Why is my boyfriend so mean and physically/verbally abusive to everyone he claims to love?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has been verbally abusive to me and everyone close to him. He had a rough childhood of abuse and battery so he never really learned or felt love from someone. His parents were abusive drug addicts and his adopted parents were pretty cold to him and his brother and never really loved them either. He's been hurt a lot in the past and has been both physically and/or verbally abusive to women he has loved in the past.

He is the same way with me. But I notice unlike other abusers its not just his significant others he's abusive towards. He's the same way with his best friends, his brother, his 4 year old niece, his dog. These are all people he claims to love. He's very controlling and demanding of all of us. Its almost like he wants to control our lives and if we don't do as he says he gets upset. Moreso with me and his brother and niece, not his friends. But because he says we mean the most to him so he reacts violently (either physically or with anger) when we hurt him or do something he finds unacceptable.

He says the reason he doesn't hit or yell at people he's not close to is because he doesn't care enough about them to yell at them or fight them.

Is this a result of his childhood?

I notice with most men who are domestic abusers they reserve their abuse for just their signifcant other or their children. But with my boyfriend his abuse is towards others close to him as well.

[Walamagicc]

He’s been through a lot which can play a factor in his behavior but just because he’s been abused does not matter. He can’t treat people like shit because he had a tough past. Life is fucking tough. People don’t deserve to be treated badly because your boyfriend suffered. Everyone goes through shit but is it fair to take your anger out on others?

[Elony]

I will surely leave him if i were at that position, no abuser allowed, they just apoligize and say if it were just because they dont care other people who are not close to them, man, its red flag manipulation, dont trust a deceiver , many men out there , its better divorce 20 times than staying with the same abuser for more than 4 months , i dont like to be abused

[Anonymous]

Definitely the result of a messed up childhood in my opinion. But that doesn't mean that you have to put up with it. If the people he claims he loves never let him feel the consequences of his actions then he won't change. If it's getting too much for you to handle, don't stick around out of pity. If he's willing to change, he'll need some serious therapy.

[genericname85]

wow... that guy sounds like a keeper. why don't you just move on and look for a guy who doesn't treat people like that?

[jahaims]

Because he is a broken human who doesn't know how to fix his self

[KrakenAttackin]

You answered your own question by describing his childhood.

[havingfun101]

He was raised by a single mother

[Asker]

No he was never raised by a single mother. His bio parents were married and his dad was constantly abusing and hitting his mom who were both drug addicts. Then his adopted parents, were both unloving towards him

[havingfun101]

Matarchial societies are necessarily primitive. He's a weakling and a coward. My mother wasn't around and my father starved, beat and tortured me. I don't act like a tyrannical child. We get what we deserve.

[Shuttlebus78]

He’s troubled. Let that be a red flag too.

[Anonymous]

if i were you, i would break up with him