My new girlfriend has two kids. Am I obligated to pay for their stuff like food and movies when we go out?

Question

They are about 13 and 10. I have no problem paying for my girlfriend's stuff. But what about her kids?

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

Does your girlfriend get child support? Does she have a good paying job? Does she have a job that doesn't pay much? Are you living with them and she pays the rent, utilities, childcare, phone, cable, electric, etc? When you go to her place, do you enjoy all the benefits she pays that you don't pitch in for?
These questions are important in order to fairly answer your question.
If she get the child tax credits from Uncle Sam, she might be getting thousands of dollars for claiming the children.
So, if she is paying for all the things I mentioned, and doesn't get child support, you should pitch in and pay for the things you mentioned because you get to enjoy her house/apartment when you are there.
When I was dating a guy, he moved in with me and my 3 year old son. He didn't pay for anything except when we went to the show or out to eat or amusement park. When I asked him to chip in for rent since he lived with me, he moved out and just visited. Oh, and I paid for all the groceries and cooked our meals.
Remember one thing, her children did not ask to be born, and I don't know where their father is. I never got child support, and I was paying for things he was enjoying. Not fair to me.
If you really care about her and her children, please work out what is fair for each of you. Good luck to all of you.

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

Wow that's awkward. She should not expect you to pay for her kids. You are not their father. Period, full stop.

But you have no problem paying for her. So then if your wallet comes out, and she's included, if you aren't paying for them as well, it looks like taking a stand. Then what are you supposed to say? She should quickly get the hint. But what if she doesn't?

I think you should not pay for any of them. She had those kids. It is her life.
It's very kind of you to pay... and if you love her, feel sympathy for her financially, then pay for all of them. But I think she should absolutely not expect you to pay for any of them. (Unless maybe just you and she go out on dates, no kids there.) She should be treating you sometimes, actually, as you are just one mouth to feed, but she is three.

Oigit · Accepted Answer

I was raised by a single mom. Best thing I can say is to keep your relationship with her separated from her relationship with her kids. That mean you shouldn't be making any financial investment in her kids as well. Unless you two are 1000% that both you are in it for the long term, keep yourself and you wallet away from those kids. Also be fully aware when you introduce those kids into the mix you will have earn their trust and your way in with them.

My mom rushed into a couple relationships and more or less dragged myself and younger brother into them. That caused a lot of issues. Not only with the guy she was with, it caused some issues with my brother and I and my mother. Because we hardly knew the guy but he was buying us stuff and sleeping with my mother. That didn't exactly go great and ended up turning our house into a battle field.

ShadezMcgee · Accepted Answer

You pretty much accepted that responsibility and reality the minute you made her your girlfriend. Her kids are a package deal that come with her and will be a part of your life as long as you are with her.

Now, if we want to be real, you don't have to, but you better be ready for that relationship to end quick or be able to get her to understand you don't like it and respect it.

Now, you could offer to cover them now and then, but this goes back to what I just said. If you are going for the long haul, this is a bad idea. Either tap out early amd break up or embrace the idea of being the new step dad.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If you date a woman with kids, you must show that you accept her and her kids as a package deal.

TruthBringer · Answer

So you get with a single mother only to scratch your head on this? You chose to be the simp provider so go be it. If you have issues paying for children not your own then you shouldn't be dating a single mother, in the first place. And no matter how much the social justice warriors try and tell you that they are your children, they are not and never will be. They aren't your genetic offsprong. They are their father's. And you gladly stepped in because you clearly couldn't do better than to date women who are low-hanging fruit (aka single mothers).

Either go along with the package deal or start your own family with a woman without baggage.

Medicalbug · Answer

Maybe one day, if you’re cohabiting or married and your finances become entangled it will become less of an issue, but right now the only person who should be paying for her kids is your girlfriend. I have no opposition to group dates, as long as you also get some alone time with her as well. Including her kids in your activities is the best way to show that you accept all of them as a unit. If I noticed someone always paying for everything in that situation, I’d wonder if they were too eager to please or being taken advantage of.

Markm3212 · Answer

you have to accept that being with this lady involves 2 kids, its part of who she is, and if you want to make it work and have a future, they are always going to be there (part of the package)

if it was me (and have similar experience), i paid for the kid as well, it was nice when she offered to pay and at that point i would say, ill get this one and you can get the next, so your sharing the bill more, where as when i was seeing some one with no kids i would get the bill way more and never ask for her to pay.

