How do I tell a guy I’m plus size?

[Anonymous]

So I started online dating and I didn’t put in my bio that I’m plus size. I do have pictures of my full body and you can see that I’m plus size or thicc or curvy. The last 5 guys I’ve met up with, ghost me after seeing me. We have a good time talking and keep that same energy when we meet up but I’m blocked right after the date. I did tell one guy that I’m plus size before our date and he ghosted me, another guy told me I should really disclose that to people before we meet up. Now I matched up with a guy and he’s pretty cute we’ve been talking for a week and he’s giving hints all day that he wants to meet up for dinner tonight. Do I tell him I’m plus size before hand or do I just let him see me in person? I really don’t wanna screw it up.

[MCheetah]

There's no visible picture on this post. But you just own it. There's nothing really wrong with being plus-sized/thick (as long as you're healthy on the inside). Sounds like you've just met a lot of assholes. But the thing is, you should put that in your online bio or say it right away. Or send a picture. You won't waste time that way.

I mean, I have the same issue with my height. I do state that I am short (shorter than most women want, at least) if I meet someone. When I did online dating, I don't put the number there, but I do mention it. Because women always end up asking anyway, and when I do tell them the number (it's 181 cm, but I'll say it purely in inches, or in metric), they ghost me. So if I just tell them that without the number, they'll eventually ask anyway.

How tall are you, Asker? And similarly, would you date a short guy? (Less than six feet, or even shorter than you; either option.)

They always loose interest once they find out.

[rounddablock]

Alright you deserve to meet a decent guy who loves you for who you are. You deserve to be happy.

With that said you are definitely misrepresenting yourself and this very typical and very wrong. Women reject men all the time for even the most fickle details. But men aren’t allowed to reject a woman if she’s plus sized when he’s skinny, fit or very athletic?

Just imagine if you met a guy on a dating app and he turned out to be 10+ years older, bald (but just had pics wearing a hat) or has kids or is married?

Anyway you need to be realistic and honest off the bat. I’ve been catfished 2-3 times on online dates and it sucked. I don’t want to be rude and mean to them. I usually treat them nice but inwardly I was disappointed and pissed off they wasted my time (and often money). I won’t “ghost” her but I’ll be honest she’s not my type afterwards. Still though she got to enjoy a nice date and being the gent I am I usually pay for it (since I asked to the date)

Anyway if a woman just has face pics I assume she’s hiding her body and likely plus sized. You wouldn’t fool me nowadays.

However if she at least is honest about it every once in a while I’ll give it a shot anyway (for women who slightly heavy). But guys have a right to know that before meeting you.

[tatianamay]

If you have a full picture of yourself, they know that you're thicc and they ghost you after meeting up with you, they're assholes. Just tell this guy and see how he reacts. If he's gonna ghost you, he's not the one for you. Just tell him: "hey, uh I'm plus size and i don't know if you've seen my pictures, but just wanted to let you know that before our date tonight because I don't want to come off like I was hiding something" Wait for him to text. Don't worry, girly, you're gonna be fine!

If it is an unhealthy weight, I'd recommend you reduce it because it can cause many health problems in the future, if you have any health problems and are not able to reduce it, then its fine, if not, then hit the gym and try to reduce it a little. The number 1 cause of heart problems is obesity, im not trying to be mean, but my parents are doctors and my brother was obese once, although he's fit now, but still. All the best!

[kidvid80]

if you have full body pictures and filled out the selections in your profile honestly, you aren't hiding anything. that's their stupidity. most people in general want all these things from females and they dont have the same or anything themselves to offer back its kinda hilarious. if they ghosted you without communication these are not people you would ever want in your life, take it as a learning curve especially online dating do not take it serious, dont have any expectations, like whatever happens happens kinda mentality. the right person is out there

DON'T EVER DOUBT YOURSELF , DON'T EVER FEEL LIKE YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH

[coachTanthony]

---------------You always put this in your bio because otherwise it will be looked at as you are hiding something. People are attracted to who they are attracted too. Be authentic on who you are and what you look like.. and mostly OWN IT.

