My new girlfriend has two kids. Am I obligated to pay for their stuff like food and movies when we go out?

[Anonymous]

They are about 13 and 10. I have no problem paying for my girlfriend's stuff. But what about her kids?

Yes, you should pay for their stuff too.

Huh? No. Why would you pay for their stuff?

[sage2021]

Does your girlfriend get child support? Does she have a good paying job? Does she have a job that doesn't pay much? Are you living with them and she pays the rent, utilities, childcare, phone, cable, electric, etc? When you go to her place, do you enjoy all the benefits she pays that you don't pitch in for?
These questions are important in order to fairly answer your question.
If she get the child tax credits from Uncle Sam, she might be getting thousands of dollars for claiming the children.
So, if she is paying for all the things I mentioned, and doesn't get child support, you should pitch in and pay for the things you mentioned because you get to enjoy her house/apartment when you are there.
When I was dating a guy, he moved in with me and my 3 year old son. He didn't pay for anything except when we went to the show or out to eat or amusement park. When I asked him to chip in for rent since he lived with me, he moved out and just visited. Oh, and I paid for all the groceries and cooked our meals.
Remember one thing, her children did not ask to be born, and I don't know where their father is. I never got child support, and I was paying for things he was enjoying. Not fair to me.
If you really care about her and her children, please work out what is fair for each of you. Good luck to all of you.

[AmandaYVR]

Wow that's awkward. She should not expect you to pay for her kids. You are not their father. Period, full stop.

But you have no problem paying for her. So then if your wallet comes out, and she's included, if you aren't paying for them as well, it looks like taking a stand. Then what are you supposed to say? She should quickly get the hint. But what if she doesn't?

I think you should not pay for any of them. She had those kids. It is her life.
It's very kind of you to pay... and if you love her, feel sympathy for her financially, then pay for all of them. But I think she should absolutely not expect you to pay for any of them. (Unless maybe just you and she go out on dates, no kids there.) She should be treating you sometimes, actually, as you are just one mouth to feed, but she is three.

[Booboo210]

He knew when he started to date her it was a package deal

[AmandaYVR]

@Booboo210 That's stupid logic. People enter into all sorts of things. Doesn't mean they have unending obligations.

If someone has kids, they're their kids. Dating someone should not be a parent's ticket out of financial obligation to one's kin.

[Oigit]

I was raised by a single mom. Best thing I can say is to keep your relationship with her separated from her relationship with her kids. That mean you shouldn't be making any financial investment in her kids as well. Unless you two are 1000% that both you are in it for the long term, keep yourself and you wallet away from those kids. Also be fully aware when you introduce those kids into the mix you will have earn their trust and your way in with them.

My mom rushed into a couple relationships and more or less dragged myself and younger brother into them. That caused a lot of issues. Not only with the guy she was with, it caused some issues with my brother and I and my mother. Because we hardly knew the guy but he was buying us stuff and sleeping with my mother. That didn't exactly go great and ended up turning our house into a battle field.

[ShadezMcgee]

You pretty much accepted that responsibility and reality the minute you made her your girlfriend. Her kids are a package deal that come with her and will be a part of your life as long as you are with her.

Now, if we want to be real, you don't have to, but you better be ready for that relationship to end quick or be able to get her to understand you don't like it and respect it.

Now, you could offer to cover them now and then, but this goes back to what I just said. If you are going for the long haul, this is a bad idea. Either tap out early amd break up or embrace the idea of being the new step dad.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you date a woman with kids, you must show that you accept her and her kids as a package deal.

[somesoul]

Perfect. love her wholeheartedly and not half hearted

[TruthBringer]

So you get with a single mother only to scratch your head on this? You chose to be the simp provider so go be it. If you have issues paying for children not your own then you shouldn't be dating a single mother, in the first place. And no matter how much the social justice warriors try and tell you that they are your children, they are not and never will be. They aren't your genetic offsprong. They are their father's. And you gladly stepped in because you clearly couldn't do better than to date women who are low-hanging fruit (aka single mothers).

Either go along with the package deal or start your own family with a woman without baggage.

[TruthBringer]

@mmlover Sorry to hurt your feelings , missy. But you clearly didn't get the memo that this dude doesn't want to live up to his end of the bargain when he got in a relationship witha single mother. And yes, most men do not want to date single mothers. Simply because we do not want to take care of children not our own. Don't like it? Sounds like a you-problem rather than that of anyone else. Yes, men who choose to date single mothers are more often losers and ironically often not respected by these same single mothers as they are seen as nothing more but a provider and are set on the bottom of the priority list.

