In my experience, when a guy is interested in you he makes it clear.
On a dating app many will be in it for the sex. Because well between 18 and 30 the majority are trying to sort their life out.
If they do get with you and decide to commit there are some that do it if you bring minimal drama to their lives.
There are others though that actually want to date.
As a young woman you really will endure a lot, but you don't actually have to go out with them either.
I'll be really really honest with you. There are going to be some guys a little less "HOT" but they will treat you far better and exactly the way you deserve.
They may be shy, but don't be in a rush too. Always be nice and respectful. Maybe you could direct the conversation after a little while with topics that aren't date topics.
Maybe if you have knowledge on something share that with them. It's a god way to also see if they can hold your attention. But don't judge them if they fade out.
Men like him do not need dating apps. They get snatched up just going through their daily lives being themselves. They aren’t suffering from rough edge that needs working on.
Where can I find one?
Grocery store, auto repair lounge waiting area, anywhere else normal and random.
@TwinTonyz Who said anything about him “pursuing”? I thought men refused to approach woman anymore. Isn’t it supposed to be the woman’s job to approach now? Just going off the same sort of men on GaG you appear to be quoting. Not my opinion. Everyone is free to make a single move. If rejected and a person doesn’t give up then it could be viewed as harassment.
I'm making the point that approaching men is predatory, by the very same standards applied to men. All things being equal, why should she interrupt a man going about his business just because she likes how he looks? If he were interested in all that, he'd be on the apps, wouldn't he?
@TwinTonyz You’re attempting to make a pointless point in an unfitting space.
If you don’t want people talking to you just wear a sign around your neck stating as much. An aluminum foil hat would work too.
@twintonyz Fuck off little boy
Opinion
62Opinion
Ugh, these replies make me so glad I stay away from dating apps...
Contrary to what most of you think, she's NOT asking a lot! What's so hard about striking up a real, meaningful conversation with a woman, putting real effort in, and showing her why you're worth being with?
If you're too lazy to do that then why the hell are you on a dating site in the first place?
Most of y'all are so cynical, scarred, and bitter in regards to dating [Rightly so, because I sure as hell can't talk] when a person asks for you to show them why you're worth being with you, you make it seem like they're asking too much or make it seem like they're in the wrong- and now everyone is frustrated, single, and miserable.
And what the hell is wrong with being friends first? I know this is hard for some of you men to believe, but some women have to have a connection with you before we just decide to see you in a romantic manner, much less sleep with you... weird I know! I don't care how "hot" or a 10 you are... it's a moot point if there's no real connection there.
I could go on and on about this topic, but then this reply will turn into a mytake so let me paraphrase-
I'm not blaming the asker or the men- dating sucks. I don't care what anyone says, there's nothing "magical" about dating- either you're lucky or you're not.
Dating apps are not ideal, but unfortunately for some of us, that's the best way to find someone to be with. You probably will not find your "Noah" on a dating app- if you do, I will be genuinely impressed. Instead, use dating apps as a chance to mingle and meet new people.
There are still gentlemen out there that want to take their time and get to know you like a lady! I know there are. The problem is finding said people because it's like finding a needle in a haystick; they're hidden underneath piles of crap. Just be patient and eventually you'll find him.
u Guys don't want to be friends first because we have all heard - WAY TOO MANY TIMES - "well, we're friends, and I don't want to take a chance on losing your friendship." And that is after you have said, "I want my romantic partner to also be my best friend."
The fact that a guy wants a date and even a good night kiss at the end of the first date doesn't mean that he expects you to jump into bed with him. But, above all else, he wants to nake it clear that he is not going to be led into the friendzone. And giving you a goodnight kiss at the end of that date doesn't mean that he's not a gentleman!
Your Noah is not on a dating app. People there usually just look for sex.
I wrote "usually" -- I didn’t generalize it.
Largely because it's a dating app and it's supposed to bypass the whole "we gotta be friends for so many months before dating" part of dating.
