Do you think it is wrong to reject somebody with a good personality as a date entirely because you don’t find them pretty or handsome enough?

[Anonymous]

[Moose304]

As I write this I am sitting in Belgium and will be here for a few days working. I live in Virginia USA. When I opened this site this question was the first thing I saw. I am too old to play these kinds of games and generally date women that don't take physical looks all that important. I just want her to be clean and not have some disgusting personal habits like smoking! I love to engage with a lady and get her to talk about herself, where she is in life and what are her goals. I make my opinion of her beauty as I listen to her. One thing I do love is a lady to also have some child qualities as well. For example, a few years before covid I was with a lady in her mid-40s. Was having a nice time as we were tossing coins into some water. The next thing I know she is giggling as she removed her shoes and rolled up her pants and waded in. Then called me chicken because I did not join her. I accepted her challenge and followed her. You people that get hung up on looks are really missing out on the real world out there. Count me out!

[OlderAndWiser]

If you are not attracted to a person and don't view them as a prospect for a romantic or sexual relationship, I think it is wrong to accept the date. Wouldn't that just be taking advantage of them and leading them on?

[Anonymous]

It’s not necessarily wrong, but it shows what you go after more. It’s normal to find more of an attraction to looks, especially when you’re younger.
Just think of it as a geode in dirt: looks like a dirty old useless rock, but when you crack it open, you find the inside so beautiful. And when you find the inside beautiful, you ignore or forget about how it looked when you first saw it. Sometimes beautiful gems are bright and beautiful on the outside but there’s not much else about them besides the outside.
That’s how it is. You can find the most attractive person, but they’re just not a good person or have any personality. But you still have that geode. That beautiful geode may not be the best looking on the outside, but the inside is something you’ll never forget.

[dustybiker]

I find personality attractive first. Foots already in the door.

Looks fade.

If you are lucky enough to find someone you click with and stay with them till you’re ninety. What will carry you through to that stage? Looks or personality/and other non-superficial traits?

You could spend your entire life lonely, chasing that beautiful person whose relationships never last, never having had a full and satisfying relationship.

[ReneD13]

No it's not wrong, it's part of dating. You are looking for a partner that checks most or all of your boxes. It's absolutely fine if one of your boxes include that someone match your personal taste in the looks department. I don't think it's shallow, it obviously limits your dating pool to an extent but stick by what you want and what you're looking for. Overtime your checklist will change, things will be added, or removed, and your taste or what you find attractive will shift as well, it's part of everyone's evolution as they mature but cross that bridge when you get there.

[noamazia]

yes and no.
i think releation ships are a balance and not just a set of bars one needs to clear. an asshole would be a no even if they are the most attractive person in the world. plus a healthy relation ship needs, interest, attraction and respect. if one of these is missing then it will fall apart envetually in my opinion.
so, if it is someone that you know already and think that even if you think of them romantically they are not going to interest you then yes. or they are just repel visually.
if it is someone you don't know, and their looks are border line or not hedious then i would say no, give them a shot as you might find a soulmate and the looks would not be a deal breaker.

[HellGeist]

Nah. That's called "Life" and it's normal.

Attractive people are a sign of good genetic stock.

But at the same time, if you judge a book completely by it's cover you might end up passing on and missing out on being a part of a book that becomes a Best Seller or gets turned into the next Blockbuster Movie.

Looks are important but I would rather be with a 5/10 like me who is loyal and wife material than a 10 that is a high maintenance, costly, flaky headache.

But of course, it's not back and white. There are a lot of 5's walking around with big heads, and I'm sure there are attractive people who are also decent and loyal.

[cuzimbored21]

I mean yeah if you aren't attracted to them why would you say yes? Attractiveness is also *somewhat* subjective and just because someone isn't attracted to you it doesn't make them shallow or mean you're ugly. One of my best friends tends to like girls with big racks and a more "busty" figure, my other best friend likes more conventionally attractive skinnier women, I like more curvy and thick with wide hips. There's lots of women out there who many men would consider hot that I wouldn't personally be attracted to. It's no big deal and we all have our preferences.