~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

[Pyrofox]

Always nice to be transparent. Great way to get mutual trust.

[TruthBringer]

If you check out her responses to people telling her to cut the bullshit and lose the weight (since it's obviously bothering her so much), it is clear that she wants to hide the fact she is overweight while at the same time not flabbergast the other person. Typical entitled western woman suffering from prima donna syndrome

[coachTanthony]

@TruthBringer I say to each their own. Just be honest about what you look like. Men don't care why she is overweight they just care that she doesn't hide that fact.

[TruthBringer]

@coachTanthony True. I remember when I was on online dating apps, I would immediately next anyone who doesn't show their body or doesn't mention themselves to be bigger. That's a dead giveaway that they are hiding something and it doesn't take an IQ of 200 to figure out that it's their weight they are hiding

[coachTanthony]

@TruthBringer Yes and the bigger issue is when they do hide it and think men should just be attracted to who they are as a person and nothing else. And if we do care about looks we are some how bad people.

[TruthBringer]

@coachTanthony You have said it. I've noticed you're getting a lot of pink dislikes lately. Seems like you're striking their nerves with some hard truths

[coachTanthony]

@TruthBringer I wish that was the case. It's a fake account with multiple accounts unfortunately. GAG is looking into it. Happens on all my opinions.

[hellionthesagereborn]

Well clearly what ever photo's you have up are not clear enough (because I cannot imagine a guy not going through the photos first before talking to you (unless you have done the tactic of having multiple people in your photos in which case that is your problem and its deceptive so don't do that if that is what your doing) so I would start with that, I would then point to the picture and mention that this is you, you've got some meat on your bones and if that is a problem you just want to get it out of the way now so neither of you waste the others time. Be upfront, don't hide anything, don't use language that is designed to decieve (thicc isn't fat, thicc is a very particular build so saying that and he sees your fat (not saying you are or are not, just pointing out that women like to try and hint instead of bluntly state (if a girl says she is "cuddly" that means she is morbidly obese, full stop. lying breaks trust and a guy thinking your worse then you are and coming into the situation to find out otherwise is going to be a lot happier then the reverse), that is going to be very off putting (and for the record, being chubby is usually not an issue for many guys, its usually only an issue if its significant weight so you could also work to lose some weight as well, it would increase your odds of finding a partner).

So yeah, just come out and say it, show the photo, let them know this is you, this is what you look like, if its an issue you understand you don't want to waste each others time. He will respect that a lot more then euphamisisms and attempts to side step the issue (or surprising him at the date).

[DJB72]

I was going to say "be honest", but that carries the implication you're being "dishonest" by not saying.

I have a problem with the attitude of younger guys. They aren't really "Men", more like giant toddlers. They want everything their way. Immediate gratification. In everything, including relationships.

As a guy myself, I get angry at the way younger women especially are treated by younger guys - starting around 10 years younger than me.

I'm "old fashioned" I guess. I met my wife online. When we met, she didn't have a profile pic. We exchanged emails, then onto Microsoft Messenger (no "WhatsApp" back then), then actually talking on the phone, then after about 4 months we met up in person - by which time I knew I wanted to marry her. I still had no idea what she looked like.

20 years later we're still together and have a toddler - and if he grows up & treats women the way you describe I'll strangle him!

That being said, you have to let these man-children know in advance. Their delicate psyches, known as "fuckwittery", tells them no matter the girl's character, she has to be able to fit through a hole in a coin to be "worthy" of him.

This is, of course, utter shite. These boys don't understand that YOUR company is a prize to be won. Theirs isn't. YOU have the power, not them. Sure, they can ghost you. But in the end, all that does is save you wasting time investing in someone who isn't worthy of YOU.

So tell them. It'll save you time and effort going on a date with a loser like that in the first place.

[slatyb]

Did you deliberately post deceptive pictures? Did you lie about your size in your ad? If you did, don't do it again. It will only lead you to heartache. You are the size your are, and he will either find you attractive or he won't. You can't change your size or his choice.

