Should it be up to a man to message first on a dating app ?

Question

So I’m new to dating apps and have gotten the impression of a few guys that girls don’t message first. I’m someone who can talk to anyone, so I have no issue sending a first message but all the guys that I have messaged all said the same thing that it was nice to contacted first. I would say men get rejected way more on dating apps than women so it does get draining constantly having to send the first message.

Explorer91 · Accepted Answer

Well yea.
i don’t use dating apps that often.
i met men in person pretty easily.
so the primary purpose I use dating apps is to feel desired, to get more attention than I would in my day to day life. I work around a lot of women so don’t feel super desired everyday.
so when I pop online app it’s nice to see men trying hard to get my attention. Or putting effort into me.
Plus a lot of men will match to me. So if I open the app and I have 10 mins free time to reply. I open message 1 and I see has this guy made it easy for me to reply. If not. I close it and open the next one. If the guy has made it easy for me to reply I reply. And the process continues. I have a lot do selection and a lot of men I can choose to speak to. So ultimately the ones who make it easy for me to reply get my reply. Especially coz I don’t sit on there that often.

what classifies as hard to reply to.
- hey. Or hey how are you?
this is hard to reply to as it forces me to have to be the creative one and think of something cool to reply rather than good thanks.
- asks me too many personal questions too quickly.
this is hard to reply to as it makes me have to think if I want to reveal these kind of things to someone i haven’t even met in person yet. So I leave the convo and forget to go back to this person.

easy guy to reply to.
- one that puts in the effort more. So I can just give a quick simple reply without having to be the creative one or having to think too much.
-is this unfair yes. But I have so many guys interested to talk to me. The the ones who make it easier for me to reply. Will get my reply.

WhatTheHeckkkk · Accepted Answer

I don’t think it should always be up to the man to message first. That’s silly.

Although in my one dating app experience, I just let the men message first, because I had no idea how to approach anyone 😂 I have poor social skills when it comes to that.

I think it’s nice when the women contact first every once in a while. It shows initiative. As well as planning the first date too. It shows that they are interested and it definitely eases up the pressure on the guys.

Most men on dating apps have more trouble compared to women when it comes to actually dating, so I think for them it’s a breath of fresh air for a woman to message first or plan the first date.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Invalid 'trick question' - dating apps are whack asf. They all suck. I. e.

I don't know whose behind the other end of the screen on the other side when messaging.

I don't know whether it's a scammer, a bot, a cross dressing catfish - or the actual person on the other end in the picture (1/4 odds)

Then, if she even replies back at all - or even reads it for that matter.
(1/2 odds)

Because her inbox is full; flooded with dudes sending messages she normally wouldn't get attention from.

Guys too afraid to get shot down in person, so they send a message instead.

Because it's a lot easier to be ignored on the Internet, than be rejected in person. (100/100 odds) 💯

But not only is she getting extra attention, but she is also being exposed to a much more greater radius of people within her circumference.

More people to speak with, more people to interact and engage with - via 'dm'. 📨

It because too saturated, and drowns organic signal to build any organic, genuine, authentic interactions and connections with individuals. 🙅‍♀️

Before the next person swipes ↪️ right and then slides up 🏂 inside l their dms. 🥰

Rinse, wash, 🔃 repeat. ♻️

Heartache0405 · Accepted Answer

I only use the bumble dating app because only the women can message first. That’s the whole point of the bumble app. And you know what happens when a guy gets a match? Rarely ever gets a message from any of his matches and the match disappears 😂 that’s why I use it, because they never message and I get to see all of those women who claim to find me attractive yet won’t do shit. Sucks for them, probably explains why women hate that app 😂

devilish-cutie · Answer

in general its expected almost everyhre for a man to make a first move so most men and women act in accorance with that. i myself make first moves cause i dont care about that, however in my expereince it has proven to be better to let a man put an effort as when you do it they often feel emascualted no matter their initial happines of you making the first move cause usually women that make first moves are strong women and men that like a woman making the frist move are usually weak so in the end those women turn to be too strong for them
but i still approach as its not always the case and i have no time to waste waitin on some guy but i do more let him show me real effort

Anonymous · Answer

Personally, I don't really think it matters who messages first. If you see someone on there you like, just message them. What do you have to lose? They're literally just a face on the internet at the moment. If they aren't interested, no harm no foul. Or they could end up being your person. I met my boyfriend online and we are very happily together over 2 years later. He is my favorite human being on the entire planet, and how dumb would it be if we had missed out on each other because we were trying to follow some arbitrary rules?

CoffeeBeanBlack · Answer

doesn't matter. For me, dating apps aren't particularly great. I have a hard time communicating my personality online. Women tend to like me in person and thats fine 🤷🏿.
That said, either one of you can be scared or not have enough information to start a conversation with. Make a move or don't. I also don't suggest that anyone wait for life to happen to you, be a proactive participant in your life as often as is reasonable

Kaamraj · Answer

Women messaging men on dating apps is very rare. Men already outnumber women many fold on dating apps, this in conjunction with the fact that 90 % of women are only attracted (swipe right) on 10 % of men, creates a greatly skewed marketplace which is in favor of nearly all women and against nearly all men.

