In my experience, when a guy is interested in you he makes it clear.
On a dating app many will be in it for the sex. Because well between 18 and 30 the majority are trying to sort their life out.
If they do get with you and decide to commit there are some that do it if you bring minimal drama to their lives.
There are others though that actually want to date.
As a young woman you really will endure a lot, but you don't actually have to go out with them either.
I'll be really really honest with you. There are going to be some guys a little less "HOT" but they will treat you far better and exactly the way you deserve.
They may be shy, but don't be in a rush too. Always be nice and respectful. Maybe you could direct the conversation after a little while with topics that aren't date topics.
Maybe if you have knowledge on something share that with them. It's a god way to also see if they can hold your attention. But don't judge them if they fade out.
Men like him do not need dating apps. They get snatched up just going through their daily lives being themselves. They aren’t suffering from rough edge that needs working on.
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Ugh, these replies make me so glad I stay away from dating apps...
Contrary to what most of you think, she's NOT asking a lot! What's so hard about striking up a real, meaningful conversation with a woman, putting real effort in, and showing her why you're worth being with?
If you're too lazy to do that then why the hell are you on a dating site in the first place?
Most of y'all are so cynical, scarred, and bitter in regards to dating [Rightly so, because I sure as hell can't talk] when a person asks for you to show them why you're worth being with you, you make it seem like they're asking too much or make it seem like they're in the wrong- and now everyone is frustrated, single, and miserable.
And what the hell is wrong with being friends first? I know this is hard for some of you men to believe, but some women have to have a connection with you before we just decide to see you in a romantic manner, much less sleep with you... weird I know! I don't care how "hot" or a 10 you are... it's a moot point if there's no real connection there.
I could go on and on about this topic, but then this reply will turn into a mytake so let me paraphrase-
I'm not blaming the asker or the men- dating sucks. I don't care what anyone says, there's nothing "magical" about dating- either you're lucky or you're not.
Dating apps are not ideal, but unfortunately for some of us, that's the best way to find someone to be with. You probably will not find your "Noah" on a dating app- if you do, I will be genuinely impressed. Instead, use dating apps as a chance to mingle and meet new people.
There are still gentlemen out there that want to take their time and get to know you like a lady! I know there are. The problem is finding said people because it's like finding a needle in a haystick; they're hidden underneath piles of crap. Just be patient and eventually you'll find him.
u Guys don't want to be friends first because we have all heard - WAY TOO MANY TIMES - "well, we're friends, and I don't want to take a chance on losing your friendship." And that is after you have said, "I want my romantic partner to also be my best friend."
The fact that a guy wants a date and even a good night kiss at the end of the first date doesn't mean that he expects you to jump into bed with him. But, above all else, he wants to nake it clear that he is not going to be led into the friendzone. And giving you a goodnight kiss at the end of that date doesn't mean that he's not a gentleman!
Your Noah is not on a dating app. People there usually just look for sex.
Largely because it's a dating app and it's supposed to bypass the whole "we gotta be friends for so many months before dating" part of dating.
There's a numbers aspect with men as well. You have roughly 2x-3x more options available to you than men do, and that's based on population alone. Typical reciprocation rates are 1 out of 10. That means you will only interact with 1 in 10 men who reach out to you (not chat, just swipe, like, whatever the mechanism of the app is). We know we're disposable, so there's a stake in getting someone locked down and off the apps asap.
Men have been trained to be confident, forward, and nothing else. There's little today which suggests, let alone outright states, that men should pussy foot around in dating. Overwhelmingly those who don't treat dating like war end up alone.
Where's your Noah? He's probably not on those apps. Accessibility has made it easy to replace your partner on the fly. I find it unlikely anything starting on such a medium would result in a long-term relationship. Why cope with anything when you got Amazon Prime to next-day you another man?
It's a difficult thing. Some people (men and women) hate the idea of getting to know each other a bit more before committing to a serious date.
Here's an example; back in 2017, when I was on OKCupid, I matched with this cute girl who seemed to have a lot in common with me. I messaged her, asked questions, etc. She replied, and I thought things had gotten off to a good start. I messaged again, and she basically blew up at me; wondering why I was asking so many questions, why I can't keep things simple, that I was stressing her out with all the information I was giving her, and asking her to give me, etc. I never felt so shocked in my life. To me, this was basic stuff you do when you meet someone; satisfy your curiosities about the things that they seem to be excited about. But here was someone basically suggesting that I should have been giving one-sentence responses to her.
