Getting over him?

[Anonymous]

I’ve crushed on one of my friends for a bit but then forced myself to get over because we aren’t a good match. I told him how I felt and he said I could do so much better than him. I know for a fact he can’t give me what I would like in a relationship (mainly attention cause I respect the fact that he’s busy with work and personal life. Our schedules would never really align since we live hours away from each other, flying is expensive and he can’t always drive half a day just to visit). The few times we are able to see each we just hang out with friends and have sex. Now you might think that the sex is where we fucked up…. yes and no. He has no problem sleeping with me and still being friends cause sex is sex no strings attached. I slept with him because I had feelings for him and I wanted to know what sex truly felt like since my ex pressured me into a lot of things and it hurt at times. I felt…. safer with him versus my ex. Plus I can’t just randomly sleep with just anyone (demisexual I believe is the term). So I ended up getting over my feelings but there are times I still feel mildly attracted to him. Not even in a sexual way. I’m not gonna that I’m in love cause that’s way too strong of an emotion to feel and dare I say lust. Probably not a good idea to keep sleeping with him but I like it. It’s probably the sex getting to me yeah?

[coldmarch]

Yeah you should stop having sex with him if you want to get over him. We keep saying that sex is separated than anything else but this is not true because during sex you actually get more than just a mechanical stimulation. You get attention, care, dedication etc. If it was only a cold mechanical thing you could be done with a sex toy, isn't it? And same is for him but he gets enough with just these small dedications and cares already, while for you these things give you hope for getting more of it.
By continuing to get crumbles you're just reinforcing an addiction and in the meanwhile you interiorize the fact you're "meant to be" a secondary one, a last choice of someone, and that you can't aim to anything better.
He is also cruel by accepting sex with you while -knowing- you're into him and he isn't reciprocating, because this means he is deliberately exploiting you, instead of having some basic human respect and refusing to cause more damage.
Further, when he'll get a girlfriend you will feel destroyed. He is not going to commit to you because he had plenty of chances to do so but he never did, so you won't be his girlfriend but only a sexual entertainment. A girlfriend will eventually come in his life.
So, yeah, to get over him efficiently you have to first of all cut all the sources of those "crumbles" (sex, sexting, affective moments). So many other guys will give you sex and proper respect, as well as committing to a relationship with you. You just have to never allow anyone else to exploit your feelings like this guy and you won't be trapped anymore in such situations. Require guys to be committed to you before getting into a sexual relationship, else, nothing.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

He doesn't have time for a relationship, yet had time to have sex? Sounds like an excuse because he really doesn't want to commit.. You're not going to get over him if you keep having sex with him.. This friends with benefits culture has distorted what true friendship is.. Friends don't fuck each other, at least not in my day and time. Calling it Friends with benefits is just a way to glorify hooking up.. The more women that give in to those types of relationships, the more men that won't commit to a relationship... Why would they when by having friends with benefits, they can have sex with whoever/whenever and say it's not cheating. Hopefully you all are practicing safe sex..