Based on a google search, this is one of the definitions that came up, so I'll go with that, as I assume it's right.
"the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication."Just a relevant picture.In my view, it seems really, stupid, cowardly and immature. If your date starts name-calling you and being a dick and you ghost in response to piss them off and get back at them, then I get that, it seems fine then, althought, you probably have the option to block people.
I've never been in the situation, nor experienced it, because I've never really tried pursuing anyone, but I imagine I'd be quite pissed if someone behaved like that with me, but that's just my view on it and I'm not stopping anyone from doing it if they wish.
What do you guys think?
I generally find it cowardly.
I don't generally find it cowardly.
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+1 y
Damn, this question got a ton of answers and votes and they keep coming in. Thanks guys ! I've posted another one that's kind of similar, regarding whether or not a person who's got a history of ghosting, would be a deal breaker for you. It's also a poll, so if you don't mind, answer that too. Would you date someone who has a history of 'ghosting' others? ↗
What do you think of the act of 'ghosting' when it comes to dating?
For me i ghosted the first guy i ever went on a date with out of safety. I felt so bad but i also felt like i was concerned and couldn't really say no to a second date.
He was a total creep. He was 2 hours late, lied about everything he told me about himself, kept swearing and said the fact i look like a child made me more attractive. He asked me to buy him a drink and afterwards said he didn't like it. He didn't have a ID so i had to keep going to the bar. He didn't tell me he smoked. It was horrible.
When i tried to get out of the date he asked to borrow my phone so he could call his mum to pick him up... He was 25. He asked for a second date and when i said about to say no i could see his eyes ready to tear up the guy was a loon so i said yes just to get everything over done with so i could leave.
As soon as i got home i blocked him from everything. Months went by and i keep getting phone calls and texts calling me a bitch from his "friend" for ghosting him by this time i was well into a relationship with my boyfriend. I explained the whole situation to his "friend" and he apologised and said what the guy did on this date was actually really bad. Months go by anyway and this "friend" asks me if I'm still with my boyfriend because he wanted to take me out
If you've been ghosted im sorry but you have to ask yourself why. a lot of the time when I ghost people is because they are irrational people and if i comfort them i know it do more trouble than good
Ghosting is perfectly reasonable in a situation where the person is a bit of dick or some kind of stalker type, safety first, but even then couldn't you block them, just so you don't have to constantly deal with seeing their shit. I'm sorry for your situation that happened, the person sounds crazy AF and you have every right to get back at the like that.
I have been ghosted twice. The time that it didn’t particularly hurt was when I was talking to a guy who lived far away. We planned to meet but he stopped after a while and tbh I get it. Who wants to drive all the way to another city and whatnot. I thought he liked me but just not enough to keep talking since it didn’t seem like it would go anywhere. I was more sad than angry because I felt that it’s a part of life to be ghosted and that, while it sucks, all you can do is forget about the person and move on. But the other time was with a guy who was my first love. We spent so much time together and not only did I give him my virginity, I also was available to him all the time. I wanted things to work out so I sacrificed my own morals just to stick around. I had never been ghosted when I met him and to top it off, he was no regular guy. I was so in love with him and he broke my heart. The worst thing about him ghosting me was that he had multiple opportunities to just walk away without hurting me so badly. I had even told him at one point that even though I loved him things were going badly (because of things he was doing) and that was the perfect opportunity to leave me alone. I feel like he waited until it would hurt the most and that changed me forever
The second guy sounds awful, especially given how you felt about him first, sounds like he were just trying to play you, what a fucking dick. I'm sorry that happened to you.
I think it's cowardly and very disrespectful. I think a breakup talk helps with closure and to just leave someone with no explanation usually makes it harder for them. The person being broken up with deserves an explanation not only for closure but also to help them understand what went wrong so they can think about doing something to improve themselves if that's needed (or understand that it wasn't about anything they did if it wasn't).
Telling someone you're breaking up with them isn't easy, but I think a decent person will do it anyway because it's the right thing to do.
I've been ghosted before and it was pretty painful. Apparently it's one of the worst emotions ever, and I agree with it. I've never ghosted anybody and never will.
What is odd to me though is that I often hear women talking about being ghosted and how awful and cowardly the guy is, yet women tend to be the people who will defend someone's reasons for ghosting or try to explain why it makes sense, and women are also the majority of people who ghost.
My only contention with the practice is that there's no definitive closing point, so you can be left wondering indefinitely, or to the point of emotional exhaustion, whether it's actually over. Closure matters, even by a gesture as simple as unfriending/blocking the person you're ghosting.
I can't keep wondering for a long time, so it is not an issue. I am not cut to be this way, that is probably why it doesn't bother me. In the end, no one owes you anything, not even an explanation.