There's a numbers aspect with men as well. You have roughly 2x-3x more options available to you than men do, and that's based on population alone. Typical reciprocation rates are 1 out of 10. That means you will only interact with 1 in 10 men who reach out to you (not chat, just swipe, like, whatever the mechanism of the app is). We know we're disposable, so there's a stake in getting someone locked down and off the apps asap.
Men have been trained to be confident, forward, and nothing else. There's little today which suggests, let alone outright states, that men should pussy foot around in dating. Overwhelmingly those who don't treat dating like war end up alone.
Where's your Noah? He's probably not on those apps. Accessibility has made it easy to replace your partner on the fly. I find it unlikely anything starting on such a medium would result in a long-term relationship. Why cope with anything when you got Amazon Prime to next-day you another man?
It's a difficult thing. Some people (men and women) hate the idea of getting to know each other a bit more before committing to a serious date.
Here's an example; back in 2017, when I was on OKCupid, I matched with this cute girl who seemed to have a lot in common with me. I messaged her, asked questions, etc. She replied, and I thought things had gotten off to a good start. I messaged again, and she basically blew up at me; wondering why I was asking so many questions, why I can't keep things simple, that I was stressing her out with all the information I was giving her, and asking her to give me, etc. I never felt so shocked in my life. To me, this was basic stuff you do when you meet someone; satisfy your curiosities about the things that they seem to be excited about. But here was someone basically suggesting that I should have been giving one-sentence responses to her.
People like different things. I could have used my experience with that girl to assume that girls don't want a conversation. But I refused to do this, since I was looking for a girl that welcomed that level of conversation with me. You just need to remember what you want and stick to it.
I must add though, that there is a chance that your choice of guy is working against you. If you match with 100 guys as you say, but choose to talk to the guy that looks like he matches with 100 girls, you can't really expect him to try hard since (like you) he is also spoilt for choice. I suggest not accepting/giving just "hey" as a first message.
2 things. "you have to stand out", you realize the pressure that puts on us? How do we do that? Like one guy said, "it's why I don't bother" and the same for me lol. If it were reversed, and it was your "job" to "stand out", what would you do? Wouldn't that be stressful for you and wouldn't you say to yourself, "how the F&^k do I do that?" LOL
And "matched with 100 guys", I know myself, and I think probably a lot of guys, we often forget that, even if we know it happens to you. Why? Because the experience for us (or most of us) is literally the complete opposite! Completely. Chance are you are the ONLY match he has or is talking to, and we just almost "assume" that we are for you (forgetting that you probably have 100 guys after you). And it's the same with women, a lot of you assume if we're on those apps, that we're talking to many women or have a lot of matches. Nope! Probably not at all. Just myself as an example, I'm older of course, but there are lots of women my age on there also, but I've been on a couple of those apps for a year now (I planned to give it a full year), I got NOTHING. Not 1 match, didn't talk to anyone at all. But I'm getting a bit off topic. Women really are no better. In the past, of the few matches I have had previously, I don't know how many times I just get "hey" from a woman and nothing more. She is putting NO effort into it at all and it TAKES TWO to make a conversation. I'm not shifting the blame to women, I'm saying a lot of the time it's one sided, and it takes effort from BOTH people. In your waiting for a guy to "stand out", what he is likely taking it as from you is disinterest. And if he's not getting anything from you either, the less "effort" he's going to put into it.
Just be interesting
And how do you do that? You know? Especially when you don't know the person. You don't know what they like or will find interesting. What do you say in initial messages to get her attention? Women don't know what to say to us either if they are messaging a guy first, we're no different. It's like, what do you say? Hey! lol
Starts with your profile. You can show yourself with friends. YouTube has some good advice videos for anything
I agree that a guy has to stand out for you to pick him, but you also have to stand out to be picked.
I dunno who Noah is, but if that movie is like most romance flicks, he's probably a boring person dating another boring person who he has nothing in common with, because of nonsense reasons, that have nothing to do with actual love and chemistry, and simply scream desperation instead.
If you matched with over 100 guys, you are probably the type to have no social hobbies, or simply don't deem them important enough to list as match criteria, and to most men who want a genuine connection, thats a red flag.
