Men: why do you prefer to “try before you buy” in terms of sex on the first date before deciding if you want to date?

[Anonymous]

What are the reasons for that?
Could a man be insecure about size or experience and want to take that approach as a way to avoid any future disappointment etc?

[Anonymous]

Well that's never been my moto. For me I either want or am open to a relationship or I'm not. Sex on the first date won't change that (if anything, only make me want her MORE). But, along those lines... sexual compatibility is very important, and something I don't think some people take seriously (especially women, because it's sex). But that said, you also can't base that compatibility off 1 (or the first) time. It takes time to get to know them and what they like and don't like etc. Great sex doesn't usually just happen, it's CREATED by getting to know each other.

[Asker]

I completely agree 100% with that. Sex on the first date can actually backfire and ruin that compatibility, hence the whole point of my question.

[RearEntryGuy]

I don't. Never on first date.

I hate that "awkward silence" when conversation suddenly stop not because there's nothing to talk but because it touches our deepest emotions.

Hence I always make sure we know at least each other's basic likes and dislikes, comfortable engaging in sex convo, and feel totally at ease with each other when in private still fully clothed.

Only then will we decide if we want to go have sex.

[Asker]

But to answer my question, any idea why some men are into it…

[RearEntryGuy]

Just individual's approach to sex.

Some just want a release (hence if he can afford will buy himself a girl). Hence is "trying" is just a lie. Just like "food tasting" during some road shows, these are just free loaders.

Others are for real. But due to the high divorce rate and implied indemnity, they are cautious.

Yet others are cheap. They want a relationship but don't want to start with the wrong girl. TBH, I found these guys are the ones who spoil the good name of man.

[Jamie05rhs]

The "food tasting" analogy is absolutely correct!

[Asker]

Ones worried about divorce are cautious of what exactly? Where I’m from people have marriage before sex…

[RearEntryGuy]

If your premise of discussion is "marriage before sex", then "test drive" are minority cases.

I don't see the purpose of discussing as it doesn't affect much people in your area.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Asker They think that people are only getting divorced because of sex. Whereas the truth is that people get divorced for a number of various reasons dealing with their inability to get along with each other. Sex is just a copout and a scapegoat.

[RearEntryGuy]

@Jamie05rhs OIC, I totally misunderstood Asker.

And yes, the true mastermind behind marriage murders is Misunderstanding. And the key suspects are Unloving and Unforgiving.

No matter how compatible the couple is, life has so many challenges that even small things like vacation and what to cook can cause misunderstanding, not to mention she "Saw" him met Miss Seductive.

And disputes start when that "First Love" aka love at first sight lost its power.

Coupled with the lack of forgiveness, one or both will let even very small dispute escalate into causes for divorce.

Hence, ya, I agree. Don't blame sex. It's usually NOT the first cause. It's the lack of love and unwilling to forgive that creates the Perfect Murder Scene of most marriages.

[Jamie05rhs]

@RearEntryGuy I agree.

[Anonymous]

Why? because most guys have mental and physical size problems. If a guy is thick and long, he can always stretch her holes up. But, if a guy is thin and short that is a Huge problem, especially for a long term relationship and marriage if he decides to go down that rout.

[Asker]

A huge problem for who? Why can’t it be overcome together?

[Opinion Owner]

For both guys and girls. I had this conversation way too many times, but I'll humor you. Sure, with the right technique and the right tools (sex toys) and special position, it will work. But in reality, most guys just want to push a gas pedal and simply go fast. Without taking their slow car all the way up into the mountain, during the right weather conditions, so they can go down a steep hill and experience the same feeling. Reality sucks and life is unfair.

[Asker]

So that’s a random way of saying he doesn’t think he’ll keep her interest long enough? You’ve lost me.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, that is Exactly what I'm trying to say. If he doesn't possess a proper equipment, chances are extremely high that relationship won't work out. So he is trying to bed a girl as soon as he can, because he knows nothing good will come out of it.

[Anonymous]

Because sexual compatibility is one of the most important factors in a relationship.
Makes no sense to keep something going only to find out that you two are horrifically incompatible.

We don't have to have sex right away, but there definitely needs to be an open sexual conversation before I'm investing any time in them.

[Asker]

I agree completely, I wouldn’t waste my time either. But sex on the first date just seems a bit extreme, unless you’re likely to fall for someone after the first date, which would be odd.

[Opinion Owner]

I guess it also depends on your typical dating style.
If someone tends to go on dates early on into knowing someone, with the intention to actually find out more about the other person during the date itself then yeah, that sounds like too much too early.