[kqueen]

Of course not. I would argue it's never wrong to turn down a date with someone for whatever reason. Your body your choice and all that. But not having any attraction for the other person is one of the most reasonable reasons for not wanting to go on a date with someone.

[DarkCarousel]

No, I don’t think it’s wrong. If you’re not attracted at all to them, it’s not going to work. If you find them attractive and enjoy their personality but “not attractive enough,” that sounds more shallow. But if you can identify that you feel this way about someone, just leave them alone so you don’t hurt them in your search for someone more attractive.

[Anonymous]

Yes. And I say this because say you go out with them to "give them a chance" and afterwards there was no feelings developing. Well now you've prolonged the rejection that was going to happen anyways.
I did this once after a brutal breakup. I went out with this woman I had no attraction to. I'm sure she was confused. She asked me out I accepted and then ended it afterwards. She probably thought she had done something wrong. She hadn't, I just used her to try to feel better. And thought maybe we'd hit it off. It was wrong. It wasn't fair to her and I'll never do it again.

[t-8900]

it plays a role, yes. But I dont need a girl who's drop dead gorgeous. Just not under what I would consider more plain. Personality comes first but if I'm physically repulsed it's going to be impossible. If she's just plain-alright thats enough for me to work with if she's got a great personality and we understand each other's emotions and mentality.

[Cherry234]

No I don't think it's wrong. Maybe it's shallow but so what? People have the right to date whoever they want to or not want to date and they shouldn't be shamed for it. You can reject someone for literally any reason even if people think it's ridiculous or unfair. It really shouldn't matter what other people think because it's your life and you can choose whoever you want to spend it with. It's perfectly reasonable to want someone who you find attractive.

[blackbird5]

I don't think it's wrong per se but I think if you only ho off of looks for the rest of your life you won't be happy. If you date someone only because they are attractive to you, but your personalities don't mesh then you won't be happy. But if you can find someone who isn't a perfect 10 but has a great personality that matches yours well then that's the better option. I would also encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and be open minded. Some of the best relationships I know have started because someone dated outside of their type!

[Sweetlindacoolturds]

There's no right or wrong. You can act like a total bitch, or friend zone some guy, even give him a try (to ditch him later): in the end, the outcome will remain the same: he will hurt, the drama will understandably dictate the relationship in one side and a feel of pity will prevail in the other, and none will “win” this battle.
If there is no physical attraction, it's better to be clear and bold from the very beginning.

[Bobsyoruncle]

NO ONE is ‘obligated’ to go on a date with ANY PERSON, for ANY REASON.

And neither are you obligated to justify or explain yourself to any Tom’s Hairy Dick as to why you’ve passed on accepting that date.

Or do you think that what is CLEARLY and INDISPUTABLY other people’s business is somehow YOUR business as well?

[HighValue]

No. If someone isn't at least a 5 or greater in my opinion I wouldn't even try. I think it would be wrong to date someone that you don't find at least somewhat attractive because otherwise the relationship will never be good because you will always feel disappointed and they will get that feeling and often feel bad about themselves.

[CaliGirlBH]

Unfortunately people are attracted to the type they find attractive.
As someone said already it's your choice who you want to date and who you don't. You can't make yourself date a person you don't find attractive you be unhappy.

Giving someone you may not normally date a chance you could be surprised and found someone who ends up your soulmate.