@Account I somewhat agree with your answer too, although ghosting really is very disrespectful and inconsiderate. It's a true indicator of the fact that the other person has no care for your feelings, and they also don't think about the fact that it can come back around to them too. People who take other people's feelings lightly usually never consider that karma can - and sometimes does - hit them unexpectedly too.
@Account I get that no one has to reply, but I could go up to a random person, laugh at something bad that may have happened to them, make jokes about it and then justify it, in the name of freedom of speech. Silence can be an answer too, but in my eyes, it's the pussy way out, given the fact that you can simply say no via text, like how hard can it be to simply say no or tell them you need more time to think about it. You don't know how the other person feels either, something you should care about if you're considering dating them, otherwise what's the point? Anyone who has a history of ghosting for no reason, probably isn't worth dating TBH, you sound heartless AF, unless they did it because they thought their date was a crazy, stalker or someone really evil or they do it in response to someone who did it to them, both those situations are reasonable.
@Gisellebabymagic Lol, no. I wasn't talking about the user. I'm talking about the type of person that ghosts, without any explanation, because I think it shows that they don't care enough about the person, to at least state that they aren't interested.
@Account Eh well, that's nice for you but many of us are not as capable of emotionally distancing ourselves from outcome after already investing so much emotionally into ensuring longevity. A simple courtesy gesture like an unmatch would save the other so much time and energy debating when to give up their last hopes and finally move on.
-----------Well it is cowardly but to the person who was ghosted it's a blessing in disguise. I mean they dodged a bullet. Who wants someone in their life that has no courage and terrible communication skills.
Worse than that, it's bad manners. Be an adult and be responsible. Saying, I just don't think this is working takes 10 seconds. Thanks for our dates. If the person insists on having some kind of conversation about it and you don't want to discuss it, say so. It's over for me and I'm sorry you're not where I'm at. Good-bye. Block them and that's it. That's the proper way to do it. It's not like ghosting is new. It's been done for millennia. You see your boyfriend on the street with someone else, and he's said nothing to you. Someone TELLS you your boyfriend is taking out your best friend and NEITHER of them tell you. Also ghosting.
if you think about it, we don’t owe people an explanation for a lot of things we do in life. That being said, it’s inconsiderate, childish, and heartless to ghost someone. Most people when they do this aren’t in consideration of the other persons feelings
I think it’s lame to just ghost someone w/o an explanation and leaving them worried about y u ghosted them but at the same time some people don’t know how to take no for an answer so u really have know other choice but to ghost them. Especially if they are really nerve wrecking.
I don't see an issue with ghosting someone, after you've directly told them you aren't interested, but I'm mostly referring to just ghosting them for nothing, at the expense of not saying anything at all. IF you told them you aren't interested anymore, then that's totally fine and seems like the opposite.
It's one thing if you exchange one or two messages with someone you don't know online and they suddenly stop replying.
It's another thing if you have had a substantial conversation with them or several conversations.
In the first case, no big deal. You didn't even establish any kind or rapport or relationship with the person.
But In the second case, it's rude, obnoxious, boorish, disrespectful and inconsiderate and sometimes just cruel not to respond telling them the reason you don't want to continue the contact.
It's really fucking stupid in my eyes. Communication is very important, and unless the person you're ghosting is a terrible person you're scared of, then I don't think there should be a reason you can't communicate why you want to breakup or not talk anymore. Ghosting just worries people and leaves them heartbroken and confused instead of knowing the truth. Knowing the truth is far better than staying confused forever. Maybe the reason you want to breakup with them could be a learning experience for them to improve themselves.
I don't think it's always done intentionally. Some people just gradually lose contact because of their busy lives.
But those who ghost intentionally usually don't have an emotional attachment or bond with the person they've ghosted, so they don't feel they owe them an explanation. They don't consider the other persons feelings, because they mean nothing to them. That doesn't necessarily mean they're cowardly. It just means they don't care and they aren't considerate of the other person.
It's generally wrong. I think women in particular use it far too frequently because they fear, and for a very good reason sometimes, having to deal with being told that they're making a "bad" decision. If you fear having to explain yourself then stay away from dating or get a gun but ghosting should only be used against abusive guys or stalkers. And I know women will probably hate me for saying this but yeah other people can tell you that your decisions are objectively good or objectively bad. I'd personally never ghost a woman. The girl I loved the most went from texting me everyday to ghosting me while taking away my group of friends.
I think I’m being ghosted by a guy right now. It’s been almost 2 days since I texted him. I would rather them send me a text saying they aren’t interested so I could stop worrying.