Sarahr123 · Answer

You should not pay for her or her kids. Why are you even with a woman with minor kids? It’s such a burden. It would be different if her kids were grown up and earning their own way but because they’re so young she might try to pressure you to provide. If they’re not your sperm then you’ve no responsibility towards them and so even if out of chivalry you’d normally pay for a girlfriend I would suggest to not pay for her either if her kids are there.

I would suggest you to break up and be with someone who doesn’t have kids or who’s kids are independent.

somesoul · Answer

Situtation one - Yes I will pay coz I see a future with this woman and when I will marry her, he kids will be mine too. So I should not hesitate to pay for her kids if you're paying for the woman.

Situation 2 - I don't pay for her nor her kids. We are still dating. And I'm not sure if I see a future with her.

( I believe that a woman with 2 kids would not be dating others just for fun but is looking for a serious relationship that will convert to marraige)

So either you pay for her and her two kids

Or

You don't pay for her and her two kids.

Don't love her half heartedly because she loves her kids obviously and if you don't pay for them, what kind of a guy are you really? Someone who just wants to get into her pants fuck her , pay for only her and leave?

GreenLanternI0I · Answer

Single women with kids are the most dangerous partners you can ever have. From what I have seen, heard and people experienced, right now you basically a temporary ATM Machine and absolutely nothing more. If you want to know if she is Really likes you and into you, find a picture of a man that she had kids with. If you look and act somewhat the same, she Really likes you. If not, than you along with your bank account are being used and sucked dry for as long as she possible can or until she would find someone better. After that, you will be discarded like a molded piece of furniture straight into the dumpster.

Wgatap999 · Answer

I hate to say it but I'm in the same situation you're in however it doesn't bug me about buying them things or what not but as far as food and all of that it's too soon for me to be chipping in on any of that that's her responsibility but when you do have a relationship with her and you get closer than they're a package deal. I'm talking to somebody that has two kids and to be honest with you I very rarely ever get the flu or anything like that and kids get sick a lot at school and with all this Corona shit going on not that I'm scared of it but I really don't want to open the door to that shit and get sick so I'm just getting to know her I'm not going to move in she's not going to move in it's going to take a lot of time so just be careful and just know that I mean when you do get into a relationship they're a package deal unfortunately I mean it is what it is

erandal · Answer

Obliged no, but it is the polite and right thing to do. When you date somebody who already has children then they come as part of the deal, especially if they are young.

I am one of those mothers, one child with one man, two more with another. My husband is a gentleman and he knew we came as a package deal.

Avicenna · Answer

This is one of the numerous potential downsides to dating a single mom. At your age, you have plenty of options among women in their 20s who do not have kids, and that is who you should be dating, not a woman whose 13 year old is unlikely to be happy about tagging along with you. They're old enough to stay home by themselves, with the 13 year old watching the 10 year old.

And, no, you aren't obligated to pay for them unless there has been a prior agreement with your girlfriend on that. That said, you'd better address it before you're on the spot. There are no doubt a lot of single moms who will expect you to pay.

t-8900 · Answer

lining up a provider. also did you know in some states if a child calls you their father or "identifies you" as a father figure you'll become obligated to pay for them? RUN! wtf are you doing? A single mom shouldn't even be bringing her kids into the picture until she's firm in wanting to marry you. That should just be a given. My dad was dating a woman for over a year and still never brought her around. just told me a bit about her and let me know he was with someone. That's all they need to know till things get closer to that point. Sounds sus to me bro. What state are you living in? I'm not opposed to dating single moms per se. But there are only a few I knew that I would ever have considered that with personally. Make sure she's in it for YOU not your assets.

adventurous-1 · Answer

yes you are, its a package deal when you are all together. You have to decide if you love her enough to help her with her kids. There will be disagreements over the kids but let the kids know your not there to replace their father but to help support them and they must respect you and any rules you set up. you will need to to work with your girlfriend to find her boundaries and let her know yours. There are always problems when kids are involved, even between dads and moms so don't think because your are not their dad you don't have a voice because you do. If she becomes over protective when you think the kids have gone to far, then the relationship is in jeopardy as she may become unresponsive to your thinking. this could become a deal breaker if she is not willing to work it out with you. A good relationship is always going to take work, how much depends on how much you both care about keeping it.

Wester1967 · Answer

No. Run Forrest. There are plenty of nice women out here who have no children. You are already feeling your zero status position in the relationship. Stop paying for her mistakes and another dude's kids. Good luck brother.

