When I started dating my girlfriend, I accepted that her kids were part of the deal.
Sometimes I pay, sometimes she pays, it all works out, I don't object to paying for her kids, sometimes she insists on paying half, or even more because of the kids, and I let her depending on how insistent she is.
I'd say it'd depend on how serious you two are and how long you've been together. Or maybe if you live together and your finances are combined, and it doesn't really matter who foots the bill. If that's not the case I would say, sure, it might be nice occasionally for you to pay for them but it definitely should not be expected.
She is definitely sending you signals that the children are going to be part of the deal. Some single moms keep the children out of the relationship but if she is perfectly comfortable bringing them with her to hang out with you then it’s probably a preview of what’s to come if you two become serious.
No. Maybe pay for them every once in a while to be a nice guy, but your new girlfriend shouldn't be bringing her kids along all the time on your dates, either. Most of the time she should leave them home or with somebody when you go out. If you two get serious and live together like a family, that's different. After that the kids are part of the deal.
Do u see yourself with her in a long term then? If yes you gotta accept that she has 2 kids that she has to take care of? So if u be in a long term with her, her kids would be there too cuz her kids supposed to be her 1st priority!! so u should pay
If you always pay for your girlfriend, she may be okay paying for her kids. if it's more of a 50-50 situation you should pay all every time you agree to pay. My rule for a date is never expect to have to pay for everything, but always have the ability to.
you need to run the other way. If this relationship progresses you are accepting a million dollar liability. What are you going to do if you get married, buy groceries and not let the kids eat? Take them on vacation and leave them in the truck of the car?
If you see a future with her (marrying her) and being a father to her kids, I'd pay. I'm sure she will offer or switch/take turns.. But if she doesn't, then you can re evaluate.
How's the financial situation between you two anyway?
If you are dating a woman with kids, her and the kids are a package deal, and the kids will always come before you. If that is an issue for you, you should leave.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to say it’s your obligation. I have kids and I think it’s presumptuous of her to just bring her kids along on a date, being the age they are, without a word about it until she slides the bill for you to feed her kids. Not everyone’s cut out to be an instant parent and that might be her assumption and preference.
If you are taking her and her kids out yes. If you don't want to pay for the kids meals or other activities that you are initiating than don't extend that invitation to them.
You don't introduce kids into the picture, get them attached, then lose them if it doesn't work out. That's just being very wreckless. It should be close to a year or more when she knows and trusts him well to bring him around her children. It's not fair to all parties involved and risks doing a lot of harm..
This is just such an awkward situation.. It's bad enough thinking of a way to ask a girl who doesn't have kids to alternate paying. Dude is in a lose lose situation
If you are just Dating and not yet a Couple, Talk to her about helping you pay for Her and the Kids. If you are in a Relationship, Everyone Pitches in with Kids. Like her mainly. xx
If you invite them you should pay. When you date someone with kids it’s a package deal. If you are looking for a long term relationship with someone that has kids you better be ready for these things.
2
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
This is exactly why I will never, ever again date a single woman with minor kids. After you do all of this stuff for her kids, when things go south (they usually do), you will be left holding the bag... and she will be bad mouthing you... acting like you victimized her. She holds all of the cards. You have NONE!!!
You’re not obligated, but if you trust her, and are serious, it will certainly leave a positive impression on her. Women seek providers so that they can focus on raising their kids.
yes, it is a package deal. I was in a relationship with someone that had 3 kids, and while I was not their father, we were all a big part of each other's lives.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
88Opinion
When I started dating my girlfriend, I accepted that her kids were part of the deal.
Sometimes I pay, sometimes she pays, it all works out, I don't object to paying for her kids, sometimes she insists on paying half, or even more because of the kids, and I let her depending on how insistent she is.
I'd say it'd depend on how serious you two are and how long you've been together. Or maybe if you live together and your finances are combined, and it doesn't really matter who foots the bill. If that's not the case I would say, sure, it might be nice occasionally for you to pay for them but it definitely should not be expected.