I've been ghosted before. i really think it's cowardly and just disrespect tbh. the guy had some serious mental health issues and i was always there for him. and all of the sudden one day he just completely vanished. i was worried for weeks scared that maybe he did something to himself (he lived in a different country). when i finally got a hold of a mutual friend she told me that he was completely fine and was just living his life like nothing happened.
Did u ever meet thisguh? I'm sorry I'm old fashioned I don't get how you can Date someone from another country and except it to be a real thing. Lol Unless u knew each other before moving. But a viral boyfriend? Today's technology I'm sorry could be anyone.. from a 14 year old horny little boy to a 86 year old dirty old woman. Sure could be dirty fun once or twice... but dating? Lol Again sorry if u knew him prior... not making fun but Hahaha... wow
@Jacqp This is the giant flaw of "virtual" dating. Someone you've never met who has no real connection to you except as someone to chat with or vent with. Someone to take up time with if you have no other person or thing to spend your time with...
Sounds like an even easier way for people to use and manipulate people from sounds of it I had a friend who's husband thought it was ok to lead these slutty dumb women to believe he liked them and got them to send private photos or to masturbate online with him. When caught he said he never touched them so not cheating... in think its supper odd... but hey to each their own right? Just don't be a idiot and think this other random gives a shit about u They can't... how do u really know someone u haven't touched?
@Jacqp It's not about touching, per se. It's about physically spending time with someone. You know their personal habits, how they dress, look, their smiles, little tics. You enjoy being with them. Virtual is all words, words, words. That's not enough. It never has been. There is a break point where that's no longer enough and you need to be "in touch.," as you actually said.
I think its cowardly... Im the type that is gonna let you know why I don't want to talk to you anymore and cut things off. I would never just leave someone hanging like that because I don't want to cause confusion and leave them stuck like that.
personally, I have ghosted someone. not proud of it but it is a convenient thing to do when your to lazy to just say it isn't working out. is it right? well no. but to the people who have ghosted me, you just end up feeling like there was something wrong with you. so even if its a poor excuse, its better than not saying anything
It depends of when it happens for me. If we've been talking for a day and suddenly you stop replying, I don't care. If we've been talking for a several days or went on a date and you stop replying, I'm pissed. Just flat put tell me you aren't interested
It's pretty bad. If you have out rightly said to someone that "this isn't working out. Good luck to you. Bye now" and they proceed to stalk you then fair enough. But if you're just doing it for a kick, can't be asked, leading someone on etc. It shows a nasty streak in your nature. I always say stuff to people's face, and leave it in writing.
I think it is pretty cowardly but I'm not gonna lie I've wanted to do it to people before instead of having a hard conversation with them. I've never ghosted anyone but the one case where I did end the relationship over text I just told the guys that it wasn't working and that when I came to him about something he made it about himself and that I could no longer be his friend. And then blocked him. So I didn't give him a chance to respond but it was necessary.
I hate it, its unclear and childish for me. Just tell me directly that its not working. I always prefer clear and direct answer eventhough it hurts. Im a commitment kind of person and if he ain't gonna put some effort into it then i probably need to put it to an end.
I think it's a coward move. Communication is the downfall of so many relationship, platonic or intimate. If you're not feeling it or aren't interested anymore then it costs you nothing to just say that.
lol Is this what I used to do once in Awhile years Ago when some Guy (Sometimes guys I knew and Had even Dated before) would come to my Door to Take me out and I would Hide in my Bedroom and not answer the door? I have done this and some other things like this, Never knew the word though Until I Gagged i Here. lol!!! xxoo
It all depends. I only ghost guys I’ve exchanged numbers with and called/text a few times but never hung out with them. If I hung out with you and been texting/calling you on a regular basis for like a month or so, I’m gonna let you know. I use to let guys know I won’t contact them anymore and when one of them basically said, ok just don’t text me. After that I was like hmm ok, from now if it wasn’t that serious, I’ll just ghost them.
Different reasons. With one guy, we met, exchanged numbers & talked/text for a short period. Cool. But he kept texting me randomly, like out of the blue, saying he wanted to see me today and we should meet up. I told him more than once that I’m usually busy in the middle of the day and let’s plan something. He still would just randomly text me let’s meet up.
After I decided to ghost him, he text me a few more times. I did feel bad (I always do) but I don’t know what else to tell him. Another guy, when I ghosted him, text me “Hey can u tell me what I did wrong?” I responded and yeah we sorta have a history now.
It's cowardly. But perhaps more importantly, it doesn't tell the person being ghosted what they did wrong. It flat out denies the person any opportunity to learn from the situation. Even if you don't owe the person that explanation or you think what they did wrong should be obvious, why wouldn't you take steps to clear up any potential miscommunication?
If we're dating and she suddenly decides to stop replying. Then it's pretty obvious she doesn't care.
