been ghosted so many times it's ridiculous and demoralizing. It's just really annoying especially when you do wanna date and have fun.

Anonymous · Answer

If Online, Can ghost any Time. Or whatever the Situation, It is just something that is catching on nowadays. Have to just move on and don't wear your heart on your Sleeve, Should they Leave.

Anonymous · Answer

So, if I see woman first time in my life, I didn't seen her good enough to take it further, I have to meet her again to explain myself and most likely see her tearing up or staring argument and in the end I would lose a lot of time, that I could use with purpose.

Why? Just don't waist eachothers time and move on.

The_Maphio · Answer

Learn to talk with people in REALITY instead of the internet or the phone. You can't be ghosted that way. I promise.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

I've never ghosted anyone, If I don't think it will work out, I tell her.

VanillaSalt · Answer

Lmfao. 1 women goat fat more frequently then men. And 2 if I get a ducking 2 word answer more than 3 times in a row ima Casper you. I don’t got time for your boring shit.

FictionalCharacter · Answer

Ghosting is easier and hurtful at the same time.  But explanation drags on and on that leads to bitter and anger conversion.

RACSKC0B · Answer

The sooner all of you come to the reality, that other people are the worst, the better off you'll all be.

K-I-S-S · Answer

Ghosting is great. Quick way to put that person on a shit list and not waste more of your time.

OddBeMe · Answer

I ghost when there’s no point in communicating. Some people will never understand you so stop wasting energy on them.

ElvenMr · Answer

I guess in girls case they talk to so many people they just don't care about the majority of them, so they simply ghost them.
And they only talk to people they are interested in and ignore/ghost the others.

It's so bad.. no manners at all.

Paolaa988 · Answer

They don't know proper respect and have 0 compassion or consideration for that person's feelings..

yofuknutz · Answer

People have ADD or ADHD can't hold the conversation long enough.

Anonymous · Answer

He was toxic and I was fed up of explaining and didn’t want to be rude, so it was just a simple way of saying, go f yourself.

es20490446e · Answer

If they don't communicate it simply means they don't qualify. Don't take it personal, they do the same with everyone else.

Browneye57 · Answer

Cuz 'we' are not always grown adults. You don't try to explain anything to BSC.

OliviaOfTheScots · Answer

Yes but also know that not every message warrants a reply

ecfresh · Answer

Because the one person I have ghosted wasn’t really worth communicating with.

Cowboy6666 · Answer

I've never ghosted anyone, I will tell them if im not interested in fact im the one ghosted by people

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

That just tells you who’s immature and who isn’t. Nothing you can really do about it. People are going to be who they want to be.

BareTruth · Answer

Because people nowadays live through social media and technology instead of face to face. They refuse to talk to people about issues because they have a skewed view of relationships

Anonymous · Answer

I agree. But you know why. Because it's just easier. And if you get ghosted by a half dozen women one after the other. You might get to the point where you say to yourself wh not me as well.

legalboxers · Answer

they dont know how to express it. They will pick fights, push and do whatever else. No one knows how to communicate which is sad.

Shihab91 · Answer

I think sometimes they are afraid to hurt the other feelings, sometimes they just find someone else and they are careless to tell you.

Waldoe · Answer

it is Sad... how can they ever make a relationship, marriage work, unless they learn the skills?

clampfan101 · Answer

I only block someone if they refuse to listen to me after I try hard to communicate.

JoseyWales4 · Answer

Ghosting someone is down right cruel

visio9 · Answer

Ghosters don't care if other in the first place. So nothing we can do about it other than being happy of getting rid of them

JamieLoves · Answer

disappearing Is easier. Guys don’t like to deal with chick bullshit. It’s annoying!

Anonymous · Answer

Different reasons. I'd rather be ghosted than having meaningless possibly not even true BS told to me.

Sceprent · Answer

You’re totally correct.

RedSauce · Answer

Ghosting is WAY easier

Anonymous · Answer

because guys are afraid of you hurting them and breaking up with them

worldscolide · Answer

I know right? Its cowardice..

Rosegold020 · Answer

It is too much work for most people

Celtero · Answer

But it's so much fun!

ItsMeItsMe1989 · Answer

all sorts of people, ghost, men and women

Why not communicate instead of ghost?

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Why men ghost and not communicate?

Why not communicate instead of ghost?

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Why men ghost and not communicate?

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