[Poobutt711]

No, it's the opposite... If you date someone your not attracted to that makes you a dick because you face the inevitable of letting them go and breaking their heart, when you knew you eventually had to anyway, why the fuck would you date someone your not attracted to? That's jus stupid... Date someone you can imagine yourself never leaving

[Prettysammie]

People are attracted to who they are attracted to. They shouldn’t be guilt tripped or gas lit into feeling like they have to date, fuck or whatever someone they aren’t attracted to any more than they should feel bad about dating someone others think aren’t attractive

[Idioticsnowfairies]

It's fucked. up how society pushes this narrative that if you don't date someone you find. ugly you are shallow

It's so. stupid

[I_Am_Sazerac]

No its not wrong, but its by no means right either. Everyone has a preference, and if beautiful looks is all they care about, then they are free to pursue it.

Every action has a consequence be it good or bad and whatever choice they decide to make date-wise, they will have to deal with it.

[faithtofallbackon]

It's not completely wrong, but it shows that you prefer looks over personality which is normal. Even I myself prefer a great personality over good looks because looks tend to changes faster than a person heart and mind. Plus, if they have a good sense of humor then to me they're even more attractive than their looks. I understand that people are different. You choose whoever you wanna date.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Before I answer that. How would you think a person who wasn't deemed 'pretty' or 'handsome' by the one agreeing to go on a date with them would feel if they knew?
Me personally? I wouldn't want to be on a date with someone who thought I was ugly.

[InferiorElegy]

As much as I've been rejected and trust me that's easily 1000+, out of all those times, at least a couple hundred times I have been told my face is the reason why I am rejected. I never thought it was wrong that girls can think I have a great personality but reject me for being too ugly. That's just life.

[cerberusdoll]

Aslong as there’s good chemistry and they have an attractive personality, they can look however they want. My only problem would be if they are obese, because I am very small and fragile.

[Dinklex3]

No.
Looks matter.
I have plenty of people with good personalitoes around me. Theyre called friends.
I wouldn't want to be with someone who looks at me and thinks im just "okay" either.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Yes and no, everyone has the right to reject or accept whoever they want.

If your wanting to be shallow though just realize that looks will fade. Down the road that hot guy won't be so hot anymore. Personality stays.

[Lionman95]

No because if there is no physical attraction there is excuse for cheating right from the beginning. If you think the other is attractive to you chances are that you have less loyalty or respect for him/her.

[TheAfrikan]

I think it is wrong. Because you cannot tell me that you are to be with someone just because he or she looks pretty or handsome, but they do not happen to make you Happy and there is no real connection in anything.
That is wrong when people settle only for looks.

[Alsxia299]

Thank you so much for asking this question I’ve been wanting to know what other people think about this as I’ve been dealing with this myself with a guy I’ve been dating recently, and questioning it in my own head for so long! So my take on it all is, if it doesn’t feel right, if you don’t have an attraction if there’s no chemistry, there’s no point forcing anything, even if that person is really sweet and kind, at the end of the day there needs to be a physical attraction. Hope this helps!

[Beautyforeverybody]

No it isn’t. You can’t force yourself to be attracted to a person just because they are kind or nice. Physical attraction is needed in a relationship too.

[Naxwi]

No. A good personality isn't automatically a good fit. If there is no attraction on one side that's gonna be a real awkward situation if you follow through with it.

[katiesmuff]

That would truly be a fuck up on your part! That pretty or handsome is only skin deep where that personality will generally come from inside near the heart.

[Mikeysoda]

No, physical attraction is important too. It won't hold a relationship together. But it will create the initial sparks to get it going. And have sparks throughout.

[MCheetah]

Yeah, that's pretty shallow. We can't control our looks. At the very least, they might be worth keeping as a friend (if you don't directly Friendzone them).

[TurquoiseAgent]

If you could feasibly actually continue a relationship then it might be wrong because you are contributing to their loneliness (which really mostly applies to rejecting men), but personally, If I found someone unattractive I know that any relationship I started with them would simply be destined for collapse anyway, so there is less harm in just rejecting from the start.

[Anonymous]

If I'm 100% honest, I think it's wrong when it's done to ME, but when I do it, I feel I have a right to have preferences and standards. Yes, I'm a hypocrite, but at least I have no problem admitting it.