I'm still looking for even one match in the US. I've had to swipe left on literally everyone so far, because American female atheist gamer nerds won't use the damn apps, or at the very least, most women aren't filling out their profile with their hobby choices, talents, or other criteria that warrants swiping right.
80% of women on dating apps have 1 or 2 sentences in the about me that are useless or non descript info, like "i'm fun" or I'm simple", or some poetic trash or song lyric, it's like most women just don't take it seriously when filling it out.
Ok hate to break to you but the "Noah" thing is not going to happen so cross that off the list. Now as for reasonable guys that are actual gentlemen, as much as I hate to say it they probably don't stand out to you in a way that you'll notice right off the bat. The simple reason is that the truth is a lot of guys don't even know how to stand out, or how to actually converse with a girl, many of them are learning from scratch. It's not like you can go up to a girl and ask "Hey, there's a girl that I like but don't know how to talk to her or what to say. Is it alright if I use you as practice?" and learn that way. All I can really say is keep trying and be careful, the thing about dating apps is that it's practically a lottery, there's a reason that success stories for Tinder, Bumble, Zook, Hinge, etc are so rare. They happen but it's not like it's really that common.
You're young, chances are what you want right now isn't going to be what you want in 5 years. You're list of requirements is going to change as you date and you mature yourself. I will say I wouldn't be looking for a person from a romantic movie. I would figure out what traits you are looking for a guy right now, not the glamorous ones, the absolute necessities. Then be patient do the app, live your life, and look for guys that meet your criteria. After every relationship you have see what criteria worked for you, which ones didn't and update as necessary. Also I know it's hard but try to keep in mind things you did that may have led to the relationship not working and continue to improve yourself. If you do those things I can assure you, you will find the right person for you.
@heartbreaker007, are you dating with the intention of marriage within the next six to 18 months, or are you serial dating?
If it’s the latter, then understand that you’re looking in the wrong place. Find a matchmaker. If you’re a serial dater, understand that dates come with many nuts. This experience isn’t exclusive to women. You should create a male profile and walk a mile in our shoes. Quality guys are rejected on the regular, at a minimum look at the social experiments done by other women who created male profiles.
Regards!
Unreasonable like women on dating apps with an empty profile expecting guys to put in all the work in messaging them first?
Or women who refuse to message first, but also don't reply if the guys first message isn't judged to be good enough? Thereby giving the girl all the power while putting in zero effort.
Unreasonable like women who ask for men over a certain height (which men can't control), while also being angry at men who ask for women under a certain weight (which women can control).
Online dating is a shit show for everyone involved.
Dating apps, eh. With each passing year they seem abandoned to those trying to scam one another out of something or scam you into accepting money as part of some sort of fraudulent scheme. Then as you discovered what you are largely left with are the dregs seeking their self-gratification. True of both sexes. Are those rare jewels? Sure, but you will need to place effort at ‘also’ pay the premium for the app to improve your odds versus expecting to sign up as a free member and have serendipity land upon you. Put in the time, ‘money’, and effort. Still, it will only slightly increase your odds and not guarantee them. Meeting by chance while going about your day remains the best option.
Men don't have to stand out.. nor women. And men don't care about how many other men you matched with..
Everyone wants to find someone they are compatible with. I mean those who want a relationship that is, some people just want hookups.
Dating app conversations usually goes like this for men:
If a girl is giving lame and short answers to my questions/messages and she doesn't say/asks anything to me, then obviously she is not really interested in me.
You can't talk with people like that, they are totally unwilling.
It's really obvious when a girl is really interested in you, you can actually talk with her about anything.
What do you expect from dating apps? The point of dating is to meet the other person, not just chat with them online forever, until you get bored with him and delete him..
I’m sure one reason is guys on dating apps see it as a game and try to win with the numbers. They swipe or say ‘hey’ to 100 girls because eventually a few will respond. I saw the notebook and one thing Noah did was go after what he wanted with passion. I mean his hand almost slipped off that Ferris wheel just to get a date; and that’s when she was already on a date! Seems like girls like to be desired and want effort and just saying ‘hey’ isn’t effort at all.
