I really love him ! But.. I am not physically attracted to him?

[SecretsDay]

Hello Guys , i thought i could share this story with you because at some point i am feeling really shallow amd i don’t want to allow this happen. I met a guy 6 months ago , we are the perfect match. We went on a roadtrip together as well everything about it was magical , we then met at his hometown and started dating , he is a caring person , the communication is perfect, he listens to me he respects me a lot , he is ready for marriage and wants to get married when we are both ready for it and after some time , he is really good at his job , he is just perfect, our harmony is perfect but there is just one thing i am not physically attracted to him , i really wish this feeling could go because i was never a shallow person and i really always thought that everyone is pretty in their own way , we still haven’t had sex , he prefers if we can keep it till marriage and i am okay with that too. I can’t imaginr us having sex , maybe i do but i just don’t feel it would be something magical or our of this world just like i did with my ex!! just help me if any girl had this thought in her mind how did she get through it?

[caring__1]

Let's say I want to fix you up with your ideal partner. This person is just like you and has all the qualities that impress you. Could you see yourself marrying her? (That wasn't a typo) We all find certain things draw us in and certain things push us away. If you're not true to yourself, you'll never feel comfortable in the relationship.

There's a big difference between seeing someone as repulsive and seeing them lacking the attributes that turn us on. If you see him as repulsive, a relationship with him will never be comfortable beyond platonic. On the other hand, you may discover aspects of him that you never knew could trigger positive sensations within you.

How we look depends on how we feel. If you feel smart, you'll look smart. If you feel sexy, you'll look sexy. If you feel loved, you'll look beautiful. It's not uncommon for a person's looks to grow on us. Just look at all the parents of wrinkled prune newborns who believe this is the most beautiful thing they've ever seen. You'll never know if he pushes all the right buttons till you experience it with him. Don't marry him without knowing what you'll be getting into.

[SecretsDay]

Thank you so much for your comment. it’s a beautiful way to look at things

[caring__1]

You're welcome.

[exitseven]

Sounds like a real problem to me. Try to be honest with yourself. Why do you not find him attractive? Usually when you have strong feelings for someone you tend to see them through a different lens and they are supposed to look better somehow. I have experienced this myself.

[SecretsDay]

Thank you for your advice

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO

[crybaby1111]

I’m gonna be honest with you. He seems like a wonderful person and a great man, but it can’t work without any physical attraction. It’s not a shallow thing, in any relationship, no matter what circumstances, there needs to be a minimum level of physical attraction, sexual tension, otherwise it’s just a friendship.


Having sex, or at least trying to see if you could actually have sex BEFORE marriage would be a good idea, so you don’t marry a person you’re not physically and sexually compatible with. It would be very frustrating for you AND FOR HIM.


It’s important to be realistic, maybe this perfect guy is the perfect friend. You love him for how wonderful you feel together, how great the time is together, but u can't see the two of you doing anything more. You should try discussing this with him openly.

[SecretsDay]

But maybe discussing it with him will make him feel bad about himself , i don’t want him to feel bad about himself or insecure about the way he looks at all.

[little_bird1]

I don't think his physical appearance is the problem here, I think his lack of "sexual approaches" is. I've met some men that I wasn't physically into at first, but they had a really good flirting style, the game, the talk, the moves... that somehow made them very sexy.
Overall, if there's no sexual chemistry, it's not going to work out.

[little_bird1]

Since your guy said he wants to wait until marriage, I assume he is not showing his masculine sexual side (yet?). No wonder you are turned off, who wouldn't be.

[little_bird1]

This might work for a VERY attractive man (withholding sex) because his looks might keep a girl interested sexually, but if a guy is not very attractive withholding sex and is a one way ticket to friendzone.

[bodiesands]

I tried this with an ex. Tried to convince myself that I would be attracted eventually. But it didn't work.

After nine months, I felt like I was tearing myself apart at the seams - like I was lying to myself, and therefore losing touch with reality itself, and would genuinely lose my mind unless I left.

So... yeah.
Not recommended.
I finally heard the song 'Let It Happen' by Tame Impala and left.

So I'll say to you what that song said to me:

Let it happen.

[loveslongnails]

Maybe he's not all that physically attracted to you either, and it doesn't matter to him. Have you had any discussion of that? You can be certain that if he is, and you're not, there will be problems if you're married and you don't work this out completely beforehand. It's not going away or suddenly going to change unless that happens inside of you.

[Avicenna]

It may happen with time that you get more attracted to him

[patrick677]

Sorry but no you dont love him probably. Just you think you do. Because you care of him and you dont want his pity. You know him well he is confident and all. Let him go you will hurt him more.

[SecretsDay]

i don’t want to let him go , i really respect the connection between us , i was just asking for an advice how can i over come this feeling in me. After all i have always been a spiritual person and i want to overcome the looks because afterall what really mattersnis the way they treat you

[patrick677]

But as you say almost everything is perfect its your dream guy but physically he's not, its about weight only or?
He threat you good thats why you dont want lose that person its a normal thought. i think its egoist to stay in that situation for me

[patrick677]

@SecretsDay if you just force yourself to accept this you will soon or later feel unhappy trust me. I had similar exp with my ex. Saying i was the best man she met in her life. Thats just words you know. I feel how scared to tell him about this. And that you are scared to lose him :/

[Koalamate]

If you have sex it may change but if your not physically attracted to him your gonna always be thinking about other people like it or not it won't work.

[Frank_theTank999]

That’s tough but if it’s not there I don’t think you can go into it expecting it will get better. It’s an important factor.

[SecretsDay]

but what really matters at the end of the day is that we really communicate good , we really love hanging around eachother, we have plans and goals and we support each other’s plans and goals.

[patrick677]

@SecretsDay , You ask for advices we all give you, and its like you dont want face your own reality 🙃

[jahaims]

I become more physically attracted when I fall in love so I can't relate

[AviatorTom]

Good relationships involve a lot more than sex.

[Wise4myage]

Then its not gonna work unless that changes.

[SecretsDay]

Well i know that

[Wise4myage]

Its probably best to move on.

[SecretsDay]

or not giveup and try changing the way i think

[Wise4myage]

That might work too.

[Hulk30]

ya can't just be honest with him and dump him

[SecretsDay]

I will never do that

[noohair]

So, if you were blind, what would you do?