If someone needs growing up, it is you for getting mad at better informed people who have atonomy over what they want and choose for their life. Stay mad, missy.

[TruthBringer]

@mmlover I know you're talking about shit you have no knowledge about because you yourself don't have to deal with, but any step father knows that they are expected to contribute financially to the children of the woman. One of the biggest reasons why single mothers are desperate to have a man is to "save" them financially. This is not me making stuff up, but rather gathered knowledge from those who went on that path. You can throw all the insults you want, booboo, but it won't change my views and it won't change the fact that single mothers are most undesirable.

When it comes to this poster, either he is confused or he is seeking validation to why he shouldn't pay. Either way, it seems that he doesn't know what he got himself into. Now begone, trash

[Medicalbug]

Maybe one day, if you’re cohabiting or married and your finances become entangled it will become less of an issue, but right now the only person who should be paying for her kids is your girlfriend. I have no opposition to group dates, as long as you also get some alone time with her as well. Including her kids in your activities is the best way to show that you accept all of them as a unit. If I noticed someone always paying for everything in that situation, I’d wonder if they were too eager to please or being taken advantage of.

[Asker]

Yeah, that is more the way I see it.

[Markm3212]

you have to accept that being with this lady involves 2 kids, its part of who she is, and if you want to make it work and have a future, they are always going to be there (part of the package)

if it was me (and have similar experience), i paid for the kid as well, it was nice when she offered to pay and at that point i would say, ill get this one and you can get the next, so your sharing the bill more, where as when i was seeing some one with no kids i would get the bill way more and never ask for her to pay.

[Sarahr123]

You should not pay for her or her kids. Why are you even with a woman with minor kids? It’s such a burden. It would be different if her kids were grown up and earning their own way but because they’re so young she might try to pressure you to provide. If they’re not your sperm then you’ve no responsibility towards them and so even if out of chivalry you’d normally pay for a girlfriend I would suggest to not pay for her either if her kids are there.

I would suggest you to break up and be with someone who doesn’t have kids or who’s kids are independent.

[Booboo210]

You right if don't except her kids don't date her besides what if he had 2 kids
should she except them. sometimes get to the meat got to bend a little both ways

[Sarahr123]

@Booboo210 Mostly kids live with the mum so single fathers have it easy unless they’re raising the kids in which case fathers tend to stay single until the kids are adults if they’re good dads which they must be if they’re raising the kid. And I think most women wouldn’t want to raise someone else’s kid. I certainly would not so I understand men who wouldn’t.

It would be different if I married a man who had children from a previous marriage and perhaps the mother deserted them or god forbid she’s no longer in this world then I would accept them and give them a mother’s love because they’d be my husband’s kids and I’d be their mother so they’re my responsibility. In dating scenarios that isn’t the case.

[Booboo210]

I agree with you but I know a lot of men that are low life and self centered
even know women who walk of leave their kids. But if you had 2 kids and I really wanted you
then I would except them

[WakeSkateNut2126]

Mmm…I love this one. Wait until you’re 30 and the playing field is all sorts of complicated.

[Sarahr123]

@WakeSkateNut2126 I think I will be seriously thinking about marrying and settle down by my mid-late twenties so the likelihood of looking for a boyfriend at 30+ is almost 0 for me.

Plus I am very lucky to have family support to find me a good stable husband so that I can have a lifelong marriage.

God forbid I end up alone raising children in my 30s I will not even think about finding another man. I’ll be too busy raising my children and working on myself and withh the emotional fool that I am I may well be very hung up on the memories of my spouse because I believe that true love only happens once and that it is beyond a lifetime.

So I am not really worried about anything.

[WakeSkateNut2126]

I hope that works out for you. Because…it does become very difficult to find women without kids if you’re not married at 30. Women have a tough time finding a man that is responsible enough to handle their kids at 30. The single pickings become more scarce the longer you wait. There’s usually a reason why a lot of them are single too. The earlier you can get into something serious the better off you are in my opinion, especially if you’re planning on kiddo’s. I thought I’d be married by at least 25, kids by 30. What you picture your life to be in the future does not always play out like that. Just make it happen girl!