That being said have you had some interesting conversations with the guys and what have you learned?
As a man I understand that in order to get laid or get into a relationship with the kinds of women I want, on my terms, I have to be able to attract them strongly enough for them to want the same thing I do.
If I can’t do that (I mean, I can, but let’s pretend that I can’t) it’s on me. Either I have to change my standards which I’d rather not do, or I have to figure out what I’m missing.
Basically I can’t blame women for not giving me what I want, I have to figure out how to offer enough value in return for what I want, you and most women would agree with that.
Only you haven’t been taught that. MzAsh says that guys will wait longer if they’re interested enough, and that’s true. Maybe try to figure out why that is beyond “those men aren’t worth it”.
"Where is my Noah from the Notebook" you stupid bitch. What you demand is not a friend but a psycho who "threatens" to kill himself if the slut doesn't agree to go out with him, is completely broke but somehow educated enough to write poetry, stalks the slut with letters that she doesn't read, goes to war then returns and is so obsessed with the slut that he builds an entire house for her. This is called a White Knight and you're surrounded by millions of such men but of course you don't want that. You want the fuckboy of your unrealistic standards to fuck and dump you.
If course you’ll have to filter through the riffraff. I recommend putting a cap on the minimum amount of time a guy is going to wait to meet up. If it were me, I’d say 2 weeks. And yes I’ve actually had men wait that and some have waited months. If they can’t wait, they aren’t interested enough. Simple as that.
First, Noah’s generation died out. The social constructs are gone. Men aren’t men like they used to be and women are women either. Now you have something new which has the Noah types that are left bewildered by the women who seem to want something else and rarely select them out of the thousand options in their inbox. Now those guys just live their lives quietly. Many of them like manly of their generation are playing games online during their free time. Perhaps start looking for nerds.
I met my current boyfriend through a friend and we have been together several years and we are happy together.
I have tried dating apps a long time ago and they are kind of like the ‘people of Walmart’ site.
Omg so many guys on there were soo cringy!! 😣
I think he´ll come to surface when he finds a method to do so.
The problem for the time being is the disparity between males and females and their behavior in dating apps.
Therefore many guys don´t have a good technique to present themselves and their ideas. I personally had no success on dating apps so I can´t help anyone.
It may take time until more guys understand how to use dating apps so there will more guys be that aren´t for sex or intimacy.
Vast majority if not exclusively all the revenue made by dating apps are from men purchasing memberships, which women seldom do. And we are not paying money to be friends with someone we find sexually attractive and interesting. A man gains nothing most of the time by being friends with a woman he finds attractive.
"Where are all the gentlemen that know how to have a conversation and don’t offer preposterous suggestions just because we matched on an app"
well just for starters I must inform you that you're never gonna find this "Noah" of yours on dating apps aka the thing that has fucked up dating for good
You're on a dating app, and people on those apps aren't, typically, searching for friendships. They desire a relationship. Hence the term, dating app. If you don't connect with him, that's completely fine, though. Also, Noah from "The Notebook" wasn't open to being friends with Allie first either.
You do realise the man you're describing isn't likely gonna be on a dating app.
In general people don't go on dating apps to make friends. It's assumed that people on there are here looking for dates, not friends.
You'll be better off trying to meet people outside, like a park or a club or some hobby workshop.
I'm also a hopeless romantic like you except I need a different kind of Noah 😅
Different kind of Noah?
I want a different personality.
Pick better men and blame the friendzone for guys not wanting to get stuck in it.
If i'm looking for a partner i don't mind taking it slow, however i will not be your friend. I'm looking for a partner and will pursue one woman at a time, not tons of friends.
Usually that problem happens when there is no sexual chemistry between the two
„Friends first“ is a complete joke. Now, expecting a guy to take time to get to know you is fine, but that’s something completely different.
Especially at your age, you don’t need to be on dating apps, and neither do the guys you want to date.
