Is he toxic/abusive what are your thoughts on this guy?

[CaitHarmyy]

A week ago I asked to see my bf’s phone over something he said then he said k let’s swap and I didn’t wanna seem like I don’t trust him so I was all no we don’t have to. He asked why I didn’t let him see my phone what am I hiding, so I told him the truth- hey it’s embarrassing but I have engagement rings saved and I have conversations that r negative I don’t want u to see, he said no ur lying and we went back and forth. He said you can show me ur phone or get out, I tried to say ok I’ll show you but you won’t like it and I was stalling cus he has a temper and I didn’t wanna ruin the night w having him read old arguments and feel tilted but I wasn’t hiding anything malicious as he thought then he kept turning away when I tried to show and said NO ur not trying to show me just get the fuck out and he lives in the marine barracks aka building full of drunk men so that was dangerous plus I was very drunk so he literally didn’t care if I drove home drunk (which I didn’t I had friends rescue me) and before I left I tried to show him again he was lying down on his bed suddenly and I gently tugged his arm and said hey babe cool down and look at my phone you’re getting so worked up and he violently ripped his arm away like flung it away from me and I said wtf you look rage filled like you wanna hit me and he said “I really fucking want to” and I said that’s verbally abuse and threatening he said “good luck proving it there’s no marks” and then again he didn’t care if I walked through a building full of drunk men while I myself was very drunk to drive home like did he want me to get a dui or die or kill someone? He had bad upbringing his mom has like three baby daddies and used to do meth as a teen and went to the looney bin, boyfriend himself did meth for a few weeks a few years back before joining the military, his aunt and a cousin of his also did meth and went to jail for domestic violence smashing her bfs windshield but what’s the consensus, is he a bad dude?

[Anonymous]

''He had bad upbringing his mom has like three baby daddies and used to do meth as a teen and went to the looney bin, boyfriend himself did meth for a few weeks a few years back before joining the military, his aunt and a cousin of his also did meth and went to jail for domestic violence smashing her bfs windshield''

All the warning signs were there already...

But many are attracted to toxicity. You need to figure out why you are, before it's too late!

[CaitHarmyy]

totally agree. my family is not perfect (nothing like that but cut contact w some abusive members who I think are mentally not right in the head) so I always give people the benefit of the doubt, he sounded sweet seemed different but I think this is how abuse and bad things start, by threatening me indirectly not caring if I kill someone or die etc

[CaitHarmyy]

but I agree thank you, I will definitely be paying close attention to the people closest to the guy next time to see what they are like.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes. Consider how many different types of men there are. How many very good, and how many very bad. Out of so many you could have chosen to be with, attracted, met, or dated... you ended up with one that threatened to harm you. Often unresolved pain becomes a mirror.

[CaitHarmyy]

it WAS a threat then right? how he said "I really want to " (hit me) he has gaslighted me so much I dont even know whats real or not anymore. recently I have began noticing some people my age I look up to who are pretty with attractive succesful nice boyfriends who then turn fiance turn husband, I will find myself one as well, this guy is on the same track as his family. no wonder his parents (and his entire family fyi all his aunts, grandparents etc some cousins) are divorced.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes it was a threat.

You said 'nice boyfriends who then turn fiance turn husband, I will find myself one as well'

Until you figure out why you found the opposite, and why you stayed with him, you could end up with the same again. Also, sometimes a person accustomed to toxicity, will find pleasant water uninspiring.

[CaitHarmyy]

I think I was attracted to how quickly he committed himself to me, maybe codependency but I am definitely going to need to take time to reflect and figure out what exactly attracted me to him so I can fix that, I notice a pattern that he is the fourth or fifth guy I have dated who is addicted to video games, cannot communicate well, changes their mind a lot etc. I am entering nursing school soon so I hope when I work on bettering myself God sends me the right guy then

[Opinion Owner]

I thought there would have been some kind of pattern. By the way, you mentioned entering Nursing school and about God helping you find a man. Concerning health, the health system and more... beware that it has been infiltrated and is no longer as it seems. I will direct you to this video here, it's about a natural cure.

https://www.bitchute.com/video/XmDQNw007Wke/

When I first learned about it, I did not believe any of it! But little did I know that years later the same thing mentioned in that video would have saved a persons life right in front of me... a person that was failed by the medical system.

