I want to be exclusive she doesn't, should I end things?

[Itsharryhustler]

So I've been seeing this girl for about a month, we've been on 9 dates. She really likes me but she's still indecisive about things.

She said there's a lot of things she likes about me, but one thing really bugs her, she feels I don't listen enough or give her enough breathing room when we talk. I told her I'll work on that but she's skeptical. But we had a pillow talk session on Sunday where we had a good heart to heart which really impressed her.

She said she's very afraid of being exclusive, and she's really undecided on if she wants me long term or not. Rationally speaking we've only seen each other for a month and we should get to know each other better. But we have been very intimate so far.

She wants to date other guys while she makes up her mind and she already has met one guy that has established some romantic connection over the last week and a half or so. He mentioned he's jealous of me and how she talks about me, but will still pursue her even if I'm in her life or not.

She offered me the ultimatum to carry on dating, and risk getting hurt that she may be as affectionate, or more with another guy and potentially her choosing him over me. Or ending things now before this all goes really wrong. She said she really likes me and even loves me, but does not want exclusivity at this moment in time.

I don't know what to do, I really like her and would like to get to know her better.

Any insight would help!

[jim009]

You will need some big emotional balls for this one, but here goes... you have two options: give up now, walk away, start over, avoid the pain or... take her up on it. You lean in! You tell her, "I've been thinking about what you said, you are right that nothing in life is certain and I respect your decision to keep your options open and date other men. I would love to keep dating you while I see what else is out there as well. Let's assume that we are not exclusive and if one of us wants to break it off completely or start being exclusive we will bring it up and talk more, sound good?" ... even if your heart is breaking and you have 0 intention of dating anyone else you keep your trap shut about that! I highly encourage you to legitimately get your ass back in the game though. This will go down one of three ways: 1). Your girl never really liked you that much and she will get closer to someone else and break it off with you... you are better off anyway instead of being with a miserable woman who doesn't truly want you. 2). She will get insecure about you seeing other women, decide she truly wants you and lock you down. Make sure if this happens you set a very clear boundary that you are now exclusive and this other guy, or any guys she was seeing that are not you are out of her life. They cannot stay her friends. 3). You will meet someone you like better than this girl and dump her indecisive ass. In summary, i hope you see how having big emotional balls and following this playbook will give YOU the best result, even if it is not a scenario where you live happily ever after with this particular girl. "Fist bump"

[Anonymous]

Well, she is holding all the cards.

She doesn't have to be exclusive and will have a constant stream of guys to choose from.

If you stay you will get cuckolded, if you leave you leave with nothing.

You shouldn't take it too hard, even if you were a really great guy you would still have to be better than many great guys and that is essentially impossible.

So it comes down to this: Do you want to keep that cunt while you can knowing its now full of some other guys jizz or do you want to pretend that you have dignity and get out now?

They are both wrong answers, so pick your poison.

[Anonymous]

She sounds manipulative.. she says she loves you after a month of dating.. but don't want exclusivity.. those do not hold up unless she actually wants an open relationship. In any case, if she can love a romantic interest and see another guy already, she can very likely also do that down the line.
I assume you are not into something open in the long run? So better get out now if that is not what you want.

[jspl90]

yeah maybe but at least she is honest I like honesty a lot and how he describes her at the very least I like how she is honest

[Opinion Owner]

@jspl90 to me there seems to be something she is not telling.. like maybe that she actually wants an open thing on long term as well.. but maybe she is not even settled on it herself.. in any case she is indecisive.. honesty is good, I agree, but being very indecisive is a big red flag for me.

[jspl90]

true in that sort situation I would say hey I like you and there could be something serious here so either you think the same or you dont I couöd not abideby someone that says they like me and says we could have something serious while dating/fucking other people

[XxChristinexX]

Gotta come to a mutual agreement honestly communicate with each other and in the future set boundaries and expectations prior to relationships

[Citizenkirk]

It sounds like you two are in a different place in this new relationship dynamic, and are not far enough along into things for serious life effecting decisions too be made.
Therefore, if this difference in monogamous priorities is likely too be a deal breaker 💔 for you at any time in your life, probably best to break it off now, rather than wait until emotional attachments make a breakup more problematic than it already is.

[exitseven]

Wow, at first I would tell you to bail but if you want, you can give it a little more time. Be aware that it might end bad, y and having her being with another guy might make you crazy. You have to decide it she is worth it.

[RickeyLong]

It's time to move on get rid of her if she's not willing to commit and said she loves you but wants to date other guys can have sex with them she's not committed to you one little bit. Nothing but hurts going to call from this. She wants to have her cake and eat it too.

[Explorer911]

Don't chose anyone who doesn't chooses you.
Don't be with anyone who needs to think twice.
Don't be with anyone that is not convinced.

[Wester1967]

Yes. Affection grows in space. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Let her wonder WTF you are doing

[Shy_Steve]

Tell her your wasting her time aswell as yours and if she isn't that interested your better off ending it.

[Renegade_Sailor]

Yes. DTB

And go read The Rational Male

[ChiPaPa]

End it. Find someone else.

[ItsTheNephilim]

Yes, you should.

[dudeinohio]

I'd move on.

[Iron_Man]

Move on

[InferiorElegy]

Yes, you should.