She is definitely sending you signals that the children are going to be part of the deal. Some single moms keep the children out of the relationship but if she is perfectly comfortable bringing them with her to hang out with you then it’s probably a preview of what’s to come if you two become serious.
No. Maybe pay for them every once in a while to be a nice guy, but your new girlfriend shouldn't be bringing her kids along all the time on your dates, either. Most of the time she should leave them home or with somebody when you go out. If you two get serious and live together like a family, that's different. After that the kids are part of the deal.
Do u see yourself with her in a long term then? If yes you gotta accept that she has 2 kids that she has to take care of? So if u be in a long term with her, her kids would be there too cuz her kids supposed to be her 1st priority!! so u should pay
I don’t agree, but you make a great point.
If you always pay for your girlfriend, she may be okay paying for her kids. if it's more of a 50-50 situation you should pay all every time you agree to pay. My rule for a date is never expect to have to pay for everything, but always have the ability to.
you need to run the other way. If this relationship progresses you are accepting a million dollar liability. What are you going to do if you get married, buy groceries and not let the kids eat? Take them on vacation and leave them in the truck of the car?
If you see a future with her (marrying her) and being a father to her kids, I'd pay. I'm sure she will offer or switch/take turns.. But if she doesn't, then you can re evaluate.
How's the financial situation between you two anyway?
If you are dating a woman with kids, her and the kids are a package deal, and the kids will always come before you. If that is an issue for you, you should leave.
It’s almost like if he has to even ask that question then he’s not qualified.
I understand that the kids come before me. That is the way it should be. But that wasn't the question...
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to say it’s your obligation. I have kids and I think it’s presumptuous of her to just bring her kids along on a date, being the age they are, without a word about it until she slides the bill for you to feed her kids. Not everyone’s cut out to be an instant parent and that might be her assumption and preference.
If you are taking her and her kids out yes. If you don't want to pay for the kids meals or other activities that you are initiating than don't extend that invitation to them.
@Subarugirl is correct. Listen to her, asker.
You don't introduce kids into the picture, get them attached, then lose them if it doesn't work out. That's just being very wreckless. It should be close to a year or more when she knows and trusts him well to bring him around her children. It's not fair to all parties involved and risks doing a lot of harm..
If you ask her out, and you know teh kids will be with her, you pay for her and the kids.
Otherwise, have a talk with her about it and come to a mutual understanding... maybe take turns paying for the kids.
If you are offering to pay for her morally you should pay for the kiddos too.
But just talk to her about it all.
This is just such an awkward situation.. It's bad enough thinking of a way to ask a girl who doesn't have kids to alternate paying. Dude is in a lose lose situation
@MrNameless i don't think its that big a deal honestly.
The kids really shouldn’t be going with you on dates, especially since this is still a new relationship.
If you are just Dating and not yet a Couple, Talk to her about helping you pay for Her and the Kids. If you are in a Relationship, Everyone Pitches in with Kids. Like her mainly. xx
If you invite them you should pay. When you date someone with kids it’s a package deal. If you are looking for a long term relationship with someone that has kids you better be ready for these things.
This is exactly why I will never, ever again date a single woman with minor kids. After you do all of this stuff for her kids, when things go south (they usually do), you will be left holding the bag... and she will be bad mouthing you... acting like you victimized her. She holds all of the cards. You have NONE!!!
If they're out with you then you can pay for them but 13 and 10 are old enough to be left at home alone and not burn the house down.
This is just an idea, but I would recommend only offering to pay when you are alone with her. If she brings her dependents along, just pay your own.
Come on people that just awful and rude don't be such a tight wad
Or you could sit down and talk with her. I doubt she has any expectations of you. Just have an honest conversation.
You’re not obligated, but if you trust her, and are serious, it will certainly leave a positive impression on her. Women seek providers so that they can focus on raising their kids.
yes, it is a package deal.
I was in a relationship with someone that had 3 kids, and while I was not their father, we were all a big part of each other's lives.