Therefore, be mindful of your desire to care, nurse and help, because you need to do so in a system that stands for that!

Take care.

[CaitHarmyy]

Thank you so much for this!! that is extremely eye opening, glad I can look into this now before I even start and I can be choosy and know exactly the type of environment to interview and try to get hired for. He did not believe in God at all and constantly had changing spiritual beliefs, I know now to listen to my intuition--the day I got back from first meeting him I wasn't even sure if I wanted to go out again or not, I should have listened to my gut and just stayed home but this is part of God's plan. No more ignoring the bad patterns to see the good in people, I think I am attracted to this type of person because they seem very quickly into me and charming and you feel a connection with them because you have a lot in common then decide to overlook their major character flaws or think you can change them for the better NO YOU can't LOL. I know now it's like a leech, they put up a fake image to suck you in and try to trap you into abuse or toxic relationship.

[SecretsofKB]

Honey, this guy is not good news... Please, for your sake and safety, cut contact with this guy. It will only get worse from this point on.

He is NOT someone to be with. You deserve much better than this guy.

[CaitHarmyy]

thank you so much, I felt sad about it yesterday then realized I am not sad over him he is disgusting as he has shown but I was sad about the image of himself he portrayed for a while of being a super sweet good guy who loved me but this is horrible

[SecretsofKB]

Yes, I completely understand why you feel sad about that. It is kind of like he tricked you into thinking he was something he wasn't. I always hate telling people to leave their SO because it is easy for me to sit here and type that out, and it is much harder for the person to actually end it, but I really, really think you should end it with this guy. I fear for your safety in the future.

[CaitHarmyy]

I did, I told him we are done when I walked out and I also texted him that this morning. I agree with you, imagine if we were somewhere far away, what would he do like abandon me in the middle of a parking lot saying oh you can uber back? the fact that thought even crosses my mind as something he might do is not a good sign.

[CaitHarmyy]

thank you so much for saying he tricked me into it because that is going to prevent me from feeling sad and realizing he is not what he pretended.

[SecretsofKB]

I really thing you are making the right decision. And no problem!! Please feel free to come to me if you need any help!!

[Razp_Sorbet]

Well yeah he sounds like an asshole. I wouldn't put up with that.

[CaitHarmyy]

I agree. I understood the phone thing but that is so extreme and him saying 'I really want to' when I said why does it look like he wants to hit me is a threat right? like indirectly? doesn't that sound insane. also im wondering if he will try to come back bcus many times before he has blown up at me and comeback a day or a few later crawling back trying to say he didn't mean it so im curious if you think since that is his habit if he's messed up enough to do it again. if he does im going to say no youree an asshole bye

[Razp_Sorbet]

That's not even indirectly... It was a threat. He probably will do it again. He's manipulative.

[RiverUndertheSkY]

Why are you in a relationship with this dude?

[CaitHarmyy]

totally agree, you're 17 so you're way younger than me so seeing opinions like this from others conifrms I did the right thing by dumping him when I walked out of his room thank you!!! I ended it, after this he seemed so nice and sweet and slowly became abusive like this

[RiverUndertheSkY]

What does my age have to do with this? Age isn’t a marker for how mature a person is (sorry but it seem like all the people on here think that)

[CaitHarmyy]

oh, I did not mean it offensively my point is you are very mature and younger than me so I should get on the same page and be more aware when something like this is just very wrong

[RiverUndertheSkY]

Oh my bad, yeah you do that. I was just being sensitive

[CaitHarmyy]

I understand haha some people are very judgy with age but it doesn't determine maturity AT ALL, my ex was 24 and THIS is how he behaves (also would appreciate your opinion on my next question also about him I am trying to gain closure from this)

[RiverUndertheSkY]

Gotcha 👌

[IncognitoBandito]

Yeah he's not a good guy

[Anonymous]

He's toxic