Moose304 · Answer

At 63 I date VERY few women that have small children. In fact, the last time was close to 20 years ago. Getting sitters can be a pain. I always wanted the gals to be happy. I mean I am not going to spend $75+ bucks on the kids. A while back another girl I know came over and brought her collage age daughter and we had a nice time. I might get flamed for my answer, but honestly, a mom with kids is a total package. It's best to accept this fact or move on. If she has primary custody and you want to get to know her better those kids are going to become part of your life. I'm not saying you should go start a college fund for them, but they are a package. If she has to hire a sitter in some situations this can be a lot of money. On a first date, she should not have the kids with her. I just contend that at some point if you want a long-term relationship get used to the extra mouths. If you can't handle this then do it, walk away!

humpbackjack · Answer

Of course you should pay for the kids what a lame question of paying for everyone when out on a date is too much of a hardship for you shouldn’t be dating a woman with kids I mean so you guys get to front of the movie theater and you go up to the window and only pay for you and your dates ticket or maybe just your ticket and walk right past them on your way in. It sounds like you need to focus on your career more than dating cause you’re either broke or petty when I started dating my wife she had 2 kids and I accepted them as my own from day one

Anonymous · Answer

If you date a woman with kids, you should take care if them too,
because if you two end up together. Like it or not they are basically your kids too now.

(depending on how long you have ben together) And if it’s serious and going somewhere

let me tell you somthing about being a step parent.

My fiancé has 2 kids with another guy, i take care of her,
And her kids, like they are my own.

they look up to me, I take them school shopping, Go to games, Pick them up from school, Feed them ect……..

im the dad they never had, their real dad knocked up their mom cheated on her
and left.

I care about them just as much as i do their mom.
And theirs no shame in that

TDDMS · Answer

Are you obligated to pay for her vaginal turds she had w/ another man, no, not until you in some way, shape, or form legally adopt her kids, which would require the father to give up his parental rights. You are the boyfriend, not the parent. The only time you should have any say or influence over her kids is if they violate your rules and boundaries. The minute you offer to provide either financial and/or parentage, then that's when you should demand to have a say as to what and how they are to be raised, what school (s) to attend, et al.

St37xy11 · Answer

I think once in a while you can buy things just to be nice. But it would be really messed up of her to expect you to just suddenly become their perfect dad and do all that stuff for them. I think you could see this as a red flag from your girlfriend because I think it would be really messed up of her to impose on you like that. You should probably ask her this though and it'll answer your question. She would be a good person to not put the pressure on you.

MissStrawberry912 · Answer

Well if you’re with your girlfriend and her kids… if you genuinely cared for her, invested, and wanna be part of her life, of course you should! If I was with someone with kids, I wouldn’t mind because I would genuinely care and there for the long haul. I’m sure your girlfriend and her kids would really appreciate you doing it.

Anonymous · Answer

Why are the kids on the date with you? 2nd of all if you can pay just pay. By apart of the solution to the problem dont create the problem. Don't get tripped up on the small stuff. This is but a small meaningless matter. When you're 90 years old you're not gonna care. All you're gonna care about it did you reach your objectives in life. Did you reach becoming the person you envisioned for yourself without material things to validate it and did you do it with love by your side? That is what my grandfather message me everyday for 1 year before he passed away.

Anonymous · Answer

I would love to see the guys who are commenting that a guy who dates a woman with kids is a simp or loser and that single mothers are low hanging fruit. Just shows what kind of person the guy is to be describing women as fruit!
I bet the guys who are commenting this stuff are what most people would describe as losers. A good person wouldn’t describe people in this way and would be willing to give anyone they like a chance even if she had children. Please men who are commenting those things show me how “well” you are doing in life (in your terms, since that’s how you judge other people).

Anonymous · Answer

This is why the single mother thing is bad all round.

Most guys by nature don’t want to pay for other another man’s kids. This is not good for anybody involved. It’s not good for the kids because they don’t want to feel pushed out by the new man. It’s not good for her if she cares about her kids because she doesn’t want a man who’d do that to her kids. And it’s not good for him because even if he does it because he feels like that’s what he’s supposed to do it will eventually breed resentment.

Single mothers generally get guys who have few dating options, losers. No guy given the choice would choose a single mother over a childless woman. This is a loser question.

Hazelxoxx · Answer

it’s her kids. She should pay for her kids but if she would like to marry you it’s up to you if you would like to pay for them or you wanna be their father. But if she doesn’t wanna marry you don’t waste time for her and her kids. If she really loves you she doesn’t wanna use your money she should be loyalty for herself and her kids.