People like different things. I could have used my experience with that girl to assume that girls don't want a conversation. But I refused to do this, since I was looking for a girl that welcomed that level of conversation with me. You just need to remember what you want and stick to it.
I must add though, that there is a chance that your choice of guy is working against you. If you match with 100 guys as you say, but choose to talk to the guy that looks like he matches with 100 girls, you can't really expect him to try hard since (like you) he is also spoilt for choice. I suggest not accepting/giving just "hey" as a first message.
2 things. "you have to stand out", you realize the pressure that puts on us? How do we do that? Like one guy said, "it's why I don't bother" and the same for me lol. If it were reversed, and it was your "job" to "stand out", what would you do? Wouldn't that be stressful for you and wouldn't you say to yourself, "how the F&^k do I do that?" LOL
And "matched with 100 guys", I know myself, and I think probably a lot of guys, we often forget that, even if we know it happens to you. Why? Because the experience for us (or most of us) is literally the complete opposite! Completely. Chance are you are the ONLY match he has or is talking to, and we just almost "assume" that we are for you (forgetting that you probably have 100 guys after you). And it's the same with women, a lot of you assume if we're on those apps, that we're talking to many women or have a lot of matches. Nope! Probably not at all. Just myself as an example, I'm older of course, but there are lots of women my age on there also, but I've been on a couple of those apps for a year now (I planned to give it a full year), I got NOTHING. Not 1 match, didn't talk to anyone at all. But I'm getting a bit off topic. Women really are no better. In the past, of the few matches I have had previously, I don't know how many times I just get "hey" from a woman and nothing more. She is putting NO effort into it at all and it TAKES TWO to make a conversation. I'm not shifting the blame to women, I'm saying a lot of the time it's one sided, and it takes effort from BOTH people. In your waiting for a guy to "stand out", what he is likely taking it as from you is disinterest. And if he's not getting anything from you either, the less "effort" he's going to put into it.
I agree that a guy has to stand out for you to pick him, but you also have to stand out to be picked.
I dunno who Noah is, but if that movie is like most romance flicks, he's probably a boring person dating another boring person who he has nothing in common with, because of nonsense reasons, that have nothing to do with actual love and chemistry, and simply scream desperation instead.
If you matched with over 100 guys, you are probably the type to have no social hobbies, or simply don't deem them important enough to list as match criteria, and to most men who want a genuine connection, thats a red flag.
I'm still looking for even one match in the US. I've had to swipe left on literally everyone so far, because American female atheist gamer nerds won't use the damn apps, or at the very least, most women aren't filling out their profile with their hobby choices, talents, or other criteria that warrants swiping right.
80% of women on dating apps have 1 or 2 sentences in the about me that are useless or non descript info, like "i'm fun" or I'm simple", or some poetic trash or song lyric, it's like most women just don't take it seriously when filling it out.
Ok hate to break to you but the "Noah" thing is not going to happen so cross that off the list. Now as for reasonable guys that are actual gentlemen, as much as I hate to say it they probably don't stand out to you in a way that you'll notice right off the bat. The simple reason is that the truth is a lot of guys don't even know how to stand out, or how to actually converse with a girl, many of them are learning from scratch. It's not like you can go up to a girl and ask "Hey, there's a girl that I like but don't know how to talk to her or what to say. Is it alright if I use you as practice?" and learn that way. All I can really say is keep trying and be careful, the thing about dating apps is that it's practically a lottery, there's a reason that success stories for Tinder, Bumble, Zook, Hinge, etc are so rare. They happen but it's not like it's really that common.
You're young, chances are what you want right now isn't going to be what you want in 5 years. You're list of requirements is going to change as you date and you mature yourself. I will say I wouldn't be looking for a person from a romantic movie. I would figure out what traits you are looking for a guy right now, not the glamorous ones, the absolute necessities. Then be patient do the app, live your life, and look for guys that meet your criteria. After every relationship you have see what criteria worked for you, which ones didn't and update as necessary. Also I know it's hard but try to keep in mind things you did that may have led to the relationship not working and continue to improve yourself. If you do those things I can assure you, you will find the right person for you.
@heartbreaker007, are you dating with the intention of marriage within the next six to 18 months, or are you serial dating?
If it’s the latter, then understand that you’re looking in the wrong place. Find a matchmaker. If you’re a serial dater, understand that dates come with many nuts. This experience isn’t exclusive to women. You should create a male profile and walk a mile in our shoes. Quality guys are rejected on the regular, at a minimum look at the social experiments done by other women who created male profiles.
