How do I tell a guy I’m plus size?

Question

So I started online dating and I didn’t put in my bio that I’m plus size. I do have pictures of my full body and you can see that I’m plus size or thicc or curvy. The last 5 guys I’ve met up with, ghost me after seeing me. We have a good time talking and keep that same energy when we meet up but I’m blocked right after the date. I did tell one guy that I’m plus size before our date and he ghosted me, another guy told me I should really disclose that to people before we meet up. Now I matched up with a guy and he’s pretty cute we’ve been talking for a week and he’s giving hints all day that he wants to meet up for dinner tonight. Do I tell him I’m plus size before hand or do I just let him see me in person? I really don’t wanna screw it up.

rounddablock · Accepted Answer

Alright you deserve to meet a decent guy who loves you for who you are. You deserve to be happy.

With that said you are definitely misrepresenting yourself and this very typical and very wrong. Women reject men all the time for even the most fickle details. But men aren’t allowed to reject a woman if she’s plus sized when he’s skinny, fit or very athletic?

Just imagine if you met a guy on a dating app and he turned out to be 10+ years older, bald (but just had pics wearing a hat) or has kids or is married?

Anyway you need to be realistic and honest off the bat. I’ve been catfished 2-3 times on online dates and it sucked. I don’t want to be rude and mean to them. I usually treat them nice but inwardly I was disappointed and pissed off they wasted my time (and often money). I won’t “ghost” her but I’ll be honest she’s not my type afterwards. Still though she got to enjoy a nice date and being the gent I am I usually pay for it (since I asked to the date)

Anyway if a woman just has face pics I assume she’s hiding her body and likely plus sized. You wouldn’t fool me nowadays.

However if she at least is honest about it every once in a while I’ll give it a shot anyway (for women who slightly heavy). But guys have a right to know that before meeting you.

MCheetah · Accepted Answer

There's no visible picture on this post. But you just own it. There's nothing really wrong with being plus-sized/thick (as long as you're healthy on the inside). Sounds like you've just met a lot of assholes. But the thing is, you should put that in your online bio or say it right away. Or send a picture. You won't waste time that way.

I mean, I have the same issue with my height. I do state that I am short (shorter than most women want, at least) if I meet someone. When I did online dating, I don't put the number there, but I do mention it. Because women always end up asking anyway, and when I do tell them the number (it's 181 cm, but I'll say it purely in inches, or in metric), they ghost me. So if I just tell them that without the number, they'll eventually ask anyway.

How tall are you, Asker? And similarly, would you date a short guy? (Less than six feet, or even shorter than you; either option.)

They always loose interest once they find out.

tatianamay · Accepted Answer

If you have a full picture of yourself, they know that you're thicc and they ghost you after meeting up with you, they're assholes. Just tell this guy and see how he reacts. If he's gonna ghost you, he's not the one for you. Just tell him: "hey, uh I'm plus size and i don't know if you've seen my pictures, but just wanted to let you know that before our date tonight because I don't want to come off like I was hiding something" Wait for him to text. Don't worry, girly, you're gonna be fine!

If it is an unhealthy weight, I'd recommend you reduce it because it can cause many health problems in the future, if you have any health problems and are not able to reduce it, then its fine, if not, then hit the gym and try to reduce it a little. The number 1 cause of heart problems is obesity, im not trying to be mean, but my parents are doctors and my brother was obese once, although he's fit now, but still. All the best!

kidvid80 · Accepted Answer

if you have full body pictures and filled out the selections in your profile honestly, you aren't hiding anything. that's their stupidity. most people in general want all these things from females and they dont have the same or anything themselves to offer back its kinda hilarious. if they ghosted you without communication these are not people you would ever want in your life, take it as a learning curve especially online dating do not take it serious, dont have any expectations, like whatever happens happens kinda mentality. the right person is out there

DON'T EVER DOUBT YOURSELF , DON'T EVER FEEL LIKE YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH

coachTanthony · Answer

---------------You always put this in your bio because otherwise it will be looked at as you are hiding something. People are attracted to who they are attracted too. Be authentic on who you are and what you look like.. and mostly OWN IT.