For me personally, a date usually doesn't come until after the 1+ month mark of talking to someone, either in person or online.
So by the time we actually do go out, plenty of mutual interest has been expressed and it doesn't come across as too much too early.

[Asker]

Well that’s what happened to me me, we’d been talking daily for weeks before our first date when he pushed for it.

[Leonharted]

I don't, and never have. I specifically made sex seem like it was no big deal, but I refused to date anyone who had sex. So as to not be a hypocrite, I also did not have sex until I proposed to the woman who became my wife.

You may say my standards are too high in the other direction, but I am happy with my life, and I'm not telling anyone else what they should or should not do. I'm just pointing out that if I am like that, surely there are others.

[Fireguy17]

I have found that sex is better once you get to know someone better, however, I have had some first dates where we undressed each other with our teeth.
If there isn't sex on the fist few dates, that does not mean that there won't be another date.
Sex happens when it is time, and not before.

[HighValue]

I think the kind of people that actually want a long term exclusive relationship would NOT want to have sex right away like that.
I think it is more of the casual sex kind of people that tend to do that.

[FilmGuy93]

Because women cost a lot of money, and it's better to know that you're investing in someone with whom there is an actual future.

[Asker]

Sex on the first date decides there’s a future how?

[FilmGuy93]

It's really just about sexual compatibility in general.

[Asker]

Okay. So then let’s try and define what specifics make someone sexually compatible…

[FilmGuy93]

She tastes good, shows enthusiasm, listens to my body the way I listen to her's... You've (probably) had sex before, right?

[FunkyMonkee]

What if she's either no good in bed (Highly unlikely! You don't HAVE to be good, you just have to be THERE!) or, he finds out you're just not doing it for him or there's some other issue he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life having to deal with.

[Waldoe]

some guys want to be sure that the girl is willing... and he wants to be sure that he won't have to always masturbate instead of fucking... also she might be a lousy fuck...

[Asker]

So if he were a lousy fuck why would pushing for sex early benefit him?

[Waldoe]

all guys think they are good... very selfish... they just want to be sure she is willing and eager

[bamesjond0069]

We don't. We prefer to get the milk for free and let some moron after us pay for the heifer. Its mens version of a shit test. If she fucks us casually we know she's a slut and we lose interest. If you like very stupid men just dont sleep with the guy you want to be serious with. Smart men won't accept that. I know i wouldn't.

[Recurrence]

I need to know them first before sex. I’m too anxious to get with someone straight away

[Asker]

Totally understandable. I think many people are the same.

[PeterSmith1983]

You have your first date right so it is date then sex? Did you have sex on your first date before?

[Asker]

A questions doesn’t answer my question…

[PeterSmith1983]

I dont get the question... if you have sex on first date your already dating do its not try before you buy?

[Asker]

Ah. I wouldn’t really call it dating if you’re having sex on the first date just to see whether you want to continue seeing someone or not. Why do people need to know the sex is good first? Doesn’t the sex get better the more you get to know each other anyway?

[PeterSmith1983]

I dont think. its at all about dating more often or mot. It's just about how horny you both are and you want sex that night.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s what I think too

[PeterSmith1983]

Pm for chat?

[genericname85]

cause we don't like wasting time. figuring out if someones charakter is fine takes time. so why spend that time when the sex isn't gona work out?

[Jamie05rhs]

I think they just want sex. That's a priority for them, above everything else.

[Seangreen]

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free sometimes mental illness takes a while to manifest and you want to make sure that you are you know everything is all good

[DCooper]

Or you want to have had some fun before her mental illness becomes a problem and it's time to scoot !

[Seangreen]

@DCooper let's say you marry somebody without sleeping with them first and they're terrible in bed like really bad and you're never going to have good sex again unless you cheat and then that's just not right either right

[DCooper]

In that case, you failed to scoot when the fun part either ended... and also failed to stay away from long term relationships. As they say, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

[slatyb]

Makes sense before marrying, not before dating.

[Asker]

I agree personally

[Wise4myage]

No, sex on the first date can ruin any long term plans.

[Yourfriend2021]

I think women do that more than guys do.

[Asker]

Interesting. I’d have to disagree in my experience though.

[Yourfriend2021]

People that want a relationship don't put sex first, but a lot of women would quickly leave if the sex wasn't good, so they "try before you buy"

[Asker]

I guess so

[Yourfriend2021]

Yes it's tough trying to match with someone for the rest of your life.

[Asker]

True. It does take work on both sides.

[Yourfriend2021]

You're right, 2 people have to work together and it's not all about sex.