If she wanted to break things off I think it would make more sense to do it properly instead of just suddenly disappearing. At least then you can salvage what little you guys have.
It's really overblown in my opinion, like yes itd be nice if they gave an explanation but you should also just take it at face value of not wanting to talk anymore
True, given how a lot of us have heard of the term and more than likely know what it means, but we've got it a bit easier nowadays with technology, like how hard can it be for a person to say 'no' over the phone?
A friend of mine once had a Tinder Date where the girl picked him up at the train station. As the train entered the station and slowed down he saw the girl through the glass windows of the train. Since he thought that the girl was much less attractive than in her Tinder pictures, he decided not to get off the train but to continue to the next station and then to ghost her. 🤦♂️
I've had it happen once. I didn't even consider it until recently but in a very toxic friendship. While I didn't do it anyway, she'd more than deserved it just by being a ***** more than once and tried to blame everyone else (and me) but herself for doing it. And believe me, she'd been more than worth it.
Exactly and yet, I do hear about ghosting being a thing, it seems so stupid, especially given how you don't even have to say no to a person's face, given how much technology we have and I'm sure most of us have phones.
It's the easy way out and they do it because they 'don't want to hurt the other persons feelings.' Yeah, right. It's a cruel rejection and leaves ya wondering WTF? BUT, in hindsight peeps are better off. Would you really want to be with someone like that? Nah.
Selfish, conceited and fucking horrible tbh. Not something I would ever do anyone else.
I really didn’t want to see my last ex (not the one who ghosted me) when I broke up with her. But I met up with her face to face. She went ballistic but I went away knowing I did the right thing. No regrets about how I handled it.
These girls who ghost guys usually having some deep down guilt about it. But instead of owning up to it they look for affirmation they did the right thing which they sure as hell didn’t.
Sorry about your experience and I'm glad you did the right thing, so thanks for sharing. The good thing is nowadays, you don't even have to say it in person. Personally, I'd rather someone tell me, than leave me hanging.
depends so people are crazy, some people cross the line, you find out that there family, they tell you an obvious lie, they do an action endangering your life and show no remorse...
or you bust in them and ghost them knowing that once they find out they'll try to kill you
It's not about cowardice but something much much lower...
Iv been on both ends of ghosting. here's some reasons why I did it..
1) she got insulting. 2) she ignored me 3) she said having a cat is a deal breaker, so I walked out metaphorically lol 4) i didn't like the things she does to lead to arguments.
Before ghosting i did mention why I'm never gonna talk to them and put them straight with a diplomatic telling off.
Letting them know beforehand that you don't want to talk to them beforehand, is totally fine. The ghosting I'm referring to is not replying to them at all, without explaining.
NP. I didn't want to make the question sound like I'm having a go at women, because I wasn't, but since guys are the ones that generally approach, I do feel like a girl is more likely to be in a situation where she could just ghost, so I see what you mean, but at the same time, a guy could use a girl for sex, leading her on and then ghost her. I think people need to grow a pair and step up, instead of being pussies.
Really depends. If we just started talking then its not big deal. If its been a while and romance has started to bloom then its a cowardly act in my eyes. Ghosting is nothing more than a selfish act that is an easy way out.
A bit rude after contact is established. But there’s no obligation to respond to the first message from someone. Attractive women get so many messages that they can’t possibly answer them all.
Depends on the girl I never started out doing it but when girls did and if she's boring af like talking to a dry wall "Hey what's your favourite food?" "Oh nothing" like really I'm leaving that convo everyone has a favourite food.
I ain't finna talk to no dumb azzz guy whos a pr1ck tryna get one over on me. Also any guy who dont wanna talk to me ain't got to. Thats my general view
Yeah, but is it so hard for someone to say I'm not interested, when technology makes it so easy that we don't even have to do it in person? I get that not everyone wants to say things in person, especially after a first date. It sounds like something an internet troll would do, being a pussy, people need to learn to say no, how hard can it be and in all honesty, if someone is enough of a prick to just ignore someone like that, especially after a first date, then they probably aren't worth dating.
Well, if you've been chatting for a while and they start ghosting, after things were going pretty well, that seems kind of dumb too, I mean can't they say they aren't interested.
Yes and then I told him why, but he thinks acting like the talk didn’t happen means we’re still together, but I’m ghosting him now and that’s my right.
It's 100% your right and I think it's totally reasonable in this situation. You were direct and if he doesn't get it after that, then that's his problem. I'm referring to people who just do it without explaining or being direct. You WERE direct, so I don't see an issue with that. Thanks for answering.
I'd get it too, if I were in the situation, but doesn't it seem really rude for a person to just basically blank someone, is it so hard to say no, when we've got so much technology nowadays and you don't even have to say it in person?
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