If an extremely close friend confessed to liking you, would you date them if it meant losing them forever if it doesn't work out?

[Ez-Bri-Z]

The friend would be of whatever gender you are most attracted to. No trick questions here.

Yeah, I'd take the chance to find love with my best friend.

No, I'd rather have them as a friend than nothing at all.

[NathanDavis]

I just... in a way, answered to this question in another post...

but simply put, if a close friend confessed to be in LOVE with me, I would only risk it with her, if I felt the same.. only if I felt in love with her too, I would risk it all...

but, if she just liked me and wanted to "date and try" I would not just "date and try" with her to see if it works or not, I would not like the uncertainty of that, so I would not want to "force" things just to see how it goes.

but, here is how it actually went for me, with a -You jump, I jump- situation... lol

Describe the first time you told a romantic interest "I love you."?

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Wow that was a real rollercoaster of a story

[NathanDavis]

yeah... to me it felt more like that scene from the Dr Strange movies "open your eyes" and it went for days, I even lost weight... lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSkerpBaoR8

[jgibsonian1986]

You see

Doing both are possible if you don't have sex.

Just date them to see their heart, not their tits and ass.

[Shoichiro]

There is no need to brand that as dating if sex isn't involved. They are just two people that are spending time together.

[jgibsonian1986]

Maybe under your definitions. But its a pretty shallow definition to say your not dating unless your dick is getting wetted.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Yeah, it leaves out a lot of asexual couples of never being able to date just because they don't have sex. Doesn't even count those who are dating/married and they physically just can't have sex for one reason or another

[Shoichiro]

@jgibsonian1986 Tell me the point of a man looking specifically for a woman to call his partner if it isn't for sex. If sex wasn't the primary reason, straight men wouldn't mind calling another man their partner. Therefore my reasoning is not shallow, it is logical.

[Shoichiro]

@ez-bri-z I don't see why asexual people feel the need to say they're "dating". It is very possible to just be together and do things together without branding it as "dating".

Words have defnitions for the sake of distinguishing what is and what isn't. Asexual people being left out of "dating" is a product of language; it's not good or bad. People seem to think that inclusion is positive and exclusion is negative when in reality they are neither, they are just concepts.

[Shoichiro]

I am speaking based on the Google definition of dating.

[AmandaYVR]

It would always be a judgment call, on a case-by-case basis (and fyi I've never been in it), which would have to be based on the intensity of one's feelings and desire for that person - risks are calculated based on what could be gained, or lost, and how strong the desire and fear on each.

If I don't have the strong feelings, and the other person wanted more, but I said no, I could probably continue the friendship and be friends afterwards, and they wouldn't lose me. It wouldn't necessarily prevent it from going back to some proximity of the way things were before. But that would be based more on them than me, I suspect. Sometimes it can be difficult to be around that level of intensity, when the cat's out of the bag.

But I've been in the situation when a boyfriend breaks up with me, and doesn't leave the door open at all, because he thinks (actually, knows) that it would have kept me entrenched with him, not moving on, when ultimately that's what he thought I needed. (That was the first man I ever really cared about, decades ago.) That sucked. But he was right. Sometimes, maybe it is up to the other person to act on their behalf, sort of like pushing them out of the nest.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Considering I lost a friend anyway by telling him that although I really enjoyed our friendship, I just didn't see him that way and was not interested in a relationship with anyone, I would do what felt right. Considering I'm not interested in romantic relationships at all, I wouldn't want to date anyone.

[HollyK21]

If I liked them just as much then I think it would be worth a shot.

[ChrisMaster69]

I’ve done this a couple of times and it’s a bit meh, I should learn lol.

first time was as a young teen with my best friend growing up.

