Does this mean he had some level of romantic interest or liking for me at the time?

Question

I told my hookup buddy I wanted to be together. He said, "You're beautiful but I don't want a girlfriend". A few weeks later he saw me talking to this hot guy at the bar. He went crazy trying to break the two of us up. Then I kissed the guy, and he got so jealous. He followed me around all over the place. Long story short; eventually after 2 years; he abruptly ditched me for another girl. The jealously in this case was most likely not based on affection or any romantic liking right? Or do you believe that for him to have been that jealous, there must have been some level of affection for me there.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

It sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it to , If he really valued you he would of committed to you when you asked him, but the fact he said he didn’t want a relationship just goes to show that he just likes the convenience of you , basically he wants you to be faithful to him, but he can’t be faithful to you , so honestly you are best to stop having sex with this guy all together, cuz he doesn’t really value you , he wants to keep his options opened to go fuck other girls but it’s not ok for
You to hook up with other guys. So if I was you I would end it with him unless you like being used , FWB’s only works when both people are on the same page , but usually what happens is one starts getting deeper feelings for the other and then it turns into a shit show , You had every right hooking up with that guy at the bar considering you tried making it official with him but he choose to be selfish so he got what he deserved , Never settle for someone that can’t make you a priority , you will just be wasting your time. The only time I will be in a FWB’s relationship is if her and I are on the same page , basically a contract lol , I am not going to explain my contract but it’s logical way of both being on the same page , cuz if you can’t be on the same page it won’t work

GlassTop · Accepted Answer

Here’s what I think. He already had you as a sex partner, which was exactly everything he wanted from you. When the other guy came into the picture, he thought he might lose you and took control of the situation. He didn’t want you, but he also didn’t want to share you. However, it’s highly possible he may have realized that he liked you too much to see you with another person, and that friends with benefits relationship may have blossomed into something more. What you should have done at that exact scenario was told him you wanted love, or even marriage if he wanted to continue that sexual relationship. He has no right to your body, and cannot tell you to not sleep with others. If sex with you was good, he may have made the decision right there. After he got comfortable, he found a replacement. It’s not a joke that a womans pussy is a mans weakness. If you do the friends with benefits thing with a guy, don’t expect him to love you or respect you unless you let him realize you aren’t his property and he can’t have you when he wants unless he turns it into a relationship. He will respect you. Men don’t like women who are impossible to get, but they love women they have to work for. I think it’s just in our nature.

Medicalbug · Accepted Answer

I’ve had this before - guy who didn’t really like me went nuts the moment he saw I was interested in another guy. It flared up some strange possessive instinct causing him to temporarily “like” me. We ended up together but then he dumped me for nasty reasons. I remembered this though and when he came sniveling back, I agreed to go out to dinner and spent the whole time sitting there getting excited about his life and all the things he suggested we do together. So enthusiastic! Then, after about three hours (shows you how self centered he was that he even allowed me to stall that long), I started telling him what I’d been doing the last year. And then watched his face when I told him how glad I was that we were friends again because he could now join me and my new boyfriends friends on outings.
Childish I know. But fucker really did me over badly. And that weird possessive feeling that makes them like you when they don’t? It also makes them die inside when they realize it’s too late.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

If you want more than just to hook up and he doesn't, why keep hooking up with him? Jealousy isn't love or even caring... It's about him, he has someone he can get sex from without any effort or commitment on his part and he knows if you hook up with or date someone else he risks losing the "benefits"...

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Men are instinctively possessive of their sexual partners. For many guys, even when they initiate a break up or divorce, it still angers them to learn that their ex is dating someone new. It is an animalistic/territorial thing, not romantic feelings.

DaveJord · Answer

Come on Jessica... the whole jealous thing sure he like you. And yeah when he blew you off with the whole your beautiful thing, but... Well that had to bother you bit to... and kissing at the bar just to piss him off.

Well you both were playing games with each other and either he didn't get what he wanted, you didn't get what you wanted... maybe you both did and maybe neither of you did. But on some level you both were playing games with each other.

Maybe he wanted you to were interested in more than just hooking up with him, maybe he said he didn't want a girlfriend just to test where you were on him. Never know right? Obviously you had some interest at least in hooking up, but games play kind of always end this way and then one thinks, maybe he did or she did care about me... but its super hard to get back to the something like that if there ever was a chance.

AncientWisdom · Answer

This is resounding of jealousy. Which is a senseless beast and has no bearing in care , concern , and certainly not love. You would do better to find a one less given to histrionics of jealousy. For there are those who tread this world that do not wish you to be happy , and this comes from a small blackened space within themselves. Women are not made for trivial affairs of the heart. They must be loved , and caused to trust so the may fully blossom into their own.

Seinna · Answer

You're a 36 years old woman, why do you even waste your time on a fuck buddy? That just seems like a really bad deal for you. No, he has no affection for you, he was just being possessive because clearly you were exclusive with him for a time. For a man to develop feelings he needs to have respect for you first and it's unlikely in those circumstances. Men value what they work for and it seems he didn't have to do anything of that sort.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Possibly. Maybe he has fear intimacy or separation, which is why he can't commit, and why he responded to losing what he had. He jumped fast to someone else... to fill the void. If all you are doing is take mating drugs with him, then you may not have gotten to know each other. sounds like your behavior didn't help make anything more of it.