[WakeSkateNut2126]

In regards to being hung up on your spouse while raising your kids alone at 30…you best not have sex till marriage. Either that or plan for an abortion because if you get pregnant you could be raising that kid alone at 30 without any of those memories. ;)

[Sarahr123]

@WakeSkateNut2126 I am a virgin. In my culture girls don’t have sex before marriage. Indian culture is very strict with that and most girls are virgins when they’re married. My people are particularly orthodox. This traditional thought saves us from situations like these.

[WakeSkateNut2126]

Hell yeah. The values you value create character. Good for you.

[somesoul]

Situtation one - Yes I will pay coz I see a future with this woman and when I will marry her, he kids will be mine too. So I should not hesitate to pay for her kids if you're paying for the woman.


Situation 2 - I don't pay for her nor her kids. We are still dating. And I'm not sure if I see a future with her.

( I believe that a woman with 2 kids would not be dating others just for fun but is looking for a serious relationship that will convert to marraige)

So either you pay for her and her two kids

Or

You don't pay for her and her two kids.

Don't love her half heartedly because she loves her kids obviously and if you don't pay for them, what kind of a guy are you really? Someone who just wants to get into her pants fuck her , pay for only her and leave?

[Daniela1982]

How about the guy pay for her and she pay for her kids as that is what child support is for, feeding and clothing them. Why should he pay for some other guy's kids, especially if their dad isn't paying support for his own kids?

[somesoul]

The woman is seperated from the husband, it's obvious he doesn't really care. Don't pay for the woman as well, if you can't Post for her kids

[somesoul]

Don't pay for the woman if you can't pay for their kids.

[Daniela1982]

If she is seperated she shouldn't be dating as she is technically still married.

[somesoul]

So don't date the woman if you can't pay for her kids and her. She having an ex husband is none of the business of the guy who is currently dating her. You don't really know if the ex husband is paying for her kids or not. So why not love her whole heartedly instead of half heartedly by thinking of money.

[GreenLanternI0I]

Single women with kids are the most dangerous partners you can ever have. From what I have seen, heard and people experienced, right now you basically a temporary ATM Machine and absolutely nothing more. If you want to know if she is Really likes you and into you, find a picture of a man that she had kids with. If you look and act somewhat the same, she Really likes you. If not, than you along with your bank account are being used and sucked dry for as long as she possible can or until she would find someone better. After that, you will be discarded like a molded piece of furniture straight into the dumpster.

[Wgatap999]

I hate to say it but I'm in the same situation you're in however it doesn't bug me about buying them things or what not but as far as food and all of that it's too soon for me to be chipping in on any of that that's her responsibility but when you do have a relationship with her and you get closer than they're a package deal. I'm talking to somebody that has two kids and to be honest with you I very rarely ever get the flu or anything like that and kids get sick a lot at school and with all this Corona shit going on not that I'm scared of it but I really don't want to open the door to that shit and get sick so I'm just getting to know her I'm not going to move in she's not going to move in it's going to take a lot of time so just be careful and just know that I mean when you do get into a relationship they're a package deal unfortunately I mean it is what it is

[erandal]

Obliged no, but it is the polite and right thing to do. When you date somebody who already has children then they come as part of the deal, especially if they are young.

I am one of those mothers, one child with one man, two more with another. My husband is a gentleman and he knew we came as a package deal.

[Asker]

But we are not married. We have just been dating a couple of months.

[Avicenna]

This is one of the numerous potential downsides to dating a single mom. At your age, you have plenty of options among women in their 20s who do not have kids, and that is who you should be dating, not a woman whose 13 year old is unlikely to be happy about tagging along with you. They're old enough to stay home by themselves, with the 13 year old watching the 10 year old.

And, no, you aren't obligated to pay for them unless there has been a prior agreement with your girlfriend on that. That said, you'd better address it before you're on the spot. There are no doubt a lot of single moms who will expect you to pay.

[t-8900]

lining up a provider. also did you know in some states if a child calls you their father or "identifies you" as a father figure you'll become obligated to pay for them? RUN! wtf are you doing? A single mom shouldn't even be bringing her kids into the picture until she's firm in wanting to marry you. That should just be a given. My dad was dating a woman for over a year and still never brought her around. just told me a bit about her and let me know he was with someone. That's all they need to know till things get closer to that point. Sounds sus to me bro. What state are you living in? I'm not opposed to dating single moms per se. But there are only a few I knew that I would ever have considered that with personally. Make sure she's in it for YOU not your assets.