We did everything sexual that we pretty much could by the time we were 14, however we did not date.

at 15 we tried it and it was weird, really weird, I don’t know why, we felt strange like everyone was judging us. Everyone had assumed we had always been dating, which annoyed us both, as we had multiple dates with others.

we decided we preferred just being friends, then the really weird bit, breaking up, no one accepted that we had broken up as we still hung out together, still held hands. We both had to get someone else to date in a sexual relationship to prove we were not dating, crazy lol.

other time is with a girl in my social group, we have been friends since school and have dated off and on, we are really shit together and argue like fuck (which we don’t do as friends), amazing sex with zero limits but crap relationship. Our mutual friends know this and keep us apart, as when we are both single we tend to fuck each other a lot (Nov 2020 moving house, she gave me a hand, and a mouth, pussy and ass).

we are still friends which proves you can do this stuff but it’s weird lol.

oh and my best friend from growing up is still my best friend, we had one go as adults at dating but decided after a week it was still weird. I know why as I did it in psychology lol.

[HugoThe2nd]

Not how it works, in my opinion.
A friendship is over the moment either party develops feelings,
Then their motivation to interact with you transforms from platonic to romantic and they can no longer be considered "a friend".

You cannot salvage a friendship from that because it's not a friendship anymore.
It's just keeping around someone who likes you.

Either way, I would personally cut that person off completely, because I would no longer be able to tŕust them as a friend due to the conflict of interests on their part.
That person is not going to have my best interest on their mind, it's going to clash with their desire for me and that can manifest in a lot of shitty behaviors (jealousy, sabotaging relationships, backstabbing etc).

[Raperonzolo_Viv]

Totally agree..

[MissDebra1]

I feel people should give these situations a chance, for the chance to find out wow... this is my love... but i feel people should talk it out, understand the risks, or maybe even agree that if we don't work out in this way... we will always be friends, or at least talk some, we won't ever lose the connection completely, no matter what. But, it's risky an no way of knowing what will be... i think if one does not go in already feeling as the other in interest for them to be more... it likely won't work... but it could... just have to weight the risk and decide if you're willing to carry it through and see.

[Halibut]

I figure if they're romantically attracted to you... that's going to be pretty hard to maintain a relaxed friendship anyway. That's got to be miserable for them to be swooning over you when you get a different romantic partner. I doubt your spouse is going to be thrilled about your best opposite sex friend who's been in love with you for years... who knows you better than her/him and for longer than him/her has either.

"Honey... Sarah's coming over for Christmas."
"Okay dear... but reminder her not to get drunk and confess her undying love for you when anyone else is watching. It alarmed my parents last Easter."

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes, I would! I would take that chance!

(They would have to be the one to ask me, though. I wouldn't ask them. Lol. I'm way too risk-averse.)

But why are you assuming that we can't still be friends if it doesn't work out? A lot of people don't work out. It's no biggie. It doesn't make either one of them an evil person.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Lol nobody said anyone becomes an evil person. The scenario was meant to be an all or nothing. Not that it can't happen, just in the scenario that if it didn't work out you would lose them forever, would you still do it.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh, damn. That's a tough bind.
But I would still do it. Because the incentive of success is a very strong pull.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Fair enough 😊

Thank you for answering!

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome! Thanks for asking the question! :)

[Mia-Wallace]

I am married to my childhood bestie. My first boyfriend was also my friend. I only go for my friends, not anyone else, so this is a risk I am (or should be) willing to take. I can't feel anything for people who can't bond with me as friends.

With my husband though, being my childhood friend, I did hesitate for a while.

[HunterGrayhn]

How close is extremely close? Is it like, share a bottomless basket of bread sticks close? I've gotta say... I wouldn't risk garlic breadsticks.

But seriously, going back is tough. It will never be the same, but you may find the risk is worth the reward.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I'd be willing to give up garlic breadsticks if I could have the cheesy biscuits from Red Lobster.

I'm just worried that jumping into a relationship with someone you have built a great friendship with is a recipe for disaster.

[HunterGrayhn]

A relationship is built on trust. If you think they'll leave you without any biscuits, maybe you should avoid sitting at their table.