~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

Well clearly what ever photo's you have up are not clear enough (because I cannot imagine a guy not going through the photos first before talking to you (unless you have done the tactic of having multiple people in your photos in which case that is your problem and its deceptive so don't do that if that is what your doing) so I would start with that, I would then point to the picture and mention that this is you, you've got some meat on your bones and if that is a problem you just want to get it out of the way now so neither of you waste the others time. Be upfront, don't hide anything, don't use language that is designed to decieve (thicc isn't fat, thicc is a very particular build so saying that and he sees your fat (not saying you are or are not, just pointing out that women like to try and hint instead of bluntly state (if a girl says she is "cuddly" that means she is morbidly obese, full stop. lying breaks trust and a guy thinking your worse then you are and coming into the situation to find out otherwise is going to be a lot happier then the reverse), that is going to be very off putting (and for the record, being chubby is usually not an issue for many guys, its usually only an issue if its significant weight so you could also work to lose some weight as well, it would increase your odds of finding a partner).

So yeah, just come out and say it, show the photo, let them know this is you, this is what you look like, if its an issue you understand you don't want to waste each others time. He will respect that a lot more then euphamisisms and attempts to side step the issue (or surprising him at the date).

DJB72 · Answer

I was going to say "be honest", but that carries the implication you're being "dishonest" by not saying.

I have a problem with the attitude of younger guys. They aren't really "Men", more like giant toddlers. They want everything their way. Immediate gratification. In everything, including relationships.

As a guy myself, I get angry at the way younger women especially are treated by younger guys - starting around 10 years younger than me.

I'm "old fashioned" I guess. I met my wife online. When we met, she didn't have a profile pic. We exchanged emails, then onto Microsoft Messenger (no "WhatsApp" back then), then actually talking on the phone, then after about 4 months we met up in person - by which time I knew I wanted to marry her. I still had no idea what she looked like.

20 years later we're still together and have a toddler - and if he grows up & treats women the way you describe I'll strangle him!

That being said, you have to let these man-children know in advance. Their delicate psyches, known as "fuckwittery", tells them no matter the girl's character, she has to be able to fit through a hole in a coin to be "worthy" of him.

This is, of course, utter shite. These boys don't understand that YOUR company is a prize to be won. Theirs isn't. YOU have the power, not them. Sure, they can ghost you. But in the end, all that does is save you wasting time investing in someone who isn't worthy of YOU.

So tell them. It'll save you time and effort going on a date with a loser like that in the first place.

slatyb · Answer

Did you deliberately post deceptive pictures? Did you lie about your size in your ad? If you did, don't do it again. It will only lead you to heartache. You are the size your are, and he will either find you attractive or he won't. You can't change your size or his choice.

Also don't "talk for a week" before meeting. It's a waste of time. Don't imagine that if a guy just gets to know you he won't care what you look like. That's a fantasy. Instead be honest about who you are. You may get less attention, but the men who do give you attention will be attracted to a real person, not some fictional character you created.

bobalife · Answer

Honestly, why would anyone have to put their size on their dating profile bio or chat… if it’s not “plus size” then, it’s like putting in one’s bio that they are “skinny, fit, super jack” etc which will either come off kind of arrogant or insecure lol. I am trying to say that you shouldn’t need to because you are just being you and you already put your authentic pics of yourself. If someone don’t like you for you in-person vs text/calls/pics… he simply isn’t the right guy for you. We all deserve someone who will accept us for us. If the next guy is like the rest, he isn’t the right guy. I’m sure you’ll meet lots of guys who will appreciate and love you for you! Goodluck, and don’t let the wrong guys put you down your self-esteem! :)

ohshee · Answer

You have nothing to be embarrassed about be confident be smart be yourself this is just a moment in time and when this moment passes another one will come this whole thing is a learning experience for you it is so deep I don't know if you realize it yet but do your picture show you in the here and now right now and are they full body pictures. Whatever you do like I said don't be afraid to be yourself have confidence and love yourself