[Wester1967]

No. Run Forrest. There are plenty of nice women out here who have no children. You are already feeling your zero status position in the relationship. Stop paying for her mistakes and another dude's kids. Good luck brother.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDgDWAY7UOAhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2-MCPa_3rU

[Moose304]

At 63 I date VERY few women that have small children. In fact, the last time was close to 20 years ago. Getting sitters can be a pain. I always wanted the gals to be happy. I mean I am not going to spend $75+ bucks on the kids. A while back another girl I know came over and brought her collage age daughter and we had a nice time. I might get flamed for my answer, but honestly, a mom with kids is a total package. It's best to accept this fact or move on. If she has primary custody and you want to get to know her better those kids are going to become part of your life. I'm not saying you should go start a college fund for them, but they are a package. If she has to hire a sitter in some situations this can be a lot of money. On a first date, she should not have the kids with her. I just contend that at some point if you want a long-term relationship get used to the extra mouths. If you can't handle this then do it, walk away!

[humpbackjack]

Of course you should pay for the kids what a lame question of paying for everyone when out on a date is too much of a hardship for you shouldn’t be dating a woman with kids I mean so you guys get to front of the movie theater and you go up to the window and only pay for you and your dates ticket or maybe just your ticket and walk right past them on your way in. It sounds like you need to focus on your career more than dating cause you’re either broke or petty when I started dating my wife she had 2 kids and I accepted them as my own from day one

[Anonymous]

If you date a woman with kids, you should take care if them too,
because if you two end up together. Like it or not they are basically your kids too now.

(depending on how long you have ben together) And if it’s serious and going somewhere

let me tell you somthing about being a step parent.

My fiancé has 2 kids with another guy, i take care of her,
And her kids, like they are my own.

they look up to me, I take them school shopping, Go to games, Pick them up from school, Feed them ect……..

im the dad they never had, their real dad knocked up their mom cheated on her
and left.

I care about them just as much as i do their mom.
And theirs no shame in that

[adventurous-1]

yes you are, its a package deal when you are all together. You have to decide if you love her enough to help her with her kids. There will be disagreements over the kids but let the kids know your not there to replace their father but to help support them and they must respect you and any rules you set up. you will need to to work with your girlfriend to find her boundaries and let her know yours. There are always problems when kids are involved, even between dads and moms so don't think because your are not their dad you don't have a voice because you do. If she becomes over protective when you think the kids have gone to far, then the relationship is in jeopardy as she may become unresponsive to your thinking. this could become a deal breaker if she is not willing to work it out with you. A good relationship is always going to take work, how much depends on how much you both care about keeping it.

[TDDMS]

Are you obligated to pay for her vaginal turds she had w/ another man, no, not until you in some way, shape, or form legally adopt her kids, which would require the father to give up his parental rights. You are the boyfriend, not the parent. The only time you should have any say or influence over her kids is if they violate your rules and boundaries. The minute you offer to provide either financial and/or parentage, then that's when you should demand to have a say as to what and how they are to be raised, what school (s) to attend, et al.

[St37xy11]

I think once in a while you can buy things just to be nice. But it would be really messed up of her to expect you to just suddenly become their perfect dad and do all that stuff for them. I think you could see this as a red flag from your girlfriend because I think it would be really messed up of her to impose on you like that. You should probably ask her this though and it'll answer your question. She would be a good person to not put the pressure on you.

[MissStrawberry912]

Well if you’re with your girlfriend and her kids… if you genuinely cared for her, invested, and wanna be part of her life, of course you should! If I was with someone with kids, I wouldn’t mind because I would genuinely care and there for the long haul. I’m sure your girlfriend and her kids would really appreciate you doing it.

[Anonymous]

Why are the kids on the date with you? 2nd of all if you can pay just pay. By apart of the solution to the problem dont create the problem. Don't get tripped up on the small stuff. This is but a small meaningless matter. When you're 90 years old you're not gonna care. All you're gonna care about it did you reach your objectives in life. Did you reach becoming the person you envisioned for yourself without material things to validate it and did you do it with love by your side? That is what my grandfather message me everyday for 1 year before he passed away.

[Opinion Owner]

Are you just interested in finding love or are you committed? Are you willing to do what is inconvenient?