What's holding you back from dating?

Question

For me I don’t believe women can love. I’m very lucky and blessed. I feel women only look for shallow reasons to date.

Looks, money etc. Women are very sly, they don’t love. They can only love their children that’s it.
Women love the status symbol of a man.

Prove me wrong if you disagree, I’m all ears. I’m not spreading hate.

aWes0MeNeSs · Accepted Answer

A laundry list of things. 🤣

1. I'm asexual, and feel as though that is a deal breaker for the vast majority of men (which is understandable, as sex is something most people desire). I don't like any form of physical affection that crosses the platonic line.

2. I'm extremely independent and need plenty of space, and I love having my own living space. I would never want to go back to living with someone else again because I love it so much, plus I am someone who needs plenty of alone time to de-stress and "recharge". I really enjoy my solitude and being able to do what I want, when I want for the most part, and my ability to make my own decisions regarding my finances, house, etc.

3. I just don't really connect with anyone on a romantic level anymore. I don't know what happened, but I haven't had a "crush" since I was a teenager (and even then, I never had any sexual thoughts or fantasies about them; I always pictured us having great conversations and doing fun things together) and just don't feel attraction or chemistry anymore, it seems.

4. If I'm being brutally honest with myself, there's definitely a bit of fear in there, though it is not completely controlling whether or not I want a relationship. It just seems like there are so many ways things can go wrong no matter what you do, so many ways things can get really complicated and messy, and so many ways people can end up getting hurt (and the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone, even if it's unintentionally). I've witnessed so many really bad things in my peers' relationships, and it seems staying single is the "safe" option. I've seen a lot more that seems not worth it, than what seems to be worth it to me (and I'm fully aware that not all relationships are unhealthy or full of drama and BS, but it seems hard and complicated to make one last no matter what, with little reward in return considering I don't really crave what many consider to be the benefits of a relationship).

5. I'm a pretty private, reserved, closed off person who doesn't like to be vulnerable and open with people until I really get to know them, which can take a very long time. I am someone who would need to take things excruciatingly slow, which is another deal breaker for most.

lilyanony1 · Accepted Answer

What I find really sad is that you are posting this as a man but scroll down through other posts and there are women complaining about a similar type of thing.

I'm going to say this really and I want you to just think on what I have to say.
I'm not a know it all and I'm also not on a relationship myself.

But here's the thing. In my grandparents day they'd see a woman or a man date and decide that's who they wanted to be with. They made plans for their lives sometimes jointly other times there was a dominant party and they lead a life that was true to what they decided.
This helped to build and maintain the trust, and over the years the love and friendship would grow.

Now what we have are people who claim they want x y and z but don't actually fulfill their end of the bargain.
They date according to external values of worth: wealth, looks and social status.

That means that the people who don't meet those requirements lose out. But they themselves work at being x and y but their hearts are filled with an entitlement.
Everyone has a view of what they think they're entitled to.

And sometimes even when they have someone they don't even value the person they're with. Because they're just never satisfied.

I truly urge people to scale back a little bit and look at life for what it truly is. It's great that people ambitious and able to demand more from their lives. But at what expense?

Loneliness... Deep loneliness. Deep unfulfilment in probably the most important areas of our lives-the relationships we build with others.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I feel this... People (mostly women) don't give any chance for love to be able to develop. The whole thing gets interrupted by the things you mentioned, like is he wealthy, smart, good looking, high status enough? And a lot of other small things besides these. This list could go on almost forever by the way... which is funny, i mean sad.

And that "enough" usually is really high expectations nowadays and a lot are demanded from men.. and often she expects him to earn more, have more, be more in every way, degrees.., wealth, status, looks whatever.
Which would be fine, but a lot of young men are not in ideal situations, at all currently, but they are getting there, working on it.. and they would be a good partner otherwise.
Meanwhile womens egos usually are boosted to astronomical heights by social media, and online dating, which makes it really hard for ment to "win" her.
Women can earn a lot of money nowadays, they have more degrees (which doesn't make them more intelligent as we know) then men according to the statistics, but a lot of women think this way, that if a guy doesn't have a degree he is stupid and not worthy.

A lot of men are instantly dismissed, because they don't 100% fit her requirements right at that moment for a partner. Women i feel don't care what you could be 3 years from now, they only care about what you are now, and what you have now, your status etc.. This kills the whole "finding your love partner" thing really quick.

Men (those who want a relationship, not just a hookup) just want a kind women who can love and looks hot enough in their eyes. They want to build a life together with her.

I read this a lot online.. if women finds someone they like, they already thinking if they can do better then him. That's f-ed up. Men are less likely to do that.