A lot of those women on there are extremely boring and uninteresting like I’m conversating with a dead horse like y’all expect to be entertained while contributing nothing and by the way ladies what I just described is the number one reason women get ghosted
Because they have broken us. Try being a thoughtful and interesting guy; only to have >90% of your messages completely ignored. Why are you still swiping on guys if you have a 100 matches? Why aren't you focusing on the matches you already have and seeing if anything comes from them? At the end of the day, the point of dating apps is to find someone to go on dates with. If your not willing to do that you should probably try a different type of app.
It’s honestly just an ego booster for me.
And you expect us to act normal when you just want us to feed your ego?
If the right guy comes along, I would be willing to give a chance
And this is why you will never find the right guy on dating apps. You aren't selective enough with who you like and are too selective with who you've matched with. You don't have to go on a date with all of your matches, but you should be willing to give them a chance until they present a red flag or deal breaker to you. And saying "Hi" as an opening line shouldn't be included in either of those. It is a basic greeting, there is typically a lot more conversation to come if you just say "Hi" back.
So many expect immediate payout without having to put in the time to get to know someone. Many do not know how to respect others. It is just about them getting satisfied. So many do not understand how to treat women. Opening doors and stuff like that are mostly gone. I have had women be offended when opening the door for them.
Noah is fictional. Noah does not exist. Noah was used to gross over $115M because he is every woman’s fantasy. And Noah could’ve done better instead of hanging on to Allie. Come on, he could’ve had any woman. This is why we men don’t cry when we’re tricked into watching The Notebook.
Just falling the women's lead. I approached online dating with a hopeful, open, heart, but after a few years of nothing but games from women online I learned the true nature of online dating. Now I'm just on them for entertainment. If women are offended that's OK. It's not my fault if you have no sense of humor.
I can’t say I had the same experience. If anything all the boys I meet are always a bit too romantic for me and they cringe me out. We should swap our tinder profiles hahah.
They have options, too, and their time is just as important to them as it is to you. They know that men that you ARE genuinely attracted to won’t have to “be friends with you first”, so they don’t want to waste their time.
I think looking for Noah is unrealistic. Keep your standards, but don’t have unrealistic expectations from guys. Good luck finding the guy who feels right.
Nope, my best friend has her Noah.
@heartbreaker007 well, that’s awesome! But finding your own version isn’t likely to happen on a dating app.
Notebook is cliche and bullshit in real life, I am saying this while being that kind of guy. The world isn't the same anymore, most women aren't looking for romantic guy or who will get to know you first or be friends. As girls keep them in friendzone as a backup for later while continuing sleeping with bad boys. Writing, taking care of your women days are gone.
I suck at conversations in general, this just gets worse with messaging and new people (much more if I find them attractive). Dating apps are horrible things and are more a thing of chance than a reliable way of meeting people to have a relationship.
I think it's cuz when guys go on date apps it's usually cuz things IRL aren't going well so they're desperate to find someone and suppose everyone else on the app is as well.
So true. You know guys like this?
@BarryLiverstone Kinda of, it wasn't a date app as I'm not 18 but they thought it was similar at least lol
Ouch, too bad they probably don’t even realize it lol. If you were their friend what advice would you give?
@BarryLiverstone I'd probably say that to get a girlfriend (if they want to) they need to slow down a bit and try to really get to know her genuinely. Be a good listener and friend first cuz doing so they're showing that they truly care for her and not just about having their way on her (sex). When guy do that we tend to think they're just players wanting to fool around...
Basically, I'd say to them to be a gentleman as the asker said ^^
Oh ya I totally agree if a guy only talks about sex or doesn’t listen to her that’s not going to work at all. But if he should treat her like a friend how will she know he has any romantic interest?
Actually my bad, this is too many questions and going away from the original q. You don’t have to answer
@BarryLiverstone Oh yeah, by "friend" I meant more as listening to her trying to get to know her genuinely first (like, don't just talking about sex and asking nudes).
But you're right, I agree that is good to make your intentions clear since the beginning not to cause any misunderstandings later on.
@BarryLiverstone It's okay lol. I'm just a slow typer😂
Wow that many guys just talk about sex in the beginning? So rude and objectifying
@BarryLiverstone Yeah, I think the same too.