Though in recent years, I've become more understanding of people's standards/preferences, but that doesn't mean I feel any better about it

[Anonymous]

No, it’s fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and feelings. As long as you’re not outright rude about it, then it’s okay. Everyone deserves someone who will love them inside out. It’s ok to give them the chance to find that person ♥️

[Seangreen]

No because you know you dont want to risk mixing your genetic material with that person. Instinct is telling you for what ever reason not to risk having offspring with them. Sexual selection is s really thing that it the driving force of evolution

[midnightmoon05]

Depends on your maturity, size, shape, mental health….
Women around 35 start to be less picky… or give up

[CaptainOverthink]

Depends what you are looking to get out of it.
Sex/something temporary? - It's fine.
A relationship? - it's not wrong but it might be unwise.

[PinkMichae]

Of course. If it's not there for you then you don't have to date them. It would be wrong to lead them on when you aren't feeling it.

[ikEVERYTHING]

No it's a totally valid reason, how are you expected to potentially spend your life with someone you genuinely don't find attractive. Subjective or objective

[CharlesScene]

It is not wrong at all. That is completely normal, if you are not physically attracted, how would you be physical in that relationship.

[loveslongnails]

It's not wrong. You may be missing out on a good thing, but if you think you'll never feel a real attraction, don't waste time. Remember, a great personality lasts forever, but looks don't. The more you "like" a person, the better they "look" to you.

[Brendan824]

No some people are more attracted to looks and some to personality and it's hard to change that so even if they were to get with them they wouldn't be happy and probably be more destructive to them than someone else

[Luopio27]

Girls get rejected or dumped for not looking good enough. Guys get rejected for not having enough social status, selfesteen, confidence and so on.


Both men and women should date who they like.

[crazy8000]

If you wanna create that obstacle for yourself go with it.

Many times when someone comes with this they usually self-sabotage.

When it comes to female's.
It's usually an alternative exuses to hide something.

[Dargil]

Right or wrong does not enter personal choices. If that is a standard you set for yourself, so be it.

[Diodoro]

You're doing no one a favor going out with someone you're not attracted to

[RichSD]

No, it's wrong to accept them when you're not really attracted to them. Because you're only setting them up for heartbreak later when you decide you're unhappy.

[shades777]

i think women need to wrap their head around this very simple concept
looks cone before personality.
you dont get approached on personality you get approached on looks, whether a man STAYS is based on your personality

[SmokinAces2000]

No because it’s a package deal, might sound fucked up but I wouldn’t date a girl with a good personality that I didn’t find physically attractive just like I wouldn’t date a girl that was really cute with a shit personality.

[HawkPerception]

Of course. Physical attraction is a definite factor in dating.

[HawkPerception]

Of course not***

[Saville_Row]

People with good personality but that you are not attracted to, are called friends.

[Alsxia299]

Exactly!

[LinaDaGoddess]

No… that’s your right… you don’t owe them anything.

[DaveJord]

Nope, if you aren't attracted to them no us giving them false hope.

[The_Maphio]

Depending on what the goal of your date is, it's perfectly fine or a massive mistake.

[exitseven]

Everyone has different ways to judge people. Some people base datability entirely on looks. It is not wrong, it is their opinion.

[Armie]

You can reject whoever for whatever reason just remember that one day you'll stop being young and people will stop knocking at your Door

[Fromdusktilldawn]

The age old question again. If there is no physical attraction it won't work with intimacy and sex, there needs go be a healthy balance between physical attraction and personality

[Subarugirl]

No it’s not, why would you get romantically involved with someone that you’re not attracted to?

[MrPlentiful]

Women do it all the time

[Subarugirl]

@MrPlentiful is that so?

[Razp_Sorbet]

Nope if you're not attracted to someone there's no point.

[Waldoe]

you have the "Right" to choose who you go out with... use any reasons you want to use... age, height, weight, race, it's YOUR life...