I just finished up a 2nd date with my online match last night. Seemed to go really well, a lot of flirting, deep kissing, banter, teasing, laughing, etc. At the end of the date she text me first so I asked her for a 3rd date because I was thinking we had such a good time together. She sent the below images, do you think she's being legit or its a soft rejection? So far there's been no indication of pulling back and we were only kissing like an hour before sending that message... Also assuming this girl is onboard for another date. I have a potential few red flags that I'd be keen to get thoughts on... On the date we played get to know you games. I asked her the most embarrassing thing she's done, she said having sex with 2 co workers and them knowing about each other... also looking back on the 1st date she got drunk and spoke about her ex not loving her/marrying her friend, boys trying to have sex with her straight away, and how she doesn't cook and text people back often because she's not bothered... We're 2 dates in and is this a bit too much too soon?
I would say it's not a rejection as long as you follow up with her next week and ask her out again and say did you find out if you can still make it? and if she says no she's busy then she's busy but then you ask her out again for another date and see what she says and just keep doing that & if she keeps putting it off then that's when you now she's rejecting she just keeps putting it off keeps putting it off if you could please take a look & answer my question I would really appreciate it thank you so much
appreciate the advice here. A part of me wants to just wait a few days/almost all week to test her interest levels. If she was super keen to come on the date and said she'd get back to me then she would get back... At the moment I'm doing 99% initiating text and organising dates. I called her out on it on the date and said she's lazy and does it to everyone on her phone.
Does not sound like a rejection to me at all, but only time will tell unfortunately.. not sure what to think about the 'red flags', what is it you are concerned about more exactly? That she slept with too many? :S you think she is telling too much? Personally I don't think one can open up too soon, though it is annoying if it is all negative.
I just felt like the first 2 dates are the get to know each other stage and revealing a lot of personal stuff like talking about ex's, having sex with 2 guys at work, going home with strangers because she was too lazy to plan it undersells yourself a bit...
On the positive though these dates have been long encounters (the first one was 5 hrs and 2nd 6 hrs) so I think there's chemistry. I'm just vetting her and seeing if its just me..
I think it is more important to be yourself than selling yourself. Talking about personal stuff is a super plus in my book. But as said, I get if it is mostly negative, then there can be something about the persons perspective that is 'off'. But if you were together for several hours hopefully you also talked about plenty positive stuff?
yeah there was lot of positive stuff.. I laughed it off and didn't make her feel embarrassed about it.. She's got a great energy so I do like her. I'm fresh into the dating game again so just trying to spot if there's things I should be cautious of. Thanks for your help
As she's said she will get back to me this week should I just not write back all this week to gauge her interest? I don't want to come off as needy by chasing her and I do want to see if she follows through..
If you have something to share with her then go for it. If it is a bit more 'forced', like more to keep the contact for the sake of that, then I would not.
But at least I would ask again later how she is with work and if she has the time that Friday if she does not get back to you on it. Honestly the way you asked her was very chill to me and not so much of an invite for a date :D, so following up more clearly would be ok.
ok thank you! Yeah I didn't want to be too pushy on the 3rd date since we just saw each other beforehand.. But I did give her a specific date/time I was free and she's acknowledged it. The thing with her she is terrible with texting and has told me she's like that with everyone. If I'm planning it Friday do you think I should just reach out Thursday?
yeah, Thursday is fine since it is just a reminder.. And don't think so much about being too little or too much.. think most about what it is you want. If you prefer to write then write.. but as she said she is not the writing type, so just not expect much back.
thank you. As a follow up I noticed this girl unmatched me on Bumble.. We never talk on there and mainly WhatsApp but should I expect this may be because she doesn't want to carry on with the 3rd and do you think I should just wait until Thursday still?
I don't know how bumble works.. she could not just have deleted/put her account on pause? If you know she still has an active account then it is shit move of her. I would see it as her rejecting you, but she surely should say it out straight, especially after two dates. In that case I'd ask her what is up with that.
Cultural differences maybe she doesn't want to be straight forward... Pretty surprised if that's the case there's no indication of her having a bad time and I would of thought you'd be closed off during the date, not kissing, all over each other and mentioning 3rd date if you were having a bad time...
She's initiated it and not deleted her account. I'm aware from what she's told me she doesn't have friends so uses it for that too... I'll play dumb and just see if she gets back on Thursday
hmm.. or maybe she is not so into committing/totally give up on (potentially) dating others, at least not early on. You talked about the potential outcome of your dating? Likely she did not exactly have a bad time, but maybe she is also not very hooked either.
Pretending to want yet another date and not just telling if you are not actually not interested is not a cultural thing, just plain cowardly and disrespectful in my world. Though, unfortunately it is not so uncommon in most cultures I think xp, so I always see it as a risk no matter how open and straightforward the person seems to be in general.
yeah its a hard one. I know she's the type of person to not say no to pretty much anyone... I mean some random 75 yr old in the middle of nowhere asked her to go on a 2 hr bike road back to his house and she said ok and stayed with him haha... her decision making is questionable but in this case maybe she's not feeling it and has a hard time saying how she actually feels...
That or she thinks its 3rd date and might feel like I'm expecting her to jump into bed and she doesn't want to.. That wouldn't be a deal breaker for me if she said she's not ready but too many question marks.. Just have to see how the week plays out but the unmatching makes me think this isn't going to happen.