Regards!
Unreasonable like women on dating apps with an empty profile expecting guys to put in all the work in messaging them first?
Or women who refuse to message first, but also don't reply if the guys first message isn't judged to be good enough? Thereby giving the girl all the power while putting in zero effort.
Unreasonable like women who ask for men over a certain height (which men can't control), while also being angry at men who ask for women under a certain weight (which women can control).
Online dating is a shit show for everyone involved.
Dating apps, eh. With each passing year they seem abandoned to those trying to scam one another out of something or scam you into accepting money as part of some sort of fraudulent scheme. Then as you discovered what you are largely left with are the dregs seeking their self-gratification. True of both sexes. Are those rare jewels? Sure, but you will need to place effort at ‘also’ pay the premium for the app to improve your odds versus expecting to sign up as a free member and have serendipity land upon you. Put in the time, ‘money’, and effort. Still, it will only slightly increase your odds and not guarantee them. Meeting by chance while going about your day remains the best option.
Men don't have to stand out.. nor women. And men don't care about how many other men you matched with..
Everyone wants to find someone they are compatible with. I mean those who want a relationship that is, some people just want hookups.
Dating app conversations usually goes like this for men:
If a girl is giving lame and short answers to my questions/messages and she doesn't say/asks anything to me, then obviously she is not really interested in me.
You can't talk with people like that, they are totally unwilling.
It's really obvious when a girl is really interested in you, you can actually talk with her about anything.
What do you expect from dating apps? The point of dating is to meet the other person, not just chat with them online forever, until you get bored with him and delete him..
I’m sure one reason is guys on dating apps see it as a game and try to win with the numbers. They swipe or say ‘hey’ to 100 girls because eventually a few will respond. I saw the notebook and one thing Noah did was go after what he wanted with passion. I mean his hand almost slipped off that Ferris wheel just to get a date; and that’s when she was already on a date! Seems like girls like to be desired and want effort and just saying ‘hey’ isn’t effort at all.
That being said have you had some interesting conversations with the guys and what have you learned?
As a man I understand that in order to get laid or get into a relationship with the kinds of women I want, on my terms, I have to be able to attract them strongly enough for them to want the same thing I do.
If I can’t do that (I mean, I can, but let’s pretend that I can’t) it’s on me. Either I have to change my standards which I’d rather not do, or I have to figure out what I’m missing.
Basically I can’t blame women for not giving me what I want, I have to figure out how to offer enough value in return for what I want, you and most women would agree with that.
Only you haven’t been taught that. MzAsh says that guys will wait longer if they’re interested enough, and that’s true. Maybe try to figure out why that is beyond “those men aren’t worth it”.
"Where is my Noah from the Notebook" you stupid bitch. What you demand is not a friend but a psycho who "threatens" to kill himself if the slut doesn't agree to go out with him, is completely broke but somehow educated enough to write poetry, stalks the slut with letters that she doesn't read, goes to war then returns and is so obsessed with the slut that he builds an entire house for her. This is called a White Knight and you're surrounded by millions of such men but of course you don't want that. You want the fuckboy of your unrealistic standards to fuck and dump you.
If course you’ll have to filter through the riffraff. I recommend putting a cap on the minimum amount of time a guy is going to wait to meet up. If it were me, I’d say 2 weeks. And yes I’ve actually had men wait that and some have waited months. If they can’t wait, they aren’t interested enough. Simple as that.
First, Noah’s generation died out. The social constructs are gone. Men aren’t men like they used to be and women are women either. Now you have something new which has the Noah types that are left bewildered by the women who seem to want something else and rarely select them out of the thousand options in their inbox. Now those guys just live their lives quietly. Many of them like manly of their generation are playing games online during their free time. Perhaps start looking for nerds.
I met my current boyfriend through a friend and we have been together several years and we are happy together.
I have tried dating apps a long time ago and they are kind of like the ‘people of Walmart’ site.
Omg so many guys on there were soo cringy!! 😣
I think he´ll come to surface when he finds a method to do so.
The problem for the time being is the disparity between males and females and their behavior in dating apps.
Therefore many guys don´t have a good technique to present themselves and their ideas. I personally had no success on dating apps so I can´t help anyone.
It may take time until more guys understand how to use dating apps so there will more guys be that aren´t for sex or intimacy.
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