And I don't know if you're ready for this in your life right now but try to remember when you are ready if you walk 30 minutes a day for 30 days at a fast pace your body will totally tone up to be absolutely gorgeous do it for 60 minutes 30 minutes each time twice a day and it works you can faster don't put any sweet drinks in your body drink lots of water when you're thirsty and eat right and all of the boys they were giving you crap but what you look like what you didn't disclose shame on them

Dazed0N0Confused · Answer

Unfortunately these guys couldn't figure it out by your photos alone & I'm sorry for that, but there are more fish in the sea.

If you're this concerned about it, you should voice this insecurity to him. When i would post on dating sites i wouldn't tell people either that i am "plus sized" either, because i thought people were smart enough to realize it.

My boyfriend loves my plus sized self. Im working on losing the weight, but i don't feel pressured to do drastic weight loss programs (like stitching mesh onto my tongue, starving myself or weight loss surgery).

doopayo · Answer

You don’t have to disclose that? No one that’s skinny or etc puts skinny in their bio so for the ridiculous men saying you need to disclose you’re plus sized dont listen to them. In my opinion you shouldn’t use dating apps at all because dating apps weren’t made for dating. They were made to make you pay money and etc. meeting someone irl that’s mature and will love you for you is the best option. Or try to meet someone with your interest on a separate platform.

genericname85 · Answer

well if you have pictures of yourself online that aren't intentionally deceptive, hiding your size, then that is probably not the reason for the guys ghosting. guys have eyes. if you are fair with your representation, they won't be surprised negatively.

Darth_Fidelis · Answer

This is probably too late to help in any way, but I would say that you should do what you feel is the right thing. If you want to ask if being plus-sized is alright with him, then do it. If you want to just see what happens when he sees you the first time, then do it. Personally, I wouldn’t bring it up unless he asks (if he does ask you something like that right out of the gate, then he’s an idiot) - no reason to bring something personal/(sensitive?) to yourself up right away.

But ALWAYS be honest with yourself and whoever you’re trying to date/see. Anything else, and you’re going to start trying to live a fake life, an that’s not fair to them or you.

es20490446e · Answer

Dating online is based on looks, and it's quite shallow even when you are quite good looking.

What I would do is getting those dates in real life, meanwhile doing something about the weight.

The thing is that most people tend to overestimate what they need to do to improve. Once you start doing something, even when little and comfortable at the beginning, you start realizing that all the reasons why you weren't doing a thing are mostly unreal. That it's you who put all those pressures on yourself, but in reality they were never a requirement for getting a quite good result.

Anonymous · Answer

The ideal thing to do is actually put it on your bio. I know its something you may not like but it has to be done. I know that part very well in which you are ghosted but its because you turned out to be what they were not expecting. Be open and tell people who you are. There is people out there who are into women who are plus sized, just be patient. Also, i wouldn't take people online seriously, since most people who get on those platforms, do it out of desperation and with the wrong intentions.

Browneye57 · Answer

It's called 'cat-fishing' and you keep doing it.
Show photos that you're big, or explain it in your bio - "I'm a generous size 12" or whatever. Some guys like it, some don't.
If you're not fat then quit apologizing for it, rock whatcha got. If you are, then do something about it - eat better or less and move more - that's all it takes.

muscularbumblebee · Answer

You shouldn't have to tell someone you are plus sized from your bio.. assuming your full length pics aren't edited or taken from super slimming angles I'm pretty sure they can work that out already. The only time you would tell them is if they haven't seen any full pictures of yourself

Adam1978 · Answer

Pictures should be enough, if they actually match reality. Ie if you gained even more after you need new pictures and pictures that doesn't hide the extra size. So either write it in your profile, or take some not flattering photos of yourself. Or simply lose the weight if you think it's your problem.