Is this really about your self image/self worth?

Bside · Answer

Never listen to me never ever date that dude. Total narc. He wants to control you but not commit to you. Basicly he a jealous self hating child that would never be faithful because ta da mommy issues. You know your worth more than all of that. Friends with benifits have more respect than that and he a game player. F all that noise. You yourself don't need self esteem from men validate yourself hun.

Buntyp · Answer

It sounds like he's a control freak. He wants what he wants, with no compromise or exception. He doesn't want to be tied down but he wants to have an influence in your life that really exceeds the influence he's willing to grant you in his life. Bad news, girl, or good advice--depends on how you want to read it. He's only worth forgetting about.

TheorionMage · Answer

Presumptive 'possessiveness' 'Yes' ... genuine affection, 'No'.
He doesn't want to admit for MUCH of life, some things are 'limited time' opportunities.

"Youth & Beauty" are PERISHIBLE commodities with 'best if used by' dates...
while better to make NO memories than BAD ones,
NO ONE gets to 're-spend' their "mis-spent Youth".
Tick, tock... tick, tock!

Sarahdelacruz · Answer

He’s not jealous that you’re doing that. He clearly said he don’t want you. It’s just a respect thing guys love. What you did messed with his ego but if he wanted to be with you then he would’ve been with you. I’m sure he can careless what you do during your free time.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

He wanted you for himself, but it was best for him to go for someone else eventually. That petty incident you had with another guy at the bar could've gotten out of control. You never know how a jealous person will react when you push them and you did just that. The romance is dead.

He moved onto someone else that's probably overall better for him. Leave him be and move on

Tztop2006 · Answer

Sounds like he wanted his cake and to eat it too. You one of the enjoyment of sleeping with you but not the commitment of being in a relationship but he also didn't want to share you with anybody else it doesn't necessarily mean he wanted a romance he just didn't want nobody else to have you.

Vegasrunner · Answer

in my opinion there's a part being left out of the story. As a rule of thumb I dont go out together w/ my "hook up partners" so it's odd that you guys are randomly out at the same spot like that, and it's odd that he would randomly spend his night following you. I'm not sure if it's jealousy or just anger at the fact that you seemed to be going out of your way to make him jealous.

Anonymous · Answer

I think he's just a jealous and selfish person. You know how some don't want you, but don't want anyone else to have you either? That.

Interstate · Answer

He is afraid of losing his customer (you). You need to get the hell out of these whore-like arrangements (F. W. B). Not only are they immoral, degrading and just downright disgusting, but they tend to cause a lot of problems in people's lives.

SynthKobra · Answer

To be quite honest, he sounds like he was being posessive and not in control of his emotions. It's possible he liked you at some point but the fact of the matter is - he said he didn't want a girlfriend. He is the one who made that claim. Then he ghosted you. I think it's safe to say he made his decision (and possibly to make YOU jealous). It really doesn't sound like a healthy relationship even if it's just friends with benefits.

boggboss · Answer

He was jelouse because in his eyes that attention shoul have been on him after he saw u was doing that he decided to get with someone else

BaldAvenger · Answer

Yes, there most likely was. OR, he is a control freak and liked the feeling of pulling your strings and keeping you close because since you were "friends with benefits's", he had you wanting him and he was out collecting more friends with benefits's, possibly, thinking when he finally was ready you'd be there. Does this make any sense to you? If it does... please explain it to me!!

Bel88 · Answer

Be thankful this guy isn't in your life anymore. He sounds like a complete psycho.

MartianBuddy · Answer

Probably, but he needs to grow up and decide if he wants to be a fling or in a relationship. You two can set the terms like if it's open or not, but he can't have it both ways.

gingerwolf08 · Answer

It sounds like he is trying to get in a relationship before you do.. It's a toxic behavior rooted from insecurity. But I don't think he really liked you otherwise he would've got with you sooner

Nozgrd74 · Answer

Definitely sounds like he had strong feelings, there are huge gaps in the story as well. My guess, he got impatient and moved on when another opportunity came along

Likes2drive · Answer

He wanted you more than just a friend with benefits

exitseven · Answer

This is why I am glad I am out of the dating game. It is just so messed up. I don;t know how people deal with it.

driven159 · Answer

no having control of you is what it was jealousy is not affection its control

nawtee_me · Answer

It may have gotten to be more than just a hookup to him...

Jerre · Answer

I think he did have an affection for you, especially when you kissed the other guy.

InferiorElegy · Answer

I can't really say anything on this because I've no experience in dating or anything. Sorry.

Tstrbrainer · Answer

Nah, he is being possessive and forgetting what hookup buddy means

Anonymous · Answer

I'm sorry but No. He didn't want to lose his sex. A guy isn't going to say "I don't want a girlfriend" to a girl he wants to be with.

fireforeffect · Answer

You have serious Problem!! Hook up Buddy? I suggest that you seek serious Mental help.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

He was into you two years ago. Now he’s not.

malwins · Answer

did u sex him lmao

JesseJayNeak · Answer

Who knows

Does this mean he had some level of romantic interest or liking for me at the time?

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