Also don't "talk for a week" before meeting. It's a waste of time. Don't imagine that if a guy just gets to know you he won't care what you look like. That's a fantasy. Instead be honest about who you are. You may get less attention, but the men who do give you attention will be attracted to a real person, not some fictional character you created.

[bamesjond0069]

"You can't change your size..." well actually she could if she wanted to.

[slatyb]

@bamesjond0069 yes she could, but not in the short term. She should present herself honestly as she is now.

[Asker]

@bamesjond0069 another ignorant comment. I’m not going to explain why I can’t lose weight.

[bamesjond0069]

You dont need to explain it. Eat more calories than you burn. Same problem everyone has.

[slatyb]

@bamesjond0069 She’s right, that’s a very ignorant comment. You have no idea.

[bamesjond0069]

As someone who was fat and is now not only fit but an athlete, i think i have an idea. It takes work. 99% of people are not willing to do it. Its that simple.

[slatyb]

@bamesjond0069 Your situation and hers may be completely different.

[bamesjond0069]

How so?

[slatyb]

@bamesjond0069 various conditions may lead to weight gain

[bamesjond0069]

Not really. For example it is impossible for someone who eats 1500 calories per day to weigh 300 lbs. 1500 does not support that weight. Conditions and medications can make little push in one direction or the other but the primary cause of body shape is calories in/out.

[bobalife]

Honestly, why would anyone have to put their size on their dating profile bio or chat… if it’s not “plus size” then, it’s like putting in one’s bio that they are “skinny, fit, super jack” etc which will either come off kind of arrogant or insecure lol. I am trying to say that you shouldn’t need to because you are just being you and you already put your authentic pics of yourself. If someone don’t like you for you in-person vs text/calls/pics… he simply isn’t the right guy for you. We all deserve someone who will accept us for us. If the next guy is like the rest, he isn’t the right guy. I’m sure you’ll meet lots of guys who will appreciate and love you for you! Goodluck, and don’t let the wrong guys put you down your self-esteem! :)

[ohshee]

You have nothing to be embarrassed about be confident be smart be yourself this is just a moment in time and when this moment passes another one will come this whole thing is a learning experience for you it is so deep I don't know if you realize it yet but do your picture show you in the here and now right now and are they full body pictures. Whatever you do like I said don't be afraid to be yourself have confidence and love yourself

And I don't know if you're ready for this in your life right now but try to remember when you are ready if you walk 30 minutes a day for 30 days at a fast pace your body will totally tone up to be absolutely gorgeous do it for 60 minutes 30 minutes each time twice a day and it works you can faster don't put any sweet drinks in your body drink lots of water when you're thirsty and eat right and all of the boys they were giving you crap but what you look like what you didn't disclose shame on them

[Dazed0N0Confused]

Unfortunately these guys couldn't figure it out by your photos alone & I'm sorry for that, but there are more fish in the sea.

If you're this concerned about it, you should voice this insecurity to him. When i would post on dating sites i wouldn't tell people either that i am "plus sized" either, because i thought people were smart enough to realize it.

My boyfriend loves my plus sized self. Im working on losing the weight, but i don't feel pressured to do drastic weight loss programs (like stitching mesh onto my tongue, starving myself or weight loss surgery).

[doopayo]

You don’t have to disclose that? No one that’s skinny or etc puts skinny in their bio so for the ridiculous men saying you need to disclose you’re plus sized dont listen to them. In my opinion you shouldn’t use dating apps at all because dating apps weren’t made for dating. They were made to make you pay money and etc. meeting someone irl that’s mature and will love you for you is the best option. Or try to meet someone with your interest on a separate platform.

[doopayo]

You’re also probably pretty if those guys went out with you or wanted to. Don’t make some loser bring your self esteem down, I guarantee your perfect and don’t need to change yourself for some stupid beauty standard

[genericname85]

well if you have pictures of yourself online that aren't intentionally deceptive, hiding your size, then that is probably not the reason for the guys ghosting. guys have eyes. if you are fair with your representation, they won't be surprised negatively.

[reallyhonestguy]

I agree with this. If you show pictures that you can clearly see your figure then it's not because of that.