Qdbrown · Answer

All this fluff talk about dating while overweight is just as good as slim to average is not true when it comes to guys. I would show what you look like head to toe and don't waste anyone's time and he upfront. There are guys who like larger girls. Focus on those, and there will be less ghosting.

HayleyMarie · Answer

Just let him see you in person. He knows what you look like so I’m sure he has an idea what size you are.
I know it must hurt to be ghosted because of your size. But you know what? You’re better off without those guys. A good one won’t care about your size-and he will most likely love every curve.
Meet up with this guy when you can. Let your personality shine through. You are more than just a body. Good luck

rjroy3 · Answer

End your bio with
- plus sized girl -

It's to the point without being annoying. Anytime I've seen a profile a girl said someone like, "if you can't handle/got a problem with bigger girls swipe left" it's just annoying. Like I'll see that and think she's not even pleasant to be around.

Can only imagine guys who are into plus sized girls would swipe left as well on that.

SphynxUK · Answer

You do NOT tell him.
If he’s seen your photos he has a good idea of you.
The men you met up with may not be into you, may have judged your shape wrong (their problem), or may have met because they liked your face first and foremost. Either way, none of them were right for you, and you’re well rid of them!
There’s a lot of men to weed out on those apps!

Country7Girl · Answer

Honestly, this is coming from a girl who is 00. I wish I were bigger. I wish I had curves! I'm extremely self conscious about my size!!! Own your body girl. Feel it out. If you think he may walk away because of your size, brush him off! I'm sure you're absolutely stunning!!!

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

You mention it in your Bio if that's what people are ghosting you for it will save you effort and time and getting emotionally attached from.

You could start talking and then you can say , I am not even sure why it's big deal that you ahve to specifically mention it.

Don't be disheartened there is someone for everyone.

And you don't need such people or negativity in your life.

So relax and the right person will be attracted ti you

MTC29 · Answer

Do not imagine that every guy wants a skinny super model. A lot of guys want genuine women. If that means they're heavier than what a model in a magazine is supposed to look like, so be it.

I recommend that you simply show up ad you are. You'll find out a lot about him very quickly. If he has expectations of some 90 pound, 40 kilogram woman, better to get past that as soon as possible.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I'm not really sure why you need to say anything at all, just don't lie about it. Look, when he sees your pics... he's gonna know. It's not like you'll be sitting with him in a restaurant and dropping bombs on him. He's not going to be shocked like "oh shit, you mean to tell me that you AREN'T emaciated?"

AnggieGirl · Answer

Guys want to pick what they think is the best best ever! Looks really should not matter unless the person doesn’t groom or brush their teeth or try to wear a decent set of clothes.
If he wants you to say you’re bbw then men best be putting their dick size too and if it’s circumcised or not and how long they last before they cum! Lol
Dating is for men, relationships are for women

Andres77 · Answer

Just put it in your bio upfront and you won't have to worry about it because the guys will see it and the ones that connect online will be the ones that already know. Then you can get to the heart of knowing each other instead of worrying as much about appearances.
Change your bio.

CasuallySamsonite · Answer

Plenty of guys sort BBW to the top... that is like their whole thing. If guys are ghosting you, get better guys... If the one you are talking to means something to you then maybe be blunt about it. Tell him your feelings toward him, be upfront and ask his honest opinion. If he bails then find someone who won't and if it bothers you, then work on it... I was way over weight in my teen years but I worked through it, (stairs > elevator ftw) and so could you *If you chose.

pleasestopthis · Answer

You should let him know as soon as possible, and it's best if you update your profile, that way you'll get rid of everyone who isn't interested in plus size women and you'll save yourself a headache. The best would be to put your picture in your profile or at least let people know in your description.

