Is it a bad sign if the girl wants to split the bill?

[Anonymous]

I asked a girl out for lunch today. We took our sweet time, talked a lot, we weren’t in a hurry. 2 hours passed and realized we should leave now. At that point I (M) offered this lunch as an invitation and wanted to pay the bill but she insisted on splitting. I offered her one or two more times before ‘giving up’. We split the bill and on the way home we kept talking.
Personally I don’t think it was a bad date, but I don’t understand why would somebody refuse an invitation and insist on splitting? Is it a bad sign?

[Cynicaldreamer]

You guys kill me. Why do people still follow archaic practices like assuming the man always has to pay for the date?
A woman can be interested in a man, split... or heaven forbid, even pay for a date! Yes, really.

You need to look at the big picture: does she seem genuinely interested in you? Was she interactive and engaged during the date? Does she want to see you again? That's what you need to be considering instead of stressing over why she split the bill with you!

[Blackcupcake]

yess girl💯💯

[gingin803]

I've always been a very independent kinda gal & have paid for most of the time, UNLESS he asked ME out, then he pays. The general rule is "whoever does the inviting, PAYS. If it's a mutual thing, then both can pay, or, like most of MY cases, he was a loser & I had to pay for everything, damn my big heart & deep pockets, unfortunately, pockets are long gone, so is the dough.

[Cynicaldreamer]

@gingin803 YES! This right here!

I have paid for dates/outings too... and yeah, the guys hated it (pride/ego thing, lol). But my thing is this: if I'm asking you out, I have no issue paying for the outing!

That would be like me inviting a guy out to an expensive restaurant, which was MY idea, and expecting him to pay for everything. No, if I initiated the date, I'm either paying my own way or we're splitting; that doesn't make sense to me. If he insists on paying, he can pay for the next date.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

No its not a bad sign! Its a sign that she's been put in positions like I have.. I ALWAYS split the bill unless going steady with someone we take turns paying for it. Today since guys pay for your meal they expect a free pass in your pants.. thats a no go for me! It pisses me off you think thats a bad thing she wanted to split it.. she knows you work hard for your money its a sign of respect! If your a guy with bad intentions you can't say I paid for your meal so you owe me this. She has brains it bugged my man I insisted on paying too.. I told him why he had no idea.. so if anything she has brains and you should just ask her... Would you like to see me again?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Are you serious? All the "men" that accuse women of using them for "free meals" and they should pay, and now it's an issue because she "wanted" to split the bill? Just another damned if you do/damned if you don't🤷

[Azura_88]

They just wanna be able to control and judge us because we're toys for their entertainment.

[Azura_88]

I remember when I was paying, a guy thought I'm being egoistic, showing off my power and dominance.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Azura_88 🙄 and if you don't offer to pay, you're a user or a princess or gold digger, or, or🙄

[Azura_88]

Or a whore with daddy issues...😂😂
But even when I was offering to pay, their massive ego got hurt.

[Irnwhdbsj]

Ahmen. Always pay for yourself so nothing can be held against you.

[Azura_88]

@Irnwhdbsj true, they purposely do it so that you owe them sex or a relationship.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

No, it's fine.

It's good you let her pay half.
Going dutch is kinda common on first dates, and personally I find it better if a guy lets me pay my way on that first date.

Leaving a guy to pay a first date often leads to a reveal that he's a "nice guy™" who wants a transaction for sex.

Plus some of us genuinely like paying for ourselves. Maybe a fancy dinner every now and again is nice to be treated to, but on a first date I expect both to pay their way.

[gingin803]

Sorry, I don't agree. A first date especially, the guy should pay. Maybe I'm just old with old fashioned ways. Momma said that HE pays on the first date but back when I was datable, it was a way to get more familiar with a prospective mate, that's how you get to know each other, you TALK, we don't do that anymore, noses glued to devices. There were a lot more gentlemen in my day, men WANTED to know a woman before sleeping with her, maybe they wouldn't click, who knows, are they so impatient today, they just wanna f*$k, whether they like the person or not? Oh man, I'm starting to ramble... don't get me started, sorry.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

"Momma said that..."

Well is he dating YOU or YO MOMMA?