Dating in short goes like this:
Women asking men: Do you live alone?
Men asking women: What are your hobbies?

Do you see the problem with that? 😂 The guy wants love, the girl is looking for the "rich" guy. They both claim they want to find love.

ObscuredBeyond · Accepted Answer

Psychological barriers. Trying to not allow history to repeat itself. The minute I show interest in someone, I'm practically counting the days until some big, horrific revelation destroys what little faith I have in her.

She can be oh so cute, and all, and oh so charming and all... but...

- Will she be the next village bike behind my back?
- Will she blow me off to become a drunk that sleeps around?
- Will she go behind my back and become the next romantic interest to choose drugs over me, and die from an overdose?
- Will she be the next one to file a false police report, because I can't help her with chemistry?
- Will she abandon me to start some crazy pagan revolution in Slovakia?
- Will she - surprise! - have a terminal illness I can do nothing about?
- Will she just try to use me for sex and home repairs?
- Does she love me, or the group video game score?
- Will she have her VPN killed by China, and then decide I'm not important enough, and then have a kid with the first guy that the Chinese don't interfere with?
- How do I know this girl is for real? Better check her words. The minute I see the words "Western Union" in the same sentence as "hurry," I'm blocking! If she claims to be from the Ivory Coast, that's an automatic red flag!

The operative mindset is: "Oh no there, Missy! You're not gonna fool me! Not with that trick! And you, other Missy: don't think I'm gonna fall for that one a second time!"

DonkeyDan · Answer

You want to know why people don't date anymore, it's because society is so fucked up.
Daily we are told how to live out lives, all the new things we want to have, what kind of social standing we should have. And on top of all that we are told we have to show it off on social media like some kind of trophy. People are also lead to believe that they can do anything they want these days with no consequences or obligation to anyone, and they can treat anyone the way to want to, but should anyone treat them the same way it's not fair.
Humanity has lost the ability to trust anymore because people cheat, lie, and treat others like garbage, there is no respect left in this world.
Things have changed so much in the last 20 years, it's like a sickness of Humanity and materialistic world we now live in.
People need to return to a more simplistic way of life, living in the real world, and not the digital one that governs so many peoples lives these days.

silvermoon84 · Answer

Because I’m hoping to move out of my state in the next two years. Why get serious with anyone if I’m just going to end up leaving? Now if I did and he was open to moving with me it would be great, but I live on Long Island, in the same town that I grew up in and the people in my hometown don’t really want to live anywhere else except maybe NYC (not saying that’s a bad thing but I fell in love with New England when I was twenty and it’s been my dream to live there ever since). Otherwise I think it’s better to save up, move and then try to date someone in my new location.

whynothoe · Answer

Both men and women can fall into that spectrum of shallow materialistic dirty ziplock bags. I agree with the comment that suggested its the women around you. Some men/ just like some women attract those kinds of people

Heartache0405 · Answer

I stopped dating 4 years ago. After my ex cheated on me after moving to a college to be closer to her and after that all the girls ghosting me and ignoring me and blocking me and unfriending me. Then the false accusation hit and that’s when I gave up entirely.

Most women only seem to want attention, money, or to merely feel dominant by accusing men of things they didn’t do in an attempt to ruin the man’s life and feel better about herself. It’s just not worth it to try to get with someone. If a file I happen to be interested in comes along and is interested I might give it a chance but the possibility of that happening is slim to none. There have been 3 girls who have been interested in me sense I’ve stopped trying but none of them I’ve been interested in so I’ve been trying to let them down easy without making things awkward in the workplace.

Even rejecting a woman these days makes me the bad guy if someone knows.

Anonymous · Answer

I think u have had just bad luck in order to call women out like that.
Similarly so for myself I’ve had nothing but bad luck and it’s easy for me to blame guys. They can’t perform good enough for me, they are too lazy in their life, they don’t see their kids much, they can’t communicate properly unless it’s complaining or sexual, they have roommates and complain rent is expensive but yet drive a expensive vehicle they could it for their own place instead, etc oh gosh so many things. If you see women in a poor light, then may I suggest you do some self soul searching instead.

Anonymous · Answer

What's holding me back is that I'm too socially anxious to go out and meet new people. I grew up over sheltered. So I'm 22 and I've been single and undesired my entire life simply because I'm too scared to put myself out there.

As for your points it seems that you have a very limited experience with women in general. How many female friends do you have? Get to meet some without the intention of dating and you'll find out that you're wrong. You've probably met too many gold diggers when trying to date but trust me most women don't care about that stuff.

