I have a huge crush on my best friend's older brother. However, I'm worried he may think I'm too young. How do I show him I'm not too young for him?

[Anonymous]

The picture is representative of my fantasy. It's unfortunately not actually us

My best friend's older brother is super smart, super funny, and super sexy. He's super easy to talk to and we always have a ton of fun when we're together. Needless to say I'm utterly smitten with him. In fact, I can honestly say I have a bigger crush on him than any other guy ever. I really, really, really want to find out if he's interested too/see if he wants to get together (because I sure as freak want to!)
However, there is a major problem that makes me worried: he may not give me a real chance because I'm so much younger than him (he's 31 and I'm 19).
Now for me the age difference is actually a major plus. I've been on the dating scene in my age group ever since I was 15, and I've got to say guys my age really suck. They're usually really selfish, immature, have no interest in commitment (I don't want to get married soon, but I want something more than a fling/casual relationship), and are often just interested in getting in my pants. I've decided I would much rather go for an older, more mature guy whose got his life together and isn't afraid of a healthy level of commitment.
However, if he doesn't have an open mind about the age difference I have 0 chance with him (even if we'd be amazing for each other) I'm worried that if I really try to find out now he'll just write me off as just being his baby sister's best friend who is way too young for him without giving me a real chance. Over the past year-ish I have caught him checking me out quite a few times, so that does tell me he at least finds me physically attractive. However, even if he finds my looks attractive he might still think 'she's really cute, but she's still way too young for me/in way too different of a place in life'. What can I do to show him I'm not too young/mature enough to be with him/not write me off just because I'm in a different stage of life?

Updates

+1 y

*I realize I may sound like some crazy boy obsessive girl, but I promise you this is very unique. I have never liked a guy this much and I so super badly want a chance with him.

*Also, I've told my boyfriend about my crush. She's super hopeful he'd give me a chance. She hasn't told him anything though. I'm pretty confident he has no idea how much I like him.

Updates

+1 y

Also, how exactly should I dress around him? I've been trying to dress sexy around him, but not slutty (as I want him to feel a certain sexual attraction towards me yet still not view me as "easy" or just some sexual object). What do you think is a good balance where I'm maximizing my sex appeal around him in a way that screams 'hot/sexy girlfriend material' and not 'slutty easy hookup material (but not girlfriend material)'?

[Anonymous]

I actually was in the same position as your boyfriend not that long ago. My husband is 15 years younger than me and pursued me fairly passionately at the beginning. However, I was completely shut off to any sort of relationship because I thought he was way too young. However, when we were together I noticed he'd always conduct himself in a mature manner. After being around him enough I realized I didn't notice the age gap when we were together. Therefore, my suggestion to you is to just spend time with him and let him get to know you. Maybe put yourself in situations that prove maturity. If he sees that you're mature on a level compatible to him then he'll likely give you a real chance.
Also, the fact he had a masters degree and a solid job made a big difference in making me feel he was more mature. I know you're not quite at that stage, but maybe there's something else you've done that can show a decent level of maturity it could help him be more open minded.

*This may be my worst piece of advice, but if he finds you physically attractive showing that off might help. When I was back and forth on if I wanted to give my now husband a real chance I saw him shirtless a couple of times. He had (and still has) a super sexy body. Maybe this is bad, but that did make somewhat of a difference in why I was willing to give him more of a chance. If you feel comfortable and can do so naturally maybe let him catch you wearing a bikini (or something else sexy).
This first two things were a much bigger deal though, so I'd focus much more on those.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

This is a tough one. He is so much older and he probably doesn’t even think to date women a decade younger or someone fresh out of high school.


I guess all you could do is try and converse with him… Talk to him about “mature” things lol. Show that you also have your life together (if you do). Talk to him about his interests, life, etc. I guess confidence and straightforwardness might be the best bet for showing that you are “mature.”


These are one of the things that are difficult on the guy too. He might be extremely attracted to you but doesn’t want to be seen as a creep for dating someone so much younger than him, so he avoids it.


Maybe try talking to your best friend too if you haven’t already. Ask her, if it isn’t weird, what her brother might think about it.

[Asker]

Do you think just talking would do the trick?

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

It might. He might be more fond of you and find out that you’re more mature or fun to be around. 😊

[Asker]

That's true.
Also, how exactly do you think I should dress? I've been trying to dress sexy around him, but not slutty (as I want him to feel a certain sexual attraction towards me yet still not view me as "easy" or just some sexual object). What do you think is a good balance where I'm maximizing my sex appeal around him in a way that screams 'hot girlfriend material' and not 'slutty easy hookup material (but not girlfriend material)'?

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Maybe “business casual” type of outfits. Like a nice button up that could show a tiny bit of cleavage, some nice skirts or slacks, some dresses?

I’m not really a fashion person but those outfits look mature and sexy, ya know? They look well put together, confident, and can be super sexy.

[Asker]

I feel like when I'm dressing professionally (including business casual) I'm usually dress pretty modestly as I'm not trying to maximize my sex appeal because I'm trying to be professional (and be taken seriously professionally).

