Do we have a chance?

[Helpwithlove]

I know it sounds silly, I’ve dated this guy for 6 weeks and he just ended it two hours ago. I’m Arab and he’s Kurdish, and in our culture we need to inform our parents in order for us to “date” so we did. Yesterday he told his parents and they’d rather have him with a Kurdish girl instead of me. His mother told him that it wasn’t going to work out (which I don’t understand why since our cultures are not that different) and today he sent me a text saying he wants to end it. We are both 20 and he told me he isn’t ready for a relationship seeing as it’s time consuming and he wants to finish school. I told him I understand but we are just getting to know each other, we aren’t getting married next week.
I know it may seem silly but I really did like him and I can’t accept the fact that he left because his parents are against me being Arab, but he claims it’s also because he isn’t ready. So do you think we might have a shot in the future? Because he did say that he really likes me but the pat 3 days have been really rough since he’s been changing his mind about us and said that it won’t work out.
we’ve both never dated other people before so this is all new to me.

Updates

+1 y

Also we clicked very well, that’s why I like him so much. We share the same view about things and we both don’t really care that we come from different backgrounds but it seems to me tht his mother has influenced his opinion

[dhinchak]

Mothers are particularly protective of their sons as fathers are of their daughters. You haven't shared whether you talked about it at your home and what did your parents say.

I understand that the cultures aren't very different, but the mother is not worried about that. She's worried about the part where an Arab girl would destroy their great Kurdish lineage. I say the word 'great' in sarcasm as there's no culture that's greater than the other.

But the fact remains. You can't change her mind because it's born of an eons old tribal mindset, while your relationship is a mere 6 weeks toddler.

If you really like him, you can try to get to know his mother. Meet her, spend some time with her, befriend her - that's the only way this could work out.

But if you come from a family that's ok with you settling at an older age of 25-30 or if you're not sure about the guy (and chances are that you aren't given this is your first relationship ever), then all this effort isn't worth it.

So, make a choice and decide whether you want to give it a chance.

[Helpwithlove]

I told my mother and she was totally fine with the fact that he’s Kurdish, she said that it’s 2021 and that’s just a silly excuse for us to stop dating. I have told the guy I’ve dated that I’m willing to meet his mother, but he told me let’s not rush it. I do really like him but he has now deleted me everywhere and told me to stop talking to him. As I said he’s ending it because of his parents, but also he claims that it’s too time consuming and he’s just not ready. I think he’s saying all of this because everything came as a shock all at once, but if he really likes me wouldn't he come back?

[Helpwithlove]

He’s said that he really likes me too and that he wants to build something special with me, but a day after he says that he leaves. I honestly think that he doesn’t want to disappoint his parents and that he’s using school as an excuse, but during those 6 weeks we really had it good.

[Avicenna]

I find it unlikely that his parents will ever relinquish their influence on his choice of a wife

[Helpwithlove]

Me too…the thing is he spoke to them yesterday and they seemed okay with us getting to know one another but that the mother preferred that we’d stop

[Avicenna]

OK, well, see how far that goes

[Xoxocutekitty]

I briefly dated a Kurdish guy while he was in the US. To him, being Kurdish was important because it's a minority culture/race that they are more conscious about preserving or passing on.

I don't recommend coming between a son and his mother, particularly in this culture where the family bond is quite tight. Most guys are allowed an explore phase, with the expectation of setting down with someone of their custom.

He's already made it clear that he is not going to fight his mother, his family or his culture for you. I suggest moving on.

There are Kurdish individuals who I'm sure wouldn't mind taking on the pressure, but they are likely few and far between. Do not chase which does not wish to be caught.

[Helpwithlove]

I understand. It just sucks because we really hit it off well.

[MotorcycleMan]

All you can do it let him go. Maybe someday he will change his mind, but don't wait for it.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

You might have a better chance of getting hit by lightning on a submarine.

[Clarke498]

Seems like you gotta try to convince the mother in that case.

[Helpwithlove]

Yeah but he deleted me and has now told me not to contact him anymore..

[Clarke498]

This was all online?

[REDHOTLINE]

Araps and kurds... our headache...

[Sketti2021]

Never can tell