Anonymous · Answer

With that history of yours, I would tell him. Maybe your full figure pics don't show your size very well. I would take some new ones and ask a good friend to judge if they think it looks representative of how you appear in person.
Hope you have better luck in the future. Maybe it is more difficult being plus size on the dating market, but there are men who like it, so you need to get in contact with those :)

Massageman · Answer

You could use a screen name that implies it-
"little Bit Xtra" "BBWinnie" "Big And Rockin'It" "More than a Handful"

You could simply state the fact

You could just put out the info- sizes, weight- and left him draw his owns conclusions

You could not mention it, but avoiding the topic- any topic- isn't the best way to start any relationship.

RingOfFire · Answer

If you get to the point you have to tell them it's too late. You should post pictures that let the viewer see what you look like. If you don't, you are asking to be ghosted because it shows you are hiding something.

Be who you are and let people who you are asking to take an interest in you see who it is upfront. Deception is a bad way to start a relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

Wouldn’t it be easier to tell him first so if you do get ghosted again it won’t be so bad? I know it’s a hard throng to handle b it honestly, just because a few guys have ghosted you, that doesn’t mean all guys will. But if you want to set a good impression I think you should mention it before you meet up. That’ll demonstrate courage and honesty over deception.

Bee-Hatch · Answer

If you've got full body pics in your profile they can see. You don't need to spell it out. If they're too dumb to realise then it's probably for the best they drop off. Helps you weed out those with low intelligence.

Anonymous · Answer

If you are not deceptive in your photos you won’t need to say anything. If every guy ghosted you after meeting you and you’re sure it’s your size and not your personality that is the cause, that would lead me to believe your profile/pics are misleading.

crazy8000 · Answer

Do you want to be trustworthy be honest about it.

If you want to know if that matters just ask if body shape and size matters if not and he doesn't ask don't tell.

Some people doesn't care about someone's body shape and size.

( I do but I rarely ask and see at a meeting and she ends up in friendzone if she wants to meet more times )

DWornock · Answer

Just accept the fact that, based on your looks, you are not considered desirable by attractive guys. That is just the way life is. A few people are extremely lucky because they are 8s, 9s, and 10. A few people are very unlucky because they are 1s, 2s, and 3s. Most people are average and in between. Everyone wants 8s, 9's and 10s, no one wants, 1s, 2s, and 3s, not even other 1s, 2s, and 3s. 4s through 7s will usually settle for what they can get which is certainly less than what they want.

Mangospacho · Answer

I mean, there are guys who like plus size women, myself included. There are guys who are really attracted to plus size women so you’re likely going to find someone who wants to date you. You might as well put it in your bio that you’re plus size so you get someone who likes your body type.

Goatmeal · Answer

Basically, you should represent yourself fairly honestly in your photos. It's fine if you choose the flattering ones, but try not to choose ones from 20 lbs ago or something.

There is definitely a market for chubbier women, but the point of dating is to find the people who are attracted to you, not the ones who aren't. So it's best to be upfront about it.

Woman1 · Answer

It all depends on your comfort level, but you do not owe them anything. You posted the picture, it wasn’t hidden. They are just jerks and it’s honestly better that they ghosted you because you don’t deserve someone like that.

Anonymous · Answer

Women are really good liars when it comes to manipulating our eyes with the way they take their photos.
I feel that fat chicks should always put at least one unflattering full body frontal photo of themselves on their profile just so guys can see what she looks like and decide for themselves if they feel comfortable with all of that

SmokinAces2000 · Answer

Those guys sound like assholes and aren’t worth your attention. Realistically you shouldn’t have to tell them that you are plus sized if they can see that if you have pictures up. It sounds too me that those guys have an inferiority complex and just like to lead women on. I don’t think it has anything to do with you being plus sized this happens a lot on dating sites and social media that’s why I personally think people should meet in person