[Asker]

I do in fact have pictures of my full body size. It’s not bad, I am a size 12 and carry most of my weight in my thighs and butt. I have very clear photos of how my body looks

[genericname85]

Yeah, then your looks are most likely not the reason for guys ghosting.

[Darth_Fidelis]

This is probably too late to help in any way, but I would say that you should do what you feel is the right thing. If you want to ask if being plus-sized is alright with him, then do it. If you want to just see what happens when he sees you the first time, then do it. Personally, I wouldn’t bring it up unless he asks (if he does ask you something like that right out of the gate, then he’s an idiot) - no reason to bring something personal/(sensitive?) to yourself up right away.

But ALWAYS be honest with yourself and whoever you’re trying to date/see. Anything else, and you’re going to start trying to live a fake life, an that’s not fair to them or you.

[es20490446e]

Dating online is based on looks, and it's quite shallow even when you are quite good looking.

What I would do is getting those dates in real life, meanwhile doing something about the weight.

The thing is that most people tend to overestimate what they need to do to improve. Once you start doing something, even when little and comfortable at the beginning, you start realizing that all the reasons why you weren't doing a thing are mostly unreal. That it's you who put all those pressures on yourself, but in reality they were never a requirement for getting a quite good result.

[Anonymous]

The ideal thing to do is actually put it on your bio. I know its something you may not like but it has to be done. I know that part very well in which you are ghosted but its because you turned out to be what they were not expecting. Be open and tell people who you are. There is people out there who are into women who are plus sized, just be patient. Also, i wouldn't take people online seriously, since most people who get on those platforms, do it out of desperation and with the wrong intentions.

[Browneye57]

It's called 'cat-fishing' and you keep doing it.
Show photos that you're big, or explain it in your bio - "I'm a generous size 12" or whatever. Some guys like it, some don't.
If you're not fat then quit apologizing for it, rock whatcha got. If you are, then do something about it - eat better or less and move more - that's all it takes.

[Ayanna240]

Size 12 isn’t even fat. Plus size is size 16 +

[Browneye57]

@Ayanna240 Uh no, 8 and under is slender. 10 and up is plus-sized. You're clueless too.
If you're a 16+ you need to make disclaimers. Seriously.

[Avicenna]

@TruthBringer: Look who it is

[Ayanna240]

According to PLUS Model magazine; "In the fashion industry, plus size is identified as sizes 18 and over, or sizes 1X-6X and extended size as 7X and up". The article continues "Susan Barone [...] shared, 'Plus sizes are sizes 14W - 24W. Super sizes and extended sizes are used interchangeably for sizes 26W and above.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plus-size_clothing

[TruthBringer]

@Avicenna Lmfao I've been seeing Ayanna around here more often. No wonder she is defending "plus sized" women when she literally falls into that category. Here check her question and enjoy the laugh: How do you hide your body during sex? ↗

[Browneye57]

@TruthBringer - Oh dear lord.
I always forget to look if the reply comes from the asker. Here this bimbo isn't even the asker, and wants to get cute with semantics. Fat is fat honey. If you aren't fat STFU. If you are then do something about it. Quit making excuses and quit the blame-game.
Gee, sounds like we have another victim in the making here.

[Ayanna240]

@Browneye57 Don't be offended that the Plus size magazine is a more trustworthy source than you.

And here's a surprise for you: Fat is fat. so what? Biologically everyone has body fat.

There are regular sizes, plus sizes, sizes that are in between regular and plus sizes. Its not just plus size and skinny size.

[Ayanna240]

@Browneye57 For me, I don't fit into clothes from the plus size stores such as lane bryant or torrid. I find their clothes to be too big around the waist. But at the same time, I also don't fit into skinny sizes either.

[Avicenna]

@TruthBringer: I knew she was fat and hadn't been with any guys.

[SkullsThatGlitter2]

Jesus you're a disgusting bitter old man who can't get women. Ugly too.

[SkullsThatGlitter2]

Also reported you.

[TessCasie]

@Ayanna240 unfortunately size 12 is considered overweight

[TruthBringer]

@Browneye57 Very well said!