Dazed0N0Confused · Answer

If you're really interested, you need to message first. You're on an app, you're not the only person vying for the person's attention, so if you want to chat, you need to message.
Before I was with my partner, I was on the app we met on & I was talking to multiple guys and they were talking to multiple gals. You only get to chatting if you chat first sometimes.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

When I used dating apps, for every 10 matches (after say 50 swipes, what can i say girls are picky), only 4 matchrd would reach out to me or respond if I messaged as most are in a relationship by now or have their notifications on mute.

Of those 4, only 1-2 could hold a conversation, so one of them would get the first date.

First dates are a hit or miss so one often ends up back online swiping not so long after.

Avicenna · Answer

Both males and females should message first when interested. There is no shame in a woman doing it and we men are anyhow used to doing it and having to initially carry a conversation. I'd rather a woman who finds me interesting contact me, no matter how brief the message, so that I know.

lucas262 · Answer

Iv used most of the mainstream apps

Tinder a few times over because ny friends would always be on it matching with people.

Aside from some 50 yr old women. Trannys. Men, a witch and 1 ms 13 looking guy the apps where a pretty depressing thing

Jamie05rhs · Answer

No, it should not. And a lot of times, I don't. Just fyi. And if I don't message you, it's usually because there's something about your profile that I am unsure about. So if you want to convince me to expend my energy talking to you, then you have to message me first.

Anonymous · Answer

No, obviously not. But women would sure like to keep it that way. Although the real answer is for guys not to be on there at all. Women’s answers in this question tell you everything you need to know about how garbo trash it is. The things they want on there are ridiculous, including men messaging first, do not be a part of that.

Anonymous · Answer

Women are so entitled that they actually created a dating app where men can’t text first.

In the age of false victim complexes and false accusations, men should avoid speaking to women all together. Don’t hold open doors for them. Don’t help them if a situation happens. We need to act like they don’t exist.

Seinna · Answer

Many websites have the option to wink at someone or like their profile. That's ok for a girl to do but it should be a man who starts a conversation. I'd never write first.

PrettyPriya · Answer

No, I don't think it should be. I have never used a dating app. However, I was the one to ask my current SO out. We are now engaged... so, good call asking him to lunch, huh?

Browneye57 · Answer

Dating apps are for losers. If you're thinking you're gonna find mr. right you've been duped.  And you cannot forge a relationship by texting. PERIOD.

Shark_61695 · Answer

A man messaging first has a 99% chance of being ignored yet it is the opposite for women. Most of my matches on tinder have vanished before I get a chance to view their profile.

Crankor · Answer

It's silly to say guys have to message first. That's not really how cummunication works. To some extent someone doing that is saying I don't want to tall to shy or introverted guys

dustybiker · Answer

If you want something chase after it, until it says no. Then leave it alone.

Ninania · Answer

If I have somthing to write I do. Doesn't matter who writes first long as it actually starts a conversation.

genericname85 · Answer

Messaging first as a man is a waste of time. Too many dread accounts, fake accounts or just people that don't reply.

SnakeBoop · Answer

if you are interested, show the interest in messaging.

UniquelyBasic · Answer

You should be an active participant in your happiness.

omnivert · Answer

I want to make the first move. Always. But can you tell me the best mature dating app where real people are. Not some wolves!

Anonymous · Answer

Women have already a lot more matches than men, so it’s up to the guy to make the first move to stand out.

ChiTown33 · Answer

Up to the person I guess. Personally I NEVER message first.

Creampiekarl420 · Answer

I know girls complain about guys being dry texters but women are so much more worse (being pretty isn’t a personality) 🙄

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

yea women of course always take the easy way and want the man to initiate

Anonymous · Answer

How about not wasting any time and messaging first? Regardless of gender. If you scare them away with that, then that's good, that means they are a weakling and you are stronger.

FinalFantasyBro · Answer

Don't care if you like someone just try messaging that person!

Jltakk · Answer

Most apps don't even allow men to message first, which is HILARIOUS when women have "just message me" in their bio.

Anonymous · Answer

You don't even have the courage to reply to kind people who took the time to reply to your post.

Iron_Man · Answer

Yes but later on it doesn’t matter just go back-and-forth after you’ve already met on the App

Imsmurter1 · Answer

I'm on Bumble and women message first there. I'd like to get a female response

mrsaviour · Answer

Yes feminism doesn't work everywhere. At these things girls want guys to approach them first. They think it's decency.

Better_off_here · Answer

i love it when a woman makes the first move mainly since i am shy :)

WhitneySnow · Answer

I think it’s cool if the girl messages first

Splatmate22 · Answer

I am ok with messaging men first.

ItsMaddy · Answer

sometimes they can, but not always

Vick2828 · Answer

No. guys actually like it if women message first.

driven159 · Answer

It doesn't matter

anton_dee · Answer

Either way

UpdateGloomyNights_ · Answer

Voted c

Should it be up to a man to message first on a dating app ?

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