Guanfei · Answer

Don't tell him, show him, and what he'll do with it is his decision. Don't hide it because even if he likes you, someone lying is a reason to stop things immediately. If you can't be honest about something that basic, how could he trust you for something more important? What else could you hide from him?

rosemilk · Answer

Think of it this way, you're weeding out all of the jerks. I think it's kind of odd to say "hey, i'm plus sized" it's not a personality trait. You have full body pics, if a guy is so dumb not to realize it, they're not worth it 🌸

Matthew2222 · Answer

My advice would be to be up front with it. Some guys don't like plus size, so just put it on your bio so they don't swipe right.
On the flip side, some guys LOVE plus size (me included) and seeing a girl say that is an instant deal winner for me.

Mofunfour20 · Answer

Loose the weight, youd look like you're making better choices in life. You shouldn't have to calculate when to tell a man since nobody is supposed to be overweight. Use more calories than you consume

NyceGuyFinishingLast · Answer

Sounds like you aren't having luck either way. Toss the dice and see what happens. I would never ghost you. I would have the decency to at least convey my lack of interests. But, I love meat on my women do fat chance in me ghosting you.

Brianbrake · Answer

There are many men that like plus size girls, but also many like fit girls so you better write that in your bio so you will attract only men really interested in you and you won't need to deal with jerks rejecting you.

rebeliouse · Answer

tell him u just seen a pic of a celeb thats similar size to you that you think is sexy and ask his opinion to get into a discussion about + size girls and then you can get a feeling for his views is that your pic if so your well hot id date you in an instant :D

Avicenna · Answer

Yeah, tell him- it may save some time and trouble. I would think it would be obvious if they'd actually looked at the full body pics you correctly included, but apparently they didn't even bother to do that.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm sorry to tell you this but it this could be the reason.
Sometimes, some guys despite not being attractive to the plus size they will date but with no intentions of getting serious. So, it would be purely physical, and first they meet you. If they re attracted to you and want to have a casual relationship they'll stay.
This can happen because plus size girls can have or big boobs or big butt, and guys might overlook the rest.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Send him a pic and ask "Still want to meet up?" At least it will keep you from wasting your time if your size is a deal breaker for them.

Oliverklozoff · Answer

If you are having trouble with it, then disclose that just to avoid the trouble.

That being said, it shouldn't be necessary if you are posting pictures of yourself including your body. Some guys like plus size girls, some like skinny girls, some like... who cares? Find the one who is right for you.

Interstate · Answer

Let him see you as yourself, and he will determine how he feels. To many Men, + sized airbags are a sign of obesity. They see it as part of the body that is too large.

Zelda_5 · Answer

If you have full body pictures then you aren't hiding it. It would seem weird if you disclosed it in your bio. If a guy ghosts you after seeing you, then he's just not a good guy.

RHK36 · Answer

If you have full body pictures then they stupid if that's the reason for ghosting you. I'm sure some ghosted you because maybe you didn't put out right away which they may have expected. Some people are just trash.

blank_expression · Answer

“Honey, sweetie, darling, think of me like a bag of potato chips; I am the opposite of 25% less fat”

Ayanna240 · Answer

I think you need to be honest and upfront rather than to hide things. Only meet with people who accept you for who you are. Many guys aren’t into fat girls but there are some out there who DO like Fat girls. You Just gotta find them

Friendlybro79 · Answer

Try meeting people through friends and in person or if that's not possible have pictures in your profile that reflect what you look like. You do not need to he ashamed and then this way you'll connect with people that aren't so vane.

Aimée__LJ · Answer

I feel like if you have full body pics you shouldn't need to disclose. If they aren't looking at all your pics they aren't looking for an actual date.

Tiptoetamm · Answer

Just be honest sand transparent with him. He will appreciate you for out and shit a lot of men want cussin for the pushin

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Always be upfront about this even in your bio. If they like plus then you are golden and without being ghosted. People have their preferences. Just how it goes.

How do I tell a guy I’m plus size?

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