[TruthBringer]

@Avicenna Literally everything we thought of her was true. What can I say other than --> Empty cans make the loudest noise

[Avicenna]

@TruthBringer: Yeah, it was totally predictable. I've seen too many of these empty cans. They're narcissists, and narcissists' self-esteem is, for good reason, very fragile.

[Ayanna240]

@TessCasie there's nothing wrong with being a bit overweight. I don't understand why everyone has to look a certain way in order to be accepted by society. Sometimes size 12 is not even overweight. Some women can just be born thicker, or have bigger bone mass. Not everyone is born with the same skinny barbie bodies.

I have no problem being a size 12.

[TessCasie]

@Ayanna240 I agree with you 💯

[Browneye57]

Reported... hahahaha. What, you think this is kindergarten? Dear lord.
So much whining, so little time.

Newsflash you idiots - I MARRIED A 12-14 - over thirty years ago. And guess what? She's gorgeous. You girls just don't get it. And all that explanation, so foolish. We're done here... b-bye. Fukkin lunatics.

[Ayanna240]

@Browneye57 you would marry a 9 yr old , if she had breasts. Pervert

[Browneye57]

@Ayanna240 - Cunt.

[Browneye57]

Check out her stats... ONE FOLLOWER!! What a loser.

[Browneye57]

A 23 year old DUMBASS.

[Ayanna240]

@Browneye57 do you realize 23 yr olds aren't attracted to 40 yr old men?

[Ayanna240]

i would take a 29 yr old man over some ugly old man like u any day

[Asker]

Ugh you again. You’re just a disgusting old man with an incredibly dense mindset. Stop trying to mansplain you’re way.

[TruthBringer]

@Asker Ah yes, next to the fact that you can't deal with obvious criticism, you've just shown yourself to be a toxic feminist. No one other than toxic feminists use terms such as "mansplaining" (which doesn't even exist).

[Browneye57]

@TruthBringer - toxic feminist = raging cunt.

[TruthBringer]

@Browneye57 You got that right

[muscularbumblebee]

You shouldn't have to tell someone you are plus sized from your bio.. assuming your full length pics aren't edited or taken from super slimming angles I'm pretty sure they can work that out already. The only time you would tell them is if they haven't seen any full pictures of yourself

[Adam1978]

Pictures should be enough, if they actually match reality. Ie if you gained even more after you need new pictures and pictures that doesn't hide the extra size. So either write it in your profile, or take some not flattering photos of yourself. Or simply lose the weight if you think it's your problem.

[Qdbrown]

All this fluff talk about dating while overweight is just as good as slim to average is not true when it comes to guys. I would show what you look like head to toe and don't waste anyone's time and he upfront. There are guys who like larger girls. Focus on those, and there will be less ghosting.

[HayleyMarie]

Just let him see you in person. He knows what you look like so I’m sure he has an idea what size you are.
I know it must hurt to be ghosted because of your size. But you know what? You’re better off without those guys. A good one won’t care about your size-and he will most likely love every curve.
Meet up with this guy when you can. Let your personality shine through. You are more than just a body. Good luck

[rjroy3]

End your bio with
- plus sized girl -

It's to the point without being annoying. Anytime I've seen a profile a girl said someone like, "if you can't handle/got a problem with bigger girls swipe left" it's just annoying. Like I'll see that and think she's not even pleasant to be around.

Can only imagine guys who are into plus sized girls would swipe left as well on that.

[SphynxUK]

You do NOT tell him.
If he’s seen your photos he has a good idea of you.
The men you met up with may not be into you, may have judged your shape wrong (their problem), or may have met because they liked your face first and foremost. Either way, none of them were right for you, and you’re well rid of them!
There’s a lot of men to weed out on those apps!

[Country7Girl]

Honestly, this is coming from a girl who is 00. I wish I were bigger. I wish I had curves! I'm extremely self conscious about my size!!! Own your body girl. Feel it out. If you think he may walk away because of your size, brush him off! I'm sure you're absolutely stunning!!!