Sorry for my bad English I hope your understanding my words.

Neilbud · Answer

I'm going to say no and yes. Kids. Don't emotionally detach very well. I don't recommend bringing them into the picture until things are a little more secure, for lack of a better word. I mean yes it's a package deal, but think of the kids feelings as well. The kids won't understand why they can't see you again when it doesn't work out. If you get to that point, then yes. Or a good thing to do is switch off paying. You one time her the next. I know some girls like this as their is no expectation afterwards.

Anonymous · Answer

They might not be your kids but you chose to be in a relationship with her knowing damn well she has kids if you have an issue with it than end the relationship and don’t waste her time

JBlade · Answer

No, you're no obligated to do anything as you are not their legal guardian. Some women don't understand that, she should be able to afford herself and her kids without you. Now if you want to that's fine or if you plan on being her next husband it'd be in your best interest but you don't have to.

Panicatthediscosmom · Answer

I would say yes and no because its a fresh relationship and, its weird... Its new and you're meeting her kids already... I mean you're trying to be a dad already? You just met her that just met her that sounds like a rush and red flag. And since her kids are so big why are they on dates with you both?

KrisPW · Answer

To me it depends on the invite. If it's what would normally be a you/her date, and she doesn't want to get a sitter, then no. If it's "Let's all go for pizza!" then yeah. No other expectation or obligation should be there. If I were her, I would be asking before we went out, or offering for that matter, to cover the kids.

BeeNee · Answer

Five minutes in to the relationship, I don't think you should pay but if you are months in, it is a package deal. If you are just in it for her, you BETTER make that crystal clear to her that it's not serious to avoid any hurt feelings or confusion or any sort of implied obligation to the kids.

WakeSkateNut2126 · Answer

If it’s just you and her definitely pay. If it’s all of you guys I’d have a conversation with her at some point. I feel like it’s fair to spit it between both of you. That way you’re still being generous by paying for you/her or the two youngins’s. You’d be scoring points and also helping her out more than what she’d usually paying. That’s a situation where chivalry is out and logistics is in.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

It might be a nice gesture every now and then, but you should not feel obligated. Nor should she expect you to. I'm old school and think the guy should pay for the dates, especially early on. But that does not include the kids. She or their father are responsible for that.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Go Dutch Treat and there would be no issue. Some women would take advantage of the guy in that she and her kids would be getting free meals as well as a fun evening. What does the guy get out of it? If you say sex than she is nothing but a prostitute, exchanging services for money (meals).

ohshee · Answer

Will you have to remember that part of the package deal if you can't handle them can you can handle her. at least that's the way it should be. I'm sure that she would offer pay her own way and for her kids but who are you and what are you all about if you are serious about her you might as well get used to it now

VanillaSalt · Answer

Absolutely not! Her kids are her obligation and anything you give for them should be seen as a one time thing and only it if the goodness of your heart.

At some point if you decide to stay with this women her kids become yours but until then, which is decided by you and her and determined by the state of the relationship, her kids are her responsibility and you don’t NOT feel guilty telling her she needs to get a baby sitter.

Adam1978 · Answer

If you date a single mother and you invite her kids along. Yes you are. That's why you shouldn't date single women. You don't want to pay and take the effort to raise someone elses kids, they will most likely be ungrateful and pull the your not my father card. Let her raise her kids alone or go back to the father. When they are out of the nest she can try to start over. Let women see the consequences of their actions, like they used too.

jshm2 · Answer

Yeah well. Unless those kids are living out in the garden, or grandparents, it's a mother and children package deal, don't you think?

Sure you don't need to spend like their dad, but you are technically their step dad.

Just one reason why most guys don't date single moms.

Lliam · Answer

No. Not if she's just your girlfriend. Is she treating you like a sugar daddy?
If you were married it would be different. Then the kids would be your step children and you would be obligated to treat them as your own.

AydenHazor · Answer

If you're choosing to take her kids with you and choosing to pay for her, then you should be paying for her kids too. If you're not paying for her kids when you choose to take them with you, you're not really paying for her. Is it an obligation to pay for them, no, but telling her you want to pay for her but not her kids makes you look like a jerk. You'd be better off going Dutch.

cookiecrusher · Answer

The downsides of dating singlemothers.

It's the womans job not to let the kids interfere with your relationship. When a "family" date is planned then a woman should pay for her kids and let you know of that. You can pay if you want to, but it shouldn't be an obligation.