But either way, you're allowed to disagree. I get wanting to be treated by "your man". Personally, I like that, too, but I'll be contributing to our "date fund" my partner uses to treat me/us. I know how fucking expensive life is and I don't expect to live on ideals from a bygone era of some long-dead economic Golden Age.

It sounds like you're quite elderly from your "back in my day", so I'll just let you in on a bit of a young person's perspective. We've moved past that archaic definition of "gentlemanly".

For many young women, we enjoy that we have the money and ability to pay for ourselves. For many of us, a man refusing to allow us the choice to treat him is a red flag - we want equal partners, who accept and want our help as much as we accept and want theirs.

One date, one sex isn't how every young person dates, either. It seems perhaps you've fallen for some Facebook traps or propaganda. Sure, that's a facet of today's digital age of dating, but it isn't like that's how everyone is living. Surely you know some nice young steady dating couples.

Besides even in YO MOMMA's day that one night stand existed. It's just cameras weren't on the backs of little computer bricks everyone has in their pockets. And it wasn't posted on FB that a relationship got complicated - it just got complicated and those person's regular friends knew because they spoke in person.

Maybe a letter or two, if things go spicy.

But the idea of getting to know someone is still there. Just, maybe we have different ways of getting to know people nowadays.

This all said, let's agree to disagree. You clearly come from a different cultural community than I do, and likely a much older one. So it makes sense our romantic values are very different.

Neither of us are wrong, just different opinions.

[LisaRaven]

It's not bad thing. I would ask to split on first dates then if it ends up being steady maybe take turns. I don't want to be back in the spot where a guy feels like I "owe" him something for him paying for dinner. (Right before my 18th birthday a guy thought I owed him sex cause he paid for dinner.)

[gingin803]

I know, right? Who raises these guys? Common courtesy is long gone, the art of conversation is gone, the English language has gotten to the point that I barely know what people are saying anymore. Ahhh, the good ole days, I miss'em

[LisaRaven]

@gingin803 Yeah, I'm not sure how some guys are the way they are. I do know a few good guys that gives me some hope they are out there. Only issue with those guy is I also know their girlfriends or finances.

[Simply_M3]

She may prefer to be seen as an equal and offered to pay. Perhaps, she wanted to go dutch because she desires a platonic friendship. Or, she just isn't accustomed to being treated by the opposite sex.

It's a positive sign that you are still communicating after the meet up.

Best way to understand what's going on is to see if you both go out again.

Don't rush to assume just yet.

[charlean]

It’s not a bad sign, some women are just different and prefer to split it. It could mean they’re not into you, I guess but I wouldn’t use splitting the bill as the determining factor on that, esp since splitting the bill is a popular thing nowadays.

[Little_Bumblebee]

I would do the same.
I don't feel comfortable being paid for, especially when it comes to people I'm not too close to and/or familiar with.

I can be comfortable if it's my parents/family or a long-term partner who offers to pay.

But a new date? I'm uncomfortable with it.

[gingin803]

But if he asked her, he should pay. I have NO problem with someone else paying the bill, I've paid well over my share throughout my life, I'm due a meal or two, I think.

[Little_Bumblebee]

Maybe. It is most likely just my nature and that is hard to change.

[Starrisunset]

Personally I almost always offer to split the check or I'll pay every other time. I've never been the type to go on dates and have the men pay everytime. It sounds like she wasn't in a hurry to get out of there, 2 hours is a pretty lengthy lunch. I wouldn't think too much of it. It's probably just the way she does things.

[Gwenhwyfar]

Could be she wants to keep it just as friends or could be she likes you but just wants to pay her own way. If it was me it would be the first one but some girls believe firmly in paying their own way.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what that girl's reasons are

But, i would also split with a guy, just because i have a problem

My problem is that i feel weird when i get Free stuff, especialy from a guy

Talking about money with my boyfriend is also hard for me, i ger really nervous. I can accept a birthday present from a guy though, it is not easy to expensive.

But talking about money with my family ur bestfriend is easy.

I don't get what is wrong witg me. I m not rich and not poor either, so maybe the cause is...

[pleasestopthis]

I wouldn't think it's a bad sign. Some people feel they're taking advantage of their date if they allow them to pay for everything