How do I get over it?

[Whyjustwhyyyyy]

There's this guy I met in my postgrads. We met each other on the first day of college. Then again on first party then on a camping trip. Slowly we built a bond. We started enjoying each other's company. We started flirting. He told me he loved me once. Even kissed right before the lockdown. He asked me out for a date. I went home and he stayed in campus in lockdown because his parents lived in Germany. We talked on video calls. Blowed flying kisses to each other. Then college reopened and we met again. We spent time watching sunsets. But his parents were not keeping well and a few of his relatives had corona and died too so intimacy between us also took a backseat. I understood and tried to be there and there were times it led to fights too. He told me that he was leaving to study further in Germany. Also to live with his parents because their stay in Germany got extended. He said had he stayed in India and his parents come back, he wanted to take this further. I was flattered but hurt too. We argued. Then after a date where he was still grieving the loss of his family members (one he was in regular contact with) we fought again. Because he used to pull me in his arms and kiss me all the time. But we just ended up talking about random things. It took me 3 months to get over our fight. He went to another city as he wanted to meet all his family and his grandma was not well. We didn't talk the entire time. He then suddenly left for Germany. I saw on Insta. He told me that he was not ready with relationship with anyone right now. But yesterday after I pleaded him for a video call, he told me that he had been talking to a girl for a while since June (we went on a date in July) and he met her and lost his virginity. I always thought we would be each other's first. *It has been messing with my head that he lost his virginity and it wasn't me.* I just want a way to cope up to stop being anxious. Pls be kind, I only want a way to get over it so I don't think less of myself.

[Anonymous]

Accept the situation in it’s entirety. The fact that it’s over, that you can’t change the past or present, that you weren’t his first, etc. Forgive him, and that is the hardest shit to do, but it’s not about him, it’s about you trying to heal, and that is part of it. Lastly, let time do it’s thing. There is no fast track or trick to getting over someone. It can take months, on top of months. There will be a lot of frustration, a lot of tears and reflecting on the situation but there’s no way around this. So allow yourself to go through the motions without being hard on yourself or angry for feeling, angry that it’s taking so long and you can’t just wipe him away. Just let it be. For me it helped to find gratitude rather than hate/despise him. I wanted to gain something positive, from a negative outcome. My gratitude came from the moments of happiness, bc we had a lot of those. It came from the adventures, surprises, and memories he gave that no other guy had. I hated to lose all that but I was so glad I got to experience that. Holding onto the positive rather than negative helped me forgive and not see him as a monster. Anyway, I’m not trying to compare stories and I apologize for the length, but I hope I said something that can help you find solace.

[Whyjustwhyyyyy]

Has the guy in your situation ever come back? And what did you do?

[Opinion Owner]

Yep, they usually always come back at some point lol but I didn’t give him another chance, after speaking with my dad about it.

[Whyjustwhyyyyy]

I don't think mine will come back though...

[FireFox001]

Well, I can feel you in a way. I got a huge ass faceplant from things uncontrollably going south with a girl from epic to disastrous. I am left with some grief and a lot of questions... to some of which I have a suspicion about the answer.

What I did is just told myself that "you know what? Fuck this. I deserve better. And with that knowledge, I don't think of it any more. Don't dwell on it. Worse will happen.