Some of they kept trying to persuade me into sending nudes and stuff, even when I clearly said no and that he was making me feel uncomfortable...
So, that's really not nice
Sorry that sucks. Hope you reminded him porn is free online lol. I have learned to just enjoy conversations, they are a gift and you feel special learning about someone else genuinely
@BarryLiverstone Yes, I did remind them Lol.
You're right, just by the action of learning more about someone feels special itself, it allows you to get to know them more as a person.
Feel free to follow, I’m curious if those guys ever realized you are a person
@BarryLiverstone Okay, sometimes I wonder the same lol
Thank you ^^
Lot of men don't really have the time to date IRL, due to work or whatever sadly.
I agree with getting to know a girl first, to see if you are compatible or not.
I for example recently found a girl like that, we talked a lot, we were really clicking with each other.
Then one day she just disappeared without a word and i actually have no idea what happened. Everything was going good with us, and we didn't get bored with the other either. I suspect she got banned.. So now i'm really trying to find her while also waiting for her to find me somehow...
@ElvenMr Hope u get to find your Cinderella (or she finds u) and communicate well to work the things out and get together! ^^
Rooting for u both!
@ BarryLiverstone I'm really sorry about my behaviour.
I apologise myself for my rudeness or probably offensive previous behaviour.
That's it. Sorry.
If they were worth dating, they wouldn’t be on dating apps in the first place.
@nawtee_me more or less. But there are also girls there just to make a profit off the desperate and lonely guys.
Didn’t Noah hang from the bar of a ferris wheel and threaten to fall to his death if the woman didn’t go on a date with him? Seems manipulative to me...
Every time I use those apps I get hit up by trannys and an assortment of people I don't find attractive.
They said to hit them up on Instagram or snap, so I did and it never even went to read so i deleted the apps again.
you do not live in fantasy-land... in the real world, men are desparate for Love and Sex... Lockdown has many feeling a little "Crazy"... maybe give then a break? tell then no sex for the 1st month and see whos left.
Dating apps look for a specific character trait in thier members member, 👁️ mean members they promote. Though large penis size might be a factor.
That's what happens when you only pick Chads and expect them to act like gentlemen. Silly girl.
Why are women on dating apps so peculiar and unreasonable? They generally all say they want a relationship yet always go for fuck boys. Thus more and more men become fuck boys basically.
"because we matched on an app that I already matched with over 100 guys. Don’t you realize you have to stand out?"
Yeeeaaaah this why I don't even bother.
You can't expect every Guy you match with on dating apps to be your Noah.
You need to lower your Standards, Otherwise every Guy you meet is not going to be good enough and you will be doing it to yourself.
I guess he Noah is on the ark u just need to get on and search for him
You women need to stop glamorizing fake romance movies. It's not reality, there's no Noah from the notebook he doesn't exist, this is the real world, and even if he was real he wouldn't be using a dating app because he'd already be taken.
For every 3 matches I get, you get 40. Stop picking idiots and interacting with the idiots.
Women don't know what they want. I'm sure you've had guys act like that towards you but something about them turned you off. His looks, or the fact that he acted like Noah lol
I like to go on what might be called dates to places I would go to with friends because that's part of how I get to know them, which is kind of the entire point of dating in the first place, getting to know prospective partners.
There are few gentlemen left... but those will never be found on dating apps. You can find them on your own in person
Sorry; most of us have never seen The Notebook. We don't know what you're talking about.
He doesn't exist. You want a man from a sappy romance novel/movie. They don't exist.
So what can a guy say to make you change you remind? Something like a conversation?
The gentleman are either taken or just not on dating sites because dating has become such a commercialised spectacular event that no one making less than 6 figures can afford to play
Same reason why women on dating apps so peculiar and unreasonable.
How is it unreasonable to want to be friends first?
You just expect us to go out with u after saying hey?
Just like how it is unreasonable for women to not be friends first and expect men to go out after just saying hey
They get taken up too fast. But I'm reasonable so I know they exist
Have you filtered out the one-sentencers from the generic one-or-two words?
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