Anonymous · Answer

I would not say obligated, but if you like their company, which I hope since you hang out xD, then why not also pay for them now and then.. surely it should not be a burden on your budget, but if you want her you cannot just ignore there are kids included.

admles · Answer

When I started dating my girlfriend, I accepted that her kids were part of the deal.

Sometimes I pay, sometimes she pays, it all works out, I don't object to paying for her kids, sometimes she insists on paying half, or even more because of the kids, and I let her depending on how insistent she is.

Chillerbeee25 · Answer

I'd say it'd depend on how serious you two are and how long you've been together. Or maybe if you live together and your finances are combined, and it doesn't really matter who foots the bill. If that's not the case I would say, sure, it might be nice occasionally for you to pay for them but it definitely should not be expected.

Mangospacho · Answer

She is definitely sending you signals that the children are going to be part of the deal. Some single moms keep the children out of the relationship but if she is perfectly comfortable bringing them with her to hang out with you then it’s probably a preview of what’s to come if you two become serious.

Staximus · Answer

No. Maybe pay for them every once in a while to be a nice guy, but your new girlfriend shouldn't be bringing her kids along all the time on your dates, either. Most of the time she should leave them home or with somebody when you go out. If you two get serious and live together like a family, that's different. After that the kids are part of the deal.

sasarin · Answer

Do u see yourself with her in a long term then? If yes you gotta accept that she has 2 kids that she has to take care of? So if u be in a long term with her, her kids would be there too cuz her kids supposed to be her 1st priority!! so u should pay

Twalli · Answer

If you always pay for your girlfriend, she may be okay paying for her kids. if it's more of a 50-50 situation you should pay all every time you agree to pay. My rule for a date is never expect to have to pay for everything, but always have the ability to.

notwoke · Answer

you need to run the other way. If this relationship progresses you are accepting a million dollar liability. What are you going to do if you get married, buy groceries and not let the kids eat? Take them on vacation and leave them in the truck of the car?

MrNameless · Answer

If you see a future with her (marrying her) and being a father to her kids, I'd pay. I'm sure she will offer or switch/take turns.. But if she doesn't, then you can re evaluate.

How's the financial situation between you two anyway?

Subarugirl · Answer

If you are dating a woman with kids, her and the kids are a package deal, and the kids will always come before you. If that is an issue for you, you should leave.

AviatorTom · Answer

If you ask her out, and you know teh kids will be with her, you pay for her and the kids.

Otherwise, have a talk with her about it and come to a mutual understanding... maybe take turns paying for the kids.

SnakeBoop · Answer

If you are offering to pay for her morally you should pay for the kiddos too. But just talk to her about it all.

Flower7 · Answer

The kids really shouldn’t be going with you on dates, especially since this is still a new relationship.

Paris13 · Answer

If you are just Dating and not yet a Couple, Talk to her about helping you pay for Her and the Kids. If you are in a Relationship, Everyone Pitches in with Kids. Like her mainly. xx

Ratpack60 · Answer

If you invite them you should pay. When you date someone with kids it’s a package deal. If you are looking for a long term relationship with someone that has kids you better be ready for these things.

Anonymous · Answer

This is exactly why I will never, ever again date a single woman with minor kids. After you do all of this stuff for her kids, when things go south (they usually do), you will be left holding the bag... and she will be bad mouthing you... acting like you victimized her. She holds all of the cards. You have NONE!!!

TacosRAwesome · Answer

If they're out with you then you can pay for them but 13 and 10 are old enough to be left at home alone and not burn the house down.

TrueConfection · Answer

This is just an idea, but I would recommend only offering to pay when you are alone with her. If she brings her dependents along, just pay your own.

dustybiker · Answer

Or you could sit down and talk with her. I doubt she has any expectations of you. Just have an honest conversation.

Not_Average · Answer

You’re not obligated, but if you trust her, and are serious, it will certainly leave a positive impression on her. Women seek providers so that they can focus on raising their kids.

Fireguy17 · Answer

yes, it is a package deal. I was in a relationship with someone that had 3 kids, and while I was not their father, we were all a big part of each other's lives.

My new girlfriend has two kids. Am I obligated to pay for their stuff like food and movies when we go out?

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I am dating a single mother who wants me to pay for a babysitter for her son when we go out. Should I?

My new girlfriend has two kids. Am I obligated to pay for their stuff like food and movies when we go out?

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I am dating a single mother who wants me to pay for a babysitter for her son when we go out. Should I?

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