[15_Debo]

it doesn't mean I have loose them if our love doesn't work out
we can still be good friends
right?
XOXO

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Hopefully irl no, but for this question we are assuming an all or nothing

[15_Debo]

well yeah

[loves2learn]

If I were single I would really have to think about it. I probably would go for it. I know them well already what is there to lose?

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Iunno, friendships and relationships are two different beasts. I dated/married a woman, but how I am with my bff would not be how I am in a relationship. Different expectations there.

[loves2learn]

Hmmm. Yes. I think I would feel safe with them after knowing them as a friend.

[Tunasub]

Being close I would hope that we would sit and talk about what was about to happen and the what ifs and if that's and if you fucking change I'll ame you for fucking up an awesome friendship.. type shit..

[Tunasub]

What the fuck is going on with my thumbs.. I can't text it's been like this for a few days. Getting every thing wrong. I should post this as a question anonymously.🤗

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Lol you tried your best and thats all we can ask for

[Tunasub]

So supportive. How about an internet boyfriend or vwb

[Tunasub]

LMAO.. virtual with bennies. lmao. I crack myself up

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Lol I actually have that setup agreement with my wife. She doesn't care what I do online just as long as it doesn't splash over to irl

[Tunasub]

That's what's up right there... well I'm virtually available.. literally basically but not normally I'm just being silly..😜🤪

[Ez-Bri-Z]

😊

I'm honored but I kinda sorta already have someone I am seeing

[Tunasub]

I figured that. Not a problem Ms. Bri-Z and no need to be honored I'm just a guy with fat thumbs it seems.. lol.. 😉 voice text it will be.. ugh.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Oh I screw up typing all the time and I do a very weird style of typing myself.

For my left hand it is my thumb but for my right hand I use my thumb and ring finger to hold the edges of the phone and type with the index finger.

[Tunasub]

I text with different fingers too. It depends. Like now I'm sitting at my desk so I was two thumbing it. When I lay down it varies.. and my phone is slippery. I don't use a case all Motorola are like they have Teflon on the back fucking thing will slide all over the place.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Oh I use an android note and the case I use is pretty non slip unless I just fall asleep and then that thing hurts when it hits me in the face lol

[Tunasub]

Ha! . you might want to secure that before lights out.. lol

[Ez-Bri-Z]

My sleeping habits are awful. Last night it was in bed by 2 am up before 6 am. The night before I think it was 130 and then up several times during the night. What even is sleep?

[Tunasub]

I hear you. Same I rarely sleep through the night. I have to be a zombie when I get into bed or I'll just watch a movie or read or play poker for much longer than I should.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Ooh I love playing poker!

[Tunasub]

My game is blackjack but I have zenga poker on my phone so been getting down with that.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I have WSOP on mine

[Tunasub]

I had that but I went back to zenga.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

True story, before I got into working for the company I do now I used to play online poker for money for a few years until they started freezing banking accounts.

[Tunasub]

Really.. I have online account but rarely use it. When I did it was for blackjack.

[Gwenhwyfar]

Yes but I would hope it wouldn’t mean losing them forever

[Bluemax]

Indeed. Why does it have to mean losing them forever?

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Because that's the question lol

[Gwenhwyfar]

I’d still do it

[wankiam]

i have just been through this and it didn't work and we can't be friends anymore either... not yet anyway so you would think my answer would be not to risk it but you know when you fall for someone, all reason goes out the window

[kyleelyn199723]

Me and my boyfriend. Really hoping for the best, but even in our relationship we always say that we are each other’s best friend

[Nikola321]

No tbh, I see her just as a friend and I'd like to keep it like that :D
and tbh I look at my closest female friend as my little sis, so I could never :D

[Andres77]

That's what my second wife did. And now she's gone forever.

[Andres77]

She's still alive... but we're done.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Oof... sorry to hear that 😞

[Seinna]

If they confessed, I'm afraid there's no coming back from it already.

So I would consider it if I felt I could be attracted to them.

[Ad_Quid_Orator]

Why would it mean losing them forever? People can breakup on good terms.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Unfortunately for this scenario, yea