Anonymous · Answer

Women are capable of living, you just are seeing the wrong type of women. there are women out there who would kill to just spoil, love, and settle down with a man who truly loves her. I don’t look for appearance or money, I look for a great personality and someone stable.
It’s hard to find men my age who want the same as I do, that’s what’s holding me back. Plus, I am busy in life trying to move forward while most men my age just want sex.

Anonymous · Answer

Your fault if you are attracted to bad girls. Women also get blamed for dating bad boys. You atract what you are. It is your choice. I also recommend you to date women and not girls since girls dont mature earlier like guys. This myth is just used by pedos or groomers. I remember how grown ass men dated my middle school friends when i was at middle school. HOWEVER, i am sorry for your bad experience with girls.
Then everyone is shallow when it comes to dating preferences. You also would not date date an ugly grandma at a young age, would you? You have to be attracted to your partner except you are ok with women who are not attracted to you. I actually have no problem dating men who are not attractive to me but the guys notice it somehow and get mad. But i care about age. For some reason men over 30s are unattractive to me. I see them as my brother or uncle lol

Anonymous · Answer

The reasons I'm not dating right now:

1. I had to heal from a bad relationship - don't want to pull that mess with me into a new relationship

2. I'm searching for a job and don't want to date before I have one - because not having anything makes me depressed and I want to have some financial freedom and to actually have a life. I want to be my best (or at least not this mush of mess I am now) when dating.

3. Just haven't really had the need or desire to date or be in a relationship.

Minahh · Answer

That's not true. You could say the same about guys. They don't love, they just want sex. You know there are women and men who are like that the key is if you want a high quality partner you need to have something to bring to the table as well and most importantly to actually go places when such people are.

Paul09 · Answer

Unfortunately you are mostly right. I'm so fed up of it. It just stress me out for nothing. I went on so many dates, I paid all for, for what? I liked tons of women, messaged women. i swiped right on tons. And I just get screwed everytime. Such bad experiences for me. I feel so unwanted by the opposite sex. Am I that ugly? Or a I not rich enough? Well f that noise. So much pressure for the men. We have to do all the first moves, while they sit their and wait. That's why I respect those women who do the first move too sometimes. It's having a impact on my mental health. I guess I have to find a way to enjoy life alone.. Good luck to all men that get screwed too.

hahahmm · Answer

"For me I don’t believe women can love." -- I discovered that it doesn't really matter whether they can or can't. What matters are things like loyalty. Yes, it's also true that she's not going to be loyal to a guy she thinks is a loser. The flip side of guys not wanting to commit to a whorish woman. And yes... the number of women worth taking seriously has been falling for years.

Bobsyoruncle · Answer

Let’s assume for the sake of argument that there’s a shit-load of truth in what you’ve listed as reasons to be underwhelmed by the average woman...

Don’t forget that they ARE basically the ‘only game in town’.

Protect your mind and heart, AND your financial assets and jump in.

If you can’t find what you really want, ‘make do’ as best you can with what you got.

MCheetah · Answer

What's holding you back from dating?

1. Short
2. Physically unattractive
3. Unwilling to debase myself or be a simp/cuck/jerk for a woman.
4. Not rich
5. Not white (not that I personally consider this a "problem" but it does stop me from dating)

Option B.

MotorcycleMan · Answer

Some women are certainly like that, but definitely not all. Maybe you're looking at the wrong women for you.
This is like saying that all men don't love and just want sex. True for some, but definitely not all.

TomGarand · Answer

Apart from the fact that I'm an introvert and the mere thought of human contact makes me itch?

It's the fact that I look for masculine traits in women (ESPECIALLY dominance and physical strength), instead of feminine traits like normal men, so I have no real idea on how to go about dating.

faithtofallbackon · Answer

I'm very shy and socially awkward. I don't care for looks, money, or status. I do look for those with a good personality, sweet, caring, good sense of humor, and try to be understanding and patient. Most of the guys I meet aren't like that. I have met like 2 guys, but who I thought were, but proved me wrong.

NamerOfStars · Answer

If that's how you see women, then I agree completely with your decision to not date them. Good call for everyone involved.

cookiecrusher · Answer

A lot of women do want a man for money. Few of them are crazy about it.

Only dating up is a real thing.

However there are also good decent women. Like them, you will have to look hard forndecent partners, especially these days.

I'm married so no dating for me, we do have fmf threesomes every now and then, so that's nice. She is into women too, so it's something for us both.

Djaay · Answer

First of all , I don't date ever. Just straight into relationship. Dating is being on probation with that other person and vs vrs. Always looking to find something wrong with that person. Women only love what there interested in , if you can keep they're interest she'll stay otherwise she'll jump ship to another of interest quick. Women are love worthy but never really loyal.

What's holding you back from dating?

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