I appreciate your advice though

[Anonymous]

For starters, don't use the word "super" 4 times in the span of 15 words when you're around him! Your lack of vocabulary makes you appear exactly how you don't want to appear. While a 12 year age difference is not overwhelmingly huge at all points in life, it's a big difference right now. If you were 28 and 40, he might not think twice about it. But right now, seriously dating a 19 yr old girl would be difficult for him to wrap his head around, and yes, you would be viewed as a sexual object more than anything else.

You could try saying something like this to him: " I know I'm a bit young for you right now, but in a few years I won't be. So you can keep that in mind, or you could get a head start and find out what you might be missing sooner". Guys love a challenge.

PS. > Do NOT wear anything overly suggestive around him, or anything that could scream "fuck me" or present yourself as a sexual object. Just look pretty, but make him wonder.

[LaNc3L0TT]

This is MY opinion, your age gap is big, and like I said I would never date a girl where age gap between us is that large. Why? Because I have some other goals in my life when girls comes in question, to settle down and to start my own family.
I don't say that some girls in that age are not ready to do that with nice guy or something but honestly most of them are not and they get scared even by thinking on that. So I don't know, but if you wanna show him that you are "not" that younger, that depends on your mental "state". When I say that I mean on your behaving, going out, what do you want in your life, what are your goals, etc.

[Asker]

I'm not quite ready for a family, but if things went well I'd be ready relatively soon. I'd be happy to start having kids in 4-6 years. Maybe that's a little longer than he wants (which I don't even know for certain, I'm just speculating the possibility), but even if that's the case guys don't have the time crunch for kids that girls have (and I'd have a lot longer to have a couple more kids).

Also, how exactly do you think I would need to behave, go out, etc. to show him I'm in the right mental 'state'?

[LaNc3L0TT]

That is an issue, my mindset atm is to have some short, mature relationship 2 years max and ofc if everything is ok we are moving to marriage.
Mind state, well like I said, if I go out with some young girl I would be interested is she basically childish if you know what I mean. Because I know I was childish in that age but I wouldn't waste my time with her if she is behaving like that. So basically your behaviour is reflection of your "youth". :D

[Berethor]

It can be hard to find a balance between dressing sexy and dressing slutty.

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/EvilIsSexy

[Mantinziza]

there's only 1 way to find out, and Im sure you know what it is.

can't win it if ya ain't in it.

[Asker]

Sure, but I want to make sure he's going to be open minded about our age gap first (and not just write me off without giving me a real chance)

[Mantinziza]

well this may not answer your question directly on his opinion, but there's a 20+ year age gap between my parents. I;d be a walking hypocrit if I thought age mattered in a relationship. If you want you can show him my post, i mean i dont know if its gonna have an impact, but age gaps do exist, there's nothing inherently wrong with age gaps unless you "personally" have a problem with them and even if you do my question is why. I do get consent laws play a role, but that just means to be patient, not write it off like a tax deduction.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

It’s only a 12 year difference & if you like your older brother’s best friend for starters tell him & let faith take it from there.

[Asker]

But what if he doesn't give me a real chance and just writes me off as 'too young'? I want to prove to him that I'm not too young and he should be more open minded about the age gap thing.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

In life if you never try you will never know & when it comes to being young he already knows you are so you don’t have to prove you aren’t too young for him but what you do have to prove is that you have feelings for him.

[Avicenna]

You should talk to your friend about this and get her take on it. If she’s OK with you dating him, take her advice or flirt with him

[Asker]

She loves the idea of us dating. The only way I've really flirted with him is by wearing some sexy (but not slutty) clothes when I know I'm going to see him. However, when I try to flirt with him personally (aside from the clothes) I get super nervous/tense and don't end up doing it.

I know I probably sound like some pathetic lovesick naive girl, but that's kind of why I need help

[lrina]

ummm that age difference at that age is too much for almost anyone. yeah, he definitely won't like you in that way.

[exitseven]

I hate to say it but he is too old for you. You are at different places in your respective lives.

[Asker]

Yes we're in different places, but I our life goals are still very compatible.

[exitseven]

I know that you may see it like that but I still think he is too old for you. My best friend had sisters that were twins. I had the biggest crush on one of them, They were only a year or so older than me but even that was problematic because I was in high school and she was in college.
You are 19 years old and you really do not have your life settled yet. Somebody who is 31 should be pretty much a finished product.

[AlwaysBelieving]

First, ask questions like "what do you think about couples that have an age difference?" or something of the like.

[Anonymous]

Another woman who thinks men her own age are immature and childish.

[Iron_Man]

How old are you how old is he

[Asker]

I'm 19 and he's 31. I talk more about that in my description.

[Iron_Man]

That’s perfect that’s like me and my long-term relationship girlfriend I was 31

[Asker]

Cool. How can I convince him it's perfect (and that I'm not too young for him?)

[Iron_Man]

I lasted 7 1/2 years with my girlfriend